by Renee Tyler
I sucked in a shuttering breath. My stomach leaped. My hand immediately flew to my abdomen in a futile attempt to hold it steady. I’m stunned with the realization that he’d planned on feeding me and sending me on my way. I jump up from the bar stool and run towards the stairway to make my way back up the stairs. I don’t need him to even finish. I already know what he’s going to say. I just want to get out of here before the tears fall. Before I can make it to the stairs, he grabs my hand and I pull away, continuing my sprint up his spiraled staircase.
“L’oriel,” he calls. I don’t look back as I run up the stairs with him on my heels. He almost catches me when I reach his bedroom door. However, I quickly pull my body through the door and immediately close and lock the door. I rest with my back against the door. I don’t even know why I ran. I just needed to get away from him as quickly as possible, and running was just the first thing that popped in my head.
“Dammit. L’oriel. Would you let me in? I’m not about to hurt you. I don’t even know why you took off like that,” he pleads from the other side of the door. I push off the door, then turn to stare at it for a moment. What am I doing? I pace back and forth as I bite my nails. How am I going to get out of this house? If I don’t hear him utter the words we’re over, it won’t be true. Maybe if he has a couple of days to think about it, he’ll change his mind. I know I’m being selfish and irrational as hell. I should have told him. I didn’t even think about what he stood to lose being with me while I’m still legally married. I also didn’t think I’d begin to feel the way I did about him; now my omission could cost me.
“L’oriel. Please open the door,” he pleads again from the other side of the door. I quickly shuffle into my clothes and grab my bag, charger, and phone. I stared down at my black phone screen – still turned off from early this morning. It takes everything in me to resist the urge to throw it against the wall.
I’ve finally prepared myself to childishly stick my fingers in my ear and make my way out the door if I have to. I take a deep breath and swing the door open. I don’t see Troy standing outside, so I quickly jog down the stairs. His back is toward me, retrieving his keys from the counter by the garage door. I run toward the front door and quickly unlock it. With agility I didn’t even know I possessed, I quickly make it through the door and shut it behind me. I stand with my back propped against the door and catch my breath for a moment. Once my heart rate slows, I dart down the massive front lawn toward the road. In my haste, I miss a step and almost land in a ditch alongside the road filled with frogs. I catch myself just in time, and somehow jump over and land on the road. I know I look all types of crazy; then again, my rationale went out the window as soon as I heard with that being said, especially since he hadn’t called me baby or little girl. I knew he’d already made up his mind to end us. I wasn’t as prepared to face reality as I thought.
I run up the road until my legs tire. The hot Georgia sun beating on my back causes me to slow my pace. I tell myself when I make it to the main road, I’ll call Marcus and have him pick me up. I hear a car approaching and walk further to the side so it can pass. When the black Porsche Panamera passes, then parks blocking my path, I know it’s Troy.
Damn…
Chapter 2
Troy
I put the car in park and jump out, halting her gait.
“L’oriel. What the hell are you doing? Why’d you just leave like that?” I’m staring at her, and she actually looks like she is trying to plan another escape. Does she think I’d hurt her? I don’t even know what I may have said that would make her think that I’d hurt her. I’m confused as hell. I’m standing here with nothing on but my basketball shorts and socks. I don’t even have shoes on.
I heard the front door beep, signaling either someone was coming in or leaving; then I heard it click shut. I walked back upstairs and saw my room door was open. Once back downstairs, I peered out the window of the great room. Next, I see L’oriel dashing across my lawn with the nimbleness of a gold medal gymnast. I stood there stunned for a moment; her behavior was unorthodox. I was trying to make sense of what was happening, then finally decided I better go after her before she passed out on the road. It took me a minute, because Jason took my damn truck. The next keys I could locate were to the Porsche. She has to know there’s a huge difference between driving and walking this road. She’ll pass out before she reaches the main road.
