‘No thanks, Thea. I’ve got a million things to do here, but if you’re home tonight, I might drop by,’ she suggested. She reckoned she should get some supplies in. There could be a lot of rushing about in the next few days.
‘Sure thing,’ Thea affirmed, ‘whenever suits you.’
After a stint of battling the crowds at Rexdale Shopping Mall, she returned home laden with laundry needs and food in packets for meals on the run. She didn’t see how she could keep training for the Amazon contest, but it could provide the release she might need, while Tenille was laid up. It was hard to know what to do for the best.
With the next call she didn’t have much greater success. The nursing shifts were on the change so they were at report and she only got reception. However, she was told Tenille was resting comfortably, having just returned to the ward.
‘Can I come and see her?’
‘There shouldn’t be any problem with that. Are you a relative?’
She thought of giving it a try in case it was ‘relatives only’ at this stage, but if there had been no complications friends should be okay. ‘No, a friend.’
‘You may just not be allowed to stay very long, that’s all,’ the ward secretary explained. ‘I suggest you call again in about an hour, when the nurses are back from report.’
She hung up. Patience, never a strong suit in her character profile was wearing thin. Too agitated to wait, she decided to go down; be in the right place, waiting for the right time. She also decided against taking anything for Tenille. Probably still out of it, she reckoned.
Quickly, she showered and changed, dressing with care to look as fresh and unworried as possible. She chose light cotton pants rather than shorts. A pale khaki green, featuring big fatigue pockets on the thighs. Her shirt, a fine white cotton poplin, she wore with the sleeves rolled back to just below the elbow. For today her hair was gelled, the sides slicked back, leaving the top short and spiky. Nothing must be out of place for that first moment Tenille opened her eyes. Finally she sprayed on a lightly fragranced cologne which she’d just bought, spending more than she should, but in hospital, attractive aromas were important.
A little after four o’clock saw her stepping out of the elevator on the second floor, in the old part of the hospital, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. She spotted the nurses station immediately and enquired if she could visit with Miss Fenech.
‘She’s in room #207,’ was the abrupt response from the nurse behind the counter, presumably writing reports. She nodded as she turned to look to see which way the numbers were running. At least she hadn’t been stopped.
‘She’s down that way,’ a male nurse volunteered. He’d obviously heard the request as he walked by.
‘Thank you,’ she smiled back and set off more confidently. When she pushed open the door she saw someone sleeping in the bed, but it wasn’t Tenille. Tiptoeing past the sleeping occupant of the first bed, she felt uncomfortably guilty. Drapes had been drawn for privacy. When she pulled one back, shock rocked her. She saw dark circles below Tenille’s eyes and a tangle of hair across the pillow. She wore a plain, pale blue hospital gown with her arm stretched out on top of the coverlet, a needle taped to a vein. Her forearm was bound to a support board, attached to a dextrose drip with a side line of antibiotic.
‘My poor precious,’ she groaned. It had not only shocked her, but unnerved her too. Tenille looked so tired and drawn. She had never seen her like this and it had left her shaken. There was no color in the cheeks, giving her face a deathly pallor, but she loved her more in this moment of defencelessness than at any previous time. Her heart went out to her.
‘Tenille?’ she called softly, gently touching her shoulder. Immediately her eyelids fluttered up. Recognition registered, but no words came. She bent down over the bed and gently kissed her cheek, smelling the lingering, sweet odor of anaesthetic on her breath.
‘Hello darling,’ a smile in her voice. ‘I’ve come to be with you for a little while.’ She pulled up a chair on the window side of the bed and carefully took Tenille’s unencumbered arm from under the bed coverings and held her hand in both of hers. Tenille’s eyes had closed again, but her expression was relaxed and she seemed to breathe more deeply. At one time Sidonie felt Tenille’s fingers tighten, then they went limp. For almost an hour they remained thus. From time to time she would say something softly; Tenille would open her eyes and look, but she never spoke. It didn’t matter. She felt so very close. She could feel she was happy to have her there as she drifted in and out of sleep.
