The Feisty Traveler - A Quirky Memoir

by Lil Cromer

  The corrupt church fathers have seen fit to hoard all the wealth while pleading for others to help the immigrants and feed and clothe the poor. The cover up regarding the child abuse was egregious enough, but the arrest of Monsignor Nunzio Scarano, a Vatican official accused of smuggling twenty million Euros into Italy from Switzerland accentuates greed and arrogance. Scarano protested his innocence, accused laymen and claimed some cardinals had covered up. This is reminiscent of Cardinal Timothy Dolan who requested permission from the Vatican in 2007 to move nearly $57 million into a cemetery fund to protect the assets from victims of clergy sexual abuse. The Vatican moved swiftly to approve the request, but it took years to remove known abusers from the priesthood. Some Italians believe this scandal was the reason Pope Benedict beat a hasty retreat because he couldn’t tolerate the corruption. But don’t get me started on the Catholic Church.

  Pope John Paul I, affectionately known as Papa Luciani, died only thirty-three days into his Pontificate, August 26, 1978 – September 28, 1978. It was one of the shortest papal reigns and caused a great deal of confusion. The cause of death was listed as a heart attack, but many were crying murder. Papa Luciani refused to wear the papal tiara or be carried in the gestatorial chair and was on a mission to reverse the Church’s position on contraception, clean up the Vatican bank and dismiss many Masonic cardinals. Because an autopsy of a pope is forbidden, his cause of death will always remain a mystery. Pope Francis better keep alert!

  Most seasoned travelers are accustomed to ABC tours (another bloody cathedral/church) and no more so than in Italy. I learned the difference between a cathedral and a basilica: a cathedral is the seat of the bishop and a basilica is where bones of saints are buried. Almost all cathedrals and churches pale in comparison to St. Peter’s Basilica, which is the richest and grandest church on earth. To call it vast is like calling Einstein smart. Pope John 23 is buried there near St. Peter. The legend goes if you rub the foot of St. Peter, you’ll get into heaven. Several in our group didn’t take any chances and got in line for the rub.

  No photos were allowed in the Sistine Chapel so I tried to store the images in my brain during the few minutes we were allowed in. Michelangelo, a unique and talented individual who was suspected of being gay, originally refused to paint the ceiling. He was threatened with jail by Pope Julius II, so he acquiesced. The painstaking job took four years and wreaked havoc on his body. He was later treated for neck, back and shoulder problems. Before the Pope died he asked Michelangelo to paint a fresco on the wall over the altar, like the Last Judgment. Our guide detailed this fresco as well as the ceiling before we went into the Sistine Chapel so we would recognize the depictions. The Last Judgment depicted brutal murders of martyrs yet ironically Michelangelo was criticized for not putting clothes on his figures, talk about hypocrisy! He refused, so the pope hired another artist to paint on clothes. Many of the women in this fresco were painted with men’s faces and muscular arms. He was barred from signing the fresco, but got the last word by painting his face on one of the beheaded martyrs.

  Outside of Rome we stopped at the Montecassino Abbey, which was bombed during WWII by allied forces by mistake as there were erroneous reports that the Nazis were inside this Benedictine monastery. This strategic location on top of a hill, 1000 meters high, was totally destroyed. It was rebuilt four times in the same footprint. Remember history is always written by the winners never the losers.

  Venice:

  Some call Venice an open sewer. While I didn’t notice any really offensive odors, it was not the cleanest city I’ve ever visited.

  It’s the gateway to the Orient and one of the few cities in the world that can truly be described as unique. This car-free urban wonderland of a hundred islands, laced together by 400 bridges and 2000 alleys, survives on the artificial respirator of tourism. Tidal waters from the Adriatic regularly flood the city, some twenty times per year. But no worries they provide hip boots for everyone as well as installing elevated planks on the streets. Also no worries about getting lost, after all you’re on an island. I quickly discovered a good map is essential and you find your way by landmarks, not streets.

