by Amy Jarecki
Once inside the chamber, she stood clutching her arms tightly across her midriff while Mrs. Abernathy stoked the fire, drew the drapes, and pointed to the bowl and ewer with soap and drying cloths, and then to the privy closet. Now that Aiden was no longer by her side, Maddie backed against the wall and watched while the servants brought in a tub and filled it with buckets of water. One brought in a dressing gown, new stays, new shift, and a new kirtle and arisaid.
“How did you ken I’d need these things?”
The woman watched the servants officiously. “Lord Tullibardine ordered them in his missive.”
Nodding, Maddie tried to smile in gratitude.
Each one regarded her as they walked past. She read pity and disdain in their expressions.
After the last servant left, Mrs. Abernathy faced Maddie, wringing her hands. “You have been through quite an ordeal, have you not?”
A tear rolled down Maddie’s cheek as she nodded. Mercy, she felt numb.
“Can I help you into the bath?”
“I’ll do it.” She wiped her eyes. “Is there a comb?”
“There’s one on the table beside the ewer, and a dressing gown over the chair when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.”
Maddie waited until the woman left before she began the process of peeling off the layers of fetid clothing—garments she’d been wearing for ages—garments soaked in blood, sweat, grime, and the putrid things the citizens of Edinburgh had thrown at her.
With each layer stripped came a flood of tears. All her life she’d been an outcast, a pustule on the face of society. She’d tried to be strong. Every single day of her life, she’d tried to be a good person, tried to help others, tried to bear her burden by holding her chin high. But she couldn’t do it anymore.
As she sank into the warm water, her stomach convulsed. It felt as if someone had reached down her throat and pulled out her insides. She clutched her fists to her mouth. Her throat burned with her silent wail. Curled into a ball, she huddled in the tub with her mouth barely above the water. She wanted to drown, but the raw memory of being choked with the vinegar-drenched rag prevented her from sinking any farther.
Rocking, wallowing in her wretched misery, Maddie cried and cried and cried, until there was nothing left. Wrung out to the edge of her wits, she sat in the now-cold water and stared at nothing, unable to move.
“Maddie?” Aiden’s voice came through the door timbers.
“Go away,” she croaked, her voice hoarse and raw.
“You’ve been in there for hours. Do you not want to eat?”
She shook her head once, too tired to speak again.
When Aiden entered, she closed her eyes and sank deeper into the water, her teeth beginning to chatter.
After staring for a moment, he turned and bolted the door. “I shall wash your hair as you did for me.”
She cast her gaze to the water. The mop was so matted, she’d be better off shorn. When she didn’t move, he placed his hand on her shoulder and coaxed her forward. Maddie closed her eyes while his fingers massaged up a lather. He seemed to know not to speak. His hands worked quickly yet gently. He washed everything from her head to her toes, and Maddie let him, sitting there like a lump. Once she was clean and rinsed, he dried his hands on a cloth and sat back.
“Are you ready to step out of the tub?”
Though shivering, she couldn’t make her body move, still couldn’t raise her head or look at his face. “I am unworthy of your care, m’lord,” she whispered, blinking back tears.
He took up a cloth and stood. “I beg to differ. Come. I’ll dry you and then we shall wrap you in a warm dressing gown and I’ll have some broth brought up.”
She straightened her spine, but that was all the movement Maddie could muster.
“Och, what did they do to you in there?”
She didn’t want to talk about it. “’Tis over.”
“You’ll catch your death if you remain in that cold water.” As the words left his lips, Aiden sank his arms into the bath and hauled her out dripping wet. Ashamed, she crossed her arms over her breasts and leaned into him.
He set her on a chair near the fire and rubbed her dry. “I’ve seen this with soldiers. They fight like the devil, but once they’re back in the mainstream of life, they feel lost.”
Maddie nodded, her teeth still chattering. That was how she felt, completely lost. “I’m a misfit.”