This can’t be my fucking life right now. I’ve never chased a woman. It’s hot as hell out here, and she’s about to try and walk. Where? In this damn hot ass sun, and for no reason at that.
“L’oriel. Please get in the car. I’m not about to let you walk around this sub-division in this sun,” I plead, prepared to pick her up and stuff her in the car if need be. I was expecting her to fight me on it, but she slumps her shoulders and gets into the car.
She’s quiet on the ride back up to my house. This has to be the most frustrating female I’ve ever dealt with. She failed to mention to me that she’s married, and she’s the one running off. If I hadn’t just so happened to pick up her phone this morning because it buzzed off the night stand—had that not happened, I wonder if she’d have ever told me. I care about her. However, I’m having a hard time with her not thinking telling me she was still married was information I needed to know. I’m not trying to be in any crazy ass relationships. I got enough of that with Alexis’ ass. I need to find out where L’oriel’s head is at, and quick before I get any deeper.
“You haven’t called me baby,” she mumbles. I almost have to ask her what she said again, her voice is so low. I pull my car into the garage and put it in park. I grab her bag and she follows me back into the house. I take a seat at the breakfast bar, while she stands uncomfortably by the door leading into the garage. I knew what she meant by that comment. She’s right; I hadn’t. Her omission of marriage has me fucked up. The plan was to tell her we need some distance until her divorce is cleared up. I woke up feeling like I need to put her on ice. She’s still talking to this man that she supposedly doesn’t want any more; then telling me he abused her, which I empathize with, but she’s not about to play me. I hadn’t even realized how insecure and self-loathing L’oriel was. How could she not feel she deserved someone to treat her right? I understand the way she grew up, as well as how her father treated her. I’m positive that’s what caused her to remain with a nigga like Shane.
However, if she’s over this man the way she says, why’s she still communicating with him? I mean, this joker was blowing her line up at the crack of damn dawn. If they’re over, why is he so comfortable calling at such an early hour? I know some women who really get off on guys beating them and treating them bad. If that is what L’oriel is into, this definitely stops here. I’m not one of those guys. I don’t need to put my hands on a woman. I damn sure don’t want a woman that wants me to put my hands on her. Plus, I’m not trying to invest a lot of time into building a relationship, then she ends up running back to her husband. Naw, she’s going to have to end that shit before she could even become a contender.
I saw the panic in her eyes when we were in the kitchen. She didn’t want me to speak it out loud that we need a break; but hell, what does she expect from me? I’m not the type of man that takes too kindly to lying. It took me a minute to recover from that with Alexis, and I don’t feel half as much for her as I feel for L’oriel.
I could have run a background check on her and found out myself. Nevertheless, I prefer honestly from the woman I intend on being with. I don’t feel like I should have to do that type of fact finding when I intend on entering into a relationship with someone, especially the kind of relationship I thought I wanted with L’oriel.
“No I haven’t,” I finally say. Her eyes are red-rimmed and she’s blinking, attempting to fight off tears.
“Why?” Her voice is strained. Her eyes tell me she’s ready for me to say what I knew she didn’t want to hear, but I knew it needed to be said.
“L’oriel. You h
ave some things you obviously need to clear up. Do you think a relationship is what you need right now?” Her mouth flew open, and the tears finally spill from her eyes.
“It’s over with him Troy, I swear. I don’t want a relationship with him anymore. I…”
“Look L’oriel,” I cut her off. “I don’t think a relationship is what you need right now. I know I pursued you. I know I was persistent in that pursuit. I should have asked more questions. It was obvious that you had some things going in the beginning, but I don’t think…”
“You don’t get to do that,” she cut me off.
“I don’t get to do what?” I questioned.
“Tell me how to feel…you don’t get to tell me how I feel, or what I need. I wasn’t thinking about a relationship. You’re right, you pursued me and now that I love you, you want to just end it? I’ll admit, I should have told you. I should have let you know in the beginning, and I’m terribly sorry for that. If you really want to end us, that’s fine. But you don’t get to tell me what I need or how I should feel.”
