Jocelyn smirked. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing we can do.”
She shook her head. “I can fix this.”
“The king has commanded me to marry. There is nothing that can be done.”
The only reason James would order Michael to marry was to ensure his loyalty. The marriage served no other purpose. “The king can change his mind.”
“You are not so powerful that you can overturn a command of the king.”
“You don’t know what I’m capable of.” There had to be a way. Jocelyn knew she could succeed. She had to. “The betrothal hasn’t been publicly announced.”
“No, but I’m bound, whether it’s public knowledge or not. If I only had to worry about myself, I would take you to the nearest church and marry you tonight, but I can’t risk the king’s displeasure falling upon my family or upon you. As it is, I’m worried about even giving the impression I’m not thrilled about the marriage. That’s why I put the candle out for you. It’s better if we meet in private where word won’t get back to the king. I can’t snub his cousin.”
“I understand. I have no problem with meeting in secret.”
“I do. I don’t like hiding. I should be able to be with you openly.”
Jocelyn took his hand. “I don’t know what you expected. Marriage was never a possibility for us.”
“According to whom?”
“Women like me don’t become wives. I could be your mistress. This marriage does not have to be the end of our relationship.”
“No, but I wanted to give you more. I don’t want you worried that I’ll leave your life as quickly as I entered it. I wanted the bonds of marriage to secure us. If you’re going to give up your work and give all of yourself to me, you need all of me in return.”
Jocelyn still bristled at the idea of giving up her work. Her work was central to her autonomy and happiness. “It’s irrelevant. As I said, I’m going to fix this.”
“I don’t want you causing any trouble for yourself. If we can just wait until after my marriage, I’ll install you as my mistress.”
“Doesn’t that go against your sense of honor and duty?”
“I can’t give you up. I love you, Jocelyn. It’s not ideal, but there’s no other way. When it’s a choice between having you as my mistress or not having you at all, I choose mistress.”
“Do you want to marry Lady Jane?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then that’s all that matters right now.”
“And how exactly do you think you’re going to change the king’s mind?”
“You don’t want to know.” Jocelyn stood. “I need to go home. I have an early appointment. Don’t tell anyone about the betrothal. It will be easier for me the longer it’s secret.”
Michael walked her to the door. “I have no interest in it being made public. Everything will be all right, Jocelyn, even if I do get married. My love for you isn’t going to change. Nothing can touch it.”
Jocelyn smiled. “I know.” She kissed his cheek and left.
This was the perfect situation. Jocelyn got everything she wanted. However, the thought of Michael with another woman made her queasy. It wasn’t the jealousy of her territory being encroached upon; she’d been the subject of that jealousy often enough. This was deeper. It involved her heart, not her pride. She had never thought she would marry Michael, but she couldn’t lose him to another woman. Her feelings seemed too complex for her to decipher. Her sole focus was stopping the betrothal. The rest could wait.
* * *
Chapter 18
“How is business, my friend?” James waved Lawrence into a chair next to him in his study.
“I have no complaints, Your Majesty.” Lawrence watched as James leafed through some pamphlets.
“Good. I’ve noticed Jocelyn spending time with the Earl of Dover.”
“Yes, he’s hired her a couple of times. Would you like me to put a stop to it now that he’s betrothed?”
James looked up. “Oh, of course not. I won’t fault him for succumbing to her charms, especially when I have.”
“Really? I didn’t think you took much interest in her charms, Sire.”
“Well, not those she usually uses on her clients. However, she amuses George, and I like that she makes him happy. As for myself, I enjoy her company and conversation. Anything beyond that is only when George asks me to join them for his enjoyment.”
“I always wondered why you tolerated her and Buckingham.” James’s relationship with George was hardly a secret.
“It’s not becoming for a king to harbor petty jealousies. Part of her appeal is that she knows her place, and I know she knows mine. There’s never been any confusion among the three of us.”
“Glad to hear it, Sire.”
“Though, I must say, I was a little surprised that she turned down George’s offer.” James raised his eyebrows, as if expecting an explanation.
“I assure you, Sire, it wasn’t due to any fault in the offer or in the man who made it.” The last thing Lawrence needed was a problem to emerge from Jocelyn’s refusal.
“I didn’t think so. It’s just odd. The aim of most women in her profession is to secure a place as mistress to a highly ranked man. Unless she’s holding out for me, I’d say her aims are quite different.”
Lawrence shrugged. “She is a peculiar one. Has been since the day she came knocking on my door, Sire.”
“Yes, that’s what keeps us all interested, isn’t it? Heavens know I don't have much use for most of her sex.” James smiled.
“I’m glad she pleases you, Sire.”
“Yes, well, I find her useful as well as entertaining. I’d like any information she might glean about the Earl of Dover that seems pertinent. He’s marrying into my family, and I don’t know much about him. I want to make sure I’m getting an adequate return on my investment.”
