by JA Huss
I crinkle my nose at his insult. “If you think I’m some do-gooder college revolutionary who has time for stupid things like fur bans, then you don’t know me at all. I eat meat, wear leather, and have killed at least a dozen foxes for threatening chickens on my grandparents’ ranch. I skinned each one of them and turned them into useful articles. It’s more of a sin to waste them by letting them rot than it is to wear them on a coat.”
“I like it, Miss Aston,” he says seductively as he leans into my ear. “I was joking.”
“Oh,” I say as my face heats up. That gives him yet another reason to smile at me. And now I know. He’s watching my reactions very carefully and trying to make me react as he does it. “Well, I know the designer who made this coat. She’s a native up in Alaska and only uses wild-caught foxes that she traps for her sustainability lifestyle.”
He smiles even wider, and then a chuckle erupts. “I’d have expected nothing less from you, Sasha. So thank you for clearing that up.”
The way he says my name—or should I say, the way he makes me feel when he says my name—catches me off guard once again. It’s not my face that heats up this time, but my whole body. I need to put a stop to this shameless flirting he’s doing so I hold up a hand to his chest and push him backwards. He takes the hint and steps back. “Look, I need to clear something up before we go out tonight. That kiss on the stairs? That was not appropriate.”
“No?” he asks, his eyes bright with mischief. He holds up both hands and wiggles his fingers again. “All ten fingers, Miss Aston. So I think you liked it more than you’d care to admit.”
He takes two steps forward, forcing me to take two steps backwards. I’d take more steps back—because he’s far too close to me—but I bump up against the closed closet door.
My heart starts to beat fast as he looks down at me. Races, actually. His hand presses up against my cheek as he leans down into my ear once again. “Sasha,” he says, still in that gruff whisper. “The people in my department call you a lethal weapon. So if you hated the kiss you’d have made good on that threat. In fact”—he laughs a little and this sends yet another chill through my body—”I was very surprised you even bothered to threaten me. If you’d really hated the kiss, you’d have dropped me right there in the hallway and walked off as I lay writhing on the ground. So let’s just stop with the pretenses, Miss Aston. And have a good time together tonight.”
His palm slides up and presses against the side of my neck. I gulp air as I try to calm my beating heart. But it’s too late. He’s got his hand over my throbbing artery, assessing my reaction. But just as quick as it appeared, it’s withdrawn. I’m just about to breathe again when he replaces his palm alongside my cheek.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, the panic starting to set in. I’m fearful that my body will start shaking from all this touching.
“Pushing my luck, Sasha.”
“Don’t,” I say, the panic finally coming through. I place both my hands on his chest and push him back. He sways a little from my demand, but only his upper body retreats. His feet stay firmly planted in the same space right in front of me.
“You don’t do intimacy?” he asks. His palm is still on my cheek. My push had no effect on that. And now it slides down my cheek until his thumb is lightly gripping my chin. I’m so shocked, so mesmerized by his stare and his forward actions that I freeze as his thumb gently caresses my lower lip. “I get it,” he says, his voice deep with desire, but controlled at the same time. “I’m taking you out of your comfort zone. But you’ve had yourself locked up here in this house all semester, Sasha. And I already told you. You’re safe with me.”
I suck in some air as his eyes shift from one side of my face to the other, trying to figure me out. “I don’t need you to save me.”
“Ah,” he breathes. “I never said I’d save you, Sasha. You’re in pretty deep, so I’m not even sure I can do that. It’s”—he stops talking, but his thumb is still doing a sweeping tender arc under my lip—”it’s a pretty complicated setup I have going right now.”
“With me?” I ask, feeling a slight panic as my heart beats faster.
“Well, some of this has to do with you. Obviously. But there’s a lot more going on here than you realize.”
“Why can’t you just leave me out of it? I don’t understand what you think I have that can help you. I admit I was filled with answers a long time ago, but most of what I know is outdated. Most of the people I had connections with are dead. And I swear to God, I have not seen or heard from Nick. I have not been involved in anything in a very long time.”
“I don’t need any of that, Sasha.” But then Jax’s lips are on mine. This time he’s got my chin, and his grip on it tightens, like he’s warning me not to pull away. His tongue sweeps between the seam of my lips and they part. I have a sinking feeling in my lower stomach, and I’m not sure if it’s dread from giving in or just the fact that I haven’t had sex in a very long time. Because there is no doubt in my mind right now—if he pushes, I will give in. One hand on the strap of my dress would have me begging him for more.
But he pulls back, ending the kiss. “You have the one thing I need, Sasha—Nick’s heart.”
Chapter Twelve - Jax
Sasha’s hands are flat on my chest, pushing hard, sending me back a step. A moment later, the sting of a slap cracks across my face.
“Get out,” she growls. “I will not take part in this plot you have to capture Nick. I won’t be used like some thing.” Her blue eyes are burning bright with anger. But there’s something else underneath. Something I can’t quite place. “I said—”
“I heard you, Miss Aston,” I interrupt her again.
