by Marie Harte
“I was giving you the time you asked me for.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You asked me to drop you off at your place, so I did. You wanted space; I gave it to you. Now you’re pissed at me for doing what you wanted? I’m confused.”
Nathan thrust his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want you to be different here.”
“What?”
“You were mine out there. We did more than fucking,” Nathan said, as if daring Avery to deny him.
“I know.”
Nathan opened his mouth and closed it. “Well.”
“Yeah. Well.” Avery crossed his arms over his chest and waited. The poor guy. Nathan didn’t know what he wanted.
“I—Oh hell. I’m sorry, okay?” Nathan ran a hand over his face. “I’m confused, I’m angry, and I’m worried. And I’m… I…I want you. I want you to stick around, okay?”
“Where would I go?” Avery asked softly, starting to understand.
“Fuck, Avery. I didn’t want to have this conversation with you.”
“Talk, dimples. You need to.”
“It’s just… I like you. I really, really like you. And it’s not just the sex.” He flushed, that adorable embarrassment that made Avery like him all the more.
“Then what is it?”
“I want us to be more. A couple maybe.” His gaze flashed with defiance.
“Hmm. A monogamous couple? Just you and me, no other lovers?”
“Man or woman,” Nathan agreed.
“Is this just because you saw Diane? I can tell you right now, she and I—”
“No. It’s more than that, dammit.” Nathan frowned. “I think about you all the time. Even before we were together, I wanted to be more with you. But the timing now, it’s all wrong. You’ll think this is because of my mother, but it’s not.”
“You sure?” Avery needed Nathan to know, because going out on a limb to love a man like Nathan was asking a hell of a lot.
“I just… It’s not easy for me to attach to someone. Sure, I date a lot. I like men.”
“So do I.”
“But I never found one I really liked. Not until you.” Nathan’s soulful expression drew Avery closer, and before he knew it, he’d reached his lover and drew him into his arms.
“What are you saying, Nathan?”
“Hell, I don’t know.” Nathan’s eyes filled. “Well, fuck.”
“Don’t cry, baby.” A tear spilled over. “You know, it’s not manly to cry.”
Nathan laughed through more tears. “You’re such a dick. No wonder I love you.”
They both froze.
Avery’s heart threatened to race out of his chest while Nathan backpedaled.
“I meant, no wonder I love being with you. You know, hanging around. Fucking. Don’t get all overly emotional and freak out on me.”
Avery leaned closer and kissed him before Nathan could dig himself any deeper. Knowing how much Nathan worried about scaring him away did more to ease his anxiety than any words he might have said. The kiss was sweet, then carnal, then comforting, and through it all, Nathan accepted Avery taking the lead.
“That’s it. Let that speak for me, okay? I’m not going anywhere, princess.”
“Dick.”
Avery grinned when Nathan sighed. “You’re stuck with me. I’m going to keep your ass safe while we find your uncle and deal with him.”
“And then?”
“And then we’ll take it one step at a time to make sure you’re good with us. Remember, I’m the one who has deep relationships. You’re the love-’em-and-leave-’em type. I should be more scared of you than you are of me.”
“Just stay with me, okay?”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, yeah. Tonight. And maybe tomorrow. And we’ll plan on Wednesday too. Jesus, do you need me to write it down on a calendar to agree? Or can you just say yes and offer me some damn comfort!”
Avery chuckled and hugged Nathan close. He loved that they were near enough in height to stand cheek to cheek. “Okay, okay. I’ll stay. But you’re actually going to have to move your shit in here. No way I’m living voluntarily in a condo.”
“Who would have guessed you’re such a snob?” Nathan leaned back to look around him and gave a mock shudder. “Especially with this décor?”
Avery squeezed him tighter. “And no messes. I could barely handle your dirty clothes in those hotel rooms. You live here, you clean up after yourself.”
Nathan’s smile faded. “When you say live here, you mean just for now, right?”
