“Well, he will die,” I told her as my mind circled with too many thoughts and emotions. I looked at my hands. They were covered in Yesnia’s blood.
Mari reached out, taking my hands in hers before resting her face in my palms. “Blood of my blood,” she whispered. “He shed blood of my blood.”
The words resonated deeply inside me. Her pain was my pain just as mine was hers. This was what we had become. We were in this cyclone of hatred. Both of us broken, both of us beaten, and both of us defeated.
Chapter Two
Mari Belle
The pain was too much.
She was gone. I felt it. My heart shattered into a million pieces on a chilly Chicago day at a home that wasn’t my own, in a driveway I didn’t belong in.
In a matter of days, my entire life had been uprooted as Javi had me kidnapped and then had my daughter brought to me only for her to bleed out in front of me. Everything was lost because of the actions of my former lover and my brother. This wasn’t family. This wasn’t love. This was total destruction.
Aurelio had taken her lifeless body away. I remembered him from when he was dating Luciana so many years ago. He still looked the same, even today so much later in life. Once upon a time so long ago, he had loved Luciana Almanza. He also let her go. He knew the life he was leading led to death. He didn’t want that for Luciana. Too bad Maricio and Javier didn’t have the same amount of courage to let me go. If I could have saved myself, I could have saved my daughter.
Aurelio was the calm in the midst of my life’s storm.
He stood over Javi as I screamed asking him to let her go. I begged God, Mother Mary, all the Saints and anyone who was listening to save my daughter. No one was listening.
Maricio shot her in the back and drove away. She laid on the unforgiving concrete struggling to breathe. The noises would forever haunt my dreams.
This couldn’t be real.
My mind struggled to process what I knew had happened. I didn’t want to believe it. Aurelio convinced Javi to let him take Yesnia for help. What was only a matter of seconds felt like hours until Javi complied.
After Aurelio pulled away with her in the car, Javi stood and came to me. As he stood right there, pulling me up with him, I wanted him to hurt. I wanted him to feel my pain. I pounded on Javier until my arms were too heavy to lift. He took every blow without budging. I was gone. It was like I floated away from my body and I was watching everything play out. He carried me away. Her blood seeped into the concrete. It was still warm when I had dropped to my knees in front of her with Javi. I felt her blood that was spilled, it was on my hands after I took Javi’s. I had my daughter’s blood on me. My mind blanked as he took me inside.
I was numb.
I was lost.
I was drowning.
This couldn’t be real, could it?
In the midst of my pain, I made crucial mistakes by not paying attention. In moments, he had me shackled to the bed in a different room from where I was before. I hadn’t watched as he carried me in so I wasn’t even sure what part of the house I was in. He left me for a moment, returning with a cloth. He wiped away Yesnia’s blood as I watched it saturate the cloth. I wept. I couldn’t speak as he took yet another piece of my daughter from me.
I wanted to tell him to stop. I wanted to keep what I could of her with me. Except the more I saw the red of her blood, the more I broke inside.
The sadness overcame the fear. It didn’t matter what Javier Almanza, Maricio, or anyone else did to me. Nothing would be okay for me without Yesnia.
The room was empty except for the mattress and metal headboard I was trapped to. The room was as void as my heart. Taupe walls with no embellishments. The brown comforter covered brown sheets. It was all dull. So was my soul. My sunshine was pierced with a bullet by my brother.
“What are you doing?” I sobbed as the fear gripped me. Was he going to leave me? Would I be left alone wondering what was going to happen to my daughter? Until I was given complete confirmation she was dead, I could hold onto hope, right? I was a mess and couldn’t think straight.
Once again, I was stuck going through life with everything beyond my reach, out of my grasp, and spiraling out of control. I didn’t know what came next. I didn’t know where Aurelio had taken my daughter. Was she dead? Was she alive? Was she still fighting for air? I didn’t know anything.
“Javier Almanza, answer me!” I yelled with tears and snot running unashamedly down my face. “Where did he take her? Take me to my daughter!”
He turned to face me. His eyes were dark as stone. They were cold, he was distant, and completely shut down.
“Our daughter,” he corrected.
The tears flowed freely down my face. The sobs racked my body as I couldn’t control my emotions. “Please, Javi, take me to her. I can’t be away from her like this. She needs me.” I wailed as snot shot out of my nose. I didn’t care. I was a sloppy mess and it didn’t matter. The only thing I cared about was getting to my daughter.
He laughed in my face. “I had to be away from her. I had to be apart from my flesh. My child. Our daughter was kept from me.”
“Javi, please, she needs her mom.”
He shook his head. “She needed her father to protect her. To provide for her. She needed me and you kept her from me. What does it feel like, Mari?”
This was miserable. I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t form words. I couldn’t do anything but cry. “Please,” I begged. No other words would come out. I had so much I wanted to say but none of it mattered. I needed to be with my daughter.
“You got twenty years, Mari. I got a single moment. One fucking brutal moment in time. My moment is tarnished and covered in her blood. You have so much to hold onto and I have nothing. You owe me.”
With those words, he turned his back to me and left.