  The Grand Canal, Venice’s Main Street, is two miles long. Venice only has three main canals: Grand, Giudecca and Cannaregio. The day I left Venice for the airport, it entailed a twenty-five minute water taxi ride followed by a van ride to the terminal. The water taxi driver only knew one speed “fast” and nearly collided with a barge when he turned off the Grand Canal onto a lesser one. Glad to be leaving the city, I hung on for dear life.

  It was interesting to watch trash and hotel linen pickup all done by boat. Pigeons coexist with outdoor café diners, brazenly prowling for food, landing on tables then stealing whatever they can grab. Waiters chased them away but they’re persistent.

  Bridge of Sighs connects the Doge’s Palace with the prison. It’s said a condemned man would be led over this bridge on his way to prison to take one last look at Venice and then sigh.

  A highlight for me was a visit to the Peggy Guggenheim museum which houses a priceless collection of modern art with pieces by such renowned artists as Dali, Picasso, Arp, and Miro among many others. It took a while to find it, but was worth the effort.

  I spent two days alone between tours here, trying to bear the brutal heat and humidity. Riding around on the vaporettos was like riding in a cattle train during the day. I carried my water bottle and filled it at public fountains. Venetians pride themselves on having pure, safe and tasty tap water piped in from the foothills of the Alps; yet, as I mentioned earlier, restaurants insist on charging for bottled water instead of providing tap water. A major landmark is the Rialto Bridge where gondoliers take advantage of the acoustics under the arch and belt out Volare etc. Texting has invaded Venice and gondoliers are texting with one hand and poling with the other.

  Venice’s population is half of what it was just thirty years ago and is around 58,000 today. People are leaving at the rate of 100 per year; of those who stay, 25% are sixty-five or older. With millions of visitors per year, on any given day Venetians are likely to be outnumbered by tourists. The economy is thriving but the culture is dying. Some speculate that in a few decades Venice will not be a city at all but a museum, a cultural theme park, a decaying Disneyland for adults. Overheard by a Venetian: “We don’t have to be nice to tourists, they come here regardless.”

  A Spanish architect, Santiago Calatrava, built a controversial bridge, the fourth to cross the Grand Canal. Its modern design is a sore point for a city with such rich medieval and Renaissance architecture. It couldn’t accommodate people in wheelchairs so needed to be retrofitted; the project ran way over budget. The heavy bridge is crushing the centuries-old foundations at either end. This same architect built an art museum in Milwaukee, WI, which I’ve visited a couple of times. The unique building resembles a ship and the roof opens and closes like the wings of a huge bird.

  St. Mark’s Square is the religious and political center of Venice. This square is filled with music, lovers, pigeons, and tourists by day and is your private rendezvous with the Venetian past late at night when it becomes Europe’s most magnificent dance floor. Here you’ll find St. Mark’s Basilica where he’s buried. His body had to be smuggled into Venice in a pork barrel to confound Muslim officials who refused to search anything that touched pork. St. Mark’s Basilica was anticlimactic after seeing St. Peter’s in Rome.

  The Jewish ghetto in the Cannaregio district coined the word ghetto from “geto,” the copper foundry located here. Venice is shaped like a fish with transportation into the city being the mouth. Our hotel, Continental, was the eye.

  Politics:

  There are some 300 political parties in Italy. Silvio Berlusconi, who served three terms as Prime Minister, makes our crooked politicians look like choir boys. He has an extensive record of criminal allegations, including mafia collusion, false accounting, tax fraud, corruption and bribery of police officers and judges, but has beaten most charges. Ho
wever, he was sentenced to four years house arrest while I was there for corruption and fraud. He appointed a porno star, Mara Carfagna, as Minister of Equal Rights. Because of his sexual exploits and activities he earned the nickname “Bunga Bunga,” referring to an episode where he danced nude with twenty young women. He’s had numerous face lifts, a hair transplant, and wears lifts in his shoes. He used so much Viagra he could no longer get an erection, so he had a special device custom-made so he could continue fornicating. We rode by Berlusconi’s home and noted a police car parked outside. Wonder if that’s to keep him in or the young girls out? Interestingly people in many parts of Europe, when asked about the debt crisis, fewer than 10% said their leaders were doing a good job. They viewed political parties as corrupt institutions and said their governments were run by special interests. Sound familiar?

