“They didn’t train you to kill mothers and kids, Ash. Despite what you know now, when you looked at her at that moment, that’s what you saw. Hindsight gives too many opportunities to say, I should’ve done this or that without really taking into account what was going on at the time.”
“Yeah, well, that hesitation cost too damn much. Domingo shoved me, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the middle of a firestorm. Rubble had me pinned down. A truck was on fire and when the tank blew, it was going to take me with it. Domingo was dead, staring at me no more than a foot away. And that fucking fire kept snaking closer, moving so damned fast. There was nothing I could do to stop it, not even when it reached me.” He ground his teeth together. “I couldn’t move.”
Eli’s eyes darkened as his fingers traced the scar on Ash’s side. “Jesus, Ash.”
“I think the anticipation was almost worse. As soon as it reached me, Mike was there, yanking me out from under the rubble, carrying me free. He wound up in the hospital with me, both of us with shrapnel and burns. Mike saved my ass.”
Ash’s throat closed up. “Damn, Eli, you’re going to think I’m the biggest jerk-off fucker in the world, but when I heard about Mike and Kurtis….” He stopped, unable to say more.
Eli cocked his head, his brow furrowing, his fingers stilling. “What, Ash? You had a thank God moment or something? That Kurtis hadn’t died instead?”
“How’d you know?”
“You’re human, Ash. Just because you had that momentary thought doesn’t mean that you wanted Mike dead or that you weren’t grateful for what he did for you. It doesn’t make you any of those things you’ve been calling yourself. Is that why you got drunk?” Ash nodded, and Eli slid his hand around the nape of Ash’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. “You were a man who was hit with the terrible truth of one friend dead and another hurt. Ripping yourself to shreds isn’t going to bring Mike back.”
“Not agonizing over it is easier said than done,” Ash whispered, blinking away the stinging in his eyes. “He deserved more.”
“That could be said for a lot of people.” Eli relaxed against him, curling his arm around Ash’s waist. It absolutely amazed him that there was no condemnation in Eli’s eyes, no disgust. It made Ash wonder if there had been more behind those words that Eli spoke in the heat of passion. Maybe Eli did love him back, Ash just wasn’t sure. “But you brought his brother when he never would’ve known that Mike had died. Maybe that will balance out your sense of karma.”
“Maybe.” Ash trailed his fingers through Eli’s hair then turned, bearing him back to the bed and pinning Eli under him. “I think you balance me more.”
“You’re pretty balanced all on your own, Ash. You don’t need me.”
“Bullshit. I need you plenty.” Ash glanced at the clock and decided they still had a little time before he had to go to the hospital. “Let me show you.”
Chapter Twenty
Only two more weeks and the semester would be over. Eli stole a glance at Ash, who had his head together with Nori as they went over the final points for their joint presentation. Ash would keep her from holding back out of shyness. Anybody else in the class would’ve overwhelmed her with the force of their own personality, whether they meant to or not.
Ash glanced up and gave Eli a quick wink and a grin, filling him with a rush of warmth. Two more weeks, and he could be with that man openly. He couldn’t wait. Well, maybe he should wait until grades were posted, but that was only another week. Three weeks seemed like forever.
It didn’t help that Eli was still trying to work out how Ash felt about him. The man had opened up quite a bit since they’d been in DC. He wasn’t the kind of man to usually talk about himself, and Eli hadn’t realized how much Ash had held back until he started sharing. It wasn’t much, little tidbits about himself that he hadn’t offered before. More talk about his admiration for Sheriff Cooper. Nothing about his future plans, though.
Now that Kurtis was responding to therapy and he’d been able to keep his leg, Eli didn’t have the same reservations over talking about their future. He’d have to ask Ash about that job offer over dinner tonight. That wasn’t the only good news. There had been no more break-ins or blackmail notes; Britton had even stayed away. This was almost the life he’d dreamed of for himself. His gaze drifted to Ash once again. He was worse than a teenager pining over a crush in class. At least no one was paying attention to him.
“Daydreaming, Doc?”
Eli fiddled with the ring on his cuff as he met Ash’s eyes. “Just making notes for later.”
Ash turned his attention back to Nori after one more secret smile for him. Eli stared back down at the papers on his lap, suppressing a sigh. Once the semester was over, he could feel out where Ash stood. And he hoped Ash was right where Eli was and wanted to take that next step forward. He wanted Ash in his home permanently, not just for weekends here and there.
Eli forced his thoughts back to the task at hand and scribbled a few more notes. The sudden quiet amongst his students had him raising his head again, and he blinked at the sight of Britton standing not two feet away from him with a pleased look in his eyes.
“Dean Newton wants to speak with you right now.”
Eli’s heart sank into his stomach. What was it this time? “Can it wait until class is over? It’s only another ten minutes.”
“No, he insisted that it be now,” Britton replied, an aggravated, petulant note creeping into his voice. Eli wasn’t sure what was going on with the other man, but there were times when he seemed to be losing his grip on things. Petulant did not suit him at all.
