“Foster,” Rose said next to me. “What are you…”
“We both live around here, right?” I asked with a smirk.
Now, this wasn’t some fate laced encounter. Okay? Rose and I had casually seen each other here and there before. But it was just funny how I sensed someone staring and it was her.
“What are you doing here alone?” I asked her.
“My sister is here,” she said. “She had to fix her makeup.”
“Ah, right. Vivian. Of course. Makeup.”
“She brought me out for-”
“Hey, sweetheart,” I said to Shayna. “I need two drinks. You pick the shot.”
“Foster,” Rose said.
“Birthday shots,” I said. I winked. “You’re twenty-one now, Rose. Legal for everything.”
“Oh, so that’s why you suddenly walked over here,” she said and raised an eyebrow.
I laughed. I inched my ass down to the barstool. Behind me at the opposite end of the bar were Jess and Megan, trying to write a song. Was I wrong here? Probably. But sitting that close to Rose… it was the first time in a really long time that I felt my heart racing for something other than music.
Fucking Rose… I should have nicknamed her Thorn for what she had done to me from the day I met her. Yet I was the one who kept touching her and getting pricked by the thorn. But it was always worth it.
I reached into my pocket and took out some cash and gave it to Shayna. “Keep the change, sweetheart.”
She smiled and winked.
Rose stared daggers at me, reminding me that she still had that jealous bug about her. I loved that about her. That she would get so jealous, yet there was nobody that could capture me like she did.
“Cheers, Slug,” I said, lifting my shot glass and sliding the other toward her.
“Slug? I still get that. You flirt with the bartender and call her sweetheart… but I’m Slug?”
I leaned in. “Rose, I call everyone sweetheart. From the bartender here to the old lady at the bank. Consider yourself lucky I have a nickname for you.”
Her cheeks turned, well, rose red.
“Happy birthday,” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch yesterday. But I don’t have your number. I don't know where you live. Where you work. So I was at a disadvantage.”
“Right,” she said. “See, if you really cared, you would have tracked me down.”
“I think that’s called stalking.”
“Eh, I guess it depends,” Rose said. “I mean, if you were going to wish me a happy birthday and buy me a drink, I would let it slide. But only once.”
“Once a year?” I asked. “Just on your birthday. I get a free pass.”
“I can live with that,” she said.
“What about the day after your birthday?” I asked. “How about a free pass then?”
I grinned and her cheeks turned even redder.
It was amazing how time pushed us apart but we could lock eyes and just casually talk as though we had seen each other a week ago.
We drank our shots and Rose cringed. It made me smile. I was there the first time she took a drink out of a bottle. She made the same face and wiggled the same way.
Hey Rose… I miss the way you look… the way you taste…
She pushed the shot glass away and shook her head. “You know, that’s the first drink someone has actually bought me.”
“What?” I asked.
“I worked yesterday. And I just got here with Viv. Shayna gave me the first drink for free. Viv ordered beers but hasn’t paid yet. So you…”
“I bought you your first drink,” I said. “Legally.”
“Yeah.”
I nodded. “I can live with that.”
“So… how are you?”
I licked my lips and tasted the whiskey. I looked at Rose’s lips and wanted to taste the whiskey on her lips too. I had two choices. Keep up this bullshit conversation with Rose or just take advantage of what was in front of me. I had been doing so much lying, I figured why not just tell the truth for once…
“How am I?” I asked. “Not sure if you really want to know that.”
“Try me,” Rose said.
“No.”
Rose touched my hand. “Tell me, Foster. It’s my birthday.”
“Yesterday was your birthday.”
“It’s my birthday week then,” she said.
“Oh, that’s the kind of crap your sister would say.”
“She rubbed off on me.”
I felt my heart aching. But the ache reminded me I was still alive and could still feel something.
We gravitated toward each other, the inches lessening. Like it was some cosmic force demanding that we get way too close for our own good. My mind tried to remind me of my reality, but I wasn’t going to shy away from it.
I could smell the whiskey on Rose’s breath. I could see that old fire still burning in those pretty eyes of hers. The electricity between us could power the world for days.
“So, Foster, tell me,” she whispered. “What’s the deal?”
I gave it to her like the straight shot of whiskey she had downed a minute ago.
“Rose, I’m here with someone else… but I’m still in love with you.”
33
The Call in my Pocket
Rose
When Vivian got back, I could still feel my cheeks burning hot. I felt like I was going to pass out. Like the bar had suddenly shrunk to a third of its size with the same amount of people in the place.
The words had been etched into my mind.
And typical Foster, saying something like that and then standing up and walking away. Leaving me hanging there, thinking I was going to sneak a birthday kiss or something.
How stupid of me, right?
I hadn’t seen him in a long time. And the last time I saw him…
“Do you love me?”
I sighed.
I swallowed again.
I inched away.
“What the fuck?”
