by Sophia Gray
By noon, I feel the noose tightening around my neck. I know I should go. I don’t want to push too far or put him in a position where he feels it’s time to ask me to leave. That would be humiliating.
There’s just one problem: I don’t want to leave. To his credit, Christopher seems pretty laidback about me being here. This is a change from the man I first met two days ago. Back then, he was brusque, almost angry at times. Now he’s relaxed, joking with me. Maybe he needed to get laid as badly as I did.
Nah. I can’t look at him and consider such a possibility. I’m sure panties hit the floor the minute he walks into a bar. To think, I’m the one who just had sex with him. I’ve never felt proud of myself for something like this before. I never had a reason to.
“What do you wanna do now? I know you can’t want more sex. I think you’re set for months.”
I scowl at him. “Full of yourself much?”
“Am I wrong?”
I consider it. “Weeks, maybe. Not months.”
“I’ll take it.” He grins so sexily. When he’s dark, brooding, he’s hot. Something in me responds every time. But this version? The smiling, lighthearted Christopher? It’s another thing entirely. My heart opens to him against my better judgement.
“Whatever, like you could go again right now.”
“Baby, you don’t even know what I could do right now. I can go all night.”
“Oh?” I can’t help feeling intrigued. “I wish I’d have known that last night.”
“Your loss. So sex is out, for now. Anything else?”
I look around. There’s not much to do. I’m desperate to think of something to do. I don’t want to leave.
Christopher answers his own question. “Board games?”
I can’t help laughing. “You have board games here? For real?”
He frowns. “Why wouldn’t I? Who do you think I am?”
“Not the type of guy who sits around playing board games in front of the fireplace.”
“I’m a pretty deep guy.” He gets up from where we’ve been sitting on the floor, playing with the dog. “What do you wanna play? I have a bunch.”
Whatever takes the longest. “Monopoly?”
“Sure.”
I can’t help grinning in triumph. I hate Monopoly, usually, because it takes so damn long to play. Now? That extra time is like a gift from heaven.
###
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” he asks me. We’re both on our stomachs on opposite sides of the board.
“No, I’m an only child.”
“Ahh. I guess your parents were really looking forward to having you come home, then.”
“They were. I was looking forward to seeing them, too. I’ll have to plan another time soon.”
“You’re still close with them?”
“Very. Almost too close with my mom.” I’ll never be able to tell her about this weekend, though. Christopher knows I gave her a story about the roads leading from the motel being in no condition for driving. It wasn’t a complete lie; the roads really were crap. I just wasn’t at a motel. “How about you?” I ask quietly. I know better than to expect him to be forthcoming.
“They’re all older. Much older. Half-siblings, a different father. They were all grown by the time I was born.”
“Oh, really? Like a second marriage, second family situation?”
He chuckles, moving his piece along the board. “Yeah. Something like that.” Got it. I went too far. “I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was alone a lot of the time. I did a lot of reading, which was considered just as lame as cooking and tending lawns. Good thing my old man was hardly ever around or he probably would have burned my books.”
I don’t know what to say. I feel awful for him, and more grateful than ever for my own parents. The picture he’s painting for me…I know better than ever how he wound up the way he is.
“I needed something when I was growing up. By the time I was old enough, I got into some trouble. I didn’t make good choices. I regret them.” He looks at me, hard. “I regret them with all my heart. I need you to believe that.”
“I do,” I whisper. I don’t know what mistakes he’s talking about, but I know what it means to have regret. The look on his face is heartbreaking.
“We all make stupid mistakes when we’re young. Especially when we’re running away from something. Know what I mean? I was running away from being alone, feeling like an outsider in town. An outsider in my own family. All my brothers and sisters were from the ‘good’ dad, the one my mom loved. He died in a work accident. My dad, though, was a bum, an asshole. She took it out on me, even if she didn’t know she was doing it. I needed to belong somewhere.”
“That makes sense. We all need to feel like we belong.” I’m trying to piece together the clues he’s giving me. I’m only more confused than ever. What’s he trying to tell me? I keep going, wanting to make him feel better. “I was running away from something when I got together with Lucas.”
“Running away from what? Another guy?”
“No.” I laugh. “Just the opposite. There were no other guys before him.”
He’s silent, looking at me like he’s waiting for me to laugh. When I don’t, he says, “Seriously? Only him?”
“Well, now it’s only him and you. Oh God, I hope that doesn’t freak you out. I don’t know why I said it.”
“No, no. It’s sort of an honor, in a way. That probably sounds stupid.”
