And I’m a lucky woman.
I never thought I’d be where I am right now. Being a journalist was a part of who I was, but now I’m so much more. I love that I get to do it all, juggle my freelance career, still earn my own money, and be a stay-at-home mother to my son, whom I love more than anything else. I’ve changed, but for the better. I went from distrusting men and thinking I had no use for them to being head over heels in love with the man in front of me.
And I went from being badass to being, well . . . badass, just in a completely different way.
I’m a working mother.
I’m an old lady. And this is where I belong, wherever these two boys are.
Everyone comes over to the clubhouse for dinner. Erin and Knuckles cook while the rest of us sit back and chat and laugh, Walker asleep in my arms.
“Katie said she didn’t want David,” Rogue says to me, quietly so only we can hear. “She’s looking at prison time for kidnapping, and they do have prison programs where you can bring your babies, but she doesn’t want that. She wants to give him up for adoption.”
“What did Shovel say?” I ask, sorrow filling me. “I think she needs help instead of just prison time.”
“She’s seeing a psychologist, I’ve been told,” he murmurs, holding Walker’s hand with just his thumb. “Shovel doesn’t want his son to go to a random family, but he’s not going to be out for another year.” He takes a deep breath and then admits, “He wants one of us to raise him until then. I know it’s asking a lot, but David is still one of ours, so I agree with him.”
Walker is so loved, and David should be able to experience that same love. Shovel is out in a year.
Could I look after two babies?
“Do you think we could do it? Raise him all together as an MC? Where is he now?” I ask, wondering who would have taken in the infant.
“He was placed in foster care until they could sort out where he was going to go. And if we don’t claim him, then that family will continue to look after him, I guess.”
“We can’t have that kid growing up wondering why he was thrown to the side when he has a whole family here,” I whisper, expelling a deep sigh. “What does Knuckles think?”
“No one wants to see him go, but none of us exactly knows how to raise a newborn, other than you and Knuckles,” he adds, smirking. “Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“Are you going to help me?” I ask him, looking him right in his eyes. “Is Uncle Rogue going to be on call whenever I need him?”
“Of course,” he promises, letting go of Walker’s hand. “For any of the kids, you know I’m here. I’ll even babysit so you and Knuckles can go on dates and do whatever it is the two of you do.”
“Let me talk to him and see what he says.”
“He already said yes,” Rogue announces, calling out loudly, “Hey, Knuckles, will you adopt David until Shovel gets out of prison?”
My man steps out of the kitchen and looks straight to me. “It’s up to you, Celina.”
Everyone turns to look at me. “Well, no pressure then,” I joke, laughing without humor. I think about it seriously. I’m not working, sure, but it will still be a lot of effort, essentially raising twins. I don’t blame David for anything his mother did, he’s a baby for God’s sake, but I can’t have any resentment either.
If I take him in, I’m going to love him just as much as I love my own son.
I open my eyes and nod. “Yeah, what’s one more?”
Everyone cheers.
Rogue takes Walker from me, hugging him against his chest.
And then something else amazing happens; Knuckles gets down on one knee.
“Celina Hutton, I have loved you from the moment I saw you, and knew from then that I was going to make you mine. I love you; I adore you; you are the best part of me. Will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” he asks, opening the velvet black box to boast a beautiful pear-shaped black diamond ring. It has a halo of diamonds around it, and it is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.
“Yes, of course I will,” I say, covering my mouth with my palm as he slides the ring on my other hand. “How did you know?”
Erin winks at me.
Of course.
He lifts me into his arms and I wrap my legs around his waist.
And then in front of everyone, he kisses me like a man should kiss a woman, and I love every second of it.
To think I never used to like public displays of affection.
EPILOGUE
KNUCKLES
“She’s gotten so much better over the last six months, don’t you think? She’s actually sleeping, and she’s letting others hold him more without looking uneasy about it,” Erin says, looking over to where Celina is fast asleep on the couch. “Before, she’d hardly let anyone near him.”
She’d only really relax if Erin or I were with him. Anyone other than that, and her anxiety would hit the roof. It was a rough time, but we were all patient with her, and slowly she began to become her old self. Celina loves so hard and feels so much that I know the thought of living without her son destroyed her. And when she got him back, she still had that fear, that pain.
That caution and worry that something might go wrong, and that someone might try to take him from us again.
“Yeah, she’s much better. She’s less anxious, and I think she’s realizing now that she’s safe and no one is going to try and take him from her,” I tell her, watching my woman, her hair sprawled all over the couch, her perfect pink lips slightly spread.
Such beauty, such strength, and she’s just so loving.
She leaves me in awe every fuckin’ day.
“Thank God, I was worried there for a while,” Erin admits, brow furrowed. “I wasn’t sure if she’d come back to us.”
She wasn’t the only one.
I’d never admit it, but I was worried too.
What happened to Celina changed her. She went from being a confident, take-charge woman to one who worried and stressed over every little thing and didn’t want to be left alone. She wasn’t sleeping, she wasn’t eating, and she had to be around Walker at all times. Over the last few months, however, she’s gotten back to her old self, and it’s been a beautiful thing to see. She’s been the best mother anyone could ask for, to both Walker and David. She’s looked after David like he was her own, when she didn’t have to. She didn’t have to take in the baby of a woman she despises, but she did, and she loves him.