  Toward the end of my month in Italy, I began to wonder why so many people travel to this country when the tourism bureau doesn’t really give a damn. During the busy season shops continue to close from 1:00 until 4:00 pm. for lunch and sonnellini (naps). The infrastructure in most parts of the country is a disaster. For example touring to the medieval town of Orvieto, perched on top of a high hill, an escalator was installed as a political favor to a company who helped the politician get elected, but it hasn’t been operational since it was installed, resulting in a hike up some steep steps to reach the funicular. Another example happened the day we drove down the Amalfi Coast and finally reached the town of Amalfi. My bladder was set to burst as I dashed out of the bus and ran for the public WCs only to find them closed. This happened on a Sunday with thousands of tourists milling about. Several times the bus shook and rattled traversing the washboard roads. Our guide let us know that money is not being appropriated for archaeological digs, another tourist attraction given the shaft.

  Also while on tour, Pope Francis visited the southern Mediterranean island of Lampedusa, a major point of arrival for impoverished immigrants, mostly from Africa and the Middle East and pontificated his dissatisfaction with the “globalization of indifference” toward suffering immigrants. This angered politicians who responded that it was easy for clergy to make that statement but difficult for those running the country. Here I must add the Pope’s recent comment about gays, saying, “Who am I to judge, let’s be inclusive,” which begs the question, what about women and their role in the Catholic Church? Italy receives roughly 300,000 immigrants per year, second only to the USA.

  Observations:

  Most bathrooms have bidets, causing one gentleman on the tour to ask why his hotel room had two toilets. I almost included him in the chapter on Ugly Americans, but decided he was just plain ignorant. The Italian women are slaves to fashion, decked out with high heels and stylish clothes; a popular dress, high in the front and long in the back is called high-low. It was fun watching these women negotiate those uneven cobblestone streets wearing high heels. One day while people watching I observed footwear, which ranged from these high heels to sandals and flip-flops with zero support. It’s amazing how many Italians speak English while we resist teaching a second language here in America. Traveling as a single, most of my rooms were small but comfortable, except for the miniscule cubicle in Venice. The bed was smaller than a baby crib, no space to open a suitcase, a tub/shower with no curtain, an eight inch step into the bathroom and the wimpy air conditioner added to my frustration.

  Miscellaneous stuff:

  Italy buys wheat from the US, makes pasta, then sells the pasta back to us. It’s the largest producer of kiwi fruit. A service fee of one to two Euros is charged in most restaurants where you sit down. If you opt for take-away try finding a bench to sit and enjoy your meal. Many of the historical towns and cities are not allowed to install benches. Some of the scarce WCs were only holes in the floor, shades of a third world country; and don’t even look for toilet paper. Our clever program director, Pilar, referred to bathroom stops as “Hamlet Stops,” to pee or not to pee? That is the question?

  The Germans and the Brits were the only ones wise enough to buy farmhouses in Tuscany after the war and bought them for a song. Today they are worth millions. You’ll see a pineapple on many old facades as this was a symbol of wealth. Pineapples years ago were very expensive, so the gentry would set a whole pineapple in the middle of the table but never eat it, saving it for the next dinner party.

  The Italian immigrants who came through Ellis Island were mostly illiterate and had written TONY on their arms indicating “To New York” and that’s why there are so many Italians named Tony. Semi trucks are not allowed on the highways on Sunday unless they are hauling perishables. “OK” came from the RAF who would use this abbreviation during WW II on their tally boards, designating zero killed. Enrique Caruso was from Naples, but after he was booed off the opera stage he moved across the bay to Sorrento and never returned. Gasoline is $8.00 US per gallon. When counting use your thumb as number one. Italy caught a Nazi spy because he held up his three middle fingers rather than starting with his thumb. Dog lovers are everywhere and for the most part they and their dogs were well behaved. However one morning a woman waltzed into the breakfast room in our hotel with her dog to inspect the buffet. Statues and frescoes abound for the masses, because only the clergy and the wealthy were educated.

