“My dog’s name was Bingo,” Kristen whispered.
Tanni’s head shot up.
“He was part cocker spaniel and part something else, although no one ever seemed to know what. Maybe poodle. My brother found him. The poor dog looked like he’d been lost a long time. Bingo didn’t have any identification, and we put an ad in the paper but no one claimed him. The day my dad was going to take him to the shelter I cried and cried, so my parents let me keep him. He’d become my friend. He even slept on my bed.”
Bingo had slept on Tanni’s bed, too.
“I got Buttercup from a friend of Charlotte Rhodes. It was shortly after my first husband died. I was so lonely, and Buttercup seemed to know how much I needed her. She loved Cliff…and me.” Grace grabbed another tissue and blew her nose. “Enough. I have to get a grip here.”
“If it’s any consolation, it does get easier with time,” Kristen said in the same soothing voice. “I still think about Bingo and sometimes—” she glanced hesitantly at Tanni “—sometimes I feel as if he’s still at the end of my bed asleep.”
Tanni looked away. She felt the same thing about her Bingo.
The meeting lasted two hours. The four original volunteers showed up, plus three other adults who sat in to listen to the presentation. All three decided that they, too, wanted to be part of the program.
Tanni kept her eye on Kristen. The other girl had been so good with Grace. Kristen had said everything Tanni wished she’d been able to say. Kristen had expressed sympathy and understanding and done it in a compassionate, thoughtful way.
Tanni didn’t know the airhead was even capable of that. While Kristen had been comforting Grace, Tanni had sat like a dope with her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth.
When the meeting ended, Tanni followed Kristen out of the building. She wanted to tell her about Bingo. Her Bingo.
Apparently Kristen saw that Tanni was behind her because once they’d left the building, she whirled around. “What do you want?” she snapped.
“Ah…”
“You’ve made it clear you don’t like me, Tanni. I don’t know what I ever did to you, but it must’ve been awful.”
“Actually, I wanted to tell you something.”
“So tell me.”
She hated the way Kristen made her feel. Grace had asked Tanni to make an effort with the other girl, and so far nothing had worked. Well, okay, she could’ve tried harder. She took a deep breath.
“I had a dog named Bingo, too,” she told her.
Kristen’s gaze narrowed as though she didn’t believe her.
“You can ask my mother if you want. It’s true. He died six years ago.”
For a long moment Kristen didn’t say anything. “I still miss my Bingo.”
Tanni stared down at the pavement. “I miss my Bingo, too.”
The other girl hesitated. “Would you like to walk over to Mocha Mama’s?”
Her suspicions immediately shot up. “Why?”
Kristen shrugged. “To get something to drink. If you’ve got other plans, it’s no big deal.”
Tanni made a show of looking at her watch. “I’ve got a few minutes.”
“Great.” Kristen was all smiles now.
They walked across the street and down the next block to Mocha Mama’s, where Shaw had once worked. His uncle owned the shop and had replaced Shaw with another manager. Adam was a college student who instantly perked up when Kristen and Tanni walked in. Tanni knew his sudden interest wasn’t in her. Adam’s eyes went straight to Kristen.
“What can I get you ladies?” Adam asked cheerfully.
Twice when she’d stopped by, Tanni had to wait while Adam talked on his cell phone. Seeing the way he reacted to Kristen confirmed everything Tanni knew about the other girl. It wasn’t fair that this airhead would command such adoration. Shaw would probably want to draw Kristen’s portrait, too, she thought cynically.
Thinking about him made her tense. Without being too obvious about it, she got out her cell phone to see if there was a text message from Shaw, desperately hoping he’d answered her while she was in the meeting at the library.
He hadn’t.
No surprise there. She hadn’t heard from him since the night before, when she’d practically begged him to reply. Then his answer had been short and had basically said he was studying and she should leave him alone. She’d tossed and turned half the night.
“What would you like?” Kristen asked, breaking into Tanni’s thoughts.