See? Strength.
There’s nothing this woman can’t do.
“Let her sleep,” I tell Erin. “I know she said to wake her up, but I’ll get everything done for her.”
She works so hard; she definitely deserves a break.
When we’re at home, she manages to look after the boys, do her freelance writing, and clean and cook. I help, of course, especially with the cooking, but when I’m not around, handling MC business, she handles everything like a fucking champ. I didn’t think I’d feel comfortable living in her house, one that I didn’t buy, but she’s made it my home. It’s not her house, it’s ours, and I’m happy that we decided to stay there and rent out the other one.
“They do say if you love someone, let them sleep,” Erin whispers, walking with me into the kitchen.
The boys are outside, Rogue playing with them on the grass. He’s been such a great uncle to them, really stepping up and helping out, and I know a lot of that has to do with his loyalty to Shovel.
“Now, what did she want to get done?” I ask Erin, grabbing two beers for us. “Something about a cake. Why the fuck do we need a cake?”
“We’re adults. Do we need a reason for a cake?” she asks me, smirking. “I saw a meme about that. About how when you’re an adult, you can get a cake whenever you like. Why don’t we do that?”
“I don’t know. I guess it would make occasions less special,” I reply, shrugging. “So tell me what the occasion is.”
“Fine. It’s the boys’ six-month
birthday,” she snickers, jumping up to sit on the counter. “Yeah, apparently that’s a thing. Everyone is coming over for dinner to celebrate, and she wants a chocolate cake with their names on it.”
We celebrate half years now? Oh well, if it makes my woman happy, a cake she’s going to get.
“Yeah, I don’t know how to do that,” I admit, grabbing my phone. “But people are paid to do that shit, right? Let’s just throw money at the situation.”
“You’re going to order a cake and say that you made it?” she asks, arching a brow.
“No, she’ll know I didn’t make it. I’m going to order her a cake so good, she will forget that anyone was meant to make one in the first place.”
Celina does make amazing cakes, but her sleep is more important right now.
Seeing her at peace makes me so fuckin’ happy, and relieved.
You can’t put a price on that.
Erin laughs and lifts her beer up. We clink them together, and then I place an order for the greatest cake ever, and Celina is going to love it.
Once she wakes up from her beauty sleep.
And so will the babies.
Although they eat pretty much anything, so they’re easy to please.
“What about the food for dinner?” I ask Erin, wincing. “Please don’t tell me she was going to cook something, as well?”
Overachiever.
“No, we’re getting it catered from some Mexican restaurant,” she lets me know. “Taco night, for us anyway. I think she made some mushy stuff herself for the babies.”
The boys have just started on solids, so they probably aren’t ready for Mexican food just yet. Apparently we’re going to celebrate their six months on earth by ordering food and not sharing it with them. I can’t wait to tell them about this when they’re older.
“Did you decide on a wedding location?” Erin asks me, taking a mouthful of beer and waiting for my reply. “I know Celina has changed her mind a few times now.”
“Not yet,” I tell her. “She wants to have a destination wedding, except half of us have criminal records and can’t leave the fuckin’ country.”
So there goes that idea.
Erin almost spits out her beer, laughing so hard. “Oh fuck, I didn’t even think about that, that’s hilarious. Who’d think I’d be family with a group of outlaws, huh?”
I told her we can travel anywhere around the country that she’d like to go to, but she told me if she can’t go overseas, maybe we could just have it at her favorite beach, which I thought was a really nice idea, considering it’s where we went that first time I dropped by her house, in the hopes she’d give me a chance. I knew even then that she was the one for me. Hell, I knew from the moment I saw the little photo of her at the bottom of all the articles she’d written for the newspaper. It was hard, because I didn’t want to come on too strong, or creep her out, but I’d never wanted to get to know a woman so badly. I don’t know if she knew the power she had over me, because I would have done anything just to be in her presence.
I’d never admit any of this out loud, of course.
I’m a man who has always known what he wants, and I knew I wanted her. I wanted to make her the happiest woman alive, to love and protect the shit out of her. I wanted to ruin her for other men. And you know what? I did, and am still doing all of those things.
“Who’d think that I’d be marrying your cousin?” I fire back, glancing out the window to see Walker and David lying on a blanket on the grass, Rogue singing to them.
“Is Rogue singing Moana songs again?” I ask.
“I’d assume so.”
Some things never change.
And I’d never want them to.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A big thank you to my editor, Marla Daniels, and Gallery Books. I love every second of working with you.
Kimberly Brower, I’m so lucky to have you as my agent! Thank you for everything you do—we make such a great team and you truly go above and beyond.
Natalie Ram—Thank you for being the most versatile best friend ever, from helping me proofread to making me swag. I appreciate everything that is you. I know I can always count on you to have my back, or help me when I need you. I kind of adore you, and I don’t know how I survived before I had you by my side. You’re my one-woman army, and I love you heaps.
