"Oh really. And how is that so," he asked, placing his hands on her hips, giddy by the sudden gift of her attention.
"My intern is a sixty-eight year old retired gardener, who dreamed of one day living out her final years in a home constructed from the living organisms she tended to for the bulk of her adult life. Within a year of her retirement, thanks to the link visor and entrainment technology, she empowered herself with the knowledge that has enabled her dream to be realized. Your dream, Stalling Alterian, helps realize the dreams of others every day."
Lorissa's grateful smile evaporated the remnants of the stitch twisting in Stalling's chest. Yes, his greatest desire was to evolve man's ability to dream, to have no limits on the collective imagination. But, he realized by the thump of his heart and tingling sensation rushing through his body as Lorissa pressed closer, he would have done it all for her.
Fulfilling her dream, fulfills my own.
"What's on your mind," she asked, sinking her head into his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.
"It doesn't seem to matter anymore," he replied, holding her closer.
"I sense a deep seeded fear in you," she said, continuing to probe his heart. "What has the unflappable Stalling so scared?"
Stalling, gently resting his chin on her thick curls, inhaled her scent deep into his lungs and released the long breath out his nostrils as he pondered her question. "I fear the far reaching collateral damage that may be caused by my mistakes, the least of which the death of our dear friend Muzar."
"Muzar chose to die long ago. You provided him a chance to right his soul and he gratefully took it," she replied. "We all knew, especially Muzar, that his return to us would change everything."
"But what if I was wrong...what if I altered that which should never be influenced by man?" Stalling asked with a quiver in his voice.
"Questions you have asked from the beginning, the answers to which we all agreed to honor when if they were revealed. Have you been provided the answers?"
"No," he replied. "But I sense they are fast approaching."
"Then let us deal with them when they do," she answered with contagious optimism. "This is not the time to second guess all the good that has come from Muzar's sacrifice, nor doubt the continued benevolence of his return. Not now, when you are so close."
"It will be a glorious age," Stalling sobbed, the tears freely flowing down his face now.
"Yes, it will indeed," Lorissa said with certainty.
They stayed locked in each other’s arms for several silent minutes. About the time Stalling started to become aware of the sensual moisture forming between their bodies, Lorissa leaned back with a seductive smile.
"You’re filthy," she said. "It just will not do sending you back in this state. Do still have time for a shower?"
Without waiting for his reply, she locked her fingers with his and led him back home.
Chapter 13
Calivera sat atop the valley's southern ridge and gazed down at the sela cairn flickering like a distant star. It had been hours since the last Guardian arrived and joined the saltation around the Forging Tree. Wrapped in caped garments, their cadent sway bent the gourd's teal rays and captivated the mind. Weltered in regret since parting with Steffor, the longer she studied the faint glimmer the more it became the end of a long tunnel, a destination that beckoned her presence but a place she feared would never be reached.
"Will you join us in meditation this hallowed evening Healer," the soothing voice inquired, respectful in its insistence.
Without turning to face the voice, Calivera's flat reply startled her more than it did the Mystic, "Thank you, but no, I will not be joining you in tonight's vigil."
The deliberate silence that ensued was painful as the reality of her words edged deeper. After an impossibly long pause, the Mystic finally replied. "The unity of all Citizens is required if the Provider is to choose a new Teuton."
Despite the comforting tone, Calivera detected fear in the voice. She could no longer live with the thought of hurting another. The look in Steffor's eyes after she drove her vindictive "It is why I fear you" spike through his exposed heart was enough pain to inflict on another for a lifetime.
So she sat, determined to wait for her love to return. Nothing in-between that time mattered and was of no consequence to her existence. All that mattered was reuniting with Steffor in hopes it was not too late to mend the damage she had done. To do otherwise was to lose her already tentative grip on sanity. It was not until the Mystic approached that she gave any thought to participating in the meditation services.
