by Kat Bostick
“You’re right. It’s not me.”
Jasper stared at the short strokes that made up the red wolf’s fur. He was a regal creature with a large and powerful chest, muscular legs, and a head held high to show his authority. The wolf was painted from a distance as he stood on a dark stone crag under the moonlight, an army of ancient evergreen trees standing sentinel behind him. It was a subtle detail that required a close study of the painting but the wolf’s face was clear enough to display brilliant green eyes.
“He looks exactly like the wolf that bit me.” Jasper explained. “But he is not that wolf.”
“The wolf that bit you looked like that?” Mari narrowed her eyes at him. “That wolf looks a lot like you.”
“Yes, he does, doesn’t he?”
“Where did you meet this other wolf? How can you be sure he isn’t the one that bit you?”
“I’ve never met him.” He reached out and stroked the textured paint. “I have only ever dreamed of him.”
Mari watched him for a long moment before quietly saying “If you decide that you want to look into your past someday, I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
It was obvious she was curious as the rest of the pack had been but unlike them, she wasn’t going to push. Jasper was aware of the uncanny nature surrounding his life but he didn’t necessarily want to solve any of those mysteries. He understood the implications of being attacked by a wolf that bore a striking resemblance to him as well as the possibilities that his peculiar first change opened up. Charlie had voiced his theory to Jasper only once but it unsettled him enough that he’d dismissed it and chose never to think of it again.
If he was born a wolf then there was a reason his mother didn’t tell him just as there was a reason they weren’t in a pack. And if the wolf that came for them that fateful day was his father, he’d rather not know. Because one day, if Mother Moon was generous, Jasper might gain the opportunity to destroy this other red wolf and it would complicate matters if that wolf turned out to be his only kin.
Jasper stepped closer to Mari until his chest pressed into her back, hoping to distract himself with the sweet scent of her. For once she wasn’t nervous by his undressed state or by the closed door that separated them from his nosy family.
Her eyes sparkled with excitement when she glanced over her shoulder. “Would you paint me?”
“It would be my honor to capture your beauty on a canvas.” Jasper spun her to face him and backed her into the wall. His grin was wicked when he said “but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I only paint nude portraits.”
He took the opportunity to kiss her while she was sputtering. It caught her off guard but she was quick to return it. Her hands started in his hair, feathering a slow journey down his nape, along his collar bones, and to his chest. They caressed his skin like a supple breeze, sending shivers of pleasure up the column of his spine. A quiet moan purred in her throat when he moved closer, letting the soft center of her hips cradle the hard heat of him.
Jasper slipped a hand behind one of her knees, drawing her leg up to hook around his waist. He moved his hips in a slow circle, making his desire known to her, and she moaned again. There was still too much clothing separating them, two frustrating layers of cotton keeping his skin from scorching hers. He desperately wanted to rip the briefs from Mari’s body and slip his fingers between her legs to feel the arousal there.
This had to be enough. Even as he fantasized about sinking into her and claiming her wholly, he felt her lips slowing and her muscles tightening. With a final languid kiss he eased back so that he wasn’t pinning her any longer. Mari blinked the glassy sheen from her eyes to reveal shock. Jasper hoped the flush of her cheeks and the plumpness of her now extra rosy lips meant it was good shock.
“I should go…” Mari ducked under his arm and headed for the bedroom door with sudden urgency. “Breakfast. I smell breakfast.” She slapped an embarrassed hand over her face and stopped by the door. “Thank you, Jasper.”
“It was my pleasure.” He purred softly.
She uncovered her face and gaped at him. “Oh.”
“Oh?” He asked, prowling toward her.
“I mean, thank you for talking to me. About you. And for washing my hair.” She rubbed one of her temples with two fingers. “Gross. Sorry for that.”
He stopped with a foot of space between them and propped his hands on either side of the doorframe. “I told you not to apologize to me.”
Mari bumped into the door and swallowed hard. “Thanks.”
He kissed her forehead then backpedaled so she had room to open the door. Her hand was on the handle when he said “Mari,”
“Yes?” She practically jumped at the sound of her name.
“I always finish what I start.”
Mari gave him a bewildered stare. A sly grin curved his mouth as he watched realization paint her face that beautiful ruddy color. She flung the door open but not before letting her gaze roam down his body, lingering low where his arousal was proudly displayed through his clothes. She unconsciously snagged her lower lip between her front teeth.
Father Above, he wanted to chase her. That bashful half-smile and all of her squirming only made him hungrier. He licked his lips as he watched her muscular legs retreating. The tight fabric of the borrowed briefs hugged her butt perfectly and he couldn’t resist squeezing it before she made it into the hall.
The little witch was in such a hurry to escape that she nearly crashed into Deak on the way to her door. His brother grumbled at Mari but cut his grousing short when his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated slightly. Jasper had forgotten that he wasn’t the only one who could smell her pheromones. Before he realized what he was doing, he moved between Mari and his brother, growling possessively.
“Have I offended you?” Deak glared at him.