He shook out the dressing gown and wrapped it around her shoulders. “You are an angel.”
“They all stared at me like I was a leper.”
“Who?” He pulled her to stand and coaxed her arms through the sleeves, then tied the sash.
“The servants.” Her teeth stopped chattering.
Wrapping his arms around her body, he ran his palms up and down her back. “Nay, they just need time to come to know you is all. Not a one kens what you’ve been through.”
She shook her head. “Nay. I’m a freak.” Her tongue was tied, jumbled by all the things she wanted to scream out loud. She clutched the robe closed, listening for odd noises as she’d done in prison. What if they came after her? She’d die if they locked her up again. “I’m so afraid.”
Aiden led her to a stool and urged her to sit. “I will not ever let you out of my grasp again.” He picked up the comb and started working the knots out of the ends of her tresses, being meticulous yet gentle. “A piece of me died when the dragoons took you away.”
A lot more than a piece of me died after a month in the bowels of hell. She closed her eyes against the fear. “I do not ken if I’ll ever be the same again.”
“It will take time, my love.”
Keeping her eyes closed, she shook her head. “You cannot hide me here forever. Eventually the queen’s men will discover I’m alive.”
He smoothed gentle fingers over her hair. “I pray in time you will run through the fields of Blair Atholl with your golden tresses sailing in the wind.”
Maddie couldn’t imagine ever again running free without a care. She glanced at Aiden in the looking glass. He was a marquis, an important peer of the realm. And what was she? A wretched bastard.
Chapter Thirty-Six
As usual, Aiden found Maddie in the library, sitting with her ankles crossed on the bench built under the recessed window. Over the past sennight it had become the only room she visited aside from her bedchamber. She’d even taken all her meals in her chamber. Though he knew it would take time for her to recover from her ordeal, he worried. She’d become so withdrawn. Her unabashed smile, her quick wit, and her relish for life had faded like an old watercolor.
On the outside she appeared much the same as the Maddie he knew, though thinner. And now when he looked into her eyes, he saw terror lurking there, and he was powerless to replace the darkness with joy.
The few times he’d tried to touch her, she’d been guarded—a pat on the shoulder, a squeeze, gentle lips pressed to her forehead Magdalen permitted. But she shrank away from anything more intimate.
She didn’t look up from her book as he approached. Very unlike her as well.
“What are you reading today?” he asked.
She turned the cover so he could see. “Hamlet.”
“Do you like Shakespeare?”
She shrugged. “I suppose.”
There was just enough room at the end of the bench for him to sit. “I used to read here when I was a lad. ’Tis quiet.”
“Aye.”
Tapping his fingers on his knee, he peered out the window. “It looks as if we might see some snow.”
“Oh?” she gave another monosyllabic response while turning a page.
Aiden sighed. “I’d like it if you joined me in the dining hall for your nooning.”
She glanced over the top of her book with panic written across her features. Her eyes grew wide like a doe’s.
“Please. It is only one floor below. I shall escort you there myself.”
Her lashes fluttered. “Wou
ld it make you happy?”
“Very.”
She closed the book—a good sign. “And you’ll accompany me?”
“Indeed I will.”
“M’lord.” Thomas strode into the library with a missive in his hand. He held it out. “It bears the seal of the Earl of Seaforth.”
Maddie looked on while Aiden ran his finger under the red wax. He inclined the parchment toward the sunlight to keep her from seeing its contents, but she leaned closer.
There wasn’t much said—he’d met with the Earl Marischal to tell him the bird had flown to Blair—secret code for “Maddie is safe.” Her father had started an investigation into the cause of the accident, and the admiral had ordered all troops on land and sea to detain the Marquis of Tullibardine upon first sight and ferry him to London with haste.
Gasping, she covered her mouth.
Aiden took note of the date—the news was only a sennight old. Seaforth had sent it with great haste. He looked to Thomas. “Has there been increased redcoat activity in the nearby townships?”
