by Merry Farmer
“It all has to do with airflow,” Scott said.
The conversation took a far less controversial turn as Scott explained all the technicalities of heating and cooling an off-grid house. He was surprised at how technical Piper wanted him to get, up until he discovered that she’d taken a shine to civic engineering as well as agricultural sciences while in college years ago. He was perfectly happy to sit back and discuss details with her while Casey listened in. Although if he was a betting man, he’d put millions on the fact that Casey wasn’t paying attention at all. She was clearly frying much bigger emotional fish.
Marriage. To Scott. The concept seemed far too big for Casey to wrap her mind around as Scott drove her home after the meeting with Piper, and yet she couldn’t think of anything else.
“We could do it,” she whispered, almost inaudible, after several minutes of silence.
“Do what?” Scott asked. He was in a good mood, Casey could tell. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she didn’t feel like he was walking on eggshells with her anymore.
She turned to study him as he pulled into the drive of her ranch. It was a miracle that the two of them were still together after the last few weeks. She was pretty sure that she had nothing to do with that fact. She’d tried and tried to pull away from him and deny herself the pleasure of his company. She’d been a basket case and then some. But he’d taken it all in stride, cool as a proverbial cucumber. Even now, with his eyes firmly on the road behind those sexy glasses of his, his hands steady on the steering wheel, he was the picture of calm.
“Why haven’t you gotten tired of me and cut me loose?” she asked, leaning her elbow against the window and her head against her hand.
A teasing grin spread across his face, and he snuck a sideways peek at her. “Are you kidding? No one has kept me on my toes this much since my drill sergeant.”
Casey laughed. “I don’t know which I find more disturbing, the fact that you’re comparing me to a drill sergeant or the fact that you’re saying you’re still dating me because I remind you of him.”
“Her,” Scott corrected, his grin going slightly sheepish.
“Her?” Casey gaped at him. “You had a female drill sergeant?”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am,” he answered the way he would if the sergeant in question had given him a command.
“Please tell me you didn’t have a thing for your drill sergeant, and that’s why I remind you of her.” Casey continued to laugh.
“Absolutely not,” Scott said, shocked at first, then laughing. “She was a superior officer. All superior officers demand respect and obedience.” He pulled into a parking spot in front of the house. Neither Ted’s nor her dad’s trucks were there.
“So are you saying I don’t demand respect and obedience?” Casey went on teasing him as he cut the engine and they got out of the car. It felt good to tease him, to laugh and feel free instead of heaping guilt on her shoulders for every smile that escaped. The grief and sorrow was still there inside of her, but letting herself focus first on goofing around with Scott and saving the grief for the right time was not just a leap of faith, it felt…nice.
“You absolutely deserve respect and obedience,” Scott said as he came up beside her and took her hand as they walked toward the house. “Just a different kind.”
“What, like the love, honor, obey kind?” she asked, a bit more serious.
They reached the kitchen door, and he lucked out of having to face her question directly as she fumbled in her pocket for her key and let them inside. The kitchen light was on, but the rest of the house was silent as they entered. A note in Ted’s handwriting on the table told Casey he and their dad had been invited to their cousins’ house for supper and that they’d be home around ten.
Casey headed into the hall, shedding her coat and turning on lights as she went. She reached the closet and went to hang her coat, turning to take Scott’s, but stopped when she saw the serious expression on his face.
“What?” she asked.
He hesitated, handing her his coat and rubbing the back of his neck as she hung it. At last he said, “I’m not going to marry you to save the ranch.”
The blunt statement sent swirls of nervousness down Casey’s back, making her clumsier than usual as she shut the closet door and faced him. Her cheeks burned hot, as if she’d done something embarrassing. “I wasn’t asking you to.”
“I know,” he clarified, taking a step closer to her and reaching for her hands. “I just wanted to be clear about that, in case the idea was bouncing around in your head at all.”
She glanced down at their entwined hands. So, he must have understood what she’d said in the car after all. Chances were, he’d been thinking about the same thing as they drove home. Piper had sounded so certain about her idea, laid it out in such tantalizing detail.
“I get the message,” Casey said, eyes still downcast.
“Do you?”
She looked up at him.
“I’m not saying that I don’t want to marry you.”
She blinked and gaped at him.
“I’m not saying that I might never want to marry you either,” he clarified with a laugh. “I like where we are right now.” He tilted his head down just a smidge, the light in his eyes heating. “Well, that’s not exactly true either. I liked where we were a couple weeks ago better.”
A rush of desire pulsed through her, setting her senses alight. “I liked it too.” Four simple words, but it took a lot for Casey to say them. They took the slow, painful realization that she might just be wrong about what grief meant, what loss meant. She wasn’t even sure that she understood now or that she agreed with where her priorities should lie. She only knew that if she didn’t start to look at things differently, she could suffer her whole life.
Scott was smart enough to catch on to her mood. He nodded toward the living room, weaving his fingers through hers and walking with her. They sank into the couch, side-by-side at first before Casey turned to face him.
“Tell me I’m allowed to be happy,” she blurted before her courage ran out.
“You’re allowed to be happy,” he said without hesitation.
