by Marta Perry
“Hey, Benjy, did you know I was in the hospital? I had my own room and a television, too.”
Benjamin grinned. He wasn’t too fluent in English yet, but the two of them chattered together in a scrambled mixture of English and Pennsylvania Dutch. “Me and Mamm brought whoopie pies.”
“Wow!” Obviously that was far more important than the hospital stay. “Can we have one now, Mommy? Can we?”
Deidre glanced at Judith and got a smile and a nod in response.
“Okay, you two. One each. Kevin, don’t run.”
Heedless, the two boys raced to the kitchen. Judith chuckled. “I wonder how many times you’ll say that in the next few days.”
“I might as well save my breath, but I have to try. The doctor said to keep him quiet.”
“Does the doctor have a five-year-old boy?” Judith asked innocently. “Might as well try to stop the wind from blowing.”
“True.” Dropping the bags, she gave Judith a hug. “Thanks for the treat. Maybe we’d better see if there’s any milk for them before they choke on mouthfuls of chocolate.”
“No need. I already poured it. And made sure you have what you need in the refrigerator. I knew you wouldn’t want to run to the store first thing. Your cousin Anna dropped off chicken potpie for your supper, so all you have to do is heat it up.”
Deidre had a ridiculous urge to cry. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Everyone has been so kind, coming to sit with Kev, cleaning the house, running errands...”
“Everyone wants to help.” Judith hesitated, and her serene oval face actually looked troubled. “That makes me think of something I must tell you.”
“Something bad?” She was instantly apprehensive.
Judith considered. “Maybe not. It bothered me, is all. The other day when I came over I found somebody here. That Mr. Glassman. He said you’d asked him to pick up some things for Kevin.”
Deidre’s tension slid away. “Actually he offered, but it was really helpful. Kevin was just about bouncing out of the bed, and I needed something to entertain him. It’s okay that he was here. I had lent him my key.”
“Ja, that’s what he said. But I found him upstairs in your bedroom.”
“In my room?” Odd, but she could easily see reasons why that would be. “Maybe he was just trying to find the things on the list. And he hadn’t ever been upstairs before.”
“Maybe.” Judith didn’t sound convinced. “But I’d think he’d have seen that Kevin’s toys were in his room, not yours.” She hesitated a moment. “He is a stranger.”
He was. She kept forgetting that. Natural enough, since he’d been with her through one of the most traumatic experiences of her life. But how much did she know about him?
“You’re right to tell me. Thank you, Judith. Denke.” She used the Pennsylvania Dutch word for thanks automatically.
“What will you do?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll have to decide soon.” She glanced at her watch. “He’s coming over so he can be here when Chief Carmichaels talks to Kevin this afternoon.”
“Ach, that man and his questions.” Judith looked exasperated. “He even talked to Benjamin, and what could Benjy tell him? Benjamin was in bed and asleep, and he hadn’t even seen Kevin since the morning.”
“I guess if they didn’t ask questions, they wouldn’t be able to find out what happened.” She tried to be fair, although her sympathies were with Judith. She glanced at the boys, sitting at the kitchen table and chattering around mouthfuls of chocolate and cream filling. “But I hope it doesn’t upset Kevin to have them asking him about that night. Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I hope he never does remember.”
They stood for a moment, watching their sons. Even though their lives were different in so many ways, she and Judith valued the same things: home, family, tradition. Judith would say that she was content in the place God had put her. It was a good place, despite what had happened to Dixie.
“We should go, since you’re expecting people.” She swept into the kitchen. “Ach, look at the two of you. Such dirty faces. Let’s get clean, and then Benjamin and I must get home.” She smiled at the expected outcry. “Benjamin can visit tomorrow, if your mamm says it’s okay.”
While Judith supervised the cleanup, Deidre put the milk away, noting that the refrigerator was filled with dishes she hadn’t put there. Obviously the neighbors were intent on seeing they didn’t go hungry.