“Benjamin’s retinue rode in but an hour ago. Campbell’s dragoons are in Dunkeld asking questions.”
“What kind of questions?”
“About your whereabouts.” Thom’s gaze shifted to Maddie. “And if they’ve heard anything about Her Ladyship.”
She clenched her fists at her temples and cringed. “’Tis my fault. I should have asked Reid to push me over the side of his galley and do away with the pretense of my death.”
Aiden tossed the missive on the table and hastened to her. “No, no, no.”
“But I have ruined you for certain.”
He grasped her hand and squeezed. Hard. “Dammit, woman, I told you before that everything I have done, my every action, has been of my own volition.” Standing, he pulled her to her feet and looked to Thom. “Saddle two horses and outfit a pack mule with as much food as it will carry. Send Mrs. Abernathy to Lady Magdalen’s chamber to help Her Ladyship pack a traveling bag.”
“Straightaway, m’lord.” With a bow Thom marched out the door.
Aiden turned to Maddie. “Go to your chamber and collect your things. Can you do this for me? I have one thing I must do before we ride.”
“But where are we going? Will they not find us?”
He eyed her intently. “No. They will not.”
“I thought we were safe here.”
“Aye, the Atholl guard will keep us safe. I just fear for the other souls in my care. I cannot risk retaliation against my clan. In the mountains my men will make use of God’s fortress. Now haste ye.”
Maddie set her book aside and watched Aiden march out of the library. How much longer could she expect him to risk his life for her? By all that was holy, the man had already earned a sainthood on her behalf. Standing, she turned until she was peering out the library window. In the distance a mighty river coursed through Atholl lands. The wind blew hard this day, and leaves scattered. But the trees were bare, all except the pines.
No longer could she hide. No longer could she allow Aiden to risk his reputation or his life for her. He was a marquis and heir to one of the greatest dukedoms in all of Britain. He could not throw away his future because he’d fallen in love with a societal misfit.
She lived with the yoke of fear drowning her. She couldn’t sleep. Every creak of the old castle made her cower.
She made a snap decision. Then she raced through the passageway, down the stairs, and out the nearest door. A cold wind picked up her skirts and chilled her to the bone. Gaining her bearings, she ran for the river. She sprinted as fast as her legs would move, the icy air burning her lungs.
Maddie would never return to London, and vowed she would never again suffer in Edinburgh’s jail. Moreover, she would never ruin Aiden Murray, Marquis of Tullibardine.
Her actions were taken out of love for him. A woman of her rank would only be an anchor around his neck. On and on she ran. Catching her toe on a rock, she stumbled and hit her knee.
Wincing, she looked at the damage. Blast, blood streamed down her shin.
I cannot stop.
With a hiss she swiped the blood away and forced herself to stand. When she took a step, her knee buckled. Clenching her fists, she urged herself to move forward and nearly went cross-eyed from the pain.
I’ll allow only a wee moment.
She leaned forward and braced her hands on her thighs, breathing deeply while the pain subsided. At least she’d made it halfway. When she started again, she limped but nonetheless was able to carry on.
It served her right to be injured. Who was she to hide in the great Blair Castle? Tears stung, but she wiped them away and ground her teeth. She’d done enough crying, wallowed in enough of her own misery.
Reaching the bank, she stood and watched the river swirl. Water rushed loud and fast, the force of the wind making white-capped waves.
A hollow void as black as the midnight sky spread through her chest. She buried her face in her hands and asked the Lord for forgiveness. Begged for understanding.
She slipped her foot forward. A splash of freezing water leaped up and soaked her shoe.
Taking one last breath, she stepped into the torrent and dived for the deep rushing water.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Damnation, woman, you will be the death of me!” Aiden shouted above the rush as he hauled Maddie from the river and threw her across his horse’s withers. Thank God he’d caught her before she’d sunk past her knees. The water was so cold ice wouldn’t melt.
“No!” she screamed. “I can no longer burden you.”