“Are you sure?” she asked, more impassioned than she realized she would be.
“Yes,” he answered with equal vehemence. He shifted so that he could hold both of her hands again. “Is that what everything has been about these last few weeks? Is that what you meant before when you said you’d been stupid?”
Casey nodded. She was more comfortable staring at the contrast of her small hands in his big ones, her ranching callouses and his office-smooth fingertips. “Sometimes,” she began haltingly, bit her lip, and went on. “In the last year…since…mom…I’ve felt guilty for enjoying things.” She glanced up and met his eyes. “It doesn’t feel right to be happy when she’s not here.”
He raised a hand to brush his knuckles over her cheek. The warmth in his eyes was enough to kindle sparks of hope and longing inside of her. “Your mom would want you to be happy.”
“That’s what people keep telling me,” Casey rushed on, full of energy again. “But it seems like such a betrayal.”
“How is it a betrayal?” His mouth quirked into a lop-sided smile. Casey was overcome by the desire to feel that mouth against hers again, to feel it against several parts of her.
“If I’m happy without her, it just feels like I didn’t really love her in the first place,” she said at last.
Scott started to laugh, but stopped himself. He shook his head, and his expression hardened into something wise. “The fact that you know what happiness and joy feel like to begin with says that she’s left you with far more than you’ve lost.”
She held her breath, taking in what he was saying. “I…you might be right.”
In the year since her mom’s death, she had been so focused on not having her there anymore, on losing her, that she hadn’t stopped to number all the things that she still had. She glanced around the room, from the
watercolor her mom had painted when she took a class years ago, to the family portrait from when she was eight and Ted was ten to the wood-carving of an owl that she’d bought for Roscoe as a trophy when he’d complained that no one gave out awards for putting up with kids going through puberty. Her mom was gone, but she still had all of those things. She had the memories that went with them too.
She focused back on Scott, frowning harder than ever before. “Why didn’t you break up with me weeks ago?” she asked, more baffled than ever.
“Because it wouldn’t have been fair,” he said, inching closer to her and putting his arm around her on the back of the couch.
“I wasn’t being fair to you. Why would you be fair to me?”
“Because I like you,” he chuckled, brushing her cheek. “No, ‘like’ isn’t strong enough a word.” He paused, gazing into her eyes with a smile that kept growing the more she frowned in confusion. “I think I love you, Casey Flint.”
Even as her chest squeezed tight with emotion, her mind exploded. “Why? What do you possibly gain by falling in love with a crazy, anxious, out-of-control ninny like me?”
“First of all, you’re none of those things,” he said, holding up a hand. “Second, even if you were, I think I’d still love you.” She opened her mouth to ask why again, but he touched his finger to her lips. “Because you’re everything I’m not,” he answered. “Because I had an ordinary, standard relationship—the kind a guy like me was supposed to have—and it did nothing for me. She left me anyhow, and I didn’t care half as much as I should.”
“But—”
“I like the excitement of you,” he pushed on, cutting off her protest. “You believe in things. You fight for things. Those are qualities that I admire.”
“Even when they come in a frustratingly dense package?” She arched a brow.
“Even when they do.”
He raised both hands to cup her face, leaning in to kiss her. His lips were soft and tender at first, his kiss warm and romantic. She closed her eyes and gave into that kiss, parting her lips for him. He finished the kiss with a smile, gazing into her eyes with something far more intoxicating than desire—with affection.
She surged into him, closing her mouth over his. He didn’t seem at all shocked by her gesture. He kissed her back, and this time the fire flared. Tenderness and affection were one thing, but knowing that he would still want her, burn for her like a man who couldn’t get enough of a good thing, made her feel powerful as well as loved. He moved one hand to her waist, tugging her against him, and let the other slide down across her thigh to her knee.
With one firm nudge and a lift, she found herself straddling him. It was exactly where she wanted to be. She deepened their kiss, removing his glasses, then raking her fingers through his hair. He hummed in appreciation, hands stroking her sides and hips, circling her backside. The bulge in his jeans grew harder, and she pressed her hips into him in response.
And just like that, it clicked inside of her. She could love her mom and still live her life. She could fight for her family and the ranch and still be open to change. Scott had proved all that to her, was proving it now with the sensuality of his touch. Everything about him was good, made her feel good. And it was okay.
“Scott,” she whispered his name, pulling away from him just enough to rest her hands on his chest, over his pounding heart. “Do you have any condoms with you, or will we have to steal some from Ted?”
He laughed, low and deep, the vibrations sending shivers through her. “Now that is a compliment!”
“What?” She smiled, fiddling with the buttons of his shirt.
His hands traced circles over her lower back, ending by cupping her backside. “The fact that you’d be willing to raid your brother’s private stash for me.”
Casey giggled, a smile spreading from ear to ear. “Yeah, who knows what we might find up there in his room?”
“Fortunately, we don’t have to risk it.” He sat forward, scooting her just enough so that she could put her feet on the floor and stand with him. “I’ve been keeping protection in my wallet, hoping this day would come.”
