I struggled to keep a straight face, and Kristine turned her head and stared across the lot, a rather effective method of preventing Julian from seeing her grin like an idiot on a sugar high.
“You have got to be kidding.”
I borrowed Kristine’s method of hiding my amusement at the conversation, wondering how Julian’s father would ham up the non-existent traffic situation. Well, mostly. I bet traffic was hell as all the stores in the area were getting ready to close for Christmas, thus evicting a lot of people onto the streets in preparation for the morning mayhem.
Julian sighed and bowed his head. “Okay. Drive safe, please.”
“What’s up?” To make it look like I was genuinely concerned, I widened my eyes. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m the product of two adults who failed to consider the traffic situation on Christmas Eve when calculating how long it would take to reach us. We’re stuck for an hour waiting.”
Kristine pounced on Julian’s complaint with a grin so wide I worried her face would split open. “Come with me. I can take you home. I’m a responsible adult. I brought my car here before the mall opened and found a spot as far away from the doors as I could. My ride realized last night that Christmas Eve is insane and told me to drive my own ass in. I goofed off while waiting for you layabouts to arrive. I had a great time.” To make it clear she wasn’t going to accept no for an answer, she grabbed Julian’s arm and tugged him in the direction of where she’d parked. “No resistance allowed.”
“I’m genuinely terrified for my life right now,” Julian announced, doing his best to dig his heels in and avoid going with my best friend.
I shifted the duffle’s strap on my shoulder, pressed my hands to his back, and shoved. “I will not hear you say such terrible things about my best friend, Mr. Carter. For that, you’re definitely going now.”
“No, wait. Chloe, you don’t understand. She’s crazy. She’ll do something we’ll regret. I’m positive of it. She’s a little schemer.”
“You say such sweet things, Julian. Push harder, Chloe. This man is being stubborn, and we can’t have that.”
No, we couldn’t. We had a tight schedule to adhere to, and we couldn’t afford to a single delay. “March, Julian. Thou shalt not be stubborn!”
“I was born stubborn. Ask my mother.”
I adored Julian’s mother, and I would make sure she knew it in the next few weeks. “Maybe if your mother hadn’t abandoned us at the mall, you wouldn’t be in the situation you’re in now. March, Julian. March!”
“You, too?”
“I am a wise woman. If Kristine drives, I eat dinner sometime tonight.”
Dinner would be fast food, and I had every intention of handcuffing Julian’s hands together so I could indulge in tormenting him with his dinner and feeding him at my leisure. Kristine would love it, although I had some concerns about how hard she’d laugh.
“Come on, Chloe. Dad said he had a reservation somewhere.”
He’d find out soon enough his dear old dad had lied, lied, lied on my behalf. “And we’re already late for said reservation because of traffic. I need dinner, and I need dinner now. Kristine, tell him what will happen if I’m not fed dinner.”
“You will be dinner, and I don’t mean in the fun way that involves a bed.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved Julian harder. “That’s dessert, Kristine.”
“Oh, right. Whatever. She’d snap and commit an act of cannibalism, and she’d start with anyone who delays us from reaching somewhere that serves edible food.”
“All right, all right. I’ll need to call my parents and tell them you’re driving us around.”
“So call them. You have one arm free. That should be sufficient to operate your phone.” Kristine guided us through the parking lot while I kept pushing Julian along.
Julian called his father. “Hey, Dad? I’ve got two hungry women dragging me out of the mall. It seems Kristine pulled my dumbass stunt from a few weeks ago and parked her car at the mall. Where do you want me and Chloe to meet you?”
With a sigh promising Julian’s father had stuck to the script, Julian spat a few curses. “All right. Go back home. If traffic’s that bad, there’s no way you’re making it here without getting into an accident. Tell Mom to drive safe, please. I’ll let you know how traffic is once we’re on the road.”