She wiped tears off her raw cheek with a damp cloak sleeve and turned to face the woman. "My spirit is not pure Mother Mystic. I fear my presence will only disrupt the ceremony, or worse."
Disposed to empathy beyond measure, the Mystic simply spread her arms and beckoned Calivera's embrace. True to her race, the Mystic's presence was spellbinding. Pearl white robes radiated soft hues of green, blue and pink, the hood, sleeves and hem embroidered with varying flora shifting with the Mystic's movement, she embodied the Source and nourished the psyche. Solace from the sight rushed a current of hope through Calivera and drew her toward the Mystic with such force she split her lip on the stout shoulder.
Protected now by the Mystic's therapeutic aura, her body convulsed with a cleansing effusion. The Mystic rubbed her back and spoke in a soothing voice. "Our deepest need is the need to overcome our separateness. Share your burden with me child and the Provider will destroy your aloneness."
Still locked in the loving embrace, Calivera pulled up in order to face the Mystic. "I cannot. For the betterment of others, I must carry this alone until my love returns. He is the only one who can truly understand..." She knew her plea for privacy would fall short. The moment she yielded to the emotional healing, she had committed to sharing her experience.
In the end, all truth will be revealed to our Mystics.
The Mystic removed her hood and probed Calivera's face. Shrouded by auburn tresses highlighted by the occasional gray, her face was handsome. Her smile conveyed love but Calivera sensed deep concern creased in its corners. She tried to avoid looking into the clairvoyant eyes; absent of pupils, the pools of liquid light contained in each orb summoned her deepest secrets to the surface. It did not matter anymore. For selfish reasons alone, Calivera had to share her story with someone, anyone, in order to make it real, not some depraved side of her imagination unleashed to terrorize her mind until her dying days.
The Mystic placed her hands on the side of Calivera’s head and gently pressed their foreheads together. "Show me child. Show me what grips your heart and mind in darkness." The Mystic assumed control of Calivera's mind and gently shoved her ego aside. Calivera panicked as she realized her capitulation to the Mystic also revealed her unique powers and how she had used them to save Steffor. "Wait...you should not...it is not safe..."
"Relax child. The Provider will protect you. We must become nothing to become everything."
A passenger within her own mind, Calivera tensed in anticipation. She was now helpless to hold back the super conscious state veiling the spiritual passageways known to her alone, that which she had fought her entire life to keep hidden from the whole.
"What have we here," the Mystic said within her mind, gravitating toward the moment three days prior when Calivera awoke lying on top of the table with her forehead, nose and lips pressed to Steffor's. The Mystic shifted the Source and zeroed in on the memory and in doing so stirred the senses, recalling with vivid detail the steady pattern of Steffor's breath caressing her upper lip, of how quickly her Healer's impulse to heal flesh and bone brushed aside the already rapidly fading memories of what had just transpired between the two of them.
"Let us learn from what you have experienced." Like a deft locksmith, the Mystic snatched those suppressed memories and forced them to the forefront of Calivera's consciousness, unwittingly unlocking a portal to an alien dimension. The door flung open,
revealing an astral plane immeasurable by the physical mind, a transcendent vortex of raw energy that effortlessly sucked them in, ripping them away from the Provider's placid cove.
"This cannot be!" the Mystic screamed, her terror raw and exposed. "Life is eternal. The Provider is eternal. Where are you Father?" Calivera empathized, knowing she had shouted similar cries of despair to no avail. Then, when neither believed they could survive another second of the smothering existence, the brilliant whiteness appeared: a euphoric freedom that came from everywhere, contained only by the limits of understanding.
The Mystic jerked her head back from Calivera. They had returned. Relieved by the immediate and palpable reconnection to the Provider, an inner peace, absent before, washed over and calmed her senses. Overwhelmed with gratitude, she turned to praise the Mystic.
The light in the Mystic's eyes, vibrant and full of the Source moments before, were dim with only the faintest spark of life. Her body sagged and she swayed as if about to faint. Calivera grabbed hold of her arms to support and instinctually probed with her power. The Mystic's soul was cold and distant.
