“I promise you this,” she said, her voice dangerously soft. “Should you force me, you will have only one choice. You will either have to kill me, or allow me to kill you.” She held Jackson’s gaze until she was certain he understood how serious she was. Then she turned around, walked across the room, pushed open the door and left without a backward glance.
Chapter 60
Earth, Arlington, Virginia
Hope cradled Mattlan in her arms, careful of the various lines and tubes connected to his tiny body as she gently rocked him to sleep. The doctors had told her that morning that, if the boys continued to improve, many of the lines would be removed the following morning. She was looking forward to that. The sight of their tiny bodies connected to all of those machines was so frightening to her. She had lost enough loved ones.
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes tiredly. It had been a very long and difficult week, made worse by her inability to sleep well. Little wonder, she thought to herself, with everything that’s happened.
The boys had been flown to Arlington that horrible night that she preferred not to think about. At her request, the Director had made arrangements for her to be flown separately, since the Bearens were in the same transport with the babies.
She and the Bearens had continued to maintain a distance from each other. They silently agreed to visit the hospital at different times, and they used separate waiting rooms when they were in the hospital.
A couple of days earlier, Karma had shown up on her doorstep with Berta and Aisling in tow. Karma had made a full recovery, her leg showing no signs of her injury. Berta had awakened from her coma, much to the surprise of the doctors, and didn’t appear to have any after effects from her head injury. Unfortunately, the medical experts had regretfully concluded that there was no possible way of removing the Controller from Aisling’s brain. Karma had sworn to care for Aisling until she reached Jasan and the Controller was removed, so the Director had ordered Aisling into her care. Berta had insisted on leaving the hospital with Karma and Aisling, declaring that she, too, would help to care for Aisling.
Hope was surprised at how happy she’d been to see them, and had insisted that they stay with her. Within hours she had made arrangements for three new beds to be installed in her office and studio. That night, Hope had gone to bed feeling as though she was not alone for the first time in a long while. Of course, when the Bearens left for Jasan, all three women would be going with them. But she didn’t want to think about that now.
“Hello, Hope,” Jackson said softly, startling her.
She opened her eyes and saw him standing in the doorway, his expression both worried and sad. Her heart skipped a beat, then began racing.
“Hi,” she said softly, not wanting to disturb Mattlan.
“How are you?” Jackson asked.
“Better,” she replied. “I want to thank you guys for figuring out what was wrong with the boys. You saved their lives.”
Jackson shrugged and entered the room, pulling a chair around so that he could sit facing Hope. “We should have thought of it sooner,” he said. “Clan Gryphon and Clan Falcoran have the same problem. It’s easily fixed with daily supplements.”
“I don’t understand,” Hope said. “Why would so many of you have the same problem?”
“Our race was not originally of Jasan,” Jackson explained. “We came from another world, Ugaztun, which was destroyed over three thousand years ago. There was an amino acid in the plant life of our native planet that is lacking on our new world, Jasan, and which is lacking on Earth as well. Some Clans lack the ability to synthesize it in their bodies. Daily supplements do not cure the problem, but it is an efficient treatment.”
“Why do only some of your Clans have the problem, and not others?”
“That is a question best suited for the scientists,” Jackson replied. “The simple answer is that while we are all Jasani, we also shift into different alter-forms. Therefore, there are differences in our DNA, and also in our physiological needs.”
“I see,” Hope said. “Well, whatever the reason, I am grateful that you figured it out. The boys are doing very well now.”
“Hope,” Jackson said, “I apologize for my behavior, and my harsh words to you that night. There is no excuse, and I am deeply sorry.”
Hope shrugged. “There is no need to apologize,” she said. “We both said things we should not have said, and we both lost our tempers.”
“You will forgive me then?” Jackson asked.
“Of course, if you will forgive me,” Hope replied.
“Of course,” Jackson said with a relieved smile.
“Jackson, I am sorry for some of the things I said, and I am also sorry for blaming you for things that I did. I did break a promise, and I did make assumptions about the way things would be done, but those are mistakes I made, and I was wrong to lay them at your feet. However, I cannot change the things that I believe.”
Hope was not surprised to see Clark and Rob enter the room as she spoke. She had felt them waiting in the next room, and knew that they wanted to be a part of the conversation. She smiled at them as they approached and stood behind their elder brother, feeling that her heart was breaking from the weight of their sorrow.
“What are we going to do then?” Jackson asked.
“You guys are going back to Jasan when the babies are strong enough, and you are taking them with you,” she said. She had given this a great deal of thought, and a great many tears, but she had reconciled herself to this course of action, which allowed her to discuss it calmly now.
“We promised you that we would not take them from you,” Jackson reminded her. “We would not break our word.”
“I know that, but it’s the best thing for the boys. As much as I love them, these little guys are Clan Jasani. It is enough that they have lost their parents. They must have the benefit of growing up among their own people. I cannot teach them what I don’t know the first thing about.”
“You will not return to Jasan with us?” Rob asked.
“What would I do there?”