It took her a moment to respond. “I’ll have a chai tea.”
“Me, too,” Kristen said,
Tanni rummaged in her purse for money.
“It’s on the house,” Adam said.
Kristen thanked Adam and when they’d been served she led the way to a table by the window. It was the same one where Tanni often used to sit with Shaw.
“That must happen to you a lot,” Tanni said, unable to hide her sarcasm.
“You mean getting stuff for free?”
“Yeah.”
She shrugged. “Sometimes.”
Tanni’s cell dinged, indicating she had a text message. In her effort to reach her cell, she nearly tumbled off the chair. When she saw that the message was from her brother, Nick, who’d stayed in Seattle for the summer, she wanted to weep with frustration. She became aware of Kristen watching her and quickly shoved the phone back in her purse.
“I wanted to tell you something,” Kristen said. “I know you don’t like me. I’m not sure why, but I can guess.”
Tanni doubted Kristen would understand her feelings, but she wasn’t going to argue. “Let me ask you something, okay?”
“Sure.” Kristen sounded eager to clear the air.
“Why did you volunteer? Are you doing it because your GPA stinks and you figure having this on your college application is going to help?”
“No.” Her denial was instantaneous and vehement.
“Then why?”
Kristen’s hand tightened around her drink. “I had trouble learning to read, too. I’m dyslexic, but when I first started school we lived in this really small town and they didn’t test me for it. I struggled for a long time before I caught on to the concept of reading. I wanted to help another child learn because if a volunteer hadn’t stepped in to help me, I might’ve turned out to be one of those functional illiterates Grace talked about in the meeting this afternoon.”
“You’re dyslexic?” Tanni found it hard to believe.
“I know you think I’m an airhead. But I’m not stupid. It’s just that I have a different way of learning than most people.”
“Oh.” Tanni felt immediately guilty. “I assumed your heart wasn’t really in this.”
“It is,” Kristen said with such conviction that Tanni would never doubt her again.
“What about you?” Kristen asked, then sipped at her creamy chai tea.
Tanni hesitated. The other girl had been honest with her. The least she could do was repay her in kind. “I need to get my mind off Shaw.”
“Shaw used to work here, didn’t he?”
She answered with a nod. “He’s attending the San Francisco Art Institute now.”
“Wow, that’s great.”
“For him it is.” Tanni, on the other hand, was stuck in Cedar Cove and would be for another year, if not longer. Before Shaw left, they’d promised never to let anything or anyone come between them. He hadn’t even been away three months and he was giving her the brush-off.
When he’d first gone to San Francisco, they’d been in constant communication. Now she was lucky if she heard from him three times a week. Whenever she did she was so happy; her behavior was downright pitiful. She hated her own reaction to his lack of contact as much as she hated what had happened between them.
“Not so good for you, right?” Kristen asked.
“You could say that.” Tanni was unable to hide the pain in her voice. “We used to text every hour…. Now I hardly hear from him. I just wish he’d sa
y he wants to break up, you know. Instead, he’s killing me with this silence.”
“Guys usually don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Initiate the breakup.”
Kristen was the one with the experience in the dating world. Shaw was Tanni’s first real boyfriend. He’d also become her best friend. They’d shared their love of art and each other, and everything had been perfect. Well, not completely, because Shaw was stuck here at Mocha Mama’s brewing coffee and dying on the inside because he wanted to be an artist.
“Do you think Shaw wants to break up with me?” Tanni asked. Maybe Kristen could help her understand what was going on.
“Tell me how he’s been acting.”
Tanni talked for thirty minutes, rattling off a litany of slights Shaw had committed since he’d moved to California.
“You say he never would’ve gotten into the art institute if it hadn’t been for some friends of your mother’s?” Kristen asked.
Eagerly Tanni nodded. “He owes me.”
“He knows it, too, which complicates his feelings.”