“You won’t answer.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. Answer my question.”
“Do you love me?”
“You don’t get to twist this. If I say I love you, then you have to say you love me. If I say I don’t love you, then you have an easy out.”
“Easy out? You think I want an easy out?”
“I never said that.”
“You just did.”
“No I didn’t. I said… if you sa… if I say…”
“Shhh. Listen to the rain, Rose. Just listen to the rain. Washing everything away. Keeps people away. Keeps everything calm.”
I waited as long as I could to hear the words I love you…
… but they never came.
And he chose now to say it to me? To confess he was in love with me? And that he was at the bar with someone else? What the fuck did that mean? With someone as in a date? A first date? Fourth date? A normal, implied date because they were together and in love?
Vivian sat down and casually lifted the sweating mug and brought it to her lips. I sat there like a criminal. A really bad criminal because I was about to explode with guilt. As though my pockets were full of stolen diamonds and the person sitting next to me was the officer who was trying to track them down.
I started to reach for my drink, my hand visibly shaking. I told myself it didn’t matter and that Vivian wouldn’t notice. First off, the bar wasn’t that well-lit. It was a dive bar. It was dark. Everyone was talking.
Then again, this was my sister. She knew when I had a pimple before I did. She took pride in telling me I had a growth on my face when I was in high school. Bitch.
“So, are you going to tell me why Foster was over here?” Vivian asked.
I turned my head and she stared at me with a wicked grin.
“Huh?” I asked, a poor attempt at playing stupid.
“You heard me,” Vivian said. “That’s a little blast from your past, huh?”
“Oh, Foster? Not really. I mean, he stopped over to say happy birthday.”
“Right. Because your birthday wasn’t yesterday.”
That sly grin on Vivian’s face annoyed me.
I curled my lip. “It’s my business.”
“Your business? You know he’s sitting with two other women, right?”
I swallowed hard. Two women?
“So?” I asked.
“Rose, come on…”
“Come on what? I’m sitting here and he came over to buy me a shot and say happy birthday.”
“Oh, so you had another shot,” Vivian said. “That’s good. You’ll loosen up and start talking.”
“Talk about what?”
“Your feelings for Foster.”
I snorted. “There are no feelings for Foster.”
But he did say he loves me…
“Bullshit, Rose,” Vivian said.
“Viv, leave it alone.”
“It’s always dangerous when you two get together.”
“Get together? Who’s getting together?”
Vivian shook her head. “I guess nobody.”
I pulled that one off decent enough. What Vivian didn’t know was that before Foster strutted away he wrote his number down on a napkin. He placed it into my hand and tightened his hand around mine. His lips got close to my ear.
Call me, Slug. Tonight. I’ll make sure it doesn’t cause you any trouble.
I tried to look over my shoulder a few times but wasn’t going to be able to do it without making it look obvious.
“Rose,” Vivian said. “Can I ask you something?”
“Depends.”
“It’s about Foster.”
“Then no.”
“What happened with you two? It wasn’t that long ago, right? You were together and then you weren’t.”
“That’s called a relationship,” I said. “Believe it or not, Viv, sometimes people are better off as friends. I’m not like you.”
“Like me? What does that mean?”
I knew the cheap shot could change the subject.
“You know,” I said. “You enjoy the night and that’s it. You always find something wrong and find a way out before it gets too serious. You never put yourself out there.”
Vivian raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry. I have a type that I enjoy. Plus, if anyone got a chance to put yourself out there, it was you.”
“Me? I’ve only been with…”
I didn’t finish that sentence. It didn’t matter how many or how few guys I had slept with.
“Yeah,” Vivian said. “You chose the one of all the ones. The one where Dad had to worry endlessly. A kid like Foster. Drugs. Guns. His father in jail. Believe me, you stole all the headaches and worry.”
“Foster didn’t…”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “You’re not together, remember?”
“Exactly.”
Vivian leaned in. “Forget all that. I did a little snooping while you were talking to Foster.”
“Oh?”
“Trust me, the second I saw you two, I hung back a little. But I saw something I like.”
“Something?”
“Well, someone. I don’t know. I prefer to think of him as something.”
“Okay. Is this a hunk?”
“A total hunk. And he’s visiting from out of town. For a wedding.”
“Oh, that’s your specialty. No commitment for sure.”
Vivian nodded. “Yes.”
“So this is your way of saying Well, Rose, I hope you had a happy birthday… we had a couple drinks and talked for about five minutes… but we did spend the day together so that makes it okay that I want to take off on this night and go ride some hunk until I can’t remember my name…”
“That’s pretty accurate,” Vivian said. “So…”
“Go,” I said. “Thank you for today.”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t have a choice,” I said.
Vivian jumped up and took a breath. “How do I look?”
“That hunk has no idea what’s about to happen to him,” I said with a smile.
“Love you, Rose.”
“Viv, please be safe,” I said.