“You are our Arima,” Jackson said gently. “You would share your life with ours, complete our family, and raise the boys with us.”
“That sounds so simple,” Hope said. “And for you guys, I’m sure it is just that simple. But my beliefs are not the same as yours, and I can’t change that.”
“You don’t have to believe to feel the connection between us,” Clark said. “You do still feel it, don’t you?”
“Yes, I feel it. But I’ve felt a lot of things the last few weeks, and many of them have turned out to be very wrong. Trusting my feelings is no longer enough for me. I have to make decisions for myself based on more than that.”
“Such as what?” Rob asked. “We will do whatever you like.”
Hope smiled sadly. It was so difficult to deny these men when such a large part of her insisted that she belonged with them. But she could not erase or ignore all that she had been taught. There were right ways to do things, and wrong ways. She could never be happy living in a manner that she knew in her heart was wrong.
“There is nothing you can do,” she answered. “As I said, our beliefs are different. I would never ask you to change yours, and I cannot change my own.”
Hope stood up and carefully placed Mattlan in his bed. She covered him with a blanket, and wiped a drop of milk from the corner of his mouth. Then she kissed him gently and turned to face Jackson, Clark and Rob.
“I’m glad we had this talk,” she said. “I didn’t want us to part ways with only anger between us.” The Bearens stared at her with sad eyes, which brought a lump to her throat.
“I’ll let you guys have your turn now,” she said. She took a moment to check on the other two sleeping babies, then she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
***
Jackson watched Hope leave with a sinking feeling in his chest.
“Have we lost our Arima forever?” Rob asked.
“No,” Jackson replied with a certainty he did not feel. “That is not going to happen.”
“We will not force her,” Rob said firmly. “I know that you are the leader, Jackson, but that is something I will never be a part of.”
“Nor will I,” Clark added.
“Of course we will not force her,” Jackson said wearily. “I am sorry for saying that, and I have promised that I would never consider doing such a thing.”
“I know, and I apologize for bringing it up again,” Rob said contritely. “I am just very worried. What are we going to do?”
“Whatever we must,” Clark said. “We cannot go home without her.”
Jackson stood up, turned, and looked at Clark, a thought forming in his mind. It was a drastic thought, but as Clark had said, they would do what they must. Their Arima, Hope, was the most important person in their lives, and they had to prove that to her.
“I have an idea,” he said.
Chapter 61
Hope set her paintbrush down and stepped back, scrutinizing the new mural that now graced the neo-natal intensive care nursery. She had seen Ellicia only once, and that was not a memory that she had wanted to use for this project. The Director had given her several images of Ellicia to choose from instead, and one of them had been of Ellicia and Harlan together. The expressions on their faces had been exactly what she was looking for.
“It’s very beautiful,” Jackson said as he stepped into the corridor. “You have captured the light of love in their eyes.”
Hope smiled. “Efharistos.”
“May I ask, why did you paint them with wings?” he asked.
“Some people believe that those who are taken before their lives are complete go on to serve a higher purpose, becoming angels who watch over the rest of us.”
“Angels must have wings then,” Jackson concluded.
“Yes,” Hope replied. “Harlan used to refer to Ellicia as his Angel. He told me that, from the first time he met her, he thought of her as his own special Angel.”
She turned back to the wall, tracing the lines of Harlan’s face with her eyes. The mural had been her idea, an effort to help her pass the time while they waited for the babies to grow and get stronger. Now, as she looked at it, she realized that it had also been a good thing for her in other ways. She had poured some of her grief, as well as her love into the mural, and it showed in the eyes of the two angels who gazed down at them, their wings spread wide to encompass all who needed their protection.
“Hope, I would ask that you join Clark, Rob and myself for the evening meal tonight,” Jackson said abruptly.
Hope was surprised by the invitation. She also sensed his nervousness, which was unusual. The Bearens were always so certain of themselves.
“Please?” he asked after a moment of silence.
“Sure,” Hope replied, trying not to think about how quickly the days were passing. The boys were due to be released from the hospital in two days. After that, the Bearens would be leaving for their home world. When they left, they would be taking Karma, Aisling and Berta with them as well as the babies. She would be alone again.
“Why do you look so sad?” Jackson asked. “Is it the thought of spending time with us?”
“No, of course not,” Hope replied, forcing a smile. “I would enjoy spending time with you guys. I haven’t seen much of you this past week.”
“We have been busy working with the Directorate, sorting through the rubble of the Brethren’s compound,” Jackson explained, not wanting her to think they had been avoiding her.
“Have you found anything useful?” she asked.
“Not much,” Jackson replied. “We will pick you up at six, if that is acceptable.”
“That’s fine, Jackson, thank you,” she said.
Jackson bowed. “Until this evening then,” he said. He offered one last smile before turning around and entering the nursery. Hope watched through the glass as he donned the sterile gown and gloves, realizing that she felt Clark and Rob already in there. They must have gone in while she was absorbed in her work.