Rose Tawil—I really don’t know what I’d do without you. I can’t say thank you enough for all the work you put in to support my dreams, and you never ask for anything in return. You truly are one of the best people I’ve ever met. You also kick my ass whenever I need it. Love you infinity.
To my three sons, my biggest supporters, thank you for being so understanding, loving, and helpful. I’m so proud of the men you are all slowly becoming, and I love you all so very much.
Keep reading for a sneak peek of the next sizzling installment in the Cursed Ravens MC series.
GOING ROGUE
Coming SUMMER 2018 from Pocket Star Books!
“I hear you aren’t too hungry this morning,” I say in a gentle tone to one of our newer residents, Mrs. Kennedy, as I enter her room. The woman is lovely, but she has dementia and can sometimes be a little difficult, like many of the residents in the aged-care facility where I’ve been working the last few years.
She shakes her head, her short blond-and-gray hair swishing against her round face. “I told them I don’t like potato. Yet what do I get? Motherfuckin’ potato.”
I’ve never met an elderly woman with such a potty mouth, but I find her vulgar language highly amusing. Mrs. Kennedy is a take-no-shit kind of woman, and I can respect that.
“Why didn’t you eat the rest of it?” I ask her, plumping her pillow behind her so she’s more comfortable. “What about the peas? And the chicken?”
“It’s practically all mashed potato,” she sneers, her blue eyes narrowing. “Do you think this place, this prison, will have the same menu every day? Because I’m pretty damn sure they will.”
I cover my mouth with my hand, unable to stop the giggle that escapes me. “I assure you, the food here is much healthier and accommodating for our residents than in some other places.”
“Maybe those without teeth,” she grumbles, huffing. “I still have mine. See?” She flashes her teeth at me, tilting her head from side to side so I can have a better view. “Men used to compliment me on how nice my teeth were. Those were the good old days. Now I just get compliments on my boobs or ass.”
I almost choke on the chewing gum in my mouth as she chuckles conspiratorially, clearly happy to get a reaction from me.
“You trying to kill me?” I joke, coughing a little.
“Better you than me,” she mutters, chuckling some more.
I smile and glance down at the food options, all sitting on trays on a wheeled rack. Making sure the residents in my section get fed and actually eat is only one of the many tasks I need to complete today. “How about soup and bread? Or shepherd’s pie.”
She chooses the pie, even though it’s made with mashed potato, and eats it without my help. She has her good days and her bad ones. It’s hard to watch any man or woman here struggle, but it’s even harder with Mrs. Kennedy. In the short time I’ve known her, I’ve learned that she’s a strong and stubborn woman, a proud one, and it kills her to need help from others. On my first shift with her, she refused any help at all and I had to just stand there while she went about her day, basically pretending that I wasn’t even there.
“Thank you, Zoe,” she says as I’m about to exit her room. “You’re much nicer than some of the other assholes here.”
My lip twitches. “Thanks for the compliment, Mrs. K.”
She grins and turns the TV on to some long-running soap opera. “Today is the day Joe finds out the truth about his wife. You sure you don’t want to stay and watch it with me?”
“I would, but I have work to do,” I reply, sighing dramatically. “Rain check?”
“Deal,” she replies, turning to the TV, dismis
sing me.
I laugh under my breath as I walk to the next room.
I don’t know why, but every day at work I have my lunch in my car. It’s quiet and peaceful, and I can listen to music. It’s my little moment of solitude, and I look forward to it every day. Today, however, as I’m eating my chicken and salad wrap, all I can hear is the overbearing sound of an engine. I turn my head to the right and see a man on a motorcycle, parking next to me.
In the staff-only lot.
There is a separate lot on the other side for visitors, and although it can be hard to find parking, only staff are allowed to park here. There’s nothing worse than showing up to work and not being able to park because visitors have stolen our allocated parking spots. I know for a fact this man doesn’t work here. None of our employees ride a motorcycle, probably because we all value our lives. I wind my window down and call out, “Dude, you can’t park here.”
Of course he doesn’t hear me.
His engine is still loud as hell, so I wait until he turns it off and removes his matte-black helmet before I call out to him a second time.
“You can’t park here,” I repeat, tone unimpressed. People have no regard for other people, and I’m sick of it. He can fit that monstrosity somewhere else. Unless he just happened to miss the three signs on his way into the lot, he probably doesn’t care that he’s breaking a rule or disturbing my thirty minutes of peace.
And then he looks in my direction, and I see his face.
Fuck.
No wonder he doesn’t seem to think that the rules apply to him. If I looked like that, I’d probably think I was God too.
“What did you say?” he asks, helmet in his hand.
I rest my arm out my window. “Never mind,” I mutter, and he flashes me a smile. I couldn’t look away from it even if I wanted to.
He’s maybe the most handsome man I’ve ever seen—classically so, with crystal-clear blue eyes, blond hair, and a cocky smile. There’s an air about him, though, that tells me that there’s much more to this man than meets the eye. He’s in all black leather that screams Fuck with me and die. I’m certainly not getting any wholesome-boy-next-door vibes.
Knuckle Down (The Cursed Ravens MC Series Book 2) Page 20
