“No, it isn’t. It’s just something I’m working through. I love you, Chase, that isn’t ever going to change.”
“Okay.” He kissed her, then sighed. “I guess I can wait until you’re ready to talk about it. Just know that I’m here, whenever you’re ready. Always.”
He held her close and tried not to let his mind race, but he couldn’t help but worry.
Chapter 33
Hope awoke the next morning with a heavy heart. She knew that Chase deserved her honesty, but she also didn’t want to hurt him, or risk losing him. If she was honest, she might do both.
She knew that she needed to find someone that she could share her emotions with. She decided to go to Pastor Reed for some advice.
When she arrived at his house and knocked on the door, she wondered how exactly she could explain her situation to him and whether he would understand.
He opened the door and smiled. “Hope, it’s so good to see you. Please, come inside.”
“Good to see you too. I hope you don’t mind that I just dropped by.”
“Not at all. Would you like some tea?”
“Sure.” She sat down on the couch as he brought her a cup of tea. Then he sat down beside her.
“How is everything?”
“Good.” She nodded and then sipped her tea.
“And Chase?” He leaned forward some.
Hope met his eyes across the top of the teacup. She lowered it and looked back into his eyes. “You haven’t spoken to him?”
“I’ve tried. He still hasn’t returned my calls. I’m starting to think that maybe he really is done with our friendship.”
“Don’t think that.” Hope shook her head. “I think he might just be a little embarrassed at this point. He mentioned to me that he wasn’t sure how to apologize to you.”
“That’s not necessary. All I want is his friendship back.”
“I’m sure that will come with time.”
“I’m sorry, you came here to talk to me about something and I’ve been monopolizing the conversation. What can I help you with?”
She sighed and set her teacup down. “Chase and I came up with this great idea to create an animal shelter on my property, and he’s very excited about it.”
“You’re not so excited?” He raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not that. I am very excited. It’s just that I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t have as much income as I once did, and I don’t always have a lot of energy. I’m not sure if financially or physically I can keep up with the demands. Of course I could go ahead with it, but what if I have to give up? What if animals have to be relocated because I can’t handle it? I’d feel horrible. I would be the type of person that Chase told me about when I first arrived.”
“No, you would never be that type of person Hope. But I think maybe there’s something a little deeper that is worrying you…” He looked her in the eye. “You can be honest with me. What you say to me will remain between us.”
She sighed. “It’s just so hard to plan a future when I’m not sure that I have one.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, the cancer could come back at any time. I could end up on my back, wasting away, and where would that leave Chase? All of the burden would be on him.”
“Don’t you mean that you’re afraid he won’t be there for you? If you were to get sick again?” Pastor Reed searched her eyes. “Am I off base?”
“No.” She frowned. “I am afraid. I’m afraid that the woman he sees now won’t be the same woman that he sees if the cancer comes back.”
“I can assure you that the woman he sees now—brave, strong, and determined—will be the same woman that he sees, even if you were stricken with cancer again. Chase doesn’t love with expectations or limitations, Hope. He loves with all of himself, just like you do.”
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t answer that for you. I’m sorry. I know Chase very well, and I can tell you that I believe he would never walk away from you, but my opinion doesn’t really matter, does it? You have to be willing to ask him that yourself.”
“You’re right.” She exhaled and wiped at her eyes. “I guess I’ve been afraid to mention it because I don’t want things to fall apart.”
“Honesty is what he needs the most. His heart has been through a lot of turmoil and so has yours. You two need to be able to trust one another, even with the hard stuff.”
“I agree.” She took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll talk to him about it tonight. He’s coming for dinner.”
“Maybe you could talk to him about something else too.”
“What’s that?”
“Including the church in your plans. I’d be happy to create a foundation that would help offset the costs of the shelter, and I’m sure there are many people in the congregation that would be glad to volunteer their time. You’re not alone in this and neither is Chase. If he’s willing to accept it, I would love to be part of what the two of you are doing with your ranch.”
“What a wonderful idea. That would take so much of the pressure off. But I don’t think I can talk to him about it.”
“No?”
“No. I think you should join us for dinner.”
“I’m not sure that Chase would like that.” He frowned.
“He always tells me that he trusts my instincts. This will be his chance to prove it.”
Pastor Reed smiled. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter 34
Chase arrived for dinner at Hope’s with a fresh bouquet of flowers and every intention of broaching the topic that she’d avoided the day before. He didn’t want anything to fester between them. When she answered the door, though, he could tell by the expression on her face that she was up to something.
“Now, Chase, before you get mad…”
“That doesn’t sound like a good way to start out a conversation.” He winked at her.
