by Deborah Hale
He did not rule out the possibility that he and Leah would grow closer with the passing years. Indeed, he hoped they would. But in the beginning, less intense feelings would be safer.
That was all very well, Hayden’s reflection in the looking glass seemed to chide him. After the way Leah had fled the cloisters last night, would he ever get the opportunity to propose to her?
Casting a final scowl at himself in the mirror, Hayden rushed away to intercept Leah before she reached the nursery. The things he had to say to her were not for his son’s ears. The last thing he wanted was to raise Kit’s hopes that Leah would remain with them permanently.
He managed to catch up with her on her way to begin the child’s morning lessons. “A word with you if I may, Miss Shaw, before you start your duties?”
“Can it not wait, Your Grace?” Leah seemed flustered by his sudden appearance and more than a trifle wary. “Kit will be expecting me. You know he does not like to be kept waiting.”
Perhaps what he had to say could wait, but Hayden could not bear to cause her a moment’s further anxiety. “I will not detain you long, I promise.”
He glanced over his shoulder to make certain there were no servants nearby, quietly going about their work with open ears.
“Very well then,” Leah agreed, though she was clearly not happy about it. “What do you wish to say?”
Hayden suddenly found himself nervous as a schoolboy. “I want to beg your pardon if I offended you last night with my familiarity. I assure you with all my heart, you have nothing to fear from me, nor will you ever. I am nothing like those men who tried to impose themselves upon Lady Steadwell when she was employed as a governess. My feelings toward you are respectful and my intentions entirely honorable.”
Leah shook her head vigorously and for a distressing instant Hayden feared she did not believe him. “I have no such fears, sir. I know you are a man of honor.”
A wave of relief swept over Hayden, so strong it threatened to make his knees buckle. “I am delighted to hear it. But I cannot conceal from you what my actions surely betrayed. I have come to hold you in the highest possible esteem and I hope you will permit me to pay my addresses, not as your employer but as... a suitor for your hand.”
Leah grew pale and appeared to sway a little on her feet. Hayden could not tell whether she welcomed his declaration or despised it.
The lady did not leave him long in suspense. “I am honored that you would think of me in such a connection, sir, but I have made no secret of my attitude toward marriage.”
“You have expressed it... in most vehement terms.” The corners of his lips twitched in an unsuccessful effort to suppress a grin.
In spite of her protests, he sensed Leah was more receptive to his attentions than she claimed. She pressed her lips together to prevent an answering smile. But she could not keep her eyes from dancing.
“But I hope,” Hayden continued, “that you might permit me to attempt to persuade you otherwise.”
Her lips parted a little. But she caught the lower one between her teeth, as if to keep herself from saying something she might regret. Was that something encouragement or rejection? Hayden could not tell, nor was he certain she knew.
He wished he dared take her hands in his as he had last night, but he feared such a gesture might spoil any hope of securing her agreement.
“You did not douse me with cold water last night,” he reminded her, as a possible indication of the feelings she might not fully fathom. “I take that as a hopeful sign.”
Her tension vented in a bubble of laughter that unlocked her lips. Clearly humor was a means of reaching the part of her that might want what he offered.
“Perhaps that is only because there was no cold water at hand,” she teased, further easing the tension between them.
“Was that the only reason?” A note of sincere curiosity infused Hayden’s question.
Leah reflected for a moment then shook her head. “A gesture of such kindness deserved a more considerate response. I do not believe my opinion of marriage is likely to change, but perhaps it would be worth... testing to be certain.”
This was more encouragement than Hayden had expected. His grin blossomed into a delighted smile. “A very enlightened view. I can ask no more than that.”
His obvious satisfaction with her answer seemed to cause Leah some dismay. “I hope you will make no more of it than I have said. I should be very sorry to injure your feelings if, in the end, I cannot give you the answer you wish.”
He should tell her his heart would be in no jeopardy, Hayden’s conscience urged him. Of course he would be bitterly disappointed, for Kit’s sake, if he could not induce Leah to accept his eventual proposal. But that was all.
Still, it might not be the best strategy to inform a prospective bride that he intended to guard his heart. “Let me worry about my feelings. If you endeavor to keep an open mind, I will be content to take my chances.”
“As you wish,” Leah replied with an air of someone accepting a challenge. “Now I must see to my duties. Regardless of what happens between the two of us, your son will be my first priority.”
“In that, we are perfectly agreed.” Hayden extended his hand as if to shake hers. But when Leah reached for it, he clasped her fingers and bowed to brush his lips over them.
What principle of anatomy could account for the sensations she was experiencing? The question plagued Leah as she tried to concentrate on teaching Kit that morning. Whenever she recalled the duke grazing her fingers with his lips or her cheek with his hand, a warm tingle flared in the place he had touched.
What would her former teachers say if they knew a duke wanted to make her his wife? They could not be one bit more astonished than she.