“All he has to do is say the word and I’m out of his life.” She made it sound cut and dried, although it would be one of the hardest things she’d ever had to go through. Not as hard as losing her dad.
Kristen’s laugh poured salt into Tanni’s already wounded heart.
“This isn’t funny!” she flared.
“I don’t think it is,” Kristen said quickly. “It’s just that Shaw is so typical of guys I know.”
“He is?”
“Sure. He’s being a total jerk to you—and getting away with it.”
“What did I do to him?” Tanni wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. The only thing she’d ever done was encourage, love and support Shaw. Now he couldn’t even take two minutes to send her a message.
“Probably nothing,” Kristen told her.
“Then why’s he doing this?” Even as she asked the question, Tanni had the answer. “He’s met someone else, hasn’t he?”
Kristen didn’t even try to soften the truth. “Probably.”
“Then why doesn’t he just say so?” It would hurt a lot less if he was honest with her. Yes, it’d still hurt, but the pain would be easier to deal with than being left hanging the way she was now.
“That’s what guys are like,” Kristen said confidently. “Especially guys who’ve been going out with you for a while. He’s ignoring you, hoping you’ll break up with him.”
“That’s what he wants?” Tanni asked with a catch in her throat.
“From everything you’ve told me, yes, that’s what Shaw’s waiting for you to do.”
Instinctively Tanni knew Kristen was right.
“You need to get out more, see other guys,” Kristen advised. “Do you know Jeremy Reynolds?”
The name seemed familiar to Tanni but she couldn’t visualize a face to go with it. “I don’t think so…maybe.”
“He’s interested in you.”
“Jeremy Reynolds,” Tanni repeated out loud. “I’m not sure I’ve even met him.”
“He graduated this year. He lives next door to me, and when I mentioned that you and I had volunteered for the Reading with Rover program he asked a whole bunch of questions about you.”
Tanni planned to dig out her yearbook the minute she got home and look him up.
“Jeremy’s kind of shy,” Kristen went on. “Besides, everyone knows about you and Shaw. Would you like me to tell him you’re not going out with Shaw anymore?”
Tanni shrugged, biting her lip.
“Give it some time,” Kristen said kindly. She finished her tea and set down the empty plastic cup. “I’m glad we talked, Tanni.”
“I am, too.” And she meant it. If they hadn’t, Tanni would never have guessed why Kristen had volunteered to work with kids at risk. “Thanks for the advice about Shaw. Would it be okay if I called you and let you know how things go?”
“Definitely.” She paused. “I’d like it if we could be friends.”
Kristen wanted to be friends with her? This was another twist Tanni hadn’t expected. “Yeah, I’d like that, too,” Tanni said a bit shyly.
They stood, waved goodbye to Adam and walked slowly toward the library parking lot, chatting as they went.
When Tanni got home, she found her mother in a happy mood, which meant she’d heard from Larry. They were on the phone practically every day, often two or three times.
“You seem happy,” her mother said, watching Tanni in a way that would once have irritated her.
“I’m going to be okay, Mom,” she said. She went into her room and got out her Junior Annual to look for a photo of Jeremy Reynolds.
Twenty-Four
On the Fourth of July, Mack and Mary Jo gathered down at the Cedar Cove waterfront with dozens of other families for the fireworks display. It was almost dark, and there was a buzz of anticipation in the crowd.
Linc and Lori sat on lawn chairs beside them. Noelle was already asleep, limp in Mack’s arms, unaware of what was about to take place. Mary Jo doubted she’d stay asleep once the fireworks began.
Mack had been on duty four days straight, but had the holiday itself free. The fire station was on high alert this week, due to the hazards caused by fireworks.
Being able to spend the entire day with Mack and her brother made this Fourth of July special. Because Mary Jo’s relationship with Linc had changed—more than changed, improved—since her brother’s marriage, she’d discovered that he was a good friend. Lori was fast becoming one, too. The more she got to know Linc’s wife, the more Mary Jo liked her. Lori was a gifted seamstress who’d recently made an adorable summer outfit for Noelle.
