by Amy Cross
“Um, no,” he stammers, taking a step back but keeping his eyes fixed on me. “I'm just, I'm browsing, that's all.”
“Okay,” I reply, still smiling even though I just want him to go away. “Well, again, let me know if I can help in any way at all. Here at BarraBuy, the customer always comes first.”
“Yes,” he replies, still staring at me. I swear, I don't think he's even blinked once during this whole encounter. “I'm sorry to have bothered you,” he adds, taking a step back, “I think I'll just keep browsing.”
“Sure,” I tell him, “but -”
“Thank you!” With that, he turns and shuffles off, heading along the aisle but glancing back at me a couple of times until finally he disappears around the next corner. A moment later, I hear him breaking into a jog as he hurries toward the exit.
“No problem,” I mutter, relieved that he's gone but also feeling a little sorry for him. He seemed pale as a ghost and clearly not well, and I can't help wondering whether he'd maybe wandered out of some hospital. Suddenly feeling guilty for not being more helpful, I head alone the aisle and make my way toward the registers, hoping that maybe I can catch up to him and check if he's okay, but by the time I get to the front door he's already long gone.
IV
“Yeah, you get some crazies now and then,” Joe says with a smile as he slides his card through the scanner and then stands back to let me do the same. “You just have to roll with it and not let them freak you out. Definitely mention it in the log, though, just in case he comes back.”
“He seemed pretty harmless,” I reply, grabbing my bag and following him to the exit. It's almost 6am and our shift is finally over, although the sun hasn't risen yet. “I think he was just, I don't know, lost or confused or something. He looked really pale, though. I was too freaked out to say anything at the time, but -”
“Don't beat yourself up about it.”
“I know, but -”
“Seriously,” he continues, “it's not your job to worry about these people. Let them take care of themselves.”
“But what if they can't?”
“Still not your problem.” He stares zipping his coat as we head across the dark parking lot. “Do you want a ride?” he asks, holding up his car keys. “Wherever you live, I'm sure it's not far out of my way.”
“I...” For a moment I'm tempted, before realizing that I'd hate for him to see that I live at the trailer park. People in this county always look down on people who that place, and I'm sure Joe's no different. “Thanks,” I tell him, “but I'm fine, it's not far for me to walk. I'm trying to lose weight anyway.”
“You don't need to lose weight.”
“I enjoy the walk. It gives me time to think.”
“Sure? I really wouldn't mind.”
“Another time,” I tell him, turning and looking toward the east, where there's still no sign of the sun. “It gives me time to clear my head before I get home and try to sleep.”
“I guess that makes sense,” he replies, but he seems to be holding back a little, as if there's something else he wants to say. In fact, as he stares at me with that gormless expression, I've got a horrible feeling that he's going to try to kiss me or ask me on a date. I've never had either of those things happen to me before, and I can feel a faint shiver building in my chest at the prospect of being put in an awkward situation.
“I should go,” I continue, taking a step back to make sure that I'm out of range. “I've got a long walk ahead of me, and I'm tired.”
“Of course,” he mutters, clearly a little wrong-footed. “Well, okay, maybe... Are you working tonight?”
“See you at ten,” I reply.
“What about tomorrow night?” he asks.
“I'm not working tomorrow.”
“Me neither.” He pauses.
Oh God.
“So...” he says after a moment. “I know this might seem crazy, but -”
“I should go,” I say firmly, unable to hide the panic in my voice. “Sorry, it's crazy, but I really have to get home.”
“Okay,” he replies, and it's clear that he's chickened out. “See you tomorrow night, then.”
I wait and watch him as he walks away, mainly because I really don't want him to follow me. He has his own car and he seems really cool, but it's clear he comes from a nicer part of town and I know for a fact that he'd look down on me if he found out where I live. As his car heads out of the parking lot and joins the main road, I wait a moment longer, just to make absolutely certain that he's gone, and then I turn and make my way toward the path that leads down toward the road. I'm not ready to start hanging out with guys yet. I'm too busy looking for Shannon.
And then I stop, my gaze drawn toward the pitch-black forest.
“Never go in there,” I remember Shannon telling me one day, while we were hanging out at the trailer park. “Never go in alone, and definitely never go in with someone else. It's dangerous in there.”
Some children would have rebelled and immediately decided to investigate the forest as soon as they got a chance, but not me. I was never like that. Instead, I remember taking Shannon's warning to heart and deciding, on that very day, that I'd never set foot in the forest for any reason. All these years later, that warning has stuck and while I've noticed the forest plenty of times and thought about it a lot, I've never actually considered entering the darkness. I thought Shannon was the same, I thought she always walked the long way around to avoid the forest, but if Scottie was right about her taking a short-cut between the store and our trailer...
Why would she do that?
Why would she break the rule?