By the time the front doorbell rang, Judith and Benjamin had already gone out the back. “Somebody’s here!” Kevin started to run to the door, but Deidre was close enough to grab him.
“You’re not supposed to run, remember? Just for a few days.”
Kevin nodded. “I know. But it’s hard to remember.”
“Try,” she said. “Okay, let’s answer the door.”
Jason had arrived before Chief Carmichaels was due, as they’d arranged. At first the judge had insisted that he be personally present for this interview, and he hadn’t taken kindly to her obvious negative reaction. Imagining the tension that could so easily develop any time her father-in-law was present, she’d been relieved when he’d given in to Jason’s reminder that he was representing her and Kevin. It had been hard enough running interference between the judge and the doctors, let alone trying to referee between him and the chief.
Jason came in, giving Kevin a friendly smile. “So, you’re home at last. Bet it feels good.”
Kevin nodded, instantly at ease. After a couple of visits with Jason at the hospital, Kevin had decided, apparently for reasons that made sense to a five-year-old, that Jason was an okay guy. “The hospital wasn’t bad. But being home is better.”
“Right.” He sent a questioning glance to Deidre. “Did you tell him about Chief Carmichaels yet?”
“No, I was just about to.” She reminded herself that she ought to ask him about what Judith had said. But not now. She touched Kevin’s shoulder. “Kev, Chief Carmichaels is coming over in a few minutes. He wants to ask you about your accident.”
“You mean when I fell out of the tree?”
Obviously she should have cleared that up for him before this, but she’d wanted to let him hold on to his comfortable story for as long as possible.
“You didn’t fall out of the tree, sweetie. It was later when you fell. During the evening. You fell down the stairs.”
His small face crinkled, and he shook his head. “But the tree...”
“You’ve forgotten some things from that day. That happens sometimes when a person gets a bad bump on the head.”
Kevin seemed to digest that. “Okay. I remember Chief Carmichaels from when he came to kindergarten to talk to us about safety. He let me wear his hat. Remember, Mommy?”
“Yes, I remember.” Kevin had been so proud, standing there in the cap that was way too big for him.
“But why does he want to know about me falling?”
“Well...” How did she explain that without getting into the thing she didn’t want to say?
Jason squatted down to Kevin’s level. “See, Kev, it’s this way. Sometimes the police look into accidents to see what caused them. Like if anyone was to blame.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “Okay.”
Jason rose, opening the attaché case he’d carried in with him. “I hear you like trains, and I thought maybe you’d like this one.” He held out a new locomotive for Kevin’s train set.
“Wow.” Kevin’s eyes widened. “Wow. It’s for me?”
“For you. In honor of coming home from the hospital.” Jason grinned. “Think it’ll work?”
“It’s great.” Seizing the train, he raced for the stairs. “I have to put it on the track.”
“Don’t run,” Deidre cried as he reached the stairs.
“I’m not,” he protested, scra
mbling up them.
Deidre’s breath caught, her chest tightening as he scooted past the place where he must have tripped.
“It won’t always be this bad.” Jason’s voice was low and infused with more than simple empathy. “Even the worst memories fade with time.”
She looked into his face, but it didn’t tell her anything. He was too good at hiding his feelings.
“That sounds like personal experience talking.”
He shrugged. “I guess we all have bad things we don’t want to remember.” He turned, glancing out the front window at the sound of a vehicle. “Looks like Carmichaels is here. Are you ready?”
“I guess I’ll have to be, won’t I?” Deidre straightened her shoulders and tried to summon up some courage. Whether Judith was right or wrong in her opinion of Jason, at the moment Deidre was glad he was with her.
* * *
JASON DIDN’T KNOW where that need to reassure Deidre had come from, but he’d better get back to a more professional stance with her in a hurry. It was not part of his assignment to get that involved with her. All he wanted was evidence, one way or the other, to either prove or disprove the judge’s opinion of her.