Jasper gave Mari a gentle push into her room and pulled the door closed behind her. “Why are you sniffing around my mate?” He barely recognized his own voice. It was vicious, too wolfish.
His brother crossed his arms over his chest. “I wasn’t.”
“I saw you.”
“I can’t help if I pick up her scent when she practically collides with me.” Deak sighed. “Besides, I was only noticing that she smells more like you. Shouldn’t that please you? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know what she’s doing that pleases you. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
Deak gave him a dismissive nod and headed down the stairs. His brother was right to be exasperated by his behavior. It was out of character and it was uncalled for. Jasper had never been particularly possessive over anything except food but given the uncertainty in his mating with Mari, he felt the need to make his claim on her abundantly clear. Even without the uncertainty, he was fairly sure he would be greedy when it came to her attention. Jasper didn’t want to share her.
With his forehead on Mari’s door, he inhaled one more lungful of her before returning to his bedroom. The wolf was a patient hunter but the man was not. Waiting for Mari to accept his claim—again—was the hardest thing Jasper had ever done, even if she was worth the wait.
Chapter 40
Mari
Mari had only witnessed true anger on Jasper’s features twice but she recognized it immediately when it flashed across his face. It was easy to notice the shift from an irritated scowl to outright anger when it was precisely what she’d been expecting with her change in topic. Being a werewolf for half of his adult life—and a nomad for the preceding half—made him take little cognizance of human behavior. He couldn’t comprehend why Mari had a desire to participate in any activity outside of pack life. It absolutely baffled him that she would want a job as a lowly wage earner.
Alright, he hadn’t said it was lowly but it was heavily implied in his tone. Werewolves could be such pompous asses.
It was a shame that this was the direction their morning went. Ever since she woke up in Jasper’s bed four days ago, they had been living in an unusual state of b
liss. For the first time in weeks, everything felt easy. Mari wasn’t worried about how far she was letting him in.
At least not until she opened an email from her bank and read the pathetic numbers on her account statement. It was a stinging slap from reality and it brought back all of the qualms she was so successfully avoiding.
What started out as a hefty sum of savings in her bank account had rapidly dwindled to little more than pocket change during the last three months and each time the numbers dropped, Mari became increasingly anxious.
Jasper offered to pay for whatever she needed but she continued to refuse. That was how their current conversation had originally gone from civil discussion to growling argument. Mari understood that it was a blow to his pride when she wouldn’t let him support her as he so desperately wanted but she couldn’t sacrifice her needs for his feelings. She had no interest in being financially reliant on him.
At the very least it required her to give up far too much of her independence. At the worst it made it nearly impossible for her to leave the pack if that was what she decided was best, especially now that her car needed several expensive repairs. Mari had no doubt that Jasper was aware of that, which was why she struggled to withhold the venom from her response when he voiced his displeasure over her job hunt yet again.
If it wasn’t too much human interaction for him, Mari might have thought Jasper took the time to call every local business and warn them off hiring her. Humble Springs was small but surely one business had a part-time opening. Even the grocery store and gas station were apparently full up.
That was why she’d decided to continue her pursuit of gainful employment on foot. Rob at the gas station claimed he wasn’t hiring but maybe if he recognized her, he would be kind enough to offer her a few hours a week. At this point Mari would eagerly scrub the toilet if it meant squirreling away some cash.
Teal granted her the perfect opportunity to have such a conversation with the gas station manager by inviting her to join him and Cash on an errand run. The Corolla’s greatest need was a new starter and Teal was going to show her how to replace it. Jasper had a trinity of complaints the moment he discovered Mari’s plans. He didn’t want to go into town so he didn’t want her going either. Apparently it was unsafe for her to drive the short nine miles through town on her own without a werewolf escort.
When she explained that Teal and Cash would be with her, he grew even more frustrated. Jasper didn’t strike her as a particularly jealous person but she’d caught glimmers of paranoia in his eyes if she spent too much time with any of his brothers, as if they were just waiting for the right moment to get their covetous hands on her. That attitude was not going to work for Mari. She wouldn’t be a possession that he greedily hoarded away from any potential threat to his claim.
Finally, it came out that Mari’s main motivation was inquiring about work with some of the local businesses. That information became the match to light Jasper’s incendiary ire and now he was snarling at her like she’d just admitted to taking a lover.
“My car needs new parts.” She ground out, clinging to her last ounce of patience before their already noisy disagreement was broadcasted to the entire pack.
Jasper paced the bedroom floor. “Why can’t I buy you a new one?”
“You don’t replace a car every time it needs a repair, Jasper.”
“Then let Teal purchase the parts. I’ll give him as much money as he requires. You don’t need to accompany him.”
“I want to. And I want to buy my own car parts.” Mari jutted out her chin stubbornly.
“Why?” He growled, giving her another flash of that possessive behavior she was noticing with growing frequency.
She considered her words carefully and realized that no matter how she phrased her answer, it would upset him. “I just want to feel normal. Human.”
“You’re not human.” He spit out.