Taking a few cautious steps forward, I reach the edge of the parking lot, where a bank of dirt and mud rises from the tarmac and curls toward the edge of the forest. The first trees tower over me, blacker than the night sky above, and I swear the air here feels a little colder. I glance over my shoulder, instinctively looking back toward the bright lights of the BarraBuy store, but finally I turn back to look into the forest and for a moment I'm overcome by the vast stillness of the place. I've seen maps of the area, and I know that the forest is massive, spreading for miles in every direction and bounded by a solitary main road that runs all the way around the edge. Now that I think about it, I can't help realizing that I've never heard of anyone going into the forest, as if people somehow know that it would be dangerous.
Suddenly I feel someone bumping against my shoulder, and I turn to see Shannon tramping past me in an orange BarraBuy t-shirt, heading into the forest. I open my mouth to call out to her, but she's already vanished into the darkness and I know better than to believe a miracle just happened. She was an illusion, just a fragment of a fantasy, and it wasn't the first time I've imagined her. It was the millionth, maybe the billionth. The truth is, from the moment she disappeared, she's never really left my mind.
“What happened to you in there?” I whisper, watching the darkness ahead. “Are you still...”
My voice trails off as I feel a glimmer of hope in my heart. If Shannon disappeared one night in the forest, then I guess it's possible that she's still in there. And if she's still in there, then -
No.
Dumb, Rita, very dumb. This isn't some kind of childish fairytale. The only way Shannon could still be in the forest after all this time would be if she was a rotting corpse.
I shudder at the thought.
Still, I don't turn and walk away.
I can't, not yet.
Hope is spreading through my body again, twisting its roots and branches as it grows. I hate hope, hope hurts, hope always swells and then eventually fades, but I can't make it go away. Sometimes weeks pass and I feel like I'm stuck in a daze, but then something'll come along and give me hope that I might find Shannon, and I'm briefly energized again until it fades. And then the crash comes, leaving me feeling deflated and alone.
Until it starts up again some time later.
Sometimes, I wish my hope would just wither and die
.
But not yet.
Not tonight.
Not here, standing at the edge of the parking lot and at the edge of the forest at the same time, as if I'm caught between two worlds as I stare at the dark trees.
Already, I'm imagining what it would be like to follow Shannon's route and head home directly through the forest. I'm imagining dark, twisted trees rising up all around me, and I'm imagining creaking noises warning of company. I'm also imagining myself becoming increasingly scared, maybe even starting to run, maybe tripping on a stray tree branch and falling, and maybe getting to my feet just as something approaches from the shadows. Taking a deep breath, I tell myself that none of that would actually happen, and that most likely I'd get slightly scared, maybe a little lost, and eventually I'd emerge at the trailer park to find Scottie sitting on his steps as usual. I mean, that's what happens in real life, isn't it?
Or maybe I'd find out what happened to Shannon. Maybe the secret is waiting for me in the forest, in the one place I haven't yet dared to look. In the back of my mind, I've sometimes wondered whether I should check the forest, but something seemed to always distract me, as if some kind of force was gently steering my thoughts away from that idea.
Taking a deep breath, I realize it's time to make a decision.
“Okay,” I say out loud finally. “I know this is stupid, and I know it's probably a complete waste of time, but...”
I hesitate, and in just half a second I make my mind up, un-make it, make it again, and repeat the process a thousand times until -
Stepping forward, I set my left foot on the mulchy grass at the edge of the parking lot. Which, I guess, probably counts as the start of the forest.
“Sorry Shannon,” I say with a dry throat. “I know you told me never to do this, but...”
I pause, telling myself I can turn back. It's not too late. The forest isn't some magical place that claims my soul as soon as I set foot across the boundary. It's just a bunch of trees and dirt.
“Please don't be a mistake,” I whisper as I take a few more steps forward, making my way up the embankment until I stop and put my hand out, placing my fingers against the damp, cool bark of the first tree. “Please don't let me end up dead, or being chased by something, or getting lost forever.”
I push against the tree for a moment, but it feels pretty solid so I step past and start to make my way through the forest's edge. I can barely see anything, but my eyes are already adjusting to the darkness and I can just about make out each tree as I get to within a couple of feet; that, coupled with my hands held out in front of me, means I don't have much danger of actually bumping straight into anything. I walk cautiously, feeling my feet bogging down a little into the lumpy soil, and after a moment I realize I can hear my own breath much more loudly than before. Glancing over my shoulder, I spot the bright lights of the BarraBuy store in the distance, partially obscured now by the dark forest.
I could still turn back.
But I don't.
“Never go into the forest,” Shannon's voice whispers in my ear. “Promise me.”
“I have to,” I reply. “Anyway, it's your fault. If you hadn't disappeared, I wouldn't have to do this.”
For the next few minutes, I continue to make my way through the forest. I keep glancing back to make sure I can still see the store, which I guess is my way of telling myself that I can turn and run at any moment. The store's like my anchor to the rest of the world. Eventually, however, I look back and see nothing, and I stop and consider whether I should abandon this plan. I felt fine when the store was still in sight, but now there's nothing around me except pure, looming darkness and the threat of something approaching from any direction. At the same time, I force myself to remember that Shannon came this way, apparently multiple times, and she was fine.
Until one day she wasn't, at least.
