by Lisa Ladew
The opening door revealed a man dressed in black standing in Ivy’s living room with his back to Jen. He was talking on the phone, looking at a piece of paper in his hand. Jen could read some of it. —ton St. “Yeah we finally found it. The job will be done shortly. I haven’t heard from them. OK Boss, I’ll call you back in 10.” Jen slid in the door and closed it, stepping in the doorway to the right of the front door. The kitchen. Her foot caught on something heavy and she almost tripped on it. She looked down. Ivy’s doorstop, a cement elephant. She peeked out at the man in the living room again. He picked up a pillow off the couch, looked at it, then threw it down. “Hurry up, man!” He yelled down the hallway that led to the bedroom. “Boss wants us done and out of here. I know he said you could fuck her but you gotta be quick!”
Fireworks exploded in Jen’s brain. She shoved the gun in her pocket, picked up the cement elephant and took a silent step towards the man in the living room. He grunted and grabbed another pillow off the couch, a bigger one. She raised the heavy doorstop over her head, took three more steps and let her foot slide along the carpet. The man turned to look at her, surprise in his eyes, and Jen planted the cement elephant between his eyes. The crunch and the blood sickened her, but she swallowed the feelings. The man tottered on his feet for a second, then thumped to the floor.
Jen pulled her gun out of her pocket and held it in one hand. She kicked off her shoes and ran like a whisper down the hallway. Deja vu of that morning she discovered Adam flashed through her mind. She let it come and go without comment or interest. She could already see in the bedroom. She saw Ivy’s legs, completely relaxed on the bed. A man dressed in black, stood at the foot of the bed. His pants were loose around his midsection, his belt discarded on the floor. Jen sniffed quietly at a strong chemical smell. Something to knock Ivy out? The man put one knee on the bed. Only his left hand was visible. Empty. She couldn’t take a stand here in the hallway. He might drop onto Ivy, try to use her body as protection. She tiptoed all the way to the doorway, and watched him climb on the bed and push his pants down farther. Disgust and anger filled her, consumed her. She thumbed the safety off of her gun, trained the cross hairs right between his ears, and slipped behind him to the side of the bed, her eyes laser focused on him. “Stop moving or I’ll shoot you,” she said, her voice tightly controlled and full of threat. He jerked his head towards her, surprise on his face. Then his eyes dropped to Ivy. Jen flicked her eyes down, a pound of pressure already on the trigger. He had a gun in his hand. He moved it, quicker than lightning, towards Ivy’s head, words spilling out of his mouth. “I’ll shoot—” Jen’s eyes flicked back to him and she never hesitated.
Fire and noise filled the room. Jen narrowed her eyes against it, but never took them off of the monster on the bed. He fell sideways, towards the wall that was painted with his blood and brains. Jen reached out and pushed him with her gun, spilling him off the bed, but pulling the gun out of his hand as she did so. She moved around the bed so she could see him. He lay still, his pants loose and showing dirty white underwear. Jen chanced a look down the hallway to the living room. The other man’s feet lay exactly where she had left them.
Only then did she look at Ivy. Ivy’s eyes were closed and she could see no sign of injury on her. She was still fully clothed. With her gun still trained on the devil on the floor, she reached a hand out to Ivy’s chest. It moved up and down slightly under her hand. Jen finally let out the breath it felt like she’d been holding since she first pushed open the door. Thank God. Sounds of the world came rushing back to her in a flood. She heard feet pounding up stairs and shouts.
She looked down at the two guns in her hand. She put them on the floor in front of her and backed away from them as the shouts pushed in the apartment ahead of the people. “I'm a cop! Don’t shoot! I’m undercover!” she yelled as patrol officers spilled into the small apartment. She shot her hands up in the air and backed farther away from the guns. “I called you! I’m a cop! Hunter Foley is my handler! Don’t shoot!” She continued to call out her disclaimers even while praying that Hunter, Sadler, and Ryker were OK.