Keeping up with Nathan’s moods was impossible. Did he want permanence or didn’t he? But Avery didn’t want to push. “Nathan, I mean whatever you want me to mean. We’ll take it slow, okay? I want this threat away from you before I have to deal with your sorry ass on a day-to-day basis.”
And that quickly, the spark of nervousness vanished. “Sorry ass? You mean tight, delectable, fuckable ass. You’re the sorry one. That attitude, that couch, those clothes. Really.” Nathan continued to taunt him, so Avery gave him what he needed.
Another sound thrashing, some mind-blowing sex, and the love Nathan craved but wouldn’t admit to needing.
Chapter Ten
Nathan was dying to know what Avery really thought of them living together. For a solid week, they’d occupied the same house, the same kitchen, the same bed… Jack kept them on the night shift, where Chloe continued to boss them around.
To Nathan’s relief, Avery remained just as surly and obnoxious as he normally was. At the gym he continued to try to put Nathan in his place. And when they exercised together downstairs, Avery didn’t let up on him. The big man tossed him around like a rag doll, constantly barking at him to “man the fuck up and fight back.” Nathan liked the consistency. He’d worried Avery might change, the way his lovers normally did. But Avery didn’t cater to Nathan. If anything, he demanded Nathan see to his whims and his moods.
Nathan hated to admit he liked doing what Avery ordered. Especially at home in the bedroom. Their bedroom. It gave him goose bumps to consider it not Avery’s, but theirs. Avery hadn’t said anything about Nathan moving out. He sighed a lot and stared at the mounds of clothes that popped up all over the place, but other than throwing them at Nathan, he didn’t complain. And he seemed to love Nathan’s cooking.
His mother, Danielle, had taught him how to cook, but it had never satisfied him the way it did now, cooking for Avery.
They still fucked like crazy, but Nathan thought their lovemaking had begun to grow more tender, softer. He saw Avery looking at him sometimes, with that dark intensity that stole his breath away. The way the man would kiss him, caress him, with more than his mouth and hands, but with a real loving touch, made him want to believe he might have a shot at a real relationship.
He knew he wasn’t crazy. Though Avery hadn’t said it, Nathan thought he might more than like Nathan. Maybe not love, not yet, but there was certainly more than infatuation on both their parts.
“Christ, Nathan. What the hell did you track into the living room?”
“It’s called snow.”
“It’s called mud, dumb-ass. Next time, wipe your feet.”
The domesticity of their arrangement delighted Nathan to no end. He’d never lived with a man before. He could never have imagined he’d like it so much. He and Avery really complemented each other. Both were morning people after a cup of coffee. Avery was organized while Nathan…was not. They both loved physical fitness, Jeopardy, and sex. Loved the sex, no two ways about it. And to his satisfaction, Avery liked having it a lot.
Boredom hadn’t set in, and Nathan didn’t think it would. He’d been fascinated with Avery for far too long. And now he knew why. Avery hid a big heart beneath that gruff exterior. So generous, the way he always made sure Nathan had breakfast in the morning, the way he protected him and saw to it that Nathan had a full meal before he did.
“If you’re done playing house, Nancy, we need
to talk.”
Yeah, the guy had a big heart buried way deep beneath that thick skull and dense mass of muscle where his heart should be.
Nathan put down the dishrag he’d been holding. He considered it a major feat he hadn’t chucked it at Avery’s head. “Yes, oh lord and master?”
“If only.” Avery sighed. “Look, you’re going to be pissed at me, but I have to tell you.”
Nathan tensed. Or course the other shoe had to drop. Life with Avery could never be this good. Had he fucked Diane after all? Could he not tolerate Nathan’s habits any longer, even though he’d sworn he liked Nathan’s quirks—well, most of them?
“Relax.” Avery rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to shoot you. Come on, sit down.”
“Just say it already.” He mentally prepared himself to leave and sat across from Avery at the kitchen table. He’d been ready. Every time he got comfortable, someone died or something changed. And with Dixon still on the loose, it made sense for Nathan to go his own way—
Fingers snapping in front of his nose took him aback.