Carmichaels entered, greeting Deidre with an avuncular hug. “Bet you’re glad to have that boy of yours home. How’s he doing?”
“Fairly well, so far.” She glanced at Jason as if asking him something, and he nodded.
“Before you talk to Kevin, I think Mrs. Morris wants to set up some guidelines.”
Carmichaels’s gaze went from Jason to Deidre, speculative. “Now, Deidre, you know me well enough to know I’m not going to bully the boy.”
“Of course, but I’m still concerned.” She seemed unconscious of the fact that her hands were clasped tightly. “He doesn’t remember anything about most of that day. He won’t be able to help you.”
“We won’t know that until I talk to him, will we?” Carmichaels glanced around. “Where’s the best place for us to talk?”
“Sorry.” Deidre’s fair skin flushed. “Come and sit down.” She looked at the sofa and seemed to change her mind, leading the way into the dining room instead. “We’ll sit here at the table, all right?”
Carmichaels might have preferred the scene of the attack, but he didn’t argue, just pulled out a chair and sat down, planting his elbows on the table. “How about calling Kevin, and we’ll get this over with.”
“Not yet,” Deidre said quickly, gesturing Jason to a chair. She glanced at the stairs, as if afraid Kevin would appear too soon. “Since Kevin imagines he fell earlier in the day, he doesn’t remember Dixie was here. So he doesn’t know that she’s... That she died.”
“Deidre, you don’t believe you can keep it from him, do you? Kevin could hear about it from almost anyone. Lord knows the whole town’s been talking about nothing else.” Carmichaels looked disapproving, and Jason had to agree with him on this one. What was she thinking?
“I know he has to be told.” Deidre’s color was high, and there was a stubborn look to the way her chin was set. “But I thought it was best if he heard it in his own home. I’ll tell him soon, but you’ll have to respect my decision as to when and how.”
That was Jason’s cue to do his job. “If we don’t have your assurance that you won’t mention the James woman’s death in the boy’s presence, then I’m afraid I can’t allow you to question him.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out.” Carmichaels shrugged heavy shoulders. “Okay, I won’t say anything about her death. But he’s a smart kid. He’s going to figure it out soon enough.”
“All right, then.” Deidre seemed ready to accept the chief’s word. “I’ll get him.” She walked to the bottom of the steps and clutched the newel post. “Kevin, come down for a minute, please.”
It said something about the way she’d brought up her son that he didn’t embark on a shouted argument. Instead, he appeared at the top of the steps.
“Don’t run,” she said quickly, and he suspected that the words had become a kind of talisman for her. If she could keep him from running, she could keep him safe. Deidre wouldn’t believe that rationally, but the instinct was still there.
“Okay, Mommy.” Kevin put his hand on the railing, sliding it down all the way to the bottom.
“Remember, I told you Chief Carmichaels wanted to ask you a few questions about your accident, Kev.” She led him to the table, one hand on his shoulder.
Kevin didn’t look upset at the prospect, but when Deidre sat down and held out her arms, he climbed into her lap and leaned against her.
“This won’t take long, Kevin. Then you can go back and play, okay?” Carmichaels was clearly making an effort to keep it low-key.
Kevin nodded, his expression wary.
“Well, now, what can you tell me about your accident? Just say anything you remember.”
Kevin leaned against his mother, turning his head to look up into her face. She nodded in encouragement. “It’s all right. Just tell the chief what you remember.”
“I remember climbing in the apple tree,” he said promptly.
At Carmichaels’s baffled look, Deidre explained, “That happened earlier in the day. It seems to be the last thing he remembers.”
“You don’t remember being on the steps in your pajamas?”
Kevin shook his head. Again he looked up at his mother. “Is that where I fell?”
“That’s it. You must have tripped on your blanket and tumbled down.” She kept her voice even, but Jason could see that it was a struggle.
“Let’s go back a little bit,” Carmichaels said. “What did you have for supper?”
Clearly Kevin didn’t like not knowing the answer. His face scrunched up. “I don’t know.”