“Look, I think opening the shelter should be a fresh start and that means letting go of the past and forgiving mistakes. Right?”
“Right.” He studied her. “So?”
“So, I’ve invited someone to join us for dinner.”
“Who?” He peered past her into the house and caught sight of Joe on the couch. “Oh.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No.” He shrugged. “You’re right, as usual. I need to clear the air with him, once and for all.”
“Great. You do that, while I put these in water.” She took the flowers from him.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step inside. He’d avoided Joe for some time, no longer because he was angry at him, but because he didn’t know how to apologize for being so foolish.
“Chase.” Joe stood up from the couch. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m here.”
“I don’t.” He looked into his friend’s eyes for the first time in almost a year. It was like looking through a window to a familiar place. “I have something I need to say to you.”
“I know, you’re angry—”
“No.” Chase shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He held his hand out to Joe. “I’m sorry for accusing you of doing something that you never did.”
Joe took his hand with a firm shake. “You are?”
“Yes. I see now that you were right. If Karen hadn’t left, I might never have met Hope, who I now know is the love of my life. You knew something wasn’t right, and instead of trying to appease me with lies, you were honest about what you thought of the situation. I can’t be angry about that. I just hope that you can forgive me for being so blind for so long.”
“I do. Chase, I’m so happy that you and Hope have found one another and that we can be friends again.”
“Always.” Chase nodded.
“Or maybe partners?” Hope joined them in the living room with drinks. “Pastor Reed has offered to create a foundation to help support the shelter and provide volunteers from his congregation to help with the care of the animals.”
“Really?” Chase looked back at Joe. “You’d do that?”
“Absolutely. It won’t take much to get it set up. You and Hope are providing a wonderful service for our community. There’s no question that I’d like to be part of that.”
They discussed the details over dinner, which was filled with laughter and promises. As they finished their meal, Pastor Reed smiled at both of them.
“It’s a true honor to be able to work with you. I think the three of us are going to create a wonderful environment for some very deserving animals.”
“I agree. It’s just what this community needs,” said Chase.
“I can’t wait for the grand opening.” Hope grinned. “And to meet my first cow.”
“I’m sure it won’t be long.” Chase chuckled. “I just hope that Toby won’t be too jealous.”
“I’ll have a talk with him.” Hope laughed.
After Pastor Reed left, Chase helped Hope clear the dishes from the table. As she started the water to wash them, he rested a hand against her lower back.
“Let me.”
“I can do it.” She glanced up at him.
“I know you can, but you shouldn’t always have to. You sit down and I’ll wash. I want to hear what’s in your heart.”
She sat down in a chair not far from him. As he began to wash the dishes, the sound of the water soothed him. He liked being in her kitchen, finding small ways to take care of her. He liked feeling as if they shared the same space, even if it was only for a brief time.
“I’m worried that the cancer might come back, Chase. Do you know that’s a possibility?”
“Yes, I do.” He turned and rested his back against the sink as he looked at her. “I know there’s never a guarantee that you will stay in remission. I understand why you’re worried.”
“You know that, but you still want to be with me?”
He stared into her eyes and realized how much she must have been holding inside. “Hope, I would want to be with you no matter what. Cancer may be daunting, and I know why you’re scared of it returning, but you never, not even for an instant, need to be scared of losing me.” He left the sink and walked toward her. As he cupped her cheeks in his hands the heat in them warmed his palms. He could see the tears in her eyes that she’d been fighting to hold back.
“I will never walk away. I will live with you every single moment that comes our way. I want to build our future together—the shelter, and when you’re ready, our marriage. If you’re willing.” He studied her intently as a few tears slipped past her eyelashes.
“I am—more than willing, Chase. I’m ready to live again, and I want to live every moment with you—happy, healthy, and ready to take on anything that comes next. I don’t expect it to be perfect, but I know that as long as I’m with you, it’s going to be exactly the life that I fought to have.”
“You don’t have to fight any more, sweetheart. Now I’m here to do that for you. Understand? You don’t have to push yourself if you’re tired, and you don’t have to climb any mountains to please me. I want you exactly as you are, every moment. I love you, Hope.” He leaned down to meet her lips in the same moment that she tilted her head up to meet his.
As the kiss lengthened from a subtle caress to a passionate embrace, water spilled over from the sink and Toby neighed from the stable, which woke the pigs. Some people might have called it chaos, but Chase only deepened their kiss in the midst of it all.
It was going to be their chaos—a beautiful, messy, amazing chaos on her ranch—that would fill their lives for years to come.