I was stunned; everything she said after saying she loves me went over my head. My eyes bulged when my ears and head completely computed what L’oriel said. Did she say she loved me? It seemed all the air extinguished from my lungs. I have to trump down the jubilation I feel in hearing her say those words. I know I love her too, but can I sacrifice myself again? I’d spent two years with Alexis’ conniving, fame whoring ass, then I’d just ended an over twenty-year friendship and business partnership. I’m still raw from that.
I’m not confident I can give L’oriel what she’s asking right now. She’s asking for an enormous amount of trust. She’s asking me to trust that she’s finished with her marriage, and isn’t interested in returning to her husband. How do you even begin to be okay with that, then function in a normal adult relationship? I mean, she’s still communicating with him. What could they still have to talk about? She said he abused and cheated on her, so who continues to speak to their abuser after escaping? Her willingness to maintain communication with him makes me think there may be more there than what she’s saying.
This makes me question if she’s even ready for a relationship? Especially one that I was hoping would lead to marriage. Is marriage even something she’s interested in revisiting again? Is she in the right frame of mind to nurture and facilitate any type of relationship? Mainly given how hers ended or hasn’t ended? Or how she conveniently never mentioned being married at all? Hell, I just chased her down from running like a madwoman through my sub-division.
“L’oriel, I’m not trying to tell you how to feel, but I’m saying. You are not out of your marriage. What kind of relationship can we have with that looming over us? Close that chapter of your life, and then maybe we can revisit being in a relationship with one another.” I know I’m coming off as cold, but I just can’t trust that she really knows what she wants right now.
She looked completely defeated. My heart lurched in my chest. I had to fold my arms across my chest to keep me from putting them around L’oriel.
“Maybe? So you’re saying once I get divorced, you may or may not want to start a relationship with me again?” I felt bad, but I wasn’t in the same place I was last night when I consoled her, despite my own feelings. L’oriel knowingly withheld pertinent information from me. I care deeply for her so I can forgive her, but she wants me to wait around while she settles up with her ex. Plus, I don’t want to put added pressure on her to pursue a relationship with me at the moment. It just didn’t seem right.
Okay, say she really wants to divorce. Once that’s over, what if she decided she doesn’t want a relationship at all? Then what? I’d feel more in love with a woman that now wants to sort her wild oats. She’s only been with one man, who was a man-child.
“What’s going through your head right now, Troy? You’ve been very quiet. I know I haven’t been very forthcoming. I do understand that you have some reservations right now. I’d like to know what they are so I can be given a chance to give you some insight. Then if you still don’t want me, then I’ll just have to deal with that,” she said, breaking through my reverie.
“L’oriel, it’s not that I don’t want you.” I pause and wipe my hands down my face. How do I put this? Do I love L’oriel? Yes. Am I willing to put myself out there for someone that I’m unsure will run back to her ex? Hell no. This is so hard for me. I’ve never fallen so fast for a female before. I’m so torn about hurting her. However, I can be putting myself in a position of distress. I had no desire to have a repeat of what I’d been through a year ago.
“How can I trust you going forward? How can I trust that you know what you want? I don’t covet putting time and energy into a relationship that may never go anywhere. I know what I want. Do you? Do you know what you want, L’oriel?” She nods her head in understanding then finally steps away from the door, walking towards the breakfast bar and settling on the opposite side of where I’m sitting.
“I get it. I understand, but I’m telling you that relationship is dead. I have no interest in getting back with Shane. Even if he gets himself together. I care for him because of the time we’d been together, and out of a sense of loyalty. But that’s it. I don’t want him. I don’t have any romantic feelings for him.” She pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues. “I have feelings for you that I’ve never had for Shane. I don’t have much experience with men or relationships, but I know what I feel. From the first moment I saw you, there was this magnetic pull. I tried not to fall for you. I tried to resist you. I remember one day we were on the phone, just talking about today’s music and artist. When we ended our call, I had to fight to not tell you I love you. Then I played around with the thought of loving you in my mind. I realized my heart had won. The love I felt for you just after a few months, it’s stronger than anything I’d felt for Shane in the entire ten years of our relationship. I want you, Troy. Only you.”