She turned back to the mural and sighed. Now that it was done, she had to clean up her mess, but she didn’t really mind. By the time she was finished, the Bearens would be done with their visit, and then it would be her turn.
She still tried not to visit the babies at the same time as they did, as it only made things harder. She still sensed them when they were near, could feel their emotions, as well as her own desires for them. Desires that reminded her too much of the time she had spent with the Bearens. Desires that she could not control, and which proved to be the most difficult temptation of all.
On second thought, perhaps having dinner with them was not such a good idea. She turned around and looked through the window again, startled to see Jackson staring back at her, an expression on his face that she couldn’t quite decipher, but which made her heart hurt in her chest. She forced herself to smile, then turned back to her paints.
She would not break the date, she decided. They probably wanted to discuss the babies with her, or perhaps something else equally important. It would be selfish and irresponsible of her to refuse. Especially after already saying yes.
Those were the excuses she gave herself, but the truth was, she couldn’t bear the look on Jackson’s face.
***
“You’re going out with the Bearens tonight?” Karma asked with what appeared to be mild curiosity. However, living with Karma for the past couple of weeks had taught Hope a lot about the woman. She was intelligent, wistful, loyal and a die-hard romantic. She was also a woman with a lot of secrets, but that was her business.
“Yes, Jackson asked me to dinner,” Hope replied. “They probably want to discuss the boys.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Karma replied wryly. “What are you going to wear?”
“I don’t know, does it matter?” Hope asked with a shrug.
“Yes, I think it does,” Karma replied.
“I’m not looking to impress anyone,” Hope said. “I’ll wear jeans and a sweater, how’s that?”
Karma shook her head. “That’s fine. Unless you want to feel good about yourself.”
“I don’t understand,” she said. “What do clothes have to do with anything?”
“You are going to dinner with three men,” Karma said. “Never mind how you feel about them, or how they feel about you. Forget all of that for the moment.”
“Gladly,” Hope said under her breath. Karma arched a brow, but let it pass.
“When a woman goes out with a man, or three men, she has to feel her best. And in order to feel your best, you have to look your best. A little confidence in your appearance goes a long way toward helping you to feel more confidence in other areas.”
Hope considered that for a few moments. Maybe there was something to what Karma was saying.
“Okay, what do you suggest?”
“A shopping trip,” Karma replied at once. “I’ve seen your closet.”
“All right, I’m willing to see what you have in mind,” she said. “I make no promises though. Do you think Berta will mind staying here with Aisling?”
“No, Berta won’t mind a bit,” Berta said as she shuffled into the living room. “In fact, Berta would love to see you go out and do something fun for a change.”
Hope rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help smiling. She was going to miss these women when they left.
***
Jackson, Clark and Rob wore their Jasan Military Full Dress uniforms, the gold braid, patches, medals, and the jewels in the hilts of their ceremonial swords, sparkling brightly even in the dim lights of the elevator. They each had three silver stars on their epaulettes, a burgundy sash heavy with combat and service decorations, and immaculate white gloves.
This was the first time they had entered Hope’s building since their return to Virginia, even though they kept a close watch on it whenever Hope was at home. They kept their distance so that she wouldn
’t feel them because they didn’t want to upset her. At the same time, they could not let her go unguarded, no matter how angry she was with them. She had been kidnapped twice, and they were determined that it would not happen again. It helped that the Director had assigned a team of his people to keep a close eye on her, but it didn’t prevent them from keeping their own watch.
They stepped out of the elevator and took a moment to inspect each other’s appearance. When they were satisfied that they looked as neat and ordered as possible, they walked down the hall to Hope’s apartment. Karma answered Jackson’s knock with a grin.
“Hi guys,” she said brightly. Jackson frowned. They had only met Karma on two occasions, when she had accompanied Hope to the hospital, but it seemed to him her greeting and tone were both very much out of character.
“Just come in,” she said, rolling her eyes at Jackson’s frown. “Hope will be with you in a minute or two.”
They entered the apartment and stood just inside the living room, politely refusing Karma’s invitation to be seated. When Karma left them alone, Jackson reached out with his senses, confirming that Hope was there. She seemed nervous, but otherwise fine.
He relaxed his shoulders and waited.
When Hope finally stepped out of the hall and into the living room, Jackson’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. He had thought her beautiful from the first moment he had laid eyes on her, but somehow, she had exceeded mere beauty.
She was wearing a soft brown dress that hugged her curves and bared her arms and throat. The trim around the neckline and hems was a shade of turquoise that exactly matched her eyes. Her hair was braided far more loosely than usual, and pulled forward over her shoulder. The braid was decorated here and there with turquoise beads, and she wore more turquoise in her ears and around her neck. A light touch of makeup helped to frame and intensify her eyes so that they all but glowed. She was, quite simply, the most exquisite woman any of them had ever seen.
“You are most stunning,” Jackson said, his voice hoarse with sincerity. “I am afraid we cannot do you justice.”
The Bearens' Hope: Book Four of the Soul-Linked Saga Page 44
