by Merry Farmer
She should have been redoubling the fight to preserve her ranch in one piece instead of rolling in the hay every which way with the man who was taking it all away from them. It was a horrible, slippery slope. Sex with the enemy one day, and the next she was forgetting her mom’s day.
By the time she dragged herself out of the shower, dried off, and slogged across the hall to her room, she’d cried out all the tears she could manage. All that was left was a hollow, grey feeling—the same feeling that had wrapped itself around her in those first weeks after her mom had gone. She pulled the first dark-colored dress that she could find out of her closet and put it on with black leggings underneath. It seemed wrong to wear a pair of off-white boots decorated with colorful flowers with the outfit, but her mom had given her those boots for Christmas less than two months before she’d gone. She’d been on hospice care at home, barely able to get downstairs every day, but she’d shopped online to find those boots and had wept when Casey opened them, knowing they were the last present she would ever give to her daughter.
The thought was too much. Casey ran a comb through her damp hair, braiding it and hoping it would dry before she found herself standing out in the cold of Haskell’s cemetery. She took one last breath, telling herself she would be strong, she would do a better job of putting her family first, and that she would honor her mom’s memory instead of fulfilling her own selfish desires. When she’d worked up the nerve, she left her room and headed downstairs.
“Hey, Dad,” she said softly as she walked back into the kitchen.
Her dad sat at the kitchen table, one elbow propped on the table, his forehead resting in his hand. He was looking at a piece of paper. Casey assumed it was something for work until he glanced up. Her dad’s eyes were red and glassy. The paper he held wasn’t work at all, it was his wedding picture. He sniffled and quickly wiped his face, attempting to hide his emotions with a grunt.
It was too much. Casey burst into tears all over again and flew across the room to wrap her arms around him as he stood. “I’m sorry, Dad,” she sobbed against his shoulder.
“Aw, princess.” He hugged her back, cradling the back of her head and pressing his hot cheek against hers. “It’s okay. I’m okay, you’re okay.”
She shook her head, unable to find words to express how not okay she was. She’d forgotten the day. She’d been out having fun with Carrot instead. She’d spent her week doing things with Scott that she would never, ever tell her dad about. She was a horrible person.
“Isn’t everyone always telling us it’s good to cry?” her dad went on, gruff and caring at the same time. “I’m just trying to take their advice, for a change.” He finished in a gloomy growl, and Casey laughed.
She pulled back enough to study her dad’s face, cupping it with her hands. “You’re such a great guy, dad. No wonder Mom loved you so much.” She was barely able to finish before her voice gave out.
“She loved us all.” His voice was higher and weaker than usual too. “Even you.”
Casey laughed because he expected her too, but guilt gnawed away at her. “I’m going to do a better job around here,” she vowed. “Family is what’s most important. The ranch is what’s most important. I’m not going to chase after silly things anymore. I’m going to put all of myself into this ranch.” And she would never forget about her mom, not even for a second like she had that day, ever again.
Her dad held her face the way she’d been holding his. “Sweetheart, you’re already doing a wonderful job around here. You’re wonderful at being you, and that’s what Mom loved best about you.”
Casey swallowed hard and shook her head. “I can do better. I’ve been letting things get in the way of what’s important.” Like Scott. But as much as her guilt stung and as much as logic told her she would do best to break up with him and forget he ever existed, her heart whispered that he was like family too now, or could be.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, princess,” her dad said, then kissed her forehead. “Family is important, but Mom would want you to be happy. I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” she lied. “You make me happy.” She leaned into him, hugging him the way she had when she was a girl.
“I know, but you’ve given up a lot this last year,” her dad said, smoothing a hand over her hair. “Mom would want you to get back in the saddle in more ways than one.”
“I know,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder. “And I’m fine.”
A deep silence fell between them. Casey could feel the tension of all the things her dad wasn’t saying in his shoulder under her head and in his arms around her. Part of her wanted to know what he thought, what he couldn’t say. Part of her really didn’t.
“How about you give Scott a call and ask if he wants to come to lunch?” her dad said at last.
Casey stood back and shook her head. “This is just about family today.”
A weary smile touched her dad’s lips. “The way you two’ve been carrying on, I wouldn’t be surprised if Scott turns out to be family eventually.”
“Dad.” Casey rolled her eyes and blew out a breath, mostly for show. “We’ve only known each other six weeks or so. And we’ve only been dating for two-ish.”
Her dad shrugged. “You two click. You’re as different as peas and carrots, but peas and carrots go together. Like me and your—” He choked up before he could finish.
“I love you, Dad.” Casey hugged him hard again. “You’re the best. So is mom.” She refused to say “was.” “There will never be another love story like the two of you.”
At least, there wouldn’t be where she was concerned, as much as her heart had opened and now yearned for Scott. It wouldn’t be fair to her mom to outshine her parents’ love story. Especially not with a guy who’d waltzed into their lives out of nowhere and caused such disruption.