Eventually the nurse came. Sidonie, unused to hospitals let go the hand abruptly and jumped up. She wanted to seize the moment to obtain further information. The nurse, bustling and middle aged, was cooperative and explained the operation had taken longer than expected. That was why Tenille was still so drowsy. While she continued to work at the drip, replacing bags and checking the flow, she clarified that the severance had been major, taking the doctors quite a long time to get everything sewn up.
‘Doctors?’ Sidonie gulped out, feeling sickened.
‘Yes. Dr. Suli had an assistant today, not uncommon in orthopaedic cases.’ Nurse Arnott shrugged her capable shoulders and continued: ‘Anyway, everything has been patched up fine, but she’s on rather powerful painkillers at the moment,’ she stopped and looked down at Tenille, regarding her with compassion. ‘That’s another reason why she’s not very lively.’
Sidonie too, looked at the pale, sleeping face, thinking how much that beautiful body had gone through in the last 24 hours. “I’ll make you feel better.” she vowed silently, “You wait and see.”
‘You’ll have to go now,’ Nurse Arnott’s voice broke into her thoughts. ‘It’s time to bathe her and change the bedding.’
‘Yes,’ Sidonie agreed reluctantly. She hated to leave and returned to the bedside to squeeze the trusting hand once more. ‘I’m going now, Ten.’ She wanted to say: ‘My darling,’ but the nurse was there. ‘I’ll be here again tomorrow.’ She also wanted to kiss her goodbye, but instead, stroked back the dark, damp curls clamped to her cheek where she had turned her head to look at her. This time Tenille managed a small smile, breathing out: ‘Sidonie,’ on a long sigh, before lapsing once more into a drugged inertia.
By now the nurse was waiting impatiently for her to leave. She had so much to do and so little time. “Story of my life,” she grumbled to herself.
As Sidonie left the hospital she reflected she was fortunate to have friends like Reine and Thea since once again, she didn’t want to be on her own. Time went quicker with them. They had Baseball on TV which was therapeutic, the contest taking her out of herself. Blue Jays versus the Atlanta Braves and doing quite well. At least it wasn’t a push over. Alomar had scored a home run and their pitcher; it was Cowen this time around, had helped considerably in shutting out Atlanta. The Blue Jays seemed to be riding a crest, their double plays being pulled off with textbook precision. She and her friends were very happy with the score.
All the worry over the past two days had sapped Sidonie’s energies and in the relaxed atmosphere before the box, she began to doze. She was nursing Scully on her lap when her head jerked back.
‘I should go if I don’t want to fall asleep at the wheel. Thank you both for helping me out. You know I do appreciate it don’t you?’ Scully set up a protest at the interruption to her creature comforts.
‘Say no more. What are friends for?’ Reine asked rhetorically.
‘Call us any time,’ Thea added, as they said farewell at the elevator.
She got home safely, stopping only for gas. She didn’t see her usual little guy, being much earlier tonight. What a day. She fell exhausted into bed and slept heavily, knowing now Tenille was okay and believing all would be well.
* * *
The next time Sidonie saw Tenille she was a different person. Not only awake, but sitting out of bed, her leg propped on pillows on a low stool. The drip stand was still by her side, but the needle didn’t seem t
o be bothering her. However, it made Sidonie feel unwell. Tenille saw her as soon as the door opened. The smile of greeting lit up her face and although the dark smudges beneath the eyes still remained, there was no room for doubt that this woman was many times better than on the previous day. She could see how pleased she was to see her and her own lips parted in an equally joyous smile, as she hurried forward to take her in her arms in a loving embrace.
‘Oh hello,’ came a strange voice from the other bed, its occupant too, was awake, although not sitting out. Sidonie stopped in her tracks and turned. The smile left her face and she simply looked. Upon reaching Tenille’s side of the room she cut her greeting to a curt: ‘Hello,’ and leaned back against the window ledge, all signs of a previous onrush of emotion eliminated. She observed flowers on the night table and bent to read the card.
‘From Mom and Dad.’
She only nodded.