She touched my shoulder. “You too.”
“I’m going to find a way home and call it a night,” I said. “Since my ride ditched me.”
Vivian wanted to give me her keys but I declined. No way I was chancing driving.
She lingered for a few extra seconds but didn’t say anything.
Finally, she walked away.
I slowly turned and took my chances to look for Foster.
He was gone.
Vivian was flirting with her new hunk.
I reached into my pocket and took out Foster’s number. I took out my phone.
I bit my lip.
Rose, I’m here with someone else… but I’m still in love with you.
My heart raced.
I couldn’t be that person. I wouldn’t be that person. If he was with someone there was no way I would ever get in the way of that. No matter my feelings for him.
But there was no harm in a friend giving a friend a ride home, right?
I slowly started to text Foster’s number.
I told myself nothing was going to happen.
But this was Foster… something was always going to happen…
34
A New Ending
Foster
They wanted to head back to Jess’s place to write some music. I drove because she and Megan were not able to do so. My mind was not there though. I couldn’t stop thinking about Rose. Thinking about how beautiful she looked. The way she aged was amazing. Each year brought out more of a womanly figure, hiding all those girlish features that used to make my heart race when I was a boy. As a man I appreciated every little curve on her body. My hands itched to touch and explore. The only way I could calm myself was to play guitar.
I sat on the edge of a chair and strummed chords while Jess and Megan drank like fishes and tried to write lyrics. Half the time they couldn’t write a single letter, let alone a line of lyrics. That was one thing I never messed with. Drinking and writing songs. Yeah, I would get drunk and write songs. But I would never get so drunk I couldn’t write. At that point, you just wasted a chance to create something important.
The night screeched to a halt when Jess punched a bottle of vodka by accident and sent it over the table, spilling all over their notebook.
“Look, it matches the song,” Jess squealed and laughed.
Megan laughed with her.
I was the one who had to hurry and clean up the mess. I threw a towel to the table and let it soak up the vodka.
Jess grabbed for my jeans, on her knees before me.
“Let me, let me, let me,” she whispered. “I want a snack.”
I glanced over at Megan. She sat on the couch with an eyebrow raised.
I gritted my teeth and sucked in a breath.
I knew where this could have gone.
Instead, I swatted away Jess’s advance on me and picked up the vodka soaked towel. I walked it to the kitchen and threw it there with force.
What I needed was a fucking drink. No, ten drinks. I should have just started pounding whiskey and let my judgment slip away. Then I could have taken Jess and Megan to bed. If anything, maybe it would have made things so awkward that Jess and I would split up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jess’s slurred voice said from behind me.
My pocket vibrated with a text message.
I ignored Jess and hurried to get my phone.
It was the text message I had been hoping for all night. The reason why I hadn’t touched a sip of booze.
Hey. This is weird but I need a ride home. Can you help?
I clutched my phone tight.
I spun around. I looked from the kitchen and saw that Megan had already put her head down on the couch. That meant she was about to pass out.
&n
bsp; Good.
I looked at Jess. She was a fucking mess. Her makeup smeared on her face. Her eyes barely open, small slits, her blue eyeshadow even more visible for some reason. Her hair a sloppy mess, matching the way she could barely stand. As though she were in a hurricane, trying to find balance.
This was what I had let it all become.
“You need to stop drinking,” I said to her.
“Let’s go to bed then,” she said.
“Jess, no. Not tonight.”
“Huh?”
“Jess, I have to get out of here. For good.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
Except it sounded like this - waharutalkinout?
I stepped toward her. I touched her face. “I’m sorry, Jess. This is all bullshit. You and me together. It’s not real.”
“I love you, Foster.”
“No you don’t. You love the idea of me being around. I’m convenient. And you’re the same to me. But it’s not meant to be. We’re not supposed to be together.”
“Foster…”
“Jess, stop. I’m telling you something. I don’t love you. I never will. You don’t love me. You think you do.”
She backed up until she hit the kitchen table. She started to blink fast.
“I’m sorry to do it like this,” I said. “I’m an asshole. I know I am. You have Megan here though. So just be with her. We can talk again, maybe tomorrow. But this… us… it’s not there. It’s not real. You need to work on yourself. I need to figure my shit out too.”
“So that’s it then?” she asked. “We go from drinking to wanting to fool around to breaking up?”
“Jess, I didn’t drink. I didn’t want to fool around. You did. And, yes, we’re breaking up.”
“You’re right,” she said. “You’re an asshole, Foster.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I wasted no time in escaping out of there. I typed a message back to Rose as I hurried to my truck. There was no turning back now. I promised Rose I wouldn’t put her in a position to get herself in trouble. Yeah, I broke up with Jess so I could go be with Rose. Was that an asshole move? Absolutely. But it was Rose. My Rose. My Slug. The only girl I ever loved. The only woman I ever loved.
Let You Go Page 22