Poor, poor Julian. He had no idea his evening was about to take an unexpected turn. When he hung up, I patted Julian’s back. “Snow made the roads a mess near their house, then they got stuck in the mayhem of people going every which way in and out of Hell’s Kitchen?”
“Basically.”
“I’m parked right over there,” Kristine announced, pointing across the lot.
Instead of her usual beat-up Civic, she’d gotten a rental, the sort of luxury SUV Julian’s parents would drive. I suspected Julian’s parents had gotten involved with the decision to put us in a snow-worthy vehicle for the drive south. “Nice. Upgrade?”
“Actually, yes. I got tired of that damned Civic. Shot it in the headlights and got onto a really good payment plan for it.”
I shoved Julian a little closer before I abandoned him to do a full inspection of her new ride. “Damn, woman. This is nice. You’re not renting this just to fuck with me?”
“The Civic broke, so I either needed a rental or a good deal. I’d been saving up knowing it was coming, so I decided to go all in on something nice. Merry Christmas to me! Even better, you’re on my insurance because you were on the insurance of the Civic, too. I’m even going to be nice and let you drive it sometimes.”
“Merry Christmas to me!”
Julian sighed. “Is that all I need to do to make you happy? Add you to my insurance and let you drive my car?”
Laughing, I waited for Kristine to unlock the SUV before opening the door, snagging Julian’s sleeve, and pulling on him until he climbed inside. I shooed him to the other side, dumped my duffle at my feet, and closed the door.
If everything was going to plan, she had the child-safety locks activated, and he was officially at our mercy. Kristine got behind the wheel and started the engine. “Isn’t it comfy, Julian?”
He buckled up, just as his wonderful, responsible parents had trained him to do from birth.
I needed to thank his parents for simplifying my kidnapping plans.
Julian examined the car, smiling as he poked at the buttons on the door beside him. “It’s a nice upgrade. That Civic was an accident waiting to happen.”
“How dare you say such bad things about Candice. And don’t you listen to that meanie, Terrance. You’re a good SUV. You’re so much more than just a nice upgrade.”
“Yeah, Julian. Don’t say such mean things about Terrance.” I buckled in, cracked open the duffle, and rooted around until I found my first tool of conquest, the handcuffs. To my amusement, there were four different pairs for me to choose from, and one even had a proper set of keys to prevent my victim from staging an escape. I picked those, opened them, and waited for Julian’s attention to fully focus on Kristine.
I used the element of surprise to snatch his far wrist and bring his hands close enough together so I could cuff him. “Lock the doors, bitch! The bastard’s cuffed.”
Julian blinked, stared at his wrists, and blinked some more. “What?”
“Doors are locked, child-safety locks are activated, and Operation: Kidnap Julian is a go. Buckle your seatbelt, babe!”
I obeyed. “Now feed me, or you’re next.”
“What is even going on here?” Julian asked, lifting his handcuffed wrists. “You handcuffed me.”
Dangling the keys out of his reach, I replied, “You’re my hostage now. Sit quietly and await your fate.”
“Okay.” Julian wiggled on his seat, fetched his phone, and handed it to me. “Could you call my parents and let them know I won’t be showing up tonight? They’ll worry.”
“Julian, Julian, Julian… they coldly and cruelly sold you into slav
ery. No one is going to miss you for at least a week.” I smiled and set his phone on my lap. “I’ll notify them of your kidnapping along with my ransom conditions sometime soon. When I feel like it. If I feel like it. I may not feel like it.”
“Chloe, what are you doing?”
“I thought it was obvious. The handcuffs, the child-safety locks? The removal of anyone who might care where you’re at for the next week? Come on, you’re a smart attorney.” I smirked, dug through my bag, and pulled out the length of rope his mother had helpfully provided. “Does this help make it clear what’s going on? I have more things if you need additional clues.”
“I’m just trying to figure out how we progressed from having trouble leaving the mall to my kidnapping.”