I smile. “It doesn’t.” He smiles back. “So yeah, I was running away from being alone. I always felt different from the other girls. I used to be heavier, and I had no self-esteem. I thought losing weight would make me feel better about myself. All it did was make me look different. I still hated the person I was inside, so there were still no guys around. I didn’t exactly try to attract them, you know? Then, along came Lucas.”
“Shithead.”
“Yes. He liked me. He paid attention to me. It was totally new, and at first, really, he seemed like a nice guy.” It’s my turn to look at Christopher the way he just looked at me: hard, like I need him to believe what I’m telling him. “He was. He treated me well. Just long enough for me to fall in love with him. Otherwise, I’m sure I wouldn’t have gotten together with him. I mean, what sort of person does that? Gets involved right off the bat with somebody who hurts them?”
“It happens. It does. But you’re smarter than that, I think.”
“Thank you. So yeah, I say all this to tell you I believe you. I understand what you’re saying. We all make poor decisions when we’re running away. Both of us were running away from being alone. We just took different ways out of it.”
He reaches across the board, taking my hand. “Thank you for that.” Then his arm sweeps across the board, knocking over all my hotels. “Oh, damn. I messed up the game. Shit.”
I burst out laughing. “Jackass! I was this close to winning! Sore loser.”
“I’m not a sore loser if I didn’t actually lose. I could have won. I could have turned it around.”
“Right.” I roll my eyes, unable to keep from laughing again. My eyes happen to land on the window. I’m shocked to see how dark it’s already getting. “Shit! I can’t believe how late it got. Time flies when you’re getting your ass beat, doesn’t it?”
“Careful, or I’ll take you upstairs and beat your ass for real.”
I blush, wishing he’d throw me over his shoulder and take me upstairs right now. That energy is back, the electricity between us. It shows up so quickly, out of nowhere. One minute we’re joking, the next I want him to fuck me until I scream.
We shouldn’t. Not again. I’ll stay here for the rest of my life if one of us doesn’t break the cycle.
“I guess I should get going.” My heart is heavy. I hate myself for feeling this way. Why can’t I walk away with no strings attached? I don’t know that he shares my feelings, that this meant anything to him. Could be he’s just being nice. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt we’ve
been sleeping together.
“Oh.” Is he disappointed? Relieved? Does it matter? I don’t want it to matter.
“Is that okay? I don’t want to keep imposing on you. You’ve done much more than enough.”
“Please, go ahead. You have your own life.” He watches as I get to my feet, stretching after spending so long on the floor. “Where are you going, anyway? To your parents’?”
Crap. I hadn’t thought about that. It seems like a waste now. I was just going to drive home in two days anyway. By the time I got there tonight, it would be bedtime.
“I don’t think so. It’s sort of a long drive. I should go back to my house. Maybe I’ll stop by the shop, make sure it’s been shoveled out. I probably have to shovel my sidewalk.”
“I hope one of your neighbors had a heart and did it for you.”
“Uh, between you and me, I hope the same thing.” I laugh. It sounds hollow even to me.
“If you need any help, you know you can call me, right?” He moves closer to me, making my heart beat faster as he always does. Where does that power come from?
“I appreciate it. I might take you up on it, too, if I have two feet of snow and no parking spot. I might even end up coming back here.”
“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”
Oh. My heart is pounding like an express train. My mouth is dry. He couldn’t be clearer if he said the actual words, Amanda, I like you and want to be with you. So why won’t he say the actual words already? Maybe he could end my agony by giving me an answer to my questions.
But I don’t have the guts to make the first move, that’s for sure.
“So, um, do you wanna give me your number? And I’ll give you mine, in case you need to call me?”
“Yes, for sure.” I put my number in his phone and he does the same in mine. This is so awkward I can hardly stand it. We’re suddenly like two teenagers after their first date.
“Okay. So, I guess I’ll go now.” I look up at him, unsure what to do now. Should we hug? Shake hands? Wave?
I’m so relieved when he holds his arms out. I walk into them, close my eyes when they circle around me. It feels so good. It shouldn’t feel this good, but it does. I wish I knew how he feels.
“Thank you for staying here with me.”
I have to laugh. “You’re thanking me? Thank you for letting me stay. It’s been a real experience.” I smile, hoping he can somehow see through my words to what’s in my heart.
Instead of replying with words, he kisses me gently.
Chapter 17
“Amanda! What are you doing here?” Carly’s standing behind the counter, hands on hips.
I look around, pleased to see a few tables filled with customers. Afternoons are always a slow time, so the business is welcome. “Surprise! This was all part of a plan to lull you into slacking off so I can catch you in the act,” I tease.
She laughs. “Darn it, I knew I should have brought the strippers in earlier today. Now what will I tell the ladies who expect a show tonight?”