Of course she had sensed Lord Northam’s feelings toward her growing more cordial of late, as had hers for him. From time to time she’d had hints those feelings might be more than friendly, but she chose to ignore or deny the warning signs. In the past, her profession had seldom brought her into close contact with gentlemen, which was how she’d preferred to keep it. Reading of Grace’s unfortunate experiences had reinforced her belief that she was not missing anything by avoiding the perils of romance.
After her first unfavorable acquaintance with Kit’s overprotective father, it had never occurred to her that she might grow to respect or like him, let alone develop any warmer attachment. For that reason, she had neglected to mount any defenses against such feelings.
Now she wondered whether it might be too late.
“Have I spelled this word right, Miss Leah?” Kit’s question roused her from thoughts that were both disturbing and inviting.
Thrusting them to the back of her mind, she strove to concentrate her full attention on her pupil. “You have indeed. Well done. You have been working very hard this morning. Would you care to take a little break and go for a ride in your chair?”
“Out of the nursery, you mean?” asked Kit in a tone of excitement Dr. Bannister would have done everything in his power to discourage. “Yes, please!”
There was not a great deal to see besides paintings hung on the walls of the corridors and different suites of guest bedchambers that had not been used for years, but at least it would be a change of scene for the child.
As Leah wrapped a shawl around his shoulders and tucked an extra blanket over his legs, she wished Kit could visit the great hall, the library and especially the cloisters with their indoor spring garden his father had devised for her benefit. Was it possible she could take advantage of the duke’s interest in her to win greater freedom for his son?
“There. I do hope you will be warm enough,” said Leah as she crouched by Kit’s chair. Vital as she believed it was for him to experience more freedom, she did not want to risk him getting chilled.
Before she could rise fully, Kit flung his arms around her neck. “Thank you, Miss Leah! I am glad that you came to be my governess. I like you best in the world next to Papa!”
&n
bsp; The child’s declaration and warm squeeze brought a lump to Leah’s throat. An answering surge of affection led her to press a fond kiss upon his forehead. “I am glad I came to Renforth Abbey, too.”
Would she be sorry to leave it in a few months? Her heart suffered a strange, hollow ache at the thought. Perhaps she would not regret leaving the estate itself, so quiet and isolated. But she would miss Kit a great deal, if her holiday in Berkshire was any indication. She would miss his father too, she could not deny it.
Had Lord Northam already begun to alter her opinion about marriage even before he tried?
Carefully she pushed Kit’s chair out of the nursery and down the long gallery. The way the boy reacted to such a small taste of freedom gladdened Leah’s heart. It made her more determined than ever to secure as much liberty for him as she possibly could in her remaining months as his governess.
When she wheeled him past the staircase, Kit craned his neck and leaned over as far as his chair would permit. If it had not been equipped with arms, he might have fallen off, but that possibility did not seem to bother him. “The room where you sometimes eat dinner with Papa is down there isn’t it, Miss Leah? And the place he brought all the flowers for you? Will you take me there someday?”
The notion of Kit exploring the wealth of varied rooms on the ground floor appealed to her greatly. But it was blighted by disturbing visions of the duke losing his footing as he carried his son down that long flight of stairs. “I have spoken to your father about it and I will keep on until I persuade him.”
The way he meant to keep courting her until she agreed to marry him? Was it possible their efforts to persuade one another could end up benefiting them both—and the child they cared for?
Leah had fallen so deep in thought, and Kit was so attracted by all the new sights, neither of them heard quiet footsteps approaching until it was too late.
“What have we here?” The duke’s voice made both Leah and her pupil start. “I do not recall giving permission for my son to make excursions outside the nursery.”
He did not raise his voice but there could be no mistaking his tone of disapproval. It roused Leah’s spirit of rebellion.
“I do not recall you forbidding me to take Kit out of the nursery, either.” Would her impudent quip play upon his feelings for her to lessen his opposition? Or would it rouse his old antagonism and make him reconsider his desire to wed her? Leah was not certain, though either one might have its benefits.
But which of the two did she hope for?
Leah was not certain until Lord Northam gave a wry chuckle. “You have me there, my dear. After this, I must make sure to be quite specific about the limits I place on my son for his protection. At least you took the trouble to wrap him up well against the cold.”
“It isn’t very cold, Papa,” Kit protested. “I’m glad you aren’t cross with Miss Leah for bringing me out.”
The duke dropped to crouch before his son. “I cannot understand why you want to be out here when your nursery is so comfortable and stocked with all your books and playthings.”
“Because...” Kit gestured around the wide, plain hallway, “...it’s new.”
His son’s simple explanation made the duke rock back on his heels.
“Very well, then.” He rose slowly. “You may continue with your... explorations for a little longer, on the condition that I am allowed to accompany you.”
“Of course you can, Papa.” Kit held out his hand to his father, who enveloped it in his and gave it a squeeze.
They passed a further half-hour poking about the upper floor of the new range. Kit greeted everything he saw as if it were an amazing discovery.
The child’s enthusiasm soon began to rub off on Leah, who found herself looking more closely at paintings and items of furniture she had scarcely spared a second glance, seeing things she might otherwise have missed. Would the sights of the Continent truly be more remarkable than ordinary places seen with fresh eyes in the company of those she cared for?