“I’m human in flesh.” She turned her back on him to stare at the brightening world out the window. “Before you and I met, before…” she decided against finishing that sentence. “I had friends, a social life, a world of my own making.”
A tendril of hurt snaked across the threads of magic that stretched between them when Jasper heard the note of loneliness in her voice. Mari had needs that he couldn’t fulfill and he was very unhappy with that realization. To him, pack provided all of the socializing and comradery he wanted. And, if he desired a moment of peace to himself, that moment never excluded Mari. He couldn’t grasp her want for space, despite his offer to give it to her on many occasions. Sometimes Mari got the impression he thought she merely wanted her own physical space to arrange her belongings as she pleased.
“So you want to go out there and make your own world?” He asked bitterly.
“Yes.” A twisted part of her saw his hurt as an opportunity and pounced on it. “I want a job, to talk to people. If you expect me to stay here, you should know I’ll always want a life outside of this compound.”
The steady thump of his feet stopped and without seeing his face, Mari couldn’t tell if his tone was icy anger or creeping defeat. “What kind of life could you build out there that I can’t give you here?”
There it was. The question that had been growing ever louder between them, even as it was unspoken, since this all began nearly two months earlier. Finally hearing it aloud glazed Mari’s tongue with a sour uneasiness that left her momentarily speechless. Jasper didn’t understand. Perhaps he never could. She wasn’t going to give herself up to him. To do so was surrender, admitting a need for him, and even the thought of that filled her with a senseless amount of terror.
Worse, if he didn’t understand, he could never allow her what she needed to survive life among werewolves. No matter how much Mari did or did not want to stay, she knew in her heart that she couldn’t if it meant capitulation to his every domineering rule. Jasper meant well but Mari was not one to be contained. For all that he hated to be caged, he couldn’t see that was precisely what he was doing to her. Once she agreed to give their relationship a chance, she thought that perhaps his clingy tendencies and controlling manner would ease. If anything, they seemed to be getting worse.
Jasper stepped up behind her and gently touched her shoulder when her answer to his question never came. She risked a sidelong glance in his direction and the sadness, confusion, and frustration travelling from him to her grew more intense. Neither of them had any experience with this kind of relationship. Stumbling around like fools and griping at each other over stubbed toes was to be expected. They’d skipped the first five stepping stones, maybe more.
And, Mari realized with another frisson of terror, his controlling behavior wasn’t even the problem. However Jasper felt about her coming and going to town, getting a job, or spending time with his brothers, he hadn’t actually barred her from any of it. The fighting was unwelcome and uncomfortable but it had yet to end with Mari literally locked away. It was simply a convenient excuse to mask the real issue that was gradually eating away at her confidence.
This fight was likely one of many to come. To her, it signified the end of whatever short-lived honeymoon phase they’d been happily soaking in. Now came the real stuff; the real Mari. Someday soon he would see her, really see her, and know what she was. With that revelation came a great chance that Jasper, like every other person close to Mari, would decide that she was simply too much for him. Too stubborn, too independent, too disagreeable.
Of course her father didn’t love her. But Samuel? Gran? Her once close-knit friends that progressively distanced themselves as they grew up? Their love for her was always flat, tolerance because of long term exposure. It lacked the beautiful effervescent that shone in Jasper’s eyes when he spoke to her. Someday soon his feelings for her would lose their bubbly appeal. For some reason Mari was trying to push him towards that faster, as if subconsciously she’d always known that was the outcome of their arrangement and she couldn’t bear to wait any longer. Not when she’d had a
taste of how good it could be, if only she wasn’t doomed to screw it up.
After what he divulged to her, the tortured truth of his past, she was secretly wilting inside. Jasper saw her as some beacon of hope for him, some future that erased his painful memories. The sooner Mari relieved him of that idea, the better. She couldn’t do this. There was no way to avoid hurting him but it would be worse to do it later, when they’d grown even more attached.
This was like ripping a bandage off. If she could get him to come to his conclusions now, to recognize that this wasn’t going to work, maybe it would hurt less. They could stop pretending that things would magically smooth out with time. Then Mari would never have to admit to herself that in a way, she was already dependent on him. That she relied on him for things much more important than money, that she wanted it to be safe for her to rely on him for those things, that if she was going to give up her independence for anyone or anything, it would be him.
Then Mari wouldn’t have to admit to herself that she would probably never find happiness equal to what she knew Jasper could give her. Then she’d never have to admit that she probably loved him.
“It would be a life without your constant scrutiny and control.” Mari finally answered in an impersonal tone that sounded unfamiliar to her own ears.
Jasper’s hand fell away from her shoulder. “I never aim to control you, Mari.”
“You do. You control nearly every aspect of our relationship, down to the language you want me to use.”
“Language?” The air behind her cooled as he propelled himself backwards. His guttural words were barely comprehensible when he said “I’m not the one who runs out of the room whenever the term ‘mate’ is uttered.”
“You are the one who insists that’s what I am even though we’re practically strangers. We don’t even know each other.” A nauseous wave roiled in her stomach as the words tumbled from her mouth—words she no longer believed.