“Of course, Sire. All I have gathered from Jocelyn is that the earl feels somewhat out of his depth here at court and that he is anxious to please Your Majesty. The wedding will do much to set him on the right path. He’ll feel most indebted to Your Majesty, and already it is showing. I believe your investment will prove fruitful. His ships and influence will be yours.”
“Excellent.” James nodded. “Be sure to keep me apprised of any new developments. Also, I’d prefer it if you’d steer him toward Jocelyn, should he come to you looking for another girl. I trust her to get me any information I need.”
“She is always at your service, Sire, as am I.”
“Good.” James looked to a page. “Find out where the Marquess of Buckingham is hiding, and bring him to me.” The page silently left. “That’s all the business I had for you, Lawrence.”
That could have been worse. Lawrence would have to do some spying of his own to find little tidbits to give the king about Michael. He certainly wasn’t going to have Jocelyn spend any more time with him. Perhaps this could work to his advantage. As long as the information kept coming, James wouldn’t notice that Jocelyn no longer warmed Barwick’s bed. When the time was right, the earl could prove an advantageous pawn to control, and any knowledge Lawrence gleaned about him now would help him gain that control. Besides, he needed to spy on the earl in order to keep an eye on the situation with Jocelyn. Lawrence saw no reason why everything wouldn’t work out in his favor.
* * *
Chapter 19
Light footsteps echoed in the hall. Michael glanced at the candle in his window. Judging by the wax pooling at the base, it hadn’t been very long since he’d lit it. All day, time had moved at an odd pace.
Court had been unbearable. Instead of taking pleasure in seeing Jocelyn from afar, he felt tormented by her presence. He didn’t want to talk to any of the nobility. He wanted to talk to Jocelyn. The politicking of court did not intrigue him the way it did others. He only bothered leaving King’s Head at all because he couldn’t afford to appear anything other than grateful and thr
illed with the king’s order.
He went to the door and opened it a moment before Jocelyn arrived. Without a word, he gestured for her to join him inside. When he turned from closing the door, Jocelyn already sat on the sofa.
“Thank you for coming.” Michael joined her.
“Of course. Where else would I be?” Her smile stunned him. All day, he’d seen her simper around the men at court, and not once had she graced any of them with the smile she wore now.
“I know you’re busy.”
“I have control over my schedule, although I will be occupied tomorrow night. I don’t know if I’ll be available before morning.”
A hollow pang struck his chest. Perhaps it would be best if he let Jocelyn carry on with her life. She didn’t want to be an exclusive mistress, and he didn’t want to be a client. These little reminders of her work pained him. “That’s fine.” Dear God, could he sound any more pathetic?
“No, Michael, it’s not like that. I mean it is, but it isn’t. George has me for the night. It’s his regular appointment, and it’s how I’m going to set things right.”
“Thank you for trying.” Michael wanted to believe Jocelyn would succeed. If anyone could, it would be her, but it was asking too much. The king wanted him bound to the crown. No matter how persuasive Jocelyn was, she couldn’t change that fact. If Michael had only squandered the money he’d made at sea, none of this would be an issue. Damn his modest lifestyle. No one would have taken a second look at a new baron with a single ship to his name.
“Don’t be so gloomy. This isn’t a decree of doom. Even if I’m unsuccessful, we’ll still manage.”
She put on a valiant front, but Michael could see shadows of hurt in her hazel eyes. He wanted to be strong for her. It was his duty, but duty had cheated him of his happiness. It held little weight with him anymore. “You are the best part of my day, Jocelyn. I wish you could be with me every night.”
A flicker of mischief entered her eyes. “I could, you know. We could run away together.”
Her bright grin and light tone banished the dark atmosphere that had settled over Michael’s room. “Really? Tell me more about this plan.”
“We’ll leave everything behind and ride horseback to Dover. By the time the court and Lawrence realize we’re gone, we’ll have set sail on one of your ships.”
“Hmm. A fine plan. So will we go wherever the wind takes us, or do you have a destination in mind?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been outside England.”
“We could start a life in the New World.”
Jocelyn giggled, pulling Michael further into their dream, making it easier for their words to work their magic. “Can you imagine me in the New World? What would I possibly do?”
“Well, where to then, Captain Jocelyn?”
“How about France? I’ve always wanted to go there.”
“France is a big place. Do you want a cottage on the coast or a vineyard in the countryside?”
“How about a residence in Paris? I know you don’t care for cities, but—”
“The city is fine. I’d love to live in Paris with you.”
“Really?”
“Of course. Now what about Paris has caught your fancy?”
“It sounds so beautiful. I love the language. I always feel more elegant when I speak French. There’s art and fashion there that we don’t get in dreary old England.”
“Paris it is then. We’ll leave tonight. If we push our horses hard enough, we can catch tomorrow’s evening tide.”
Jocelyn settled into his arms, leaning her back against his chest with a soft, contented hum. “That sounds perfect.”
“Yes, it does.”
They sat together in silence. Michael allowed himself to revel in the dream. He wanted to take Jocelyn away with him and never look back. If Richard hadn’t died, he would’ve been able to. Then again, if Richard hadn’t died, Michael would most likely have never ventured to London and met Jocelyn in the first place. It was a painful irony that the event that brought them together also prevented them from staying together.