“Let’s go do this,” she said, letting her dad go.
“Okay.” He nodded in reply, far more docile than she was used to seeing him.
She took his hand and headed outside, trusting Ted would meet them by the truck. One thing was for certain—she needed to pull herself together and do a better job of focusing on what was important. And as much as she hungered for Scott and even felt herself falling hard for him, she would be the worst daughter ever if she let Scott fill the places in her heart that were rightfully her mom’s.
Chapter Eleven
Life was decidedly better when there was someone to share it with. After the night in the planetarium, Scott felt as though he was walking in the stars at all times. He’d put a lot of thought and effort into creating a romantic evening for Casey, but he’d never dreamed it would turn out so well. Making love on a blanket at his workplace was not exactly how he’d envisioned the night going, but at least he’d been prepared.
Better still, things had stayed good for nearly two weeks. He’d seen Casey practically every night since their first Valentine’s Day, and he was already thinking up plans for the real Valentine’s Day as he stomped through about eight inches of snow on his patch of land. He should have been concentrating on measuring out string and hammering posts into the ground as he marked out a potential footprint for his house, but his mind kept drifting back to the sounds Casey made as he rained kisses across her breasts, the way she combed her fingers through his hair when their bodies were entwined in bed, and the enthusiasm with which she rode him when they flipped positions. It had to be all that rodeo training.
He straightened from the post he’d been trying to pound into the frozen ground and laughed at his thoughts. Then he laughed at the fact that he was standing there in the snow, alone, laughing. He shook his head. Let other guys get their jollies playing the field and bedding a different girl every night. He was happiest when he had one special someone to hold close.
“What are you laughing at?”
Casey’s question startled him, and Scott whipped around to find her marching toward him in the snow. She had her arms clenched tight arou
nd herself, and her breath puffed into clouds in front of her. She also wore a frown.
Scott wasn’t having any of that. He tossed the mallet he’d been working with into the snow and stepped over to meet Casey and wrap his arms around her. She immediately leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, but keeping her folded arms between them, probably for warmth.
“I was just thinking about how happy you make me,” he said, kissing the wooly band around her head, keeping her ears warm.
“And that made you laugh?” She inched back enough to look up at him.
Her frown was still in place. Scott picked up a struggle of some sort going on behind her eyes. Once he noticed that, he realized that her body was tighter than usual, tense. Deep, protective concern welled up in him.
“I laugh when I’m happy,” he said, then quickly rushed on to. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she sighed, snuggling against him again, resting her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.
He tightened his hold of her. “That doesn’t sound convincing.”
She was silent for a while, huddled against him. Scott strained to glance toward his car as best he could without disturbing her. Maybe they should continue this discussion somewhere warmer.
“Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom’s death,” she sighed at last.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me? We could have…done something.” Although what did you do to celebrate the day someone so important died? Scott tried to imagine how he would deal with the anniversary of one of his parent’s death, but since they were alive and well and living satisfying, middle-class lives in the suburbs of San Diego, it was hard to put himself in that position.
“I didn’t really feel like celebrating,” Casey said at length, pulling away from him. Evidently, she didn’t feel like talking about it either. She glanced around at the stakes Scott had managed to drive into the ground and the spool of twine resting on top of a crusty pile of snow. “What are you up to?”
As much as he wanted to be there to help Casey through whatever trials she was facing, it was a little bit of a relief to not have to sit there talking about painful emotions. “I thought I’d come out here and play around with footprints for the house,” he said.
Casey’s frown returned as she studied the area where Scott had been working. “Why?”
Scott wasn’t sure he understood the question. “Building may be on hold, but I thought I’d work on figuring out how I’ll proceed once things are back in motion again.”
“But what if they never get back in motion?” She uncrossed her arms and thrust her hands into the pockets of her coat.
Scott shifted his weight from one leg to the other, staring at her as if trying to read her thoughts. “I’d rather assume that they will.”
Casey glanced from the stakes and twine to him. “But what if they don’t. That council meeting is in a week. They might pass some law that would make it impossible for you to build.”
Prickles broke out along Scott’s back. Something was wrong. For two weeks, since that awesome night, everything had been good between the two of them. They were getting to know each other’s quirks and foibles, the sex was amazing, and not once had either of them mentioned Scott’s building plans, except in terms of some nebulous future in which Scott stayed firmly in Haskell with Casey by his side. Today, however, Casey’s mood was suddenly sour.
Scott took a step closer to her. “Are you sure you’re all right, sweetheart? You don’t seem like yourself today.”
“What do you mean?” She was immediately on the defensive. He’d somehow said the wrong thing.
Feeling as if the ground might give out under his feet at any moment, he said, “You just seem…off.”
“I’m allowed to have a bad day now and then,” she snapped.