Earlier in the day, the two couples had taken a picnic lunch to Point Defiance Zoo. While Noelle might be too young to appreciate the experience, she’d loved seeing the animals. Even Linc seemed to have fun. Her brother had always been so serious; seeing him relaxed and enjoying himself revealed a side of him she barely remembered.
“Isn’t it time?” Lori asked impatiently. “I thought the paper said ten o’clock.”
That was when they heard the whine of fireworks being set off. “There they go,” Linc said, just as the rocket burst into a cluster, spraying red, white and blue sparks across the clear night sky.
At the explosion, Noelle woke with a start and began crying. Mack held the infant against his shoulder, gently rubbing her back. Noelle was content until the next explosion. She let out another startled cry.
“Oh, dear,” Mary Jo said. “This is scaring her.”
“Should we take her home?” Mack asked, his face marked with concern.
“I don’t know,” Mary Jo said uncertainly. She didn’t want the evening to end, but Noelle’s comfort came first.
Noelle began to whimper. “Look,” Mack told her, and pointed up at the sky.
Mary Jo wanted to tell him he couldn’t reason with a six-month-old infant.
But somehow, Mack was able to calm her and eventually Noelle returned to sleep, despite the noise and excitement. When Mary Jo glanced over at her sleeping daughter, she noticed Linc and Lori holding hands. Lori’s head rested on Linc’s shoulder.
She looked at Mack again and saw him watching Noelle, his expression vigilant. He must have felt her scrutiny because he turned to smile at her. She smiled back and reached for his hand.
Mack held it for a few minutes before releasing it in order to shift Noelle in his arms.
By the time they arrived at the duplex, it was almost midnight. While she put Noelle in her crib, Mack brought in the blanket, the diaper bag and the remains of their picnic. She’d made potato salad, which he’d raved about. She resisted telling him that the recipe had actually come from his mother.
In fact, Mary Jo had talked to Corrie McAfee twice in the past week. She liked Mack’s mother; his father, too, although Roy was more difficult to know. Maybe because he was a detective and ex-cop and therefore used to keeping his reactions
to himself.
When she came into the kitchen Mack was standing there, hands in his back pockets. He didn’t say anything, as if gauging how best to broach whatever subject he had in mind.
Mary Jo waited for him to speak. “What’s up?” she finally asked.
“Something’s bothering you,” he said bluntly.
Her feelings, her dissatisfaction, were still vague and unformed, and she was surprised by his perceptiveness. She tried to put her unease into words but that was harder than she’d realized. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
After another minute or so, Mack exhaled. “You’d better tell me what it is.”
Mary Jo felt awkward. “Tonight, with…Noelle.”
“Yes?” he urged.
They stood and faced each other, and both seemed tentative, as though frightened of where this conversation might lead them.
“You want to be a dad.”
He nodded. “Very much.”
She stared down at the floor. “You love Noelle.”
“You can’t doubt that, can you?”
“Never.” His love for the baby was apparent in everything he’d said and done ever since he’d helped deliver her on Christmas Eve. When she raised her eyes she saw his smile.
She met his look. “What about me?”
“What?” He blinked in confusion. “Are you asking if I love you? Mary Jo? You can’t be serious! I’m crazy about you. I’ve told you that more than once.”
“You’re crazy about Noelle. I’m just sort of…attached.” She didn’t like feeling so insecure and yet…she had to wonder. Furthermore, she’d prefer the truth. She wanted to believe he cared, but she’d been misled by David and could no longer trust her own instincts. She shouldn’t ever forget that.
“I love you,” he said, without hesitation or embellishment. “As soon as this mess with David is straightened out, I’d like us to become engaged. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
His words warmed her heart, but she refused to allow those warm feelings to sidetrack her. “After this mess with David is settled,” she echoed.
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