‘They feel badly about not being here, but I’d already told them I’d be okay.’ She stopped, regarding her more intently. ‘Are you all right?’ She observed a new tension about her eyes and hoped she’d not been worrying too much. She reached out her hand, but the girl didn’t move.
‘Yes, I’m fine. How are you? It’s good to see you up.’ Disconcerted at the snub, she decided she was ill-at-ease in this environment. It was one she’d been used to and, for the most part, it didn’t cross her mind others would feel strange. Her roommate called to ask if her friend could pass the magazines from her night table.
‘Oh Sid, this is Rachel. We’ve been getting to know each other.’ Sidonie moved forward and went round to give the patient what she wanted.
‘Thank you dear.’
As Sidonie handed them over, she thought bitterly that her anticipation of sitting close with Tenille again was now well and truly thwarted. Yesterday had been such a special time. She sighed, resignedly, thinking this is how it is in their world. In fact it was seldom they could ever be just ‘close’, arms around each other; walk about hand in hand. What other couples took for granted was, for them, something special. A moment to treasure. Only in her car had they achieved this degree of intimacy apart, of course, from the Guesthouse. It would be a wonderful day when Lesbians could be as natural together in public as the Straights. “In your dreams, girl. Too much to ask in your lifetime,” she muttered, under her breath.
Returning to her post, she resolved not to be sullen because she couldn’t have her own way. Surely she was more mature than that. ‘I’ve brought you something.’ She picked up the plastic bag she’d dropped to the floor and reached it out to Tenille, smiling broadly. Tenille didn’t say anything, but looked up, feeling a twist in her heart.
“Hope she likes it,” she wished fervently. She’d thought long and hard over what to bring. She’d wanted something of lasting value, not flowers or chocolates.
Tenille peeked into the bag and saw, nestling in a froth of pink tissue, a billowy, downy pillow, half normal size, edged in a frill of broderie anglaise lace. Threaded through eyelets, across one corner, a pink satin ribbon formed the letter T, the ends finished off in little rose buds with apple green leaves.
‘Oh Sid, it’s beautiful,’ she breathed.
‘It’s your own special pillow. You place it on top of the hospital one so you can lie real comfy,’ she explained.
‘How thoughtful you are. It’s just darling. I love it. Thank you so much.’ She looked up at Sidonie who couldn’t help but bend down and plant a kiss on her forehead. She hoped it looked sufficiently sisterly, to the observant onlooker in the other bed.
‘You’re entirely welcome,’ she affirmed.
Tenille then drew out the envelope which contained a get well card. It was a floral affair with a simple verse, but Sidonie had added the words:- I miss you so much and I love you with all my heart.
The prescript affected Tenille enormously. This was the sweetest love she had ever known. She looked at Sidonie from behind the envelope which she held before her face, the eyes expressing deep emotion as she kept her gaze on her love and kissed the card, slowly and deliberately; a clear message of acknowledgment.
Sidonie had closely watched the whole performance and now let go a deep breath. She knew there would always be a place in her heart for this woman. For Tenille it would never be closed.
To bring them back to the real world she asked how long she could stay up. Tenille too, took a deep breath. ‘I’m to ring when I feel tired. Then they’ll come and help me back.’
She was full of concern. ‘Are you feeling tired yet? You mustn’t overdo things. I didn’t expect to see you up. Not when you looked so out of it yesterday.’
‘Yesterday?’ she repeated, surprised.
‘Yes. I was here about an hour. I sat with you and held your hand.’
‘Yesterday?’ she reiterated, shaking her head. ‘I didn’t know.’ Her disappointment was obvious.
‘Cool, Babe. You were still drugged from the anaesthetic. We had a lovely time together, though.’ She leaned forward. ‘I sat and watched you sleeping, then sometimes you’d come round and look at me. You even smiled once and said my name.’
‘That is a lost time to me.’ She sighed. ‘You’re right, Sid. I will lie down soon.’
‘How does your leg feel in the cast? Your toes are pointed right down,’ Sidonie observed.