“Good. Now that I have your attention.” Avery leaned closer to him. “Malcolm Dixon is here in Bend. We don’t know where, but we can feel him. And by we, I mean me, Ian, Jack, a bunch of us. But the fucker is good. We can’t find him. Not yet.”
Nathan frowned. “I know this already. Hell, I’ve felt him watching me since I got back. Is that all you had to tell me?”
Avery blew out a breath. “No.”
“I knew it.” Nathan fumed. “You’re fucking around, aren’t you?”
Avery blinked. “When the hell would I have had time? That’s what you think this is about?”
Nathan felt stupid. “Okay, no.” But relief made him light-headed. Of course Avery wouldn’t fuck around. That wasn’t his style. Avery would tell Nathan to his face it was over, because that was the way Avery worked. Straight up, no chaser, in-your-face—the Holton way.
“It’s about Malcolm.”
Nathan went on alert.
“I had a vision when we were in that hotel outside Fort Collins.”
“You didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
He was hurt and pissed off that he’d been so dismissed. “You don’t think I have a right to know everything about this case? That asshole killed my mother! He nearly killed me!”
“I know, I know.” Avery pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, hear me out. When we left for Bloomville, you were a mess. Getting drunk all the time, trying to screw your way through too many twinks, you name it.”
He deserved the hard look Avery sent him.
“Then you started to come around. I mean, your mother died. I still don’t think you’ve fully dealt with it.”
He hadn’t.
“But you’re holding it together. You’re strong. That’s what I admire about you.”
Warmth filled him, and he had to remind himself to be annoyed. “But…?”
“But the vision I had, it gave me some insight into you and your uncle.” Avery swallowed hard.
Christ. What the hell did he know? “Avery, just tell me.”
“I had Noah look into your uncle. Had him go over the scene where Danielle died.”
“Why?” His palms felt clammy, and Nathan wiped them on his jeans.
“I know why Danielle gave you away,” Avery answered. “I know why she never told you the truth.”
Nathan had a hard time catching his breath. “What?”
“That vision I had? I saw and heard a conversation between us. One where we talked about Malcolm Dixon being your dad.”
Nathan shook his head. “Wait. What?”
“He’s your biological father, just as Danielle Dixon was your biological mother. It made no sense, so with Jack’s okay, we had Noah do some digging.” Avery expelled a long breath. “You ready to hear the truth?”
The iconic phrase, You can’t handle the truth, popped into his mind, and he almost gave in to the hysteria building inside him. “Fucking talk, man.”
Avery reached for his hand and held on as he spoke. To Nathan’s bemusement, the touch grounded him and took some of the numbness away. “Thirty-three years ago, Danielle Craft married Malcolm Dixon. They were happy at first. I think you saw that when we were in the house.”
“Yeah.” It had been real.
“But Danielle noticed something not right in her husband. She loved him like nobody’s business. I mean, a forever kind of love. They were soul mates—that’s straight up what Noah felt and saw when he saw her past.”
His parents had loved each other. Not exactly comforting, considering dear old Dad had killed Mom.
Avery continued and squeezed his hand. “She didn’t want to leave him. Refused to listen to her sister when Michelle begged her to leave. Malcolm was getting unstable. But with Danielle around, he kept that part of himself suppressed. He could function better when he was with her.
“Noah thinks that Malcolm’s work for the government pushed him to use his talent in a way he shouldn’t have. That all that negative energy rebounded on him, made him not right.”
“Not right. Yeah, that’s Malcolm.” Nathan had a hard time understanding it all. “So he loved my mother, but he was nuts?”
“Ah, yeah. That pretty much caps it. So when Danielle found out she was pregnant, she was scared. She loved you the moment you sparked to life inside her, but she was afraid of what Malcolm would do. He acted possessive and jealous all the time. Her sister couldn’t visit anymore, because Malcolm would turn verbally abusive. But with Danielle, he was nothing but loving. It was bizarre.”
Nathan could see it. His uncle had been that way with him. So wonderful to his mother, yet a monster to Nathan. “So she had me and gave me away?” In essence, she’d chosen his father over him.
