"Mine," I said. To my ears, I sounded wrung out, shattered from sex and need and want. I had landed on a pillow, and I turned my head so I could see him beyond its white cushion that was partially blocking my view. Maybe he'd changed his mind. Now that he'd done his good deed and helped out the poor almost-virgin, he'd go back to the way things were before.
He was smiling at me, though, and his eyes seemed a little dazed, as if someone had dropped his strings, too. Reaching over, he touched my cheek.
"Mine," he answered.
* * * *
The New English Herald
Icon No More
By Ralph Hammond
Published 19 October 1999
London.
Irish boy band Icon have called it quits after nearly ten years. The group released five albums, which earned them thirteen number one songs, numerous awards and the adoration of girls between the ages of six and sixteen, their mothers and a majority of gay men. Their most recent release, Iconic, made its chart debut at number three and stayed there for nine weeks before falling to fifteen. It fared slightly better in Europe where it was number two in Norway and number one in Germany. Iconic was mostly the work of Andrew Brennan and Michael Scott Martin, the songwriting duo responsible for a third of the songs on Paeder Brogan's solo album.
Speaking from his home in Dublin, Keelin Nolan, 23, denied rumours of internal conflict. "I think we all just decided that it was time to move on. Paeder's album did really well, and I think he's eager to take advantage of that while he can. I'm ready for a change in my life as well. So, really this is coming at a good time." He added, "Of course, I'm dreadfully sorry if this upsets any of our fans, but in the long run I'm sure they'll understand that we're doing what is best for us at this time." Would Icon ever consider reuniting? "Certainly I can't speak for Russell and Paeder, but I would definitely do it if the cause was right. I don't know that we'll ever do an album as Icon again, but I don't think any of us would rule out performing together."
Russell O'Reilly, 25, is currently in America working with Mr. Martin on several producing jobs. "Paeder had very little to do with the last album, really," he said from Martin's California studio. "It was pretty much me and Keelin for the majority of it, and then Paeder would come in at the end and do his vocals. It was a different way of working for us, and a little trying at times, but ultimately we got an album that satisfied us all."
Asked about their future plans, Mr. Nolan expressed a desire to return to the stage. "I was an actor when I was a kid. I did Oliver! like every other boy, and I did some commercials for cereal." Mr. O'Reilly said, "I'm brushing up my production skills at the moment. Then I'm heading back to Ireland to start my own company. I want to make it a bit easier for young Irish musicians to get a start. I've got enough money from Icon that I want to give some of it back.
As for their more immediate plans, Russell elaborated: "Keelin and I are going canoeing with Michael and Andrew. Jamie Webster might come along as well, as he'll be finished with his tour soon. It should be wild."
Paeder Brogan, 25, was unavailable for comment.
Epilogue
Under, over, around. Over, around, under? Fuck. I pulled the bow tie off again, smoothed it out, and started over. My starched collar scratched my neck and I was starting to sweat beneath my black jacket.
"Here." Michael took the bow tie out of my hands and put it around my neck. "Don't know why you're nervous," he said as he tied it.
"Yeah, me neither," I replied. I could hear the string quartet I had hired playing a specially arranged version of "River of You" for the arriving invitees. Michael's parents were out there, and Scooter & Boots, the duo who had recorded the song that the quartet was playing, who we'd first met when they were singing at bars and I was still in college. Most of Michael's relatives were in the small sanctuary, too, many of whom hadn't seen him since he'd moved to America, which was partly why he'd wanted to get married in Melbourne, so that they could come. "End of an era?" I asked.
"Beginning of one." He gave my tie a tug to balance it out and kissed me on the forehead. "If I haven't said thank you, Drew—"
"Shut up right now or you'll make me cry."
He grinned, but stopped. For a few seconds, we stood there looking at each other. Right as it was getting awkward, he pulled me into a hug. I dropped into his embrace, grateful for its familiarity.
"I'm so happy for you, you know?" I said, and started crying anyway.
"Thanks. I know you are." He squeezed me tighter before stepping away. After checking himself in the mirror to make sure his tuxedo was perfect (it was), he jokingly offered me his elbow. "It's time."
"Have you seen Dianne?" I asked.
"Of course not. She's traditional."