Chapter 21
Jen sat motionless, her head hanging low, her hair spilling between her knees. She could see the pinkness of it, and for the first time ever, she hated it. If everyone made it out of this alive, she would dye it back to its regular color tomorrow. And if someone died? Ivy? Ryker? Hunter? The thought chilled her to her toes. Then I’ll shave it off, she thought viciously, knowing it wouldn’t help or change anything. But why wouldn’t anyone tell her something?! She got up and paced the tiny room for the 300th time. The uniform cops had handcuffed her and hauled her out of Ivy’s apartment like she was the criminal. She’d almost ended up in a cell, but at the last minute the desk sergeant believed her story. She remembered him. He was the one who had told her where to sit down the day that she took her lie detector test. So instead she’d ended up in this room. They’d taken her phone, locked the door, and no one had been back for what seemed like hours. She opened her mouth to start screaming, start demanding someone tell her something, but closed it abruptly when the door handle turned. She backed behind the desk, her posture suddenly alert and tense.
Hunter! He looked bone-weary, but he was alive, and here to get her. Jen uttered a primal noise and launched herself at him. He caught her and hugged her. “You did good Jen, you did so good,” he whispered.
She pulled back and looked at him, her eyes fierce. “Ivy?”
“She’s fine. She’s in the hospital for observation. She’s awake and talking.”
“But the hospital might not be safe!”
“She has two uniformed guards outside her door. And Ryker is with her.”
Jen collapsed into him again. Everyone she cared about was safe. Hunter gently walked her into the room and sat her down. “You’re going to have to give a statement. I can be here but I can’t be the one to interview you.”
“I killed him didn’t I?”
Hunter nodded. “You killed them both.”
Jen froze. She hadn’t considered that she’d killed the one in the living room. The thought that she killed two people, even if they were monsters, speared through her consciousness, shaking her to her core.
“Am I going to be in trouble?”
“Not at all. No way. They broke into her house. They knocked her out with chloroform. Chances are good they were going to kill her.” He leaned forward. “And both men are on the FBI watch list. You’re a hero, Jen.”
Jen looked down. She didn’t feel like a hero. In her mind’s eye, she just kept seeing that man’s brains cover Ivy’s wall.
“What about the two men at my house?”
“They’ve both been arrested. Neither is talking yet.”
“What about Coleton?”
“Coleton and the private investigator are in the cell block. But they’ll be released as soon as we get your statement, if what they said matches what you say.”
A rush of new emotion flooded Jen at hearing Coleton was in the cell block. He’d just tried to help her. And now he was paying for it. Guilt piled on top of guilt. “Did they say how they knew I was in trouble?”
“Coleton says he was going to watch your house all night. He says he was prepared to follow you for days. He’d asked the investigator to bring him a gun, which is why they both were on your street when they heard you scream.”
Jen shuddered, not wanting to think what could have happened if they hadn’t been there. Her eyes burned with hot tears that wouldn’t fall. Her throat squeezed tight, killing her emotions before they were born. All she felt was a kind of throbbing surrender laced with guilt.
“Are you ready to be interviewed? The sooner we do it, the sooner you can get out of here.”
“And go where, Hunter? Where am I going to be safe? I can’t go home.” A thought struck her. “My brother!”
“I’ve talked to your brother, and his girlfriend. They are in the lobby waiting to see you. They already boarded up
the house and are going to stay in a hotel tonight. There are a half-dozen people out there waiting for you actually, two of them are FBI agents who said you can stay with them.” Hunter looked at her questioningly.
Jen smiled to think of them all out there waiting for her. But then guilt choked her again. It was what? Two or three in the morning? “They are my brother’s friends.”
“You can stay with them. Or you can stay with your brother. His girlfriend is the famous former-spy from that secret agency, right?” Jen nodded.
“They are all willing to take you. And they certainly can keep you safe. Although I’m starting to think that we should stick together. Me, you, Ivy and Ryker.”
Jen looked at him questioningly. “What about Sgt. Sadler?”
“He doesn’t believe there is any danger for him.”