“And don’t think I will fall for those fake manners you have, either. Get the fuck out of my house or I will remove you myself.” She glares at me, daring me to challenge her threat.
I can’t stop the snicker that comes out. I mean, it’s a bad move, considering her state of mind at the moment. But holy fuck, that was hot, cute, and even though I know it will piss her off, I want to accept that challenge.
My face is stinging with another slap, followed by a leg sweep that sends me falling over sideways. And any other tough guy might be embarrassed by her success, but my snicker has turned into a full-fledged guffaw. Instead of getting up, I stay on the ground as I throw my head back to enjoy the moment.
“Why are you laughing?” she growls, standing over me with a stern look on her face. Her legs are spread wide, allowing me to get a good long look. She notices my gaze and steps back. “What the fuck?”
“Oh, God.” I laugh again. “I’m sorry,” I say, still chuckling. “Really, I apologize. You’re just so damn cute as the tough girl. And the dress, it’s very revealing—”
“I know, asshole. You picked it out for this reason.”
I laugh again and she puts her balled-up fists on her hips as she keeps her position of power. “I didn’t imagine myself on the floor with you giving me a peek, no. But I’m not complaining. Can I get up now? Or will you kick me when I’m down?”
She turns on her heel and walks further back into the house. It’s an invitation I can’t refuse. I’ve been wanting to get a look inside here for months.
But as soon as I’m on my feet she’s turned on her heel and headed back my way. I put a hand up to protect me from the possible slap, but she glides past and opens the front door. “Get out. I’m not going.”
I grab her wrist and kick the door closed with a slam. Her pulse is throbbing beneath my fingertips and she draws back, ready to put the walls up again.
I tug her towards me, making her crash into my chest, and then I spin us around and push her against the coat closet door, pinning both wrists to the wall on either side of her hips.
“Every time I take a breath, Sasha Aston, you surprise me.”
“Let go,” she demands, wriggling against my hold.
“I expected a lot of things from you, but fear really wasn’t one of them.�
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“I’m not afraid of you.”
“I know,” I tell her back, leaning my face into her long hair and drawing in her scent. No perfume. Just the clean, fresh smell of a recent shower. “You’re not afraid of me,” I say into the shell of her ear. My breath makes her shiver and I’m on the verge of being turned on. “You’re afraid of life. And I just didn’t expect it.”
“I’m not afraid of anything. I can kill you right now if I wanted to. I could end your life. And if you push me, I won’t hesitate.”
“Mmmm,” I say, leaning back so I can look her in the eye again. “We seem to find ourselves in this position a lot today.” She stares up at me. I really didn’t expect fear. But there it is. She’s terrified. “I’ve had you backed up against the wall three times now. Is that how you like it? Forced?”
“Let go.”
“I won’t force you, so if that’s how you want this relationship to start, you’re out of luck.”
“What the hell—”
“I’m just truly surprised that you’re so scared of intimacy. I figured you were one of those academic nerds. Grad school and shit, right? But you’ve been floundering all semester. Even I could see it. And I know you had some big test today and you came out of your office carrying a box, all sad and depressed. So I’m guessing it didn’t go well. But Sasha, you don’t belong here.”
“I do belong here. I came here to make my dream a reality and I can still do that.”
“Can, sure. But you won’t because you belong with me. You know it in your soul. You want what I’m offering.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I let go of a wrist and place two fingertips over her lips. “Don’t talk now. Just listen.” Her eyes dart back and forth, anxious. Her other wrist, still in my grasp, allows me to continue monitoring her pulse. It races beneath my soft touch. “You don’t belong with these people. You don’t fit in with them. You and I really are a lot alike. We like adventure, justice, and a challenge. So I’m challenging you, Miss Aston. Get to know me tonight and think about what I can offer you.”
“I know you well enough to understand we are not the same. Those things are not what I want. And I only accepted this to learn more about Nick Tate. And it’s not because I have some girlhood fantasy of marrying him, either. It’s because we were close and then he disappeared. Anyone who lost a good friend would want to know what happened to them.”
I press myself closer to her body, my chest coming into contact with her breasts. She gulps in air and holds it when I slide my free hand behind her neck the way I did earlier. She almost came undone with that move and it has near the same effect this time around as well. “You might think you’re safe enough on your own, and I might agree. But allow yourself the luxury of my protection for just one night. Let the guard down, Sasha. Let me bring you under my own armor and just try out what it means to simply exist without the stress and worry of who you were. Allow yourself to be who you are. And then at the end of the night I’ll ask you one question before I change your life forever or walk away.”
The breath she drew up finally comes back out in a rush. “What question?”
“Who do you want to be?”
She stares up at me like a child, filled with amazement. Like the thought she could make this decision and not have it made for her is a novelty that is almost too good to be true.
“I already know the answer to that question.” Her sentence starts strong but finishes weak. She knows she’s at a crossroads.
“Good,” I say back. “Then you’ll know just what to say when it comes up.”
“Don’t kiss me again.”
“Done.”
“And the next time you grab my wrists I will break a whole lot more than your fingers.”