“I know. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.” He gave her another hug, but she felt brittle in his arms.
A moment of tense silence passed between the two of them before Scott broke it with, “I don’t have to do this right now.”
“You don’t have to do it at all,” she muttered.
A jolt of irritation hit his gut. He figured it was in his best interest to ignore it and to ignore Casey’s mood. “Why don’t I clean up here and we can go grab some lunch. Or maybe, since it’s Saturday, we could go to a movie or something.”
Her only answer was a non-committal noise.
“Do you want to go for a ride instead?” he asked. The battle to keep an even temper in the face of something that was obviously very wrong was getting harder and harder.
“No,” she answered, faster than he expected her to.
“Do you want to go for a long drive?” He tried another tactic. “There’s still a lot I don’t know about the history of the area. You could tell me.”
“Like you care about the history anyhow,” she mumbled, half pointed and half just gloomy.
Scott let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his face. “Do we need to talk about this?” he asked her point blank. “I didn’t think the house was an issue anymore, not after the last few weeks. But if we need to talk about it—”
“Of course it’s still an issue.” She rounded on him with a peevish pinch to her face. “Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean I suddenly don’t care about my family anymore.”
Scott forced himself to take a breath. Ten minutes ago, he had been chuckling to himself over thoughts of Casey in bed and naked under him. Now she was bristling in front of him like a kitten with its claws out.
“Well, I’m hungry. If we’re going to do this, let’s at least do it somewhere warm and with food.”
He started across the icy ground toward his car even as Casey stomped after him, saying, “You’re not the one who has a right to be upset right now.”
“I might not have the right,” he growled, “but it’s kind of hard to keep your cool when your girlfriend starts accusing you of things out of the blue.” He took his keys out of his pocket as he reached the car, clicked the button to open the doors, and held the passenger-side door open for her.
“None of this is out of the blue,” she threw at him before sinking to sit.
Scott closed the door, using all of his will-power not to slam it on her. He used the few seconds as he walked around to the driver’s side to steady his blossoming temper. He didn’t deserve any of this. And what was it all about anyhow? Casey had been fine the last time he saw her. Sure, that was two days ago, and maybe she’d been a little quieter then, but her mood today was a cataclysmic shift. How was he supposed to figure out what the problem was so he could help her fix it without making things worse?
As soon as he was seated with the door shut, he turned on the car. The whoosh of the heat going on was almost as loud as the flare of the radio. He turned the radio down, but let the heater run.
“I’m sorry that you’re having a bad day,” he said, intending to be understanding. “We can talk about it if you’d like.”
“We are talking about it.” Casey whipped to face him as if he’d offended her. “I thought you weren’t going to push ahead with your house plans.”
Scott put his car in gear and accelerated out onto the road. “I never said that. I’m just waiting until the city council meeting next week. What makes you think I said I’d give up on the house?”
“Well?” she said as though the answer were written in giant neon letters right in front of him.
He pressed his lips in a line and tried to figure out how he was supposed to respond to that. There were so many things he loved about Casey—her enthusiasm, her creativity, and her determination—but at that moment, she was harder to figure out than a dozen rocket propulsion equations.
“You know that the house is important to me,” he tried, keeping his voice calm.
“I thought I was important to you.” She crossed her arms and faced forward.
“You are,” he answered earnestly. “Of course you are. I know things are n
ew between us, but I think they have a real chance of going somewhere.”
He let out a breath. It wasn’t his first choice of ways to deal with inexplicable emotions, but if there was one thing he’d learned about women from his years of dating Brenda, it was that sharing was always a good thing.
“You’re different than any girl I’ve ever loved, Casey. I’ve always thought I liked the driven, sophisticated type, but you’re so much more than that. Every day with you is an adventure and a discovery, and I like that.”
Her peevish expression softened, but instead of breaking through and getting to the heart of what was eating at her, now Casey looked like she was about to cry. Scott ground his teeth and scrambled for a way to stop that from happening as well as stopping her from losing her temper.
“I’m invested in seeing where the two of us can go,” he went on. “But I’m also deeply invested in building a home the way I have always dreamed of building it. And who knows, maybe it’s a home we could share.” He had only dared to think about taking things one step further with Casey. It was way too early to be having those conversations. But the thought had definitely been there.
“I would have thought, considering how close we’ve become in the last few weeks, you would have decided not to hurt me by going ahead with your plans to mess up my family’s ranch,” Casey said at last.
Her voice was small, but it had as much impact as if she’d shouted at him. His jaw dropped open. It took him several seconds of processing—not to mention navigating light traffic as he turned onto the main road leading into town—before he could say, “Are you saying that the price of dating you is giving up my dreams?”
She remained silent, her arms tightly crossed.
“Are you saying,” he went on, temper rising by the second, “that what I want isn’t important now that we’re sleeping together?”