"Help me child," the Mystic cried from the depths of her mind. "I am lost...your light is fading...." The words trailed off as if sinking down a deep well. "Hurry! We must reach Steffor before he syncs back to the whole. Without you, there can be no salvation."
"I am coming Mother Mystic!" The purpose of her unique powers now revealed, Calivera propelled forward into the unknown with the freedom of one who has no choice to do otherwise.
*****
Ginllats canvassed the valley floor with its soothing, milk-green spotlight. The volume and intensity of the Guardian's mantra was reaching its climax, the harmonic blend of tenor and baritone vibrating within Steffor's sternum.
Empowered by the memory of when he first discovered his Guardian powers, comforted by Kilton's keen insight, Steffor had re-aligned to a purpose larger than himself and in doing so, found the courage he so desperately needed. Compelled by a divine interdependence that lost meaning the moment he attempted to conceptualize it, Steffor stepped out from his sanctuary and approached the Forging Ceremony.
"I began to wonder if you would ever decide to join us," said a husky voice from the very spot he had just left. Steffor halted in mid stride and then slowly turned back around to see the face of Vejax floating bodiless above the fronds. His broad mouth quivered then creased with a cocky smile, the joy in surprising a fellow Guardian too much to contain. A second later, the rest of Vejax materialized as he stepped forward to stand before Steffor.
Impressive as it was for garments to camouflage a Guardian in any setting, they were not immune to the heightened senses of another Guardian. If needed, Steffor could smell Vejax a half a mile away. Reading his thoughts, Vejax's smug eyes darted to the top of his shoulder high staff and the blue crystal within gave a quick wink of intense blue light.
"One of the rare skills bestowed by the Provider the day I became Teuton."
"And an impressive skill it is. Can all Teutons cloak themselves in this manner?"
"While I have not surveyed all of them, I have learned enough to know I share this trait with only a few. The stronger we grow, the more specialized our talents become."
"Such is the mystery of the Provider," Steffor replied.
"Such is the mystery of the Provider," Vejax echoed, intently searching Steffor's eyes. Unlike his reunion with Kilton, Vejax never appeared to lock on familiar ground.
"You look well Steffor. If I had not seen it with my own eyes, one would never guess you had died," Vejax said, looking Steffor up and down. His attempt at making the statement sound light failed against the brevity of the subject, leaving it to fall flat.
There will be no easygoing banter today.
"The body is well," Steffor said, spreading his arms with palms open, "but my resurrection has left the spirit...wanting. As I imagine you have assessed while observing me over the past few hours, my thoughts have been clouded with doubt."
Vejax stepped closer and put a hand on Steffor's shoulder. "What lies within you is all that ever matters, Steffor. Do you still love the divine energy within you, which is you, which is the Provider?"
"Yes, my belief in the Provider has never been stronger," Steffor said with conviction.
"Then why do you no longer commune with the whole? Why do you not embrace the Source? Is not everything done to you in accordance to your beliefs?" Vejax, a look of vindication captured on his face, turned toward the valley's northern wall and gestured for Steffor to follow, not waiting for or appearing to want an answer. Steffor followed, concluding Vejax's appearance at this crucial juncture, no matter how covert or contentious, was a good omen. The ceremony could wait a little longer.
They walked in step up the gradual incline, skirting the ring of Guardians, toward the opposite side of the Forging Tree. A few strides later, incline became steep wall with no discernable path shifted into its side, requiring them to climb vertically. Mid-way up, Vejax came to rest on a small ledge, just large enough for the two of them to stand side by side and face the Forging Tree. Vejax began to sway and hum in sync with the rest of the Guardians encircled below. He made no attempt at conversation, his sight transfixed on a spot along the trunk meant for him alone to see.