“Got it,” I say, smiling. “Anything else?”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“I know.” My surrender both surprises her and makes her suspicious at the same time. She’s very good at reading me. “You have nothing to fear from me. But Sasha, there are still so very many, many things in this world to be afraid of. So”—I back up and give her all the space she needs as I open the front door and invite her through—”you’re under my protection until you tell me you don’t need it anymore.”
“I don’t need it anymore, Agent Jax. And I need to set the alarm from inside, so I’m sorry to interrupt your chivalrous moment, but you need to leave so I can do that.”
I smile as I exit, and then wait for her on the porch as the sounds of a keypad alarm being armed leak through the door.
A long black car pulls up to the curb just as she reappears, back in control. Her head is high, the doubt is gone, and her back is straight.
“Our ride is here,” I say, offering her my arm.
She accepts that gesture like a lady, lightly wrapping her fingertips around the crook of my elbow. “Your car is in the driveway, Agent Jax.”
“No, Sasha,” I say back as we descend the stairs of her porch. “That car belongs to the government. I, however, do not. And this night, as I promised, is not about them. It’s about us.”
I expect some questions, but she refrains and goes with the flow. Secrets are a part of her, just like they’re a part of me. I played a card and she held one.
Game on.
Chapter Thirteen - Sasha
What the fuck does that mean? I want to question him, but I’m not about to tip my hand and get lost in his secrets. I’m done with secrets. I had so many as a child, and it was so difficult to let them go that I refuse to go back to a time when everything that came out of my mouth was lies. I want to be fun, crazy Sasha Cherlin. But I’ve been Sasha Aston too long to just slide back into the secrets. They make me sick. They make my heart beat fast and my mind spin.
He can keep his secrets. And what do I care if he’s on the up and up with the US government? It’s not like I have any plans to join him in whatever little crusade he has going. I’m going on a date with him tonight so I can get answers tomorrow. That’s it. And I refuse to feel dirty for wanting answers. I have a right to know certain things. Nick was my promise. We were supposed to get married and be partners for life. And yeah, that was dirty. Everything behind that was covered in the filth of the Company. But I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I was too young to understand the implications of what I wanted and what he refused to give me. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for him. That doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to know what happened to him after he left me that night.
So screw Jax. He can keep his shit to himself.
“Let me get that for you,” he says as we reach the black limo. I wait as he opens the door and waves me in.
I get in and scoot over, allowing him to get in beside me. By that time the driver is there to close us up and we have a moment of silence as he walks around the car and gets in the front seat. The divider is down and I wait for Jax to send the glass partition sliding upward to give us privacy, but he doesn’t.
Instead he turns his body slightly, brushing his knee against mine in the process, and says, “This is Adam, Sasha. He’s part of the security team.”
I turn my head so he can’t see me roll my eyes. “Nice to meet you, Adam,” I say back, my manners taking over. And then I turn to Jax with my first question as Adam pulls away from the curb. “Where are we going?”
He smiles. No, not really a smile. A smirk that leads me to believe he thinks he’s going to pull something over on me.
“Jesus Christ, Jax. Stop the bullshit. I’m not interested in you. I don’t think you’re cute or funny, and you’re annoying me with all this secret stuff you have going.”
“You don’t think I’m cute?” he asks, smiling that smile again. “Really?”
“Not my type, sorry,” I deadpan back. Silence hangs in the air between us. I squirm in my seat a little. He is cute, but I’m not starting this game.
“Discretion, Miss Cherlin, is something I am always aware of. We need discretion tonight. I don’t want too many eyes a
nd ears on you until we have a deal.”
“There’s no deal in the works. We made a deal, yes. I go out to dinner with you and you give me answers about…” I trail off and glance at Adam, not sure if I should mention Nick’s name.
“Oh, he’s got clearance. He knows all about Nick Tate. More than me, probably.”
Another worm dangled in front of me that I refuse to take as bait. And since I can say nothing that will put me in a position of power right now, I turn my body slightly away from Jax and stare out of the window.
“But I understand what you’re trying to say. You’re only here because I have something you need, and that’s fine. Tomorrow I will give you everything you think you want to know about Nick. And maybe you’ll be able to walk away. But maybe not. It’s possible we will strike a new deal, and if that happens I will gladly bring you into the FBI family with me. All these… precautions can be over. But until then—”
“I’m a secret, right?” This makes me angry. So angry my face begins to heat up and I turn my body another fraction so he can’t watch the way I react to his words.
He leans close to me, eliminating that small distance I was trying to create between us. “Not to me you’re not.”
I don’t answer, just sit in silence as we drive towards the edge of town.
“What I do on the outside, Sasha, is not what I do on the inside.”
“You don’t say.” I don’t even know what that means.
“But let’s drop that for now. And try to have a good time. By the way, I never did find out what you were up to that day.”
“What day?” I say it with an attitude I didn’t realize was brewing. Control, Sasha, I tell myself. No emotions tonight.
“When you came home from Peru early.”
“I wasn’t early,” I say with even more edge. “The internship was over days before I left. I was late.”