Jen nodded, glad.
“So we should go to the hospital?”
“I think that tonight, we should go to a hotel, tomorrow, maybe a safe house. When Ivy is released she and Ryker can come to us.”
Jen nodded. She didn’t know who she would feel better with. Hunter? or Sara. Maybe both.
“Am I still in danger?”
Hunter nodded, in opposition to his words. “We don’t know Jen. What we all need right now is some sleep, so we can examine the situation clearly.”
“OK, let’s do this interview so everyone can get out of here.”
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
***
Three hours later, Jen finally escaped the police department. She walked out to the parking lot, barely under her own power. Jerry’s arms were around her and he squeezed her hard enough to almost lift her off the ground. Sara and his friends flanked them. They fussed over her. Everyone hugged her. Emma kissed her on the face a dozen times. Hawk chucked her on the arm and told her how brave she’d been. Finally the group broke up, most everyone returning to their separate cars. Jerry, Sara, and Hunter formed a protective knot around Jen. She was too tired to wonder if there was danger even here, in the police department parking lot.
“The downtown Hilton?” Jerry asked. Jen looked up, then realized he was addressing Hunter.
He shook his head. “Not enough exits. I say we stick with the BayView, and ask for something on the second floor, with adjoining rooms.”
Jerry nodded and released Jen to Hunter with a final kiss. Hunter bundled her into his truck. Her legs felt leaden. Her eyelids drooped. But her brain seared with molten thoughts that threatened to keep her awake for weeks. Or years. Jen retreated in on herself, each thought burning her more.
At the hotel, Jen slumped in the seat, not wanting to get out of the truck for check-in. Wall. Brains. Blood. She couldn’t unsee it. Somehow she ended up in the hotel room. “We’ll be right over here, Jen. You can sleep in our room if you want, or come get me if you need me,” Jerry told her from the adjoining doorway. Jen nodded, not really hearing him.
Hunter double-checked the locks on the door, then pushed some sort of a wedge under the crack in the door. “That’s an alarm. We’ll hear it if someone tries to get in.”
He climbed on the bed farthest away from Jen, fully clothed, and on top of the covers. Jen shut her eyes, waiting for him to fall asleep so she could be alone.
An eternity later, she opened her eyes, sure he would be asleep. He was staring at her, his eyes boring into her.
“You feeling guilty?” he said.
Jen was startled into a nod. Brains and blood, blood and brains separated him from her.
“Are you watching it happen in your mind?”
Again she nodded. The brains and blood fell away just a little bit.
“Did you ever kill anyone?” she asked him, her voice small and afraid.
“Yes. Six years ago. I still think about it. I still see it.”
The images fell away for the first time all night, but a feeling of horror replaced them. “Six years of this. I’ll die.”
He shook his head. “You won’t. You did a damned fine thing tonight, Jen. But even though you did the right thing, even though you had no choice, even though you saved someone’s life, the taking of life will still haunt you for a while. But not forever. There’s ways to cope with it. I can help you. The department shrink can help you.”
She shook her head. “I’m going to quit in the morning. I’m not cut out to be a cop.”
Hunter sat up and swung his feet to the ground in an instant. Within three seconds he was at her side on the couch. He took her hands. “You are cut out to be a cop. You should be feeling this way. Anyone who kills someone should feel this way. If they don’t they are dead inside. But it won’t always feel this bad. This raw. You need some sleep. You need to see the sunshine. You need to talk to Ivy and hear her thank you. Things will look better, will feel better tomorrow. I promise you that.”
Jen tried to believe him. She opened herself to his words and tried to shove them into her soul. Tomorrow seemed so far away. Sunshine felt like a lie. But she did feel some of the crushing weight on her heart roll off. “Can you keep saying things like that, Hunter? It’s helping me.”