I was alone in a room I didn’t belong in. My daughter’s life was most likely over and I was chained to a bed. How was I going to get through this?
Closing my eyes, I felt ghost flutters in my womb like when she was inside me floating around, growing. I grew a life inside of my body. I grew her life. From the moment she was conceived, she has been my responsibility. Mine to love, mine to protect, mine to provide for, and mine to care for.
She was hurt. I was here and she was who knew where. Most likely, she was dead. I still felt her with me, but I heard her drowning breaths, I saw the blood on the ground. The chances of her surviving were small. Even if Aurelio got her to a hospital, we still needed a miracle. The reality of it crashed around me. My daughter was gone, my life was gone, and I was tied to a bed once again. What had I done so wrong in my life to have such a fate? Karma was a bitch, but what had I ever done to her? Certainly life couldn’t be this cruel.
This had to be a dream, a nightmare. It couldn’t be real. Yesnia couldn’t be gone. How would I go on without her? From the moment she was conceived, my life became hers. Everything I did was for her. Every sacrifice, every thought, every action. It was all for her.
Now, what did I have left to live for? What was I supposed to do? There was no relief in sight. There was no peace to be found.
Every hair on my head hurt.
I blinked. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw hers. I saw his. I saw mine.
Yesnia was everything good I had ever shared with Javier. She was everything good in my entire existence. She was always so kind, so sweet.
When she was little, if I got even a simple headache, she would climb in bed beside me. She was my caregiver girl. Always wanting to take care of everyone else. She would lay there even as a tiny toddler and stroke my head trying to soothe my pain.
Who would soothe my pain now?
I hadn’t lived a life full of accomplishments. I was sheltered, hidden, and trapped. Yesnia was my world.
That world was no more.
In its place was a void.
An emptiness that couldn’t be filled.
A mother should never outlive her child
. How did things turn out like this? My mind raced. I wept.
I wept for my little girl. I wept for the beautiful young woman she had grown into. I wept for all the hopes and dreams that would never be realized.
I wept for her.
I wept for myself.
I wept for Javier.
I would not weep for Maricio.
My heart was empty, cold, and as dry as the desert we grew up in. There was nothing left for my brother. The blood that pumped through my veins may be the same as his, but we were tied no more. He was my brother no more. Nothing would ever be the same again. Nothing would ever be okay again.
Maricio Dominguez was my rival, my enemy, and my hatred ran far and wide.
For every tear that fell from my face, I wished for his blood to be shed.
“Mamá,” I cried out to the empty space around me. “If she is with you, take care of my baby.”
My stomach was twisted in knots. The pain was unbearable and cut deep into my soul. My little girl was gone. How could Maricio take her from me? How could he take her light from this world?
I had to believe Yesnia was in Heaven in my mom’s arms. “May you find comfort, baby girl. May you find peace.”
For there would be no peace for me ever again.
Parents weren’t meant to outlive their children. This wasn’t right. Nothing was right. My entire existence tilted in the blink of an eye.
It was over.
All the hopes and dreams. The thought of freedom diminished. Bound to the bed, I didn’t care. I had nothing to live for.
The chains were just like the ones Maricio used to keep me in place all those years ago. My life had come full circle with my daughter’s. As she grew inside my belly I was stuck in a room, held by a man I was connected to. A man I equally loved and hated. Now as she passed on to the afterlife, I was chained again. I was held by a man I once loved and now hated. As she grew, Maricio held me against my will. As she left this world, Javier kept me from freedom.
Hatred.
It ran deep.
It was a passion fueled emotion.
I knew it well, but never to the depths I felt it now.
My eyes cried until there were no tears left to shed.
The pain I felt ran deeper with every second that passed.
How could I go on without her? How was I supposed to live while she died on the concrete in front of me?
“Why? God, why my baby?”
Hatred.
I had it for everyone and everything, including God.
Like everyone in my life, He had betrayed me by taking my daughter.
Bitterness took root in my soul.
I was going to Hell and I accepted my fate. But I wouldn’t go until I took Maricio and Javier with me.
One thing I wouldn’t give them was power. No one would ever have the power to break me. Not Maricio, not Javi, and not even God himself. I had one mission left in life and it was to bring pain to those who hurt my daughter.
I was ready. No matter how long it took me, I would make them feel the pain I felt.
Chapter Three
Javier
“Do you want me to make the necessary calls to Father Mateo?” Aurelio asked into the phone as I fought to keep my emotions at bay.
“No. As her father, I’ll set up her memorial.”
I blew out a deep breath. This was too much, too hard, too painful. Too everything.
“Si, jefe.”
I didn’t reply. Instead, I disconnected the call.
Parents weren’t supposed to bury their children. I had paced the bottom floor of my house all night long. Mari’s wails could be heard on and off through the evening. I didn’t go back to her. I couldn’t. I needed to process this for myself. Aurelio had kept me informed and with each message my heart broke more and more until it was done.
This wasn’t how my life should be. I called the church. I scheduled the mass. Every obligation to my daughter was covered. Each call made, each respect given, and not a dollar spared.
I went home.