‘There’s an uncomfortable feeling over the top of my instep. I’ve mentioned it to the nurse. It’s like a constant ache.’ They both looked at the foot in question. ‘She said she’d get the doctor to check it again.’ The words were low. Fatigue was setting in. ‘Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel right. My toes are a bit puffy too, even with my foot elevated,’ she voiced her fears.
‘That could still be normal at this stage, it is early days after all,’ Sidonie tried to console her.
‘I’ll feel happier when Doctor Suli has given her opinion all the same.’ Tenille’s voice was becoming fainter.
‘It’s Sunday. Will she come in today?’ queried Sidonie, looking dubious.
‘Oh yes. Weekends don’t signify in hospitals. Everything works on rotations.’
In fact the doctor arrived while Sidonie was still there and she didn’t make her leave. Nurse Arnott explained the situation whilst she consulted the chart. Doctor Jamieson was with her, so this visit must have been part of her rounds. He smiled at Tenille, but didn’t speak. Sidonie thought Doctor Suli looked capable, but younger than she’d expected. Indian or Pakistani. The upshot of the visit was that the cast would be reapplied with a lesser degree of plantar flexion. She shouldn’t be experiencing any discomfort or pain from the foot position. Extreme toes-pointed was only to ensure there was no tension on the operative site and to give the best possible chance of good union during the healing process.
After they all left, Tenille was more than ready for bed, so Sidonie went to the nurses’ station to tell them what she wanted. It was still quite a wait before they arrived – a nurse with a nurse’s aide in tow. She wanted to help, but reckoned she’d get in the way. The two women accomplished their task efficiently, with the minimum of extra steps and discomfort to Tenille. She could see her fading fast and explained she would let her rest.
‘I see you have the phone, so I’ll get your number and call you later, OK?’
‘Yes, that’ll be fine. I was feeling great when you arrived, but suddenly all the stuffing has gone out of me.’
‘That’s understandable, after what you’ve been through. You can’t expect to be your old self a day later.’ She sat on the side of the bed and stroked Tenille’s hair. ‘Give it time. Rest as much as you can.’ She stood again. With the curtain still in place after the transfer, she felt free to kiss her goodbye, being careful not to disturb anything.
‘Talk to you later,’ she said in farewell. Already Tenille was drifting off, her eyelids drooping as her breathing slowed.
She stopped at the nurses’ station to enquire when it might be that Tenille would be allowed home. The nurse expla
ined that with a repair of this nature, if there were no complications, it would be in about four to five days.
She had it in her mind to try for time off when Tenille would be discharged. Surely the stable could let her take two days under these circumstances. It would be time without pay, but she didn’t care about that. She would do her darndest to swing it.
The temperature outside had risen considerably while she’d been visiting. The heat hit her like a wall when she emerged from the air conditioning. Walking across the expanse of tarmac to her car she noted how everything seemed to shimmer in the hot dustiness; car windscreens flashed at her in mute acknowledgment of her passing. Hospital garbage skips gave out oppressive smells of rotting vegetation from kitchen scraps; flies … crazy and weighty with the heat, buzzed ineffectually around the lids. “Toronto in summer,” she thought. No wonder everyone took to the hills.
Back at the Residence, she busied herself ’til seven then began her stint at the telephone. First off, she called her Ma. It had been too long since she’d been in touch. Getting involved with Tenille had put her other obligations on hold and now she felt badly. The conversation however, went well. After checking in on Chelsey and Billy, she went on to tell Mavis about Tenille in the hospital. Her mother was most concerned. She could tell this new friend was important to her daughter. Sidonie appreciated having a mother she could talk to about the big things. She wasn’t judgemental and always wanted the best for her.
Then Milka and Edina, just to touch base. Milka was away again at her mother’s and Edina answered. She was full of information about a book she had just been reading, THE NAKED FACE, by Lalian Young.
‘It delves into the ancient science of Physiognomy,’ she explained enthusiastically.
‘Yeah sure.’ she was mystified.
‘It’s the art of interpreting personality through facial features.’
‘Oh really.’ she exclaimed, somewhat sceptically.
Outing of the Heart Page 53