The buttocks prone to him were too goddamned tempting. He spanked her with a hard slap. “I will decide when and if you ever become a burden.”
She cried out and gave his thigh an ineffectual smack. “But I am ruining your life. I am putting you in danger.”
“Damnation,” he growled. “How many times do I need to say I am already in deep? We are in this together, whether you like it or not.”
“You are being foolish.”
“And you’re not? Jesus Christ, you want to drown? You want to end your life? Do you have any idea how much that would have cut me to the quick?”
“I—”
“Don’t you ever do anything so foolish again.” He resisted the urge to spank her once more before he pulled the horse to a stop at the stables. “Promise me!” he shouted so loudly the sound even made him jolt.
“Forgive me,” she said softly, but not like a simpering fool. Aye, some of the old Magdalen still lurked somewhere in her heart, and he vowed to find it again.
After helping her slide to her feet, he hopped down and pulled her into his embrace.
“No.” She shook her head and pushed his chest, but Aiden was far stronger than this wisp of a lass.
“Can you not see how much I love you?” Grabbing her chin, he glared into her eyes, but when he saw so much fear in them, he hesitated, licking his lips. “I love you. Did you hear me?”
“Aye,” she whispered. “I love you more than life.”
About to burst, Aiden lowered his lips to hers and kissed. He plied her mouth with everything he was worth, showing her how he could be gentle, how much he adored her, and how reverently he worshiped her.
For the first time since he’d brought her to Blair Castle, Maddie softened like clay in his arms, responding to his kisses. Dear Lord, the lass had been to hell and back. Aiden only prayed this mess would soon be set to rights. With Reid Seaforth and the Earl Marischal working to clear her name, his hopes stretched higher than ever before.
Taking a deep breath, he leaned his forehead against hers. “We must go.”
“I’ll follow you anywhere… until…”
“Until?”
“You no longer want me.”
“Such a day will never come. I swear it.”
When Aiden kissed her, it was as if a spark restarted her heart, as if life began anew, and Maddie’s heart swelled while she rode behind him throu
gh the thick woods, climbing into the mountains. The air grew cold and she could see her breath, but with the gloves and sealskin cloak Aiden had given her, she was comfortably warm. By dusk they had arrived at a wee cottage nestled alongside a loch. Surrounded by enormous trees, the cottage made a picture bonny enough for a portrait.
After entering the clearing, Maddie pulled her horse to a stop. “There’s smoke coming from the chimney.”
Aiden gave her a semblance of a smile—rugged, yet still angry. “My men had a half-hour head start.”
“Who kens we’re here?”
“Thom and Benjamin. I trust both of them with my life.” He dismounted, then held his hands up and slowly guided her to her feet. “We’d best go inside.”
Trusting him, she nodded and let him take her hand.
“I hope you like it. John and I spent many a summer’s day here as lads.”
“And no one kens this place is here?”
“Few. Da uses it for hunting. The inner circle of Atholl men have been here, otherwise no. My father is a private man, believes it is important to keep some things hidden from the rest of the world.” Aiden opened the door and ushered her inside.
Maddie moved to the center of the cottage and rubbed her hands. Above, an oil lantern cast a golden glow. At one end was a stone hearth with a blackened iron cooking grill and utensils. Before it stood an oblong table with a bench on either side. On one side of the hearth was an old rocking chair, and across from that a stool.
At the far end of the cottage was a box bed, wide enough for two. Her heart fluttered as she moved toward it, her feet skimming a dirt floor. Feeling warm for the first time in months, she unfastened her cloak and let it slip across one arm. “’Tis homey.”
“I ken it is rustic as the Highlands. Nothing like the castle, but—”
“I like it better than the castle. I have no idea why, but I feel safer here.”
He took her cloak and tossed it atop the box bed along with his. Then he pulled her into his arms. “There’s one more thing we must do before I can let the men return to Blair Atholl.”