“She loved you, Nathan.” Avery stood and crossed to sit next to him. “You have to know that.”
“Why? She gave me up.”
“She saved your life. She refused to have an abortion, and she knew Malcolm would kill you as soon as look at you. Noah said it tore him up to feel that, her pain when she handed you to her sister. She actually lucked out that Malcolm was overseas for so long when she was pregnant. He never knew. And he never would have if Michelle hadn’t been hit by that car.”
“Christ. It’s like a bad dream.”
“No shit.” Avery tilted Nathan’s chin up and looked into his eyes. “You have to know how much she loved you. She wanted a normal life for you. That’s the kind of sacrifice a good mother makes for her kid. She would have lived with you, except she knew Malcolm would hunt you two down. She took a chance raising you when her sister died, but your grandmother was sick. Danielle kept a close eye on Malcolm to make sure you were okay.”
“Not close enough,” he muttered, remembering the abuse, the beatings. “You know he used to lock me in the fucking cellar? We had rats. Big, hairy rats. And it got cold down there. He’d beat me and leave me tied up until she got home. Then he’d threaten to hurt her if I said anything.”
“God, Nathan. I’m so sorry.” Avery pulled him into a hug, easing the shivers Nathan hadn’t realized he’d had. “But that’s why Malcolm snapped. When your mom found out about his abuse, she said she was leaving him. He didn’t want her to go. He couldn’t let her leave. So he tried to kill her; then he tried to kill you.”
“I have to find him. To take him on before he kills anyone else.”
“Hell, no.”
Nathan glared at him. “I can do this. Quit trying to protect me.”
“Sorry for caring whether you live or die.”
“She was my mother.”
“Yeah, well, Daddy Dearest is trying to kill you, in case you missed that.”
“Stop calling him that!”
“Face it. Malcolm is your father, and yeah, he’s a psycho. Doesn’t mean you are.”
Avery kissed him. “Quit torturing yourself. You and he are nothing alike.”
�
��Yes, we are.” Nathan pushed back from the table and stood. He reached for the weapon Avery kept on a side table. “See this gun?” He put his hands over the pistol grip of Avery’s Beretta, and a psychic miasma settled over him.
Nathan held the gun pointed down, but he’d adjusted his grip so he held it the way Avery normally did.
Avery stared. “What—”
“I’m like him, Avery. I pick up energy from weapons, the way I know things about objects. Psychometry gets jacked up when I touch something with strong emotion tied to it. That’s why I don’t like to touch things that kill. They have a special feel to them.” Nathan looked down at Avery’s gun. “You’ve killed with this, but you never enjoyed it. When I hold this, I know I can shoot anything that moves, that I’m an expert, like you. And that I can nail a fly to the wall at seven meters, no problem.”
He put the gun back on the table and looked at Avery, wishing he didn’t feel such a connection to Malcolm.
Avery swore and stood. “Fuck him. Come here.” He yanked Nathan forward and caged him in strong arms.
Nathan rested his head against Avery’s strong shoulder, sad and bone tired all of a sudden.
“I’m so sorry about all of it, Nathan. But just think how fucked up your life would have been if he’d raised you.”
Avery had a point. Nathan wasn’t sure how long he stood there in Avery’s embrace. He extricated himself and took a step back. “Sorry.”
Avery scowled. “Don’t even try it.”
“Try what?”
“I’m here for you, you little jerk. Don’t even think of pulling away from me.”
Nathan surprised himself by laughing. “You’re being a dick to me now?”
Avery gave him a punishing kiss. “Hell, yeah, now. You have the truth, and you have all these whacked-out ideas floating in your head. But I’m not about to lose you to some dickhead, deadbeat dad after all the shit I went through to get you.”
His fatigue drained as he realized what Avery was saying…without saying. “Huh?”
“Oh, come on. I dragged your ass out of bars and didn’t kill any of the guys trying to get a piece of your fine ass. I didn’t jump you the way I wanted to the very first time I rubbed up against your sexy body. And that was what? Eleven months ago?”