I got out my phone, sent Julian’s father a text warning him I was about to call him and that I had his son in custody, and waited for a full minute before calling. “Hello, Mr. Carter,” I announced before Julian’s father had a chance to answer. Then, to make it clear I was the victor, I put the call on speaker. “You’re on speaker. I have ransom demands, Mr. Carter.”
“Am I paying you to keep him or give him back?”
Harsh. Also amusing. I snickered. “Which gets me paid more?”
“Keeping him, although you’ll find he’s high maintenance and needs a lot of attention. Without attention, he whines.”
“I’m charging extra because of the high risk of whining.”
“That seems fair. What are your demands?”
“How much does it cost to keep a high maintenance man again? I need that amount for the entirety of his lifespan. I also need the amount it costs to feed him, store him somewhere, and supply him with a tolerable number of board games to help prevent some of the whining.”
Julian’s father laughed. “I see you put zero thought into your ransom demands.”
“I got distracted,” I confessed. “That’s been a problem this week.”
“Juliette? Your son was just cruelly kidnapped, and his kidnapper has some ridiculous ransom demands. What do you want me to do?”
In the background, Julian’s mother laughed.
“She wants to know how you like your new boots.”
I looked at my boots and smiled. “They’re so nice.”
“Good. She doesn’t care. She’s busy designing a dress. Have you picked an accent color?”
As I knew what she was up to, which involved a wedding dress I’d wear at some point in the future, I’d keep my sworn word to stay out of most of the decisions. “Whatever looks best. I have the color coordination of a newt.”
“I’ll let her know that. Julian is rather simple to care for as far as men go. Feed him, give him some attention, and make sure he has ready access to water. As long as you take care of that, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Have a good time, Chloe. Drive safe, Kristine.”
“Will do, Mr. Carter!” my partner-in-crime chirped.
I hung up. “See, Julian? Your parents have no use for you at this point in time. As such, you’re just stuck being my captive.”
“I have no idea what’s gotten into you, Chloe, but I like it.”
Of course he did. I snorted, zippered the duffle, and tossed it in the back. The handcuff keys went onto my keychain, which went back into my jacket pocket where they belonged. “Give it a few hours. You’ll change your mind, just you wait and see.”
Kristine disliked all the fast food options, so she called in an order for pickup from her favorite Chinese restaurant and made a pitstop to my favorite coffee shop for a hit of caffeine and treats for the road. As someone needed to keep an eye on our hostage, I stayed in her new SUV and gloated over my captive.
He chuckled and clasped his hand on his lap. “You really resorted to kidnapping.”
“As I don’t celebrate the terrors of Christmas, I had to take the self-care approach to things, which means giving presents to myself. After careful deliberation, I picked you as my present. You’re just going to have to deal with it.”
“Does that mean you’re moving in with me?”
“No. It means I’m evicting you from your own home and making you temporarily move in with a pair of caretakers while I take over my house, which was formerly your house, and prepare it for the long-term captivity of a male of my choosing. I expect the transition to take approximately one week, and you will earn your keep by moving all my stuff from your caretakers’ place to my place.”
“You moved your stuff into my parents’ house, didn’t you?”
“How else was I going to be out of the apartment before the end of the year and still have time to pull off a kidnapping? Your parents were taking care of the final cleaning today, which was why they were unavailable to pick you up. I’d done all the packing, but we hadn’t been able to sneak over as many times as we wanted because someone was whining. That someone is you.”
Julian laughed. “Okay. I was just trying to convince you you’d enjoy living at my house. Did I do a good job?”
“So far. I’ll give the matter some thought following my invasion and occupation of my future home. For now, you’ll just have to deal with being a hostage until I figure out what to do with you.”
“And here I really thought I’d have to drive all the way to South Carolina and retrieve you post move. I was about to resort to kidnapping, honestly.”
“You snooze, you lose. You needed to have resorted to kidnapping yesterday to get away with it. Alas, you’re required to meet my mother in a suit of my choosing.”