It was an important, unromantic discussion, but somehow the two of them had made it funny. Casey’s heart lightened more than it had in ages. “Well then, we’d better get upstairs before dad and Ted decide to come back early.”
“That would take some explaining,” he chuckled, taking her hand.
Feeling as if a monumental moment had come—and as if it were the most natural thing in the world—Casey led Scott out of the living room, into the hall, and upstairs to her room. She itched with anticipation, dying to get out of her clothes and between the sheets. It was as if the air in the house was charged. Maybe it was. She didn’t feel the same heaviness walking into her room full of rodeo trophies and family mementos as she had the past year. Instead, the colors were more vibrant, the familiar smells welcoming.
By the time she turned to shut her bedroom door, Scott already had his shirt off and was taking his wallet out of his back pocket. He took out a condom, tossed it to the bed, then set the wallet on the desk. He then reached to pull his undershirt up over his head and toss it aside. Casey was torn between the entertainment of watching him strip for her or shedding her own clothes. She ended up fumbling between the two, flopping to sit on her bed and pull off her boots as she drank in the sight of his bare chest.
“I’d forgotten how gorgeous you are,” she purred, tossing her boots aside and unbuttoning her jeans.
“It hasn’t been that long,” he laughed, bending to take off his own boots.
“Ooh, think you could face the other way when you bend over like that?” she said and winked.
He kicked his boots aside and straightened. “Why don’t I save you the trouble of perusing you the pieces by showing it all?” he asked, a richness to his voice that was both sensual and silly.
Casey stopped tugging her shirt out of her waistband and bit her lip as Scott undid the front of his pants and slid them and his underwear down. Bubbling bursts of excitement flooded her as he stood, bold and confident, letting it all hang out. His muscular thighs and tight abs were the perfect frame for the proud and powerful centerpiece of his penis. He was already hard, the tip of his penis flared.
“How could I convince myself this was a bad thing?” she whispered, half teasing, half deadly serious.
“I don’t know,” he said, stalking toward her. When he reached her, the intensity of his approach swayed her back until she lay across the bed. He rested his hands on either side of her, the heat of his body calling to her. “I’ll tell you what’s actually bad.”
“What?” She spread her hands across his chest, rippling with need as he went taut under her touch.
“The fact that you still have clothes on.” He dipped down to capture her mouth with his. It brought him even closer to her, and she let her hands play freely over his sides.
“That can be fixed,” she sighed when he moved his lips to nibble a line down her neck.
“Then by all means…” He left the sentence hanging and reached for the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head.
From there, it was a matter of seconds before Casey was doing everything in her power to wriggle out of her clothes as fast as possible. She wanted to feel Scott’s skin against hers, to wrap her arms and legs around him and lose herself to everything except the pleasure of him. He wanted that as much as she did, as proven by the single-minded focus with which he slid her jeans and panties down over her hips. He stood and stepped back to pull the fabric farther down her legs and right off over her feet.
With her jeans gone, he slid his hands up her calves to her knees, then drew them apart. Casey gasped at the rush of cool air and the knowledge that she was completely bared to him. His hands continued their journey up, fingers reaching for more. She sighed aloud when he found it, slipping his fingers along her wetness.
“You’re so perfect,” he told her, voice rough.
Her first instinct was to deny it, to tell him she was a failure in so many ways. But she stopped herself. Instead of giving in to doubt and misery, she pushed everything aside. Everything but the pulsating pleasure of what his hands were doing. He traced the outline of her opening, sending shivers through her, then slid two fingers inside. She stifled a cry as he found just the right spot inside of her and stroked.
Just when she was ready to give in to the sensations he was creating, one hand cupping her breast, he dipped down to run his tongue along the tip of her clit. She gasped at the pleasure that gave her, hips rising off the bed.
“You like that?” he whispered, his breath hot against the most intimate part of her.
She nodded, beyond words. That was all the signal he needed. He dipped down again, using his lips and tongue to tantalize and pleasure her. And she let herself feel it without remorse. Everything between them was just as it should be and then some. Ranch or no ranch, laws or no laws, she could see herself married to him, see the two of them bringing each other pleasure like this for the rest of their lives.
Her orgasm crashed over her much quicker than she could have anticipated, and it was strong. Her inner muscles clenched around his fingers as he teased and stroked her. The white-hot pleasure that enveloped her was everything good and wonderful in the world.
She was still trembling with the force of climax when he reached swiftly to the side. She’d forgotten about the condom entirely in her haste to feel the pleasure he was so willing to give, and was glad he opened it and rolled it on in record time. A heartbeat later, he slipped back over top of her, guiding himself home.
And it was home. Casey moaned with passion and contentment as he filled her, fitting his body as tightly into hers as he could. She closed her arms and legs around him, encouraging him to go deeper, join with her more fully. He obeyed without hesitation, moving in and out of her, and setting a rhythm that was heaven itself.
His rumbling sighs of satisfaction grew pitched, and Casey loved every moment of it. When at last he tensed, let out a heavy breath, and his thrusts began to slow, a happiness as big as the starry skies filled her. He was able to bring her so much pleasure so easily, but it was just as wonderful to know that he could lose himself in her.