“Of course.” Eli rose and turned to face eight pairs of curious eyes and one pair of angry, worried green ones. “I trust you will carry on without me? We’ll start the final presentations on Wednesday.”
“Sure, Doc,” Ash said, cutting a hard glance at Britton. “We’ll be ready.”
As Eli followed him out, he heard whispers springing up behind him. As always, Britton’s timing sucked. He could’ve waited another ten minutes. But why do that when he could make a situation as uncomfortable as possible for Eli?
He didn’t bother with making small talk or trying to figure out what was going on as they walked to the dean’s office. There was little point, and he was too busy trying to keep his stomach from churning. Eli could only think of one reason for an interruption of his class and that was a family emergency. A lump rose in his throat. Please let Lu be okay. Eli wouldn’t ask Britton. If it was bad news, he’d rather hear it from a friend.
Dean Newton’s secretary showed them in, and one look at the grave expression on the man’s dark face had Eli’s hands turning icy with fear. It was bad. The dean always had a genuine smile on his face. “It must be huge for you to pull me out of class,” Eli said as soon as the door shut behind them. “May I ask what’s going on?”
The dean’s expression became even more serious as he looked at Britton. “You interrupted a class?”
“It was almost over.” Britton waved dismissively.
Eli gritted his teeth. He could almost hear the man’s thoughts: it was a Cultural Studies class so what did it matter? It certainly didn’t bear the same prestige as Britton’s own focus with Eighteenth Century Literature. “Final presentations are due to start on Wednesday. I should’ve been there in case any of them had any questions or concerns. But since we’re already here and it’s too late to go back, we might as well get on with it.”
“Please, sit, both of you. Eli, I’m sorry that your class was interrupted. That shouldn’t have happened.” Dean Newton gestured toward the chairs. Eli quelled his unease and sat down, acute distaste going through him as Britton elected to remain standing, no doubt so he could loom over Eli. Asshole.
The dean kept giving him glances that told Eli whatever bullshit Britton had stirred up this time was something that the dean was taking seriously. So Eli needed to as well. “A very serious accusation has been brought against you, E
li, one that I have to look into. Especially since Britton claims to have some proof.”
The lead ball dropped in Eli’s stomach. He knew he should’ve come forward to the dean about Ash; he’d meant to and then he’d promptly forgotten his vow in all the chaos surrounding Ash’s friends. Fuck, what kind of proof could Britton have? Ash wasn’t over every night, and his house was very isolated. Eli couldn’t picture anyone in town talking to Britton, not when he treated most of the people in Amwich as being beneath his notice.
“What’s the accusation, sir?”
“That you’re having a long-term affair with a student and skewing grades in their favor.” The guilt that had assailed Eli as the dean started talking was immediately swallowed by hot anger as he continued.
“Britton has already looked into a complaint over unfair grading.” Eli glanced at Britton who looked too entirely self-satisfied for Eli’s comfort. “And he deemed that those charges were unfounded.”
“I do recall that concern. But this matter of an affair changes things.” Dean Newton turned his attention toward Britton. “Randall, you said you have proof? I would like to see it and I’m sure Eli would as well.”
“Is this enough to hold a hearing?” Britton dug into his breast pocket, pulled out an envelope and handed it to the dean. It didn’t look as if it contained any pictures, and Eli breathed an inward sigh of relief. He didn’t want Ash’s name dragged into this mess if he could help it. “I found it in Eli’s office.”
Eli could not figure out what that envelope might hold, but whatever was inside it made the dean’s brows leap up into his hairline. He passed the note to Eli without a word and Eli stifled a groan as he recognized Wayne’s untidy scrawl on the taped-together page. There were pieces missing, but enough remained to damn him.
Last chance, Eli. You have my card. Give it over or I’m going to the head of college about your affair with your student.
Fucking son of a bitch. Britton had gone through his trash. What kind of low life, dipshit asshole went through someone’s trash searching for dirt? The violation from Wayne was bad enough, but at least he’d been looking out for his dad. From Britton it made him ill because there was just no sane reason for it.
The recognition must’ve shown on his face, because when he looked at the dean next, there was a profound disappointment in his eyes. How could he explain the note while keeping Ash’s name away from Britton? He trusted Dean Newton, but he didn’t trust Britton not to bring Ash up on a hearing as well. Fuck, and how could he explain it without sounding like a certified lunatic or getting Wayne tossed in jail for breaking into his office? Britton and the dean were both still hot about that.
“I can explain that note,” Eli said with a calm in his voice that he sure as hell didn’t feel.
“I think it speaks for itself,” Britton began, but Dean Newton waved him to silence.
“I would like to hear what Eli has to say.”
Eli’s mind raced as he handed the note back to the dean. “I was having a personal problem over some heirlooms that belonged to the man who wrote this note. He believed that I had them. He let his emotions get the best of him and tried underhanded tactics, but we worked things out.”
“Eli, that is not enough,” the dean said with a hint of exasperation. He frowned as he read the note again. “How could he blackmail you if he didn’t at least believe it to be true?”