“I’d say that’s harsh, but I picked my clothes today trying to attract you with a good pair of jeans. My suits hadn’t seemed to be doing the trick, so I was trying the casual approach.”
“Your suits do the trick plenty fine. I’m just a patient predator.”
“You’re a very sly and clever one, too. I had no idea I was about to become a victim of predation.”
“I, Chloe. Ambush predator supreme. Now you are mine to do with as I please.”
“You have my attention. What do you wish to do with me?”
“First, I plan to evict you from the singles market. I don’t share. Also, I have zero talent at dating, so we’re not going to date. We’re just going to skip straight to the wedding planning. However, I have no ability to plan a wedding, so I’m not doing it. I have someone who is foolish enough to do it for me. I hope you’re not opinionated on how weddings should happen, because I’ve decided we’re going to be busy doing other things.”
“Like what?”
“I haven’t beaten you at anything other than Scrabble yet.”
“I accept your terms and offer my surrender.”
Well, that was easy. “I like that restaurant, and you still owe me leftovers.”
“I’ll make a reservation. We’ll go to celebrate my surrender. Will that work?”
“That sounds like a good plan. We will formalize your surrender in writing when we return to New York. I don’t recommend attempting to escape. I will catch you.”
Julian arched a brow. “Promise?”
Right. He liked games. Of course he wanted to run so I’d catch him. “If you run away, you don’t get the present I picked just for you.”
“You, with your Claustrophobia, got me a present?”
“I did. My blatant violation of my refusal to do anything over the holidays is fully your fault and factored into my decision to kidnap you.”
Laughing, he relaxed in his seat, stretched his legs and made himself comfortable. “Only a fool would complain about an unexpected but beneficial kidnapping. Would you like me to struggle some for your enjoyment?”
“After I’ve been fed, I will expect you to serve as a warm pillow for my enjoyment.”
“What a tragedy. Would you like me to struggle after?”
“Very probably. I’ll let you know later.”
He laughed. “Just as some unasked for advice, plan your kidnappings better next time.”
“I got away with it, didn’t I?”
H
e sighed and bowed his head. “You make a very good point. I surrender.”
“You already did that.”
“I surrender again.”
“What do I get for your second surrender?”
“This is exactly why I said you need to plan your kidnappings better next time.”
I flung my hands in the air. “Fine. I’ll schedule any future kidnappings and leave a suggestion box out so the target can have his opinions on the proper planning of all future kidnappings.”
He looked me in the eyes, his expression serious. “We don’t have any games to play in the car, Chloe. This is a serious problem.”
Why had I fallen in love with a game-obsessed hottie of an attorney? At a loss of how I’d progressed from a complete case of Claustrophobia to kidnapping Santa Claus for marriage purposes, I shrugged. “That’s your own damned fault for not going everywhere prepared to be kidnapped and carted off on long trips. If you want games with you at all times, you’re just going to have to figure out how to keep one in your coat.”
“I find your rules oppressive and unfair.”
I laughed. “If you behave, I’ll have Kristine stop at a 24-hour Walmart on the way so we can get you a little game you can play while handcuffed and at my mercy.”
“Promise?”
I reached over and patted his head. “Only if you behave. You’ll have to save your struggling for later.”
“I can work with that.”
After gorging on Chinese, I napped, using Julian’s shoulder as a convenient pillow. At the six hour mark into the trip, I took over driving, leaving Julian to snooze in the back while Kristine took shotgun, propped her feet on the dashboard, and conked out.
I appreciated the quiet, and I stopped once, two hours away from our final destination, to fill the SUV and call Julian’s parents to make sure they were safely on the way.
The phone rang twice before Julian’s father answered, “Everything all right?”
“All good. Your son is passed out in the back of Kristine’s new SUV, Kristine passed out after securing her spot as shotgun, and I’m filling the tank. Do you know anything about this SUV, Mr. Carter?”
Claustrophobic Page 15