I’m a little disturbed by how quickly she came up with that comeback, but I know she’s kidding. I take off my coat, then start an espresso for myself at one of the machines. Losing sleep for the sake of sex never seems like a bad idea at the time. It’s a different story when a person has to function later on.
Carly is watching me closely, sees me trying to stifle a yawn. To her credit, she holds back from peppering me with questions, though I’m sure it’s all she wants to do. I'm deliberately withholding, wanting to have a little fun with her.
“How’s it been here?”
“Thank God for kind neighbors, that’s all I have to say. The guys from the hardware store dug us out yesterday. I wasn’t able to get in here until today, though.”
“Understandable. No worries.” I sip my latte, leaving it at that.
“Okay, you are way too calm right now. No more questions? Nothing?”
I shrug. “When did I give you the idea I’m some ogre? I always thought I was a pretty fair boss.”
“It’s just…I know you. You would have found a way to make it in.”
“Carly, I wasn’t far away from here during the storm. I know how bad it was. Believe me. There’s no reason to risk your life on untreated roads when, let’s face it, there’s little chance anybody in town would have made it out here. You’d have broken your neck to open the shop for nobody.”
“Wait, you weren’t far away? You didn’t go to your parents’ house?”
I shake my head, glancing in the direction of the few customers still left in the shop. She takes the hint and lets it drop for now. While I’m here, I review inventory and place orders for deliveries to be made later in the week, all in the hopes of getting a head start on the week ahead.
Finally, the shop empties out. It’s nearly closing time for a Sunday. Carly runs to the door, flipping the sign to Closed before pulling down the shade and locking up. “Jeez, I thought they’d never leave! Now you’d better spill, or I’ll burst!”
“What makes you think there’s anything to be spilled?” I’m playing it cool, coy.
“Um, maybe because you wouldn’t say anything while the Morgans were drinking their tea. If it were innocent, you would have explained already.”
“Okay, okay, fine.” I take a seat at one of the tables, Carly diving into the chair across from mine. She’s like a kid waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. I guess this speaks to the fact I never have anything interesting to talk about besides work.
“I was on my way to my parents’ house when the storm hit. I’m such an idiot. I had no idea it was supposed to snow the way it did. I was completely unprepared.”
“Oh, no! I was hoping you beat it, too. What happened?”
“I’m telling you! So I didn’t get very far away from town before I had to pull over. I couldn’t see a thing, the road was a mess, and I was running low on gas.”
“Oh, my God. That is, like, one of my worst fears. Being stranded like that.”
“I didn’t even have a blanket. No water, no signal on my phone. I was fucked.”
“Holy shit! How did you get out of it? Don’t tell me you spent two whole days in your car with no water!”
I shake my head, pressing my lips together to keep from smiling like a lunatic.
“Well? What did you do? Drink melted snow?”
“No! I was…rescued.”
“Rescued? By the police?” I shake my head. “Firemen?” Still shaking. “Then who?”
I hesitate, wanting to draw the suspense out a little further. “By a man.”
“A man…a man? Like…a man?” Her eyes are wide and round, her mouth hanging open.
“Yup. A man. A really amazing man.”
“Wait, what? Amazing? How? Where did you go?”
“He took me back to his house. He lived not far from the road. Thank God he saw me. I’m not exaggerating; I could have frozen to death out there. As it was, I fell asleep not long after I pulled over. Without him, I’d be dead right now.”
“Oh, Amanda.” Carly’s eyes fill with tears as she takes my hand. “That’s horrible. I don’t even wanna think about it.”
“It didn’t happen, though. He found me. And he took me home.”
“Wow,” she breathes. “What a miracle. So you were at this guy’s house the past two days?”
“Yeah, I just left a little while ago and came straight here to find out how things were going.”
“Okay.” She looks at me, hard. “What did you do with this guy for the last two days? Don’t tell me you played board games this whole time.”
I shrug.
She slaps my arm. “Oh, come on! Tell me! I tell you things like that!”
Yeah, and I don’t need to hear about it. “Let’s just say, I’m a lot more relaxed than I’ve been in a long time.”
“What? You slept with him?”
“So what?”
“Oh, I’m not trying to make you feel bad!” She laughs merril
y. “It just doesn’t seem like something you would do! Little Goody Two-Shoes. Believe me, I’m happy for you!” Then her voice drops to a whisper. “How was he?”
I feel my skin burning, and I know I’m as red as a tomato. “He was ridiculously good. I mean, like, whoa…” I trail off, lost in my memories. “It was more than that. He’s hard, brusque, blunt. He drove me insane. We kept bickering for the first day or so.”