“There was no blackmail. I never paid him a dime, and he admitted to me that he had nothing to back the accusation on. He’s just been in a rough spot and not thinking clearly lately, and we had worked it all out.”
“Would you be willing to tell us who wrote the note?” Dean Newton leaned forward in his chair, fixing Eli with an intent look. “Would he corroborate your story?”
Eli frowned, worrying one of the cuff rings. He didn’t want to lie. Lying now would make it even harder for Dean Newton to trust him when he spoke to him in private. And he sure as hell didn’t want to tell Britton who wrote the note. What a fucking messed-up tangle. When had everything gotten to be so confusing?
“If he’s telling the truth, then we can figure it all out during a hearing,” Britton said smoothly. “I know who Hollister was speaking to, and I’m sure I can get him to testify before the panel. I’ll also get the student in question. I’ve seen them together on more than one occasion. A student, might I add, who has a history of trouble with the university.”
Eli tugged harder on his cuffs at the thought of Britton spying on them. He would bet that it had been Britton hiding in the woods that day. And the idea of Ash having a bad rep at Amwich was ludicrous.
“In the meantime, I’d like to suggest that Eli be suspended from classes until the hearing is over.”
“The hell you will,” Eli snapped, jumping to his feet. “I have presentations this week, and final exams to prep for. I think you’ve disturbed my students enough this semester with your hysterical, paranoid rantings.”
Britton’s face flushed a bright red and his jowls quivered. “You are done here, Hollister. You might as well pack it up now before you bring this institution any further disgrace.”
“Bullshit!” Eli opened his mouth to say everything he’d been dying to say to Britton for a long time and then forced himself to get a grip. It would solve nothing, it wouldn’t change Britton’s opinion of him one bit, and he was already picking his way through a minefield. He didn’t want to alienate Dean Newton even more by sinking down to Britton’s level.
He unclenched his hands, turned to the dean and blocked out Britton. “With respect, sir. Either have my hearing tomorrow so I can be back in class on Wednesday, or have someone nondisruptive observe me for the rest of the semester, if that would ease your mind. But please don’t let my classes be disturbed any more than they already have been.”
“Don’t—”
Once again the dean cut Britton off with a quick gesture. “I think it’ll be difficult for Randall to get everyone he’ll need together by tomorrow. We’ll schedule the hearing for Friday. I’d like to get the matter resolved quickly and quietly as well. And I won’t suspend you, not yet, however, I will agree to having someone observe your classes.”
Eli nodded, unhappy with the idea of having someone breathing down the back of his neck, but that alternative was better than being banished completely. If it wasn’t for the fact that turning in his resignation would be letting Britton win, he would do it right this damn second. He was sick and tired of the constant suspicion hanging over him, even if, in this case, some of the allegations were true. “Yes, sir.”
“In that case, I’ll observe his classes.”
Eli stopped himself from blistering the air with curses and turned on Britton. “I said nondisruptive. You would be the worst of distractions. Besides, shouldn’t you be busy gathering your so-called evidence and witnesses against me?”
“You also have your own classes to attend to, and to be honest, Randall, you’re not objective when it comes to Eli. I’d hoped you two could work out your differences on your own, but it’s clear that I’m going to have to step in, and I’m not at all pleased at having to do so.” Dean Newton paused and stared them both down, his dark eyes fierce. “You’re both dismissed. Randall, I’ll see you on Friday. Eli, when is your next class?”
Eli grabbed a pen and pad of paper so he could write out his schedule for the dean, and the snick of the door closing told him that they were now alone. He could feel the other man’s eyes on him, and the sick feeling returned to his stomach, worse this time. He might not care for Britton’s good opinion, but he respected Dean Newton.
“Sir, I meant to bring this to you before, and I didn’t. I thought I could ride out the rest of Britton’s year as head and maybe my own pride got in the way.” Eli set the pad down and met the dean’s eyes. “But there are some things you should be aware of.”
Dean Newton sat back in his chair and folded his hands against his stomach as he studied Eli. “I’m listening.”
; “Britton’s behavior has deteriorated rapidly over this semester. Barging into my office is one thing, but bringing up student complaints in front of other students, which he has done, is an ethical violation, so is breaking into my office to get that note. I don’t care how friendly he is with the departmental secretary. I ripped the note up without reading it and threw it away in front of the man who gave it to me. Not to mention interrupting my class today. There have been times when he’s forgotten things I’ve said from one minute to the next, and his temper has been out of control.”
Dean Newton sighed and leaned forward. “Those are very serious accusations as well. This witness that Randall plans on getting, would he corroborate that you tossed the note?”
Eli hoped that Wayne would, but he’d rather not bring him into it. What if Britton was able to offer Wayne money or something? Wayne would jump all over that and not care if he screwed Eli in the process. He hated to think like that, especially since Wayne had apologized, but he didn’t trust Wayne like he used to. “I don’t know, to be honest. I’d like to think he’d tell the truth, but I just don’t know anymore.”
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