I shook my head, trying to think of Michael doing anything traditional, but maybe a six month romance was spontaneous enough for him to want to do all the other traditional stuff that was part of a wedding.
Keelin spun around the corner as we approached the door that led into the front of the sanctuary. Jamie was right behind him. There was something in his eyes that I didn't trust. Something that was oddly familiar…
"We can't find Dianne!" Keelin said.
Michael froze. I still had my arm linked through his. He squeezed so tightly that my arm went numb. He made a noise like his last breath was wheezing out of him.
"Taking the mick," Keelin said, frantic and apologetic. In order to further distance himself from the unfortunate joke, he aimed both index fingers at Jamie. "He told me to do it."
So that was why I recognized the look. Jamie came forward with a big grin and hugged Michael. "Sorry, mate. No hard feelings?"
"Fuck, you bastard," Michael said, regaining his smile. "You had me going there."
"Lack of confidence," Jamie said. "Andrew must have rubbed off on you."
"It's my first wedding. I'm not used to people wanting to stick around with me."
"Hey," I said, "I stuck around."
Michael and Jamie both turned towards me and nodded with twin expressions of indulgence. "Yes, but you have an almost unnatural dedication to commitment," Jamie said.
"He does, doesn't he?" Michael asked.
"I'm not happy with the turn this conversation is taking," I said, moving a little closer to Keelin.
"I'm not complaining, though," Jamie said. "I don't know where I'd be if you didn't." He slipped his hand into mine and bent down to kiss my head.
"Jamie," I pushed him off, "not in front of the children."
Keelin shook his head. "I don't know how I ended up being the single one. Russell even has a girlfriend now."
"Enjoy it," Jamie said. "You deserve it. After Paeder, you need some time to yourself."
"Plus you can come stay with us any time," I added.
"Or with Dianne and me," Michael said, "after the honeymoon."
"Thanks." Keelin smiled. His smiles were coming easier than they had been when he and Dianne left Paeder in the same weekend. Dianne had been the one to reach out to Keelin and suggest that it was time they all moved forward. After Icon's official break up, Keelin had gone back to Paeder, left him and gone back again. When Dianne invited him over, he was on the verge of leaving again because Paeder was all but flaunting Jeff, as if he were daring Keelin to leave. It even seemed like Jeff was getting embarrassed by it.
I'd never asked how Paeder took the dual-dumping, but I hoped that it had woken him up to how he'd treated Keelin and Dianne. It had been hard for Keelin at first, but Dianne had called Michael almost as soon as she'd signed the divorce papers. Paeder, meanwhile, was with Jeff. We'd all expected them to get sick of each other, since it had seemed that the appeal of their relationship was that they had to sneak around and lie, but after six months, we'd had to admit that there was something else there. They'd gone to France together and were somewhere in the countryside. Paeder had sent flowers, though. We weren't sure if they were a gesture of goodwill or an attempt to stay on Michael's good side since Truly, Paeder was sti
ll doing well, and he was planning to record another album soon.
"So, wedding?" I asked. Jamie let go of my hand and went back to Keelin. They weren't part of the wedding party, so they needed to go back through the main entrance to the sanctuary to take their seats.
"You have the ring?" Michael asked.
For a second, I thought about telling him I didn't, but I figured he'd suffered enough from Keelin and Jamie's bad joke. I watched Jamie walking away. I didn't have the same twinge about that anymore because I knew I'd see him walking towards me, too, always coming back to me.
I looked at Michael, who was smiling at me, as flushed and happy as he'd been when our first song sold. I pulled the ring out of my pocket and showed him.
"I've got everything," I said.
The End
About the Author
Ryan Loveless has a B.A. in English from a private college in Illinois and a master's degree in library and information science with an archival certificate from a university in New York. Raised in a conservative family, she was shocked and relieved when her coming out was largely uneventful. She has been writing since she could read and has always drifted towards M/M because she enjoyed the relationship dynamics. It's possible that her first story was about G.I. Joe. She wishes she still had that story.
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Also by Ryan Loveless:
Available at Silver Publishing:
Pop Life
Available at Dreamspinner Press:
Off the Page
Offside
The Gift
Uniform Appeal Anthology
Available at Smashwords and Lulu:
Building Arcadia (Blueprints Not Included)
Pop Life Page 20