  Pilar and Lil

  Pilar’s house in Rome is 453 sq. ft. in which she and her husband raised two children. When they traveled to Boston and walked into their hotel room they assumed they were in the wrong room, it was huge with two big beds, so they went back to the desk to tell them of their mistake. The clerk assured them that was the standard double room. Things we take for granted: clothes dryers, dishwashers, ice, big cars, but especially lots of space are in short supply in Italy.

  Questions and comments from fellow travelers: Does BC mean before Columbus? Where are the pimento olive trees? Where is a good Chinese restaurant? Can you imagine traveling to Italy, with probably some of the best food in the world, and asking for Chinese? Romeo and Juliet were real people, not fictitious. Also was going to put this in the Ugly American chapter, but again, it’s just ignorance.

  Cuisine:

  I’ve never been a fan of coffee preferring tea. As in many European countries iced tea is as rare as an honest politician in Italy. So, I became creative ordering a pot of tea and a bowl of ice cubes (a euro or two didn’t hurt my chances), generating odd looks and I’m sure asides of “these weird Americans.” The Italians create some unique pizzas, several of which I tried like the ham and fig, or the tuna and artichoke. Don’t know when I’ve drunk so much wine (the only meal we weren’t served wine was at breakfast). Because Italians don’t add sulfites to their wine, hangovers are rare. Wine cannot be called Brunello if it is not made with Sangiovese grapes grown in Montalcino. I read a review online about a couple who had taken this exact tour and complained that the food was inedible and if not for their granola bars and gelato they would have starved. Don’t know which country they visited, but it sure wasn’t Italy!

  Most of the wait staff were friendly and accommodating. An exception was Marino, a bartender at a roof top restaurant with personality zero. Instead of chatting up the few customers, me included, he was busy texting. No tip from me, tipping is optional in Italy because the staff are paid a decent salary and the prices reflect it. I’ve advocated for this policy in the US for years, it would make things so much more straightforward.

  Verona

  If you like Italy but don’t need blockbuster sites, this little town is a joy. Verona’s main attractions are its wealth of Roman ruins, its 21st century, quiet, pedestrian-only ambience and world-class opera. Wish we would have had time to see an opera in the old opera house built in the first century. You’ll see dumpsters painted by school kids as class projects. And let’s not forget the famous star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet who were purported to live in Verona. The house and balcony claiming to be Juliet’s was created by a clever tour guide in the early 1970s as a way to attract visitors t
o Vernona — and he succeeded. There were crowds of jostling tourists trying to snap photos of the colorful balcony.

  Bolzano – the Alps

  The Dolomites, Italy’s dramatic rocky rooftop, which was once coral reefs, offers some of the best thrills in Europe. Bolzano is the gateway to the Dolomites, where we spent an exciting couple of days including a cable car ride to the top of the mountains. The distinctive shape and color of these mountains comes from dolomite, which is a sedimentary rock similar to limestone. If it wasn’t so sunny in Bolzano, you could be in Innsbruck instead of this enjoyable old Italian town of 100,000. We definitely felt the German influence with signs in both German and Italian and the cleanliness of the entire area. I especially loved the local food and beer.

  Me at the Dolomites

  We took a day trip to Innsbruck, which means “bridge over the River Inn.” There we saw the tallest traffic bridge in Europe called Europabrucke. An impressive store of world famous Swarovski crystal was a must see there. Like German Fred Miller who came to the US looking for good water to brew beer and found it in Milwaukee, Daniel Swarovski left Bohemia, now called the Czech Republic, in search of good water to make his crystals and settled in Vienna.