I open my mouth to call her name, before telling myself that I shouldn't be so stupid. Still, the idea is tempting and I figure it's not like I'm going to alert some terrible monster to my presence. Taking a deep breath, I decide to just call out to her one time, just on the off-chance that it might change something.
“Shannon?” I shout, although my voice sounds painfully thin and weak, as if the forest air has stripped it to its core. I sound like a frightened kid. “Shannon?” I call out again, louder this time. “Are you here?”
I wait, but again all I can hear is my own breath.
“Of course you're not here,” I mutter, setting off again, putting a hand on each of the cold trees as I pass them. My eyes have adjusted a little more now to the darkness, and I can make out differing shades of shadow on the ground. I was hoping that the sun would have begun to rise by now, but when I glance up toward the sky I see only a starless void so I keep going, picking my way carefully between the trees as the ground swells slightly to form a slight mound and then dips, and I find myself heading down into what seems to be a natural groove in the soil.
Suddenly, I place a hand on one of the cold, wet trees and feel the bark giving way. My hand crunches through into the heart of the tree, as if the wood was rotten, and after a moment I feel something crawling between my fingers. Pulling my hand out, I hold it up in the darkness and spot hundreds of little shapes scurrying across the flesh.
“Gross!” I shout, brushing them away. At first I assume they're ants, but as they fall to the ground I realize that they seem to be larger and paler. As I get the last of them off my hand, I realize that they're maggots.
Barely able to see anything in the dark, I take a look at the damaged spot on the tree. Sure enough, little white maggots are wriggling through the soaking wet interior.
“Double gross,” I mutter, wiping my hand again as I start walking again. I'm pretty certain I got rid of all the maggots, but I can't help feeling the sensation of them still on my skin.
As I continue to make my way through the forest, I can't help becoming aware of the vast empty silence all around me. It's as if emptiness and loneliness are hanging between the trees, and I'm the first person to disturb this space for a long, long time. After a while I even start to notice a faint, earthy glow that I can't really explain, tinting the air all around. Maybe my lights have just adjusted really well to the darkness, but I swear I can see more than should be possible.
Figuring that I've been walking in a straight line for a while, I decide to head a little further toward the west in the hope that I'll eventually emerge at the edge of the trailer park. I know the odds of my route being that accurate are low, and that I'll more likely stumble out onto the main road and find I've gone too far or not quite far enough, but it's not like I'm trying to be totally specific. Still, I'm not nearly as scared as I thought I'd be, and I'm starting to feel as if maybe I was overreacting to the idea of the forest. After all, it's really just a bunch of trees in the middle of nowhere, and it's not like there's going to be anyone out here. I keep walking, starting to relax a little, and a short while later I become aware of the faintest lightening of the sky above. Looking up, I realize I can just about make out the tops of the trees, which I guess means that the sun is finally starting to rise.
And then I spot the shack up ahead.
Stopping, I squint slightly to get a better view. About a hundred meters ahead of me, there's what appears to be a small wooden building, and even from this distance I can see that its walls are pocked with gaps and that the roof looks to have partially collapsed. I glance around, to make sure that there's no sign of anyone in the area, and then I turn back to the shack and tell myself that I've simply discovered some kind of abandoned... thing. My instinct is to keep clear and to take a path that leads me well away from this place, but at the same time there's a part of me that knows I have to at least investigate a little further. Besides, there are no signs and nothing's warning trespassers to keep back, so I take a deep breath and start edging closer, while reminding myself that I can take off and run at the first hint of life.
When I get to the shack
I find that it's in a small clearing, with several trees having apparently been cut down nearby. The building itself has no windows on this side, although the wooden walls have split in a couple of places to reveal slivers of whatever darkness lies within. I step closer, constantly daring myself not to run, until finally I'm able to reach out and put a hand on the shack's wall. The wood feels wet and damp, as if water has soaked through over the years, and when I push a little harder I hear a sudden creaking sound. I step back, worried that I might have alerted someone to my presence, but silence returns and I remind myself once again that I can run at any moment.
A moment later I sense movement nearby, and I turn just in time to see Shannon stepping past me. She disappears before I can react, and I know she wasn't really there, but still...
Did she come this way once?
Am I getting closer?
Slowly, I start to make my way around the shack until I reach the front, where I find that although there's still no window, there is a wooden door. The latch has been left partially open, and when I reach out and give it a gentle push I'm shocked to find that the door starts to swing open, creaking as it does so.
Letting go, I take a step back.
The door is only partially open now, but I can see the darkness within. I wait, half expecting someone to suddenly burst out in a fit of anger, but there's no sign of life.
I should walk away.
I should just go home, and think about coming back another day, when there's more light.
Instead, however, I reach out and push the door open a little further, until I can see more of the darkness inside the shack. I wait for a moment, before stepping forward and leaning inside, although it's far too dark for me to be able to make anything out. I run my hand across the wall around the edge of the doorway, and after a moment I feel a small switch. I give it a flick, not expecting it to work, but a fraction of a second later there's a flicker of light above and I look up just in time to see a bulb coming to life, filling the interior of the shack with a faint, flickering glow.