“We won’t need to run. I’m confident I can get this marriage business sorted. Even if I can’t, we can make arrangements for me to be your mistress that will suit us both.”
Michael shook his head. “I’ll have bound myself before God to a woman who is a stranger while the woman I love receives no such promises. It’s not right.”
“Do you think God even recognizes vows made by a harlot? His word says I’m going to Hell. Why would I care about promises made with him?”
“The promises aren’t just for God. They’re for the man and woman, for others to know of their commitment.”
“We can do that.” Jocelyn sat up and turned to face him. “Let’s make a blood vow.”
“What?”
“We’ll vow to each other now that we will always love and care for one another, no matter what happens. Other people won’t know of our commitment, but we will.” Jocelyn pulled her dagger from the purse she carried.
Making a blood vow would give them some connection to one another, even if it wasn’t the one he wanted. Chances were that Jocelyn would fail, and he would marry Lady Jane. If that was going to happen, he wanted to know that what he and Jocelyn had shared was real. All the nights he wasn’t with her, he wanted to be able to think back to this night and remember what he’d been so close to having. He was lucky to have had Jocelyn in his life at all.
Jocelyn lifted her gaze from the blade to meet Michael’s eyes. “Do you have a preference for where I cut?”
“I don’t want you to hurt yourself or mar your skin with a scar.” This was ridiculous. He didn’t need a physical sign from her. It wouldn’t make anything better.
Jocelyn’s eyes were intent on the dagger. Slowly, she brought her right hand up from her lap and stared at it. “I once entertained a man from Spain whose mother came from India. He told me that she taught him to read a person’s palm. The lines in the skin all have different names and purposes. People who know how to read them can divine where a person has been and where they are going.” Her eyes never left her hand. “This line here, he said, is the fate line.” She drew the dagger across her hand in one swift movement. Michael started forward, but Jocelyn calmly met his eyes. “See, when it heals, the scar will be hidden in the crease of my skin, but I’ll know it’s there, and every time I look at it, I’ll think of you and our entwined fates.”
Michael took the dagger from her and located the same line on his right hand. Closing his fingers around the blade, he pulled it out of his fist, slicing the skin. He set the dagger on the floor and took Jocelyn’s right hand in his. Their fingers interlocked, mingling the blood on their palms. Her blood entered his body as his entered hers: a part of each other they would carry forever.
“I swear that no matter what happens, Jocelyn, I’ll always love you. Whatever circumstances may part us, I will always be near you.”
“And I swear that I will always love you, Michael. Wherever you are, if you want me, I’ll come.”
Michael covered her mouth with his. Unlike the other kisses they had shared, this one was urgent, passionate. Michael had never felt so loved. He was tied to Jocelyn more surely than he ever would be to another person. They may not have promised to be together until death, but they had promised fidelity no matter what parted them, be it death or circumstance.
Michael pulled away and looked at her hand. “How are you going to explain this?”
“Let me worry about that. You might not see me for a little while. After tomorrow night, I’m accompanying the Earl of Dorset on a hunting trip.”
Michael’s stomach tightened. “I’ll try to be patient.” He went to his chest in the corner and tied his hand in a handkerchief. He brought two back for Jocelyn and wrapped her hand. “That’ll do until you get home.”
“Thank you. I should be going.” She cleaned the blade with the other handkerchief and placed it back in her purse.
“May I escort you home?” He knew he shouldn’t be seen walking with her at this hour, but he didn’t care.
“No, I don’t think it would be wise. If Lawrence finds out, it will make it harder for me to explain my hand. I’ve been taking myself home for years, and nothing’s ever happened.”
“Be safe.” Michael kissed her cheek. “My love.” As he watched her walk away, he curled his right hand into a fist until the cut smarted. Their vow comforted him, and for a moment, he allowed himself to believe that someday she would never have to walk away from him again.
* * *
Chapter 20
“Check.” George Villiers moved his queen in position across from Jocelyn’s king.
Jocelyn moved her king to the right. If George was paying attention, he’d see the opening and end the game.
“Checkmate.” George’s brown eyes peered into Jocelyn’s. “What do you want?”
“Excuse me?”
“You let me win. You only let me win when you want something. What is it?”
“Am I really so transparent?”
“I’ve known you for years, Jocelyn. You and I are business people. I enjoy your company, you know that, but don’t pretend this is something it isn’t.”
Jocelyn always appreciated George’s frankness. They played their flirtatious games, but it was more enjoyable with George than the others because they were both aware of the game. He never pretended the act was real. They had an understanding of sorts. In that moment, she saw in George the one person she could talk to.
“Do you love me, George?” She wanted to know what he would say.
“I love a great many things about you, Jocelyn, and I admire even more. However, I’m not in love with you.”
“But you’re in love with him.” There was no need to name him. They both knew who she referenced.
George leaned back in his chair and leveled a pointed stare at her.
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