Large tears ran down her cheeks. I fisted my hands at my side so I wouldn’t reach up and wipe them away. I remember the day she’s talking about. I recall both of our long pauses when we said we’d talk later. Either she was a damn good actress, or very sincere. Her brilliant green eyes were pleading with me. This girl had gotten to me, so much so that I couldn’t dream of breaking her heart, even when risking my own. With frustration, I ran my hand down my face. How’d I end up here? L’oriel moves from around the counter and comes to stand between my legs.
“Does this end us?” she asks, beseeching me with her eyes. She attempted to put her arms around me, and I gently grab her wrist. When I see the hurt in her face that my rejection caused, I intertwine my fingers with hers.
“I wouldn’t say ended, but halted. It’s halted us.”
She picked at her breakfast. The truth was, I didn’t have much of an appetite either. I grab both our plates and scrape the remnants in the garbage disposal. I want to drown myself in music. I’d just received the track back that I was working on with the artist vocals and want to finish up. I know L’oriel is raw, but I need to take her home. The following day, I have some business out in LA for a couple of weeks. Being away should offer me a couple of weeks of reprieve. I need to put today into perspective and decide if I still want to rock with her. Right now, the only thing I can offer her is friendship; anything else needs strong consideration.
Chapter 3
L’oriel
I’d been going to work and coming straight home for the past two weeks. Today, Charity and Marcus followed me, determined to pull me out my funk and make sure I handle my business. They didn’t even understand why I’d went to work today. They’d taken the day off so they could prepare. We were all supposed to drive to Detroit so I could go to court Monday and sign my divorce papers. Mr. Barish didn’t have to appear, but he was even flying out as back-up and support. Everyone seemed to be ready for my marriage to end. I was too, but now that the time had come upon me, it felt very shallow. Before, I felt all I needed to become independent was to
be rid of Shane. Now, I was about to be free and it didn’t feel anything like I thought it would. I thought this archetypal weight would be lifted. Redemption didn’t seem so sweet when Shane was struggling. I couldn’t revel in his misery – even after all he’d done to me.
Charity and Marcus are literally following me through my condo as I sling my clothes off, leaving a trail from the living room to my bedroom. I hope once I reach my bedroom, I’m indecent enough to scare them off. I was down to my thong and bra and had no such luck. Marcus didn’t even shriek and look away when I tossed my bra, almost hitting him in the face with it. Rolling my eyes, I head for my bathroom and begin to run my bath.
“Girl, I know you don’t think your little titties were going to run me off. It’ll take more than that. Besides, I’ve seen better.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes again. I had a perfect pair of 36 C’s. He needs to quit playing. Gay or not, he knows he’s impressed.
“You’re not getting rid of us, Laurie. We let you sulk for two weeks. It stops today. I want my funny perky Laurie on this long ass car ride to Detroit,” I heard Charity mumble with her voice trailing away, as I’m sure she’s finding her way into my kitchen. I’d been bringing them food to work, and all it did was cause her to act like a stray cat. I’d been cooking like a mad woman. It was one of the few things I could do to take my mind off of Troy. I hadn’t been able to eat much, but I’d been cooking enough for an army.
I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since Troy dropped me off. He gave me that weak bullshit about being friends. Well, my friend hadn’t called me and I refuse to call him. He was the one who broke if off with me. Even though I messed up, I wasn’t about to kiss his ass. I’d done enough of that in his kitchen. I felt stupid and humiliated. I’d put it all on the line, told him I love him, and he still put me in the friend zone. Then, oh…God…I mean, what the hell was I thinking running out of his house the way I did? I almost couldn’t blame him for not calling. I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy.