I existed.
One breath at a time, I inhaled and exhaled.
Lost.
Drowning.
The only thing keeping me going was my hatred. Anger drove me moment after passing moment to keep on.
Maricio ditched the car. I wasn’t surprised.
I would find him.
It was a matter of time.
Before I could seek my vengeance, I needed to grieve. Mari needed to grieve, and I would give her that respect as Yesnia’s mother. Then she would pay too. She wasn’t innocent in all of this and I would find my retribution against her as well.
Before I could let the hate consume all of me, I needed to lay to rest Yesnia Dominguez. I needed to find peace with the daughter I lost.
I called Aurelio. “Inform my sister of what’s gone down. Luciana will want too much from me right now. She’ll ask questions I’m not prepared to answer. Handle it then arrange for her to come to the mass alone. Let Anna stay in school. I don’t want to upset my niece about a cousin she never even knew she had. Tell my sister, her husband can stay at home.”
“Frederick won’t like this.” Aurelio told me what I already knew.
“I don’t give a fuck what Frederick likes.”
My brother-in-law worked for me. He knew my business. Maybe even a little too well since he was one of my accountants. He helped filter money so it would be clean, but he drove me nuts. Always trying to work higher in the hierarchy, he kept his nose up my ass as much as possible. It was pathetic.
I kept him around for my sister. If he wasn’t the one who had brought her to America, if he wasn’t tied to her through marriage, I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. He wasn’t a bad man. Honestly, he was too available, too convenient, and too eager to please. A man who could be that wrapped up in giving everything to someone else was dangerous. That was the kind of man who could be turned on a dime. He worked for whoever provided him the best opportunity. I never felt his loyalty. Luciana swore he had it and on her word I gave him his chance. He worked hard, but he was not my right hand nor would he ever be.
I paid for Anna’s education. There wasn’t anything my niece had to want for. She was my world. I cared for Anna as if she were my daughter since I didn’t know I had one. That was another regret to add to the list. Anna had no siblings. She and Yesnia could have been best friends. They could have had a wonderful life together. It would have given me a reason to have Luciana and Frederick in Chicago. Instead, I kept them away so that Anna could live her life not tied to my business. I did it for her safety. While I gave so much to Anna, what did Yesnia live with?
When Luciana first came to America, Frederick worked a regular office job. While they got by in life, they didn’t get ahead. Luciana used to call home and lie about their finances knowing I was taking care of Mamá. Luciana didn’t want me to worry about her, too. Except I did and when she told us she was pregnant, I stepped up by sending money to help her. When I finally took over from Paco, I gave Frederick a job within my world so that I knew without a doubt my sister wouldn’t have to struggle.
I could have done the same for Mari. Had I known, I would have made sure she had it all.
Anna went to the best schools and drove new cars. I always made sure she had a phone and could reach me anytime she needed anything. I doted on my niece.
Yesnia could have had that. I could have taken care of her. I could have given her the world. Maricio and Mari’s decisions robbed me of the opportunity.
Now I would take from them all that they had taken from me, and more.
Oh, so much more.
Thousands of regrets flooded my mind. Guilt was eating at me from the inside. I lost too much with my daughter. While Maricio played a part, I couldn’t let go of the fact that I should have tried harder. With the arrangements set, I returned to the room where I had left Mari.
She had passed out on the bed. Her eyes were swollen from the many tears she h
ad shed. I could feel her pain in the air between us.
It only fueled my anger more.
Going to her, she stirred. I unlocked the cuffs and yanked her from the bed harshly as she tried to gather her wits.
“Javi,” she croaked out my name.
“Figure you might want to use the facilities,” I barked as I escorted her to the attached bathroom.
I was harsh. I needed to calm down. Except every time I looked at her, I saw Yesnia. It was too vivid.
This was a guest room. The whole house was set up so each bedroom had its own bathroom. Luciana said that it would make visiting easier. I didn’t give a shit. Whatever my sister wanted, I gave her. She had her own room here, as did Anna. Only my niece visited more than anyone. Her room was possibly the only room in the entire house with pictures. She had even painted a mural on the wall in her teens. It was a phase Luciana had said. I didn’t care. If Anna wanted to be an artist, then I would have paid for her to travel abroad for art school. Anna had talent, though, and I supported whatever she wanted to do in life. Luckily for all of us, Anna wanted to remain with our family and even work for me after she finished school. I supported that as well if she chose to only because it was a way I could keep her safe..
Did Yesnia like to paint? I allowed myself the moment to picture a young Anna playing with Yesnia. The two could have been great friends. They could have done so much together.
I stood in the door as Mari went to the toilet. She glared at me. I didn’t budge.
“I can’t go anywhere,” Mari stated not hiding her anger.
I rested my hand on my hip, giving it to her straight. “You need to pee, pee. You gotta shit, shit. What you don’t get to do is tell me to leave.”
“I would like some privacy, please.” She hiccupped the last word, no doubt the reality washed over her again.
“No.”
Rather than argue, she squatted and did her business, washed her hands and looked at me with expectation.
Cartel Queen Page 3