She scooched closer to him as he talked and dropped her head to his chest. His warm and broad chest. She could feel the vibrations from his words coming through his muscles to her cheek. He felt alive, soothing. Little by little her throat loosened. Her breath came deeper. And the tears finally spilled. His words didn’t matter anymore, but she swam in them anyway. He put his hand in her hair and rocked her as she cried. Quiet tears. Sobs muffled by his chest. Finally they dried up.
Jen pulled back a little, her face wet. His shirt was soaked with her tears. He handed her a tissue and she wiped her face, then tried to dry his shirt. “Sorry,” she said, and looked up at him.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, his full lips tilting into a tiny smile that was all for her.
Jen’s brain felt cleansed out and done with thinking. So she didn’t think. She leaned forward and pressed her lips on his, closing her eyes to better feel the wonderful tingles that spread throughout her body as her skin glided over his.
Hunter stiffened, but didn’t pull away. And then he kissed her back. He pulled her to him by her upper arms and she eagerly climbed onto his lap, straddling him. Fire, a new fire, a hot, cleansing fire shot down her spine. She felt she couldn't get enough of him. She wound her fingers in his dark hair and smashed her mouth onto his, lust driving out every horrible thought she’d had in the last six hours.
Her tongue touched his, hesitantly at first, then ardently. His taste drove her wild. She pulled up his shirt and ran her hands over his hard chest muscles, wanting to touch all of him. Wanting to run her tongue over every inch of him.
And just like that he was gone. Jen uttered a protest and opened her eyes. He’d twisted out from underneath her and stood up. “Jen, stop, we can’t.”
Jen stood up too and pulled him to her. “We can Hunter. Please. I want to. I want you.”
“No Jen, look, your body is just wanting your brain to forget. It isn’t real. You’ll regret it tomorrow. I don’t want you to regret anything.” He held her firmly away from him.
Jen twisted in his grip and tried to get closer. “I won’t regret it. I’ve wanted this for weeks. I’ve wanted you for weeks.”
Hunter groaned in passion and surrender and his grip loosened. She pushed up next to his body again and kissed his chest, tried to take his shirt off. He stood still and let her rain kisses on any bare skin she could find, just for a minute, then gathered himself and tried again.
“Jen, I’m still your boss. There are rules. I could lose my job. You could lose your job.”
Jen kissed his neck and pulled at his shirt, her breath coming faster, her mind clear and focused. “I won’t tell anyone. I’ll take it to my grave. Please Hunter, please. I want this. Do you want me? Even a little?” He groaned again and dropped backwards a step. Jen chanced a look at his face. It writhed in masculine indecision. Jen stood on tiptoe and kissed him
again, trying to tip him the way she wanted him. She crept a hand downward, and felt him through his pants. His cock was fully erect and pushed hugely against his zipper. She fumbled with his top button, wanting to cut through his resistance the most direct way she knew how.
He pushed her back again and sat her on the couch. Jen looked at him, her chest heaving, fire in her eyes. “Jen, I want you. You don’t know how badly I want you. But right now is not the time. As wonderful as it would be, it would also be tainted. I don’t want to have that hanging over us. If you really do want me, you can have me when I’m not your boss anymore. And then it can be perfect. And you deserve perfect.”
Jen threw herself backwards against the couch and looked up at the ceiling, breathing heavily. God Damn him for being so noble. And God Bless him for being so noble. She wanted him even more, if that was possible. He stood before her, regret clearly on his face, but integrity also stamped there.
“Can you just hold me then?” she asked, thinking that maybe she could sleep if he held her.
“Gladly.” He bent and took her shoes off gently, smiling lightly into her eyes. Then he gathered her into his arms on one of the beds, and they slept spoons for five hours. Jen deeply, and blessedly without nightmares.
Chapter 22
Jen woke all at once, her eyes flying open, the images back, taunting her. And then she felt Hunter’s arms around her. She relaxed into them, willing the blood and brains to fade again. Hunter must have realized she was awake. He pulled away from her. She could feel embarrassment trickling off him in waves. She could hear it in his movements behind her. Tears threatened. She didn’t want that. She couldn't stand it if he distanced himself from her.