She sensed that similar thoughts might be going through Lord Northam’s mind. As he answered Kit’s eager questions, the duke sometimes cast a glance over his son’s head to catch her eye. Often he smiled and she could not help smiling back. Other times his handsome features remained solemn but his eyes shone with affection for his son that seemed to extend to her as well.
Every time it happened, her heart seemed to perform a cartwheel in her chest.
Was she falling in love with Hayden Latimer? That question and others that followed brought her a quiver of wonder and a qualm of unease. Had she been gradually falling in love with him from the moment they’d met? And was it too late to stop?
Halfway through dinner that evening, Leah put down her fork and gazed across the table at Hayden. “If you mean to scold me for taking Kit out of his nursery without your permission, do get it over with, please.”
Her tone was defensive and a trifle impatient, as if she suspected him of deliberately withholding his censure to spring on her when she let her guard down. Those feelings mirrored his so closely that Hayden could not help sputtering with laughter, much to Leah’s annoyance.
“What is so amusing, may I ask?”
With difficulty Hayden mastered his mirth. It felt good to laugh as often as he had in recent months. That simple release had been missing from his life for far too long. He now appreciated what a treasured blessing it was. A surge of gratitude toward Leah swelled within him, for it was she who had brought laughter back to Renforth Abbey.
“Forgive me,” he suppressed a final chuckle. “But I was about to ask you to say you told me so, and get it over with.”
“Told you what?” Relieved from the prospect of his anger descending upon her at any moment, Leah gave an answering chuckle.
“The same thing you have been telling me since the day you arrived here.” Hayden prepared to follow a course of turbot in white sauce with a generous slice of humble pie. “That the benefits of allowing my son more freedom outweigh the risks.”
“Oh that.” Leah cast him a teasing grin sweetened with unmistakable affection. “Why should I continue to wheeze that old tune when you seem to be learning it very well on your own?”
They both chuckled over her riposte. The pitch of her laughter and his created a harmony as agreeable as any duet performed in an opera house.
“All the same, I doubt Kit will be satisfied for long investigating the upper floor.” Hayden grew serious. “Have you come up with any clever ideas about how we can get him safely up and down the stairs? His rolling chair will be no help making that trip and I do not trust anyone, myself included, to carry him without risking a fall.”
“One possibility does occur to me.” Leah did not sound confident that her idea would find favor.
“Go ahead,” Hayden prompted. “What is it?”
“I agree it would be hazardous to carry Kit up and down the stairs frequently. And the difficulty will only increase as he grows bigger.”
Hayden nodded as she spoke. It was clear Leah understood the perils involved and was no more willing to risk harm coming to Kit than he. More than ever, he knew he must persuade her to become his son’s new mother.
“I suggest removing the obstacle,” Leah continued. “Move Kit’s bedchamber down to this floor so he will be able to take part in everything that goes on down here. That way he would only need to be carried down the stairs once, very carefully.”
“Put Kit’s nursery on the ground floor?” Immediately Hayden could foresee all manner of difficulties. “But I could not have him sleep so far from me. What if he needed me in the night?”
“Install a bell between his room and yours, like the ones to summon servants,” Leah suggested.
When she saw he was about to object she forestalled him. “Or move your bedchamber to the ground floor as well. Goodness knows there are enough unused rooms in this house that could be converted to the purpose with a little effort.”
“With rather a lot of
effort I believe you will discover,” Hayden corrected her.
As usual Leah refused to be daunted. “All Kit’s life you have spared no effort to do what you felt would benefit him. Is that truly what would prevent you from trying my idea or are you still afraid to give your son more freedom?”
Hayden knew he owed it to her and Kit to examine his heart and give a sincere answer. After a long thoughtful pause he replied, “A little of both I suppose.”
Leah nodded as if his answer tallied with what she’d expected. “You do not need to decide right away. But for all our sakes I hope you will consider my suggestion carefully and not dismiss it out of hand.”
That was only reasonable, Hayden had to admit. Leah had moderated her efforts since her first stormy days at Renforth Abbey. She’d cultivated patience with his slow pace of change. She had demonstrated her concern for his son. The least he could do was try to meet her halfway.
The lady seemed to feel he needed more encouragement. “You know, if you show me you are willing to grant your son more freedom, it might help to alter my opinion about... the other matter.”
She glanced toward the butler and footman who hovered silently near the sideboard, awaiting Hayden’s signal to serve the next course.
Leah was referring to the subject of marriage, he realized. If he allowed Kit more freedom, it would show her that marriage to him might not be the prison sentence she feared.
If she did agree to marry him, Hayden suspected she would be motivated as much by tender feelings for the child as for him... perhaps more. Though he told himself it would be for the best if Leah’s reasons for marrying were the same as his, somehow the thought still troubled him.
Chapter Thirteen
“IT SOUNDS QUIET downstairs today,” said Kit as Leah pushed his chair through the upper gallery, an outing that had become a highly anticipated part of his daily routine. “Are the workmen all finished what they’ve been doing?”