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Chapter 1
I ran my fingertips over the well-worn piece of notebook paper. It had ridges from the amount of times I’d folded it up and tucked it away. I had written the list at a time when I didn’t really believe I would ever actually accomplish anything on it. But I had, and now it was time to look at the next item.
I rolled over on my bed and stared down at it. When I had added it to my list, it was just a fun little whim, not something I thought I would actually do. But then again, I never would have thought I’d be able to lose so much weight either.
“What was I thinking?” I said out loud as I gnawed on the pencil between my teeth. I was tempted to just erase the item and replace it with something else. No one would have to know. But I would know. I cringed at the idea of actually following through with it. But I had to do it. I had to. It was on the list. I groaned and rolled over on my bed. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling for a moment. Then I sat up with a new determination.
“Yes, I will do this,” I said, looking down at the item on the list. “Pole dancing class, here I come.” I was attempting to sound brave for myself, when I caught sight of the time on my alarm clock.
I grabbed my jeans out of the laundry basket beside my bed, and slid the pants up over my hips with my eyes squeezed shut. With a sigh of relief, I let out the belly I had been struggling to hold in. I didn’t think the zipper would slide up so easily, but it did with one smooth zip. I smiled at my reflection in the tall mirror as I studied the way that my jeans hugged my hips and rear. All of my hard work, all of the passed-up snacks, had really paid off. My body looked different and I felt different.
“Hey, you sexy lady,” I said to the shapely woman in the mirror, twisting my hips first one way and then the other. “Do you come here often?” I asked in the deepest voice I could muster and batted my long lashes at my own reflection.
“Uh, Sam?” a voice said from the doorway of my bedroom.
I froze and held my breath for another reason. It was Max. Max, my best friend. Max, with the deep green eyes and a body that would make any woman glance in his direction. I turned around slowly to face him, not wanting him to see what I knew would be sheer embarrassment on my face.
“What?” I asked as innocently as I could.
He stared at me with one quirked eyebrow, looking as sexy as ever. Max was not conventionally handsome, but a quirky kind of cute, like the kind of guy that got the lead in romantic movies. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just goofy enough to grow on you and make you think he was adorable by the end of the movie.
“I’ve heard of bisexual, but what would you call it if you try to pick yourself up?” He smiled and leaned against the doorway.
God, but that smile made me want to snuggle right up to him.
Friend, I reminded myself. Max, my friend. No matter what my fantasies wanted to believe, we had never been anything more than that. Of course, when my eyes were closed late at night he played a very active role in my life.
“I don’t discriminate, Max. If I see something as hot and lovely as the lady in the mirror happens to be, I’ve got to give it a shot.” I grinned, hoping he would not notice that I was mortified.
“Well, I’d have to agree with you there,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head as he walked into my room.
We had spent hours snuggled up on this very bed on sever
al occasions. Him thinking we were just watching a movie, me praying he would lean over and kiss me. He never did. At least, not in reality. The things that he had done in my mind…
“What are you up to today?” he asked, perched on the end of my bed.
“I’m going out,” I said, fluffing my newly bleached blonde hair with my fingers.
He was smiling as he watched me.
“Are you going out to break some man’s heart?” he asked, brushing his thick dark hair away from his eyes.
He was studying me intently. It always unnerved me when he looked at me so closely. I could never tell if it was with approval, desire, or confusion.
“Sure, of course,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.
He tilted his head to the side. “So you don’t have a date?”
“Stop it, Max.” I sighed and shook my head as I turned away from him. Only then did I spot the black leotard and tights still lying on the bed. I felt a rush of horror flood me. If Max saw them, he’d be full of questions that I didn’t want to answer.
“Stop what?” he asked as he leaned back on the bed. His hand came to rest just beside the tights. “I’m just curious. You haven’t had a date in a while.”
“Thanks for pointing that out.” I reached past him to nudge the leotard away from where he was sitting. Sometimes having a man for a best friend was not ideal. “I’ve had plenty of dates. You don’t know everything there is to know about me.”
Of course I hadn’t had any dates lately, but Max didn’t need to know that. As confident as I was in my beauty, it would appear that being big and beautiful hadn’t translated to a man tripping head-over-heels in love with me—not yet anyways—a fact that was beginning to make me slightly nervous. At thirty-two, my clock wasn’t quite ticking just yet, but I did feel that I was ready to fall in love.
“Then tell me,” Max said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”
“Secrets?” I laughed a little at the idea. In the fourteen years that Max and I had been friends I had never been able to keep a secret from him. But this time I was determined to do it. My dignity depended on it.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8 Page 50