Steffor pulled his gaze away from Vejax, looked toward the tree and beckoned it to take the weight of his thoughts. The dark side of the trunk, outlined by the luminescent gourds placed on the adjacent side, eclipsed all but a small portion of the valley's adjacent southern wall from which he could see the moonlight reflecting off a distant waterfall.
The sight reminded him of the brief respite he had spent with Calivera upon the landing of Fregak's Ladder. He was relieved to find he no longer cared about the negative feelings that transpired soon after, choosing instead to remember the simple pleasures: the taste of her sweet aroma, the press of her body, her gentle laugh brushing his ear, overwhelming him by the sudden and palpable need for her presence.
The curative mantra echoing off the valley wall eased his angst, enabling him to release his fantasies about Calivera. In their place, he contemplated Vejax's open-ended questions in earnest. As always, the man got to the root of the situation with calculated bluntness. While they each processed and dealt with issues according to their own filters, they were kindred spirits when it came to what mattered most. Now, no matter how much had changed in so little time, Vejax continued to play a key role in exposing that closest to his heart.
Comfortable as he had become with his altered perspective, governed by rigid laws of black and white, Vejax's questions cast a long shadow of gray and exposed all the nooks and crannies filled with doubt. Try as he may to swim in the clear waters of truth it remained a challenge not to feel like an anachronism. He was comforted in the belief that everything existed and happened for a reason and that it was not his purpose to figure out why.
Why then can I not stop asking why?
Resolved to face the challenges ahead, these unanswered questions continued to stoke the embers of fear lingering in the dark halls of his ego. I must relinquish control of that which I do not understand, to those who do. Vejax is in my life for reason; trust that belief to show me what to do next.
"I do not sync with the Mysticnet or shift the Source because I have forgotten how to do so."
With noticeable effort, Vejax's fluid sway turned to rigid stance. "Do you desire to do either?" he asked, still facing the tree.
"Yes, but not for the same reason or purpose as I once had."
"Does your new purpose have anything to do the four races?"
Steffor was not surprised or upset that Kilton divulged the details of their recent conversation. On the contrary, he was grateful. "Yes, it does. I do not believe my intentions to be malicious, simply, out of principle, I do not wish to participate in the continual growth of that modality."
"Principle? What principle prevents you from contributing to the growth of the Provider?"
&
nbsp; "That's just it. I no longer believe the races contribute to our growth. If anything, I believe they will lead to our digression, and soon."
"Long I have prayed for the day you finally understood that our growth has nothing to do with what you want to believe. That complete surrender to the Provider's flow, faith that living the Certain Way in the Active Now, is all that is required of us. Do you not think your recent accident and rebirth was a message, telling you it cannot be both?"
"No, not once. If anything, my belief that we live in the Provider and, in accordance the Provider lives in us, has only grown stronger. Our interdependence is as evident as ever and for reasons I am still trying to understand, our continual reliance on the four races jeopardizes the growth for all of us."
"I can find no common ground on this subject Steffor," Vejax said, frustrated and disappointed. "For reasons of my own, I feel the flow led me to help you in a specific way but I do not share your desire to rid us of the races. Even if I did, I have no idea as to how anyone can help you in this endeavor."
Vejax's role in future events was vital, this Steffor was certain. Much as I have had to come to terms, he too must find faith in our new reality if he is to fulfill his mission. Vejax's journey is his own and he will not fail himself or us.
"Your counsel alone adds value to my process but, as it has been from the beginning, this is my burden to bear. But, if you are still willing, you may be able to help me in a different way."
"If within my means, I will always help you Steffor," Vejax replied with flat baritone.
"The time for me to join the ceremony is upon us."
Vejax nodded in agreement. "Indeed. We have left our brothers and sisters waiting as long as we dare risk. Are you prepared?"
"I believe so but, as you so aptly pointed out, there are two crucial steps in my rebirth I have yet to take, steps that must occur in order for me to fulfill my part. Yet, I still hesitate."
Known Afterlife (The Provider Trilogy, Volume One) Page 17