“Do you remember that Dixie was coming to stay with you?”
Jason thought Deidre stiffened at the mention of Dixie, but she didn’t interrupt.
“No.” He twisted to look up at his mother again. “Did Dixie watch me that night, Mommy?”
She stroked his hair. “Yes, sweetie, she did.”
“That’s easy, then.” Kevin’s face relaxed in a smile. “You just ask Dixie what happened. She’ll tell you.”
Before Carmichaels could speak, Jason rose. “I think that’s enough, Chief. Kevin can’t help you.”
“Maybe if we talked a little more...”
“No.” Deidre put both arms around her son as if shielding him. “No more.”
“That’s it.” Jase defied the man to argue. Deidre was within her rights. “The doctor who tended Kevin will tell you that he shouldn’t be pushed to remember.”
Carmichaels planted his hands on the table and pushed himself to his feet. “Okay. You’ve made your point. Thanks for talking to me, Kevin.”
The boy nodded, but then he burrowed his head against his mother’s chest. Her arms tightened around him.
“I’ll show you out.” Jason conducted Carmichaels to the door. In a way, he sympathized with the man’s frustration. He had a murder to solve, and the only potential witness couldn’t remember. But Jason had to protect his client, even if it threw a roadblock in the way of the investigation.
When he’d closed the door behind the police chief, Jason turned back into the room. He was just in time to hear Kevin’s voice, trembling a little. “Mommy, why did everyone look so funny when I said to ask Dixie? She’d know what happened. Why don’t you ask her?”
Tears shone in Deidre’s eyes, but she managed to maintain her calm. “I’m afraid we can’t. You see, Dixie got hurt that night, too.”
He looked up at her, frowning a little as if he struggled to understand. “Did she go to the hospital, like me?”
“Yes. She went in an ambulance, like you did. But she was hurt a lot worse than you were, Kev.” She stroked his he
ad, and Jason could see her fingers shaking. “I’m afraid Dixie didn’t make it. She died.”
Kevin didn’t move for a moment. Then his lips began to tremble, and tears welled in his eyes. “Like...like Daddy?”
A spasm of pain crossed Deidre’s face. “Yes. Like Daddy.”
Kevin began to cry...huge, wrenching sobs that shook his whole body. He buried his face against his mother’s chest, clinging to her.
Deidre held him close, rocking back and forth. Above her son’s head, Deidre’s gaze met his, and Jason saw the anguish there. It ripped at his own heart, too.
* * *
ONCE KEVIN WAS tucked up in bed that evening, Deidre found it impossible just to kiss him good-night and leave the room. Usually he was the one who tried to prolong bedtime. Now it was she who suggested another story, another song.
But when he drifted off in the middle of a favorite book, she knew she had to let him rest. If she curled up on the bed next to him, as she very much wanted to do, she’d be telling him there was something to be afraid of. She couldn’t plant that idea in his mind.
Bending down, Deidre kissed Kevin’s soft cheek. He snuggled into the pillow, and his breath came slow and even. She forced herself to slip out of the room.
Stopping in the hallway, Deidre glanced down the stairs, seeming for an instant to see it the way Kevin must have that night, stretching out endlessly, with only the glow of the table lamp to dispel the darkness.
She ought to go down to the workroom and catch up on orders, but for the first time it seemed very far away. Finally, she went to the linen closet. It took her a couple of minutes to unearth the baby monitor she’d stowed on the top shelf ages ago. Setting the base just outside Kevin’s door, she carried the wireless receiver down with her. Kevin would be humiliated at the idea, but he need never know, and at least she’d hear him if he woke up.
Even with the precaution of the monitor, Deidre found it hard to concentrate when she reached the computer. There were several orders waiting for confirmation, and a few inquiries about special orders—mostly people who wanted an item made with a particular design or color. Focus eluded her. If she wasn’t thinking about Kevin, she was reliving the events of the afternoon.
