It was like ice flowing between us when his eyes met mine. He was still looking at me with the same hatred and disgust as the night before. I thought maybe he’d have had time to digest everything and although I didn’t expect to be greeted with a smile and a hug, I hoped maybe he wouldn’t look at me the way he was now.
“What are you doing here?” he growled at me.
“I came to get my stuff,” I said nervously, stepping in all the way and shutting the door behind me. I looked down and noticed my clothes were no longer scattered throughout the living room. He must’ve picked them up.
“Go ahead then. It’s in our…it’s in the bedroom,” he said, quickly correcting himself. We both knew it was no longer our bedroom.
I didn’t say anything and neither did he as I crossed the room and entered the bedroom. He’d folded everything neatly, leaving them in a pile on the bed, which looked as if it hadn’t even been slept in. I found my suitcase, the same suitcase I’d used to pack my things when we left Iowa. I didn’t think as I packed. I couldn’t allow my mind to focus on anything other than gathering my things. It hurt too much to think of anything else, especially the man in the other room who I’d hurt.
It didn’t take me long to get my stuff packed. I grabbed what I could, even the dirty clothes and shoved them in my suitcase. I knew I probably left some things behind, but I couldn’t worry about scrounging through every inch of the apartment.
When I was done, I looked once more around the bedroom. I never had fixed it up the way I’d planned when we first moved in and now I’d never get the chance to. I took a deep breath and walked out, back into the living room where Ethan was still sitting on the couch…the couch we’d vowed to replace when we got the money, something that hadn’t happened.
“Are you done?” he asked, but he didn’t bother looking away from his computer.
“Yeah,” I said and I walked, rolling the giant suitcase behind me, until I was near the front door again and he was still staring at the screen of his computer. I looked at him, the guilt I was carrying feeling like a thousand pounds on my shoulders. I felt a lump form in my throat and I opened my mouth to speak, to somehow try and convey to him how sorry I was for doing this to him, needing to bury this guilt. We’d grown apart. New York had changed everything, but what I’d put him through hadn’t been fair. “Ethan?” my voice was low and timid as he continued looking away from me.
“Please just go, Nat,” he said and I was surprised by the calmness in his voice.
“I can’t leave it like this. I can’t just go.”
He finally looked up and I could see he was fighting back tears.
“Yes, you can. You can do so many things I never thought you were capable of.” The softness of his voice was a like a punch in the gut. If he’d only yelled at me, it would’ve been so much easier.
“I know you don’t believe me, but I’m so sorry…for everything.”
“You said that last night. I heard you, Natalie, but forgive me for not believing you,” he said and then his eyes drew up to mine again.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I don’t expect it, but you have to know that I am sorry,” I continued, wiping at the tears that were spilling from my eyes. “You have to know that our time together, everything we’ve done…I’ll never forget it and I can’t believe this is how things are ending between us. I wish it had turned out differently.”
“Me too,” he said, quickly wiping at his eye before a tear could fall. “But you did this, not me. I know I wasn’t perfect, but you gave up this fight, Natalie, not me. You’re leaving us behind and believe me, I’ve been racking my brain, reliving everything I did wrong and thinking about what I could’ve done differently to be enough for you…to make you happy, but I know now I never truly made you happy,” he took a deep breath as I continued to wipe the tears away. “So, let’s stop apologizing or blaming each other for why this happened. Let’s just admit it’s done. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have you here…knowing you’re leaving and going…to him.”
“Someday you’re gonna be happy I’m gone,” I choked out quietly. “You’ll see it’s better this way. Once I’m gone, you’ll find someone new. And she won’t lie or torture you or do what I did to you. And you won’t cry for us or me anymore, because you deserve so much more than me, so much more than what I’ve done to you.”
“There will never be another you, Natalie. Never.” He stood up suddenly, walking the short distance separating us, stopping in front of me, his deep brown eyes piercing into mine, his hand sliding around my waist, pulling me to him until I was crushed against his chest, his warm breath washing over me as my heart started to race. “I want to hate you. I want to hate you so badly…but I can’t. I just want you.”
Before I could stop him, his mouth was on mine, his tongue forcing its way inside, taking everything he could from me and I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to stop him because I needed this goodbye as much as he did. We’d been through too much together over the past four years to end it with a simple wave goodbye. I needed to feel him one last time and I did. I kissed him back just as hungrily as he kissed me until he abruptly stopped, pushing me away.
“Just go,” he whispered, turning his back to me as I tried to catch my breath and I did as he said. I grabbed my suitcase, opened the door and walked as quickly as I could away from our life together and I didn’t look back.
Thirty-Two
“I knew it the moment you stepped foot in this office,” Court said, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on his desk. “I knew you wouldn’t last and I was right.”
“You know I can’t work here anymore,” I said with a knowing grin. Anna Beth had already gone home for the day. We’d said our goodbyes and now I was finishing putting what little personal belongings I had in a box to take with me when I left Taylor and Saben for the last time as an employee.
It’d been nearly three weeks since Thanksgiving, since everything changed. I’d told my parents about Ethan and me. My mom freaked out, demanding I come home, but I assured her I was fine and told her about Drew. They even Skyped with us and got a chance to speak with him. He was his charming self and they seemed intrigued, but I knew they were also skeptical. All I could hope was for them to get used to the idea eventually. I had a feeling my new relationship would hasten my mother’s first visit to New York City though.
I hadn’t spoken to Ethan since I’d gone for my stuff and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still think about that day, the pain in his eyes and the way he’d kissed me before I’d walked away. Maybe someday I’d be able to bury the guilt for good, but I didn’t think it’d be any time soon. Drew was understanding of that though. He’d been wonderful about it all and every day I was falling more in love with him. Sometimes I wondered if it was just a show, but in the short time we’d been together, officially together, he’d been one hell of a boyfriend. Attentive and kind and every day seemed to bring some kind of new adventure with him.
We both knew once we made it official, my time at Taylor and Saben was over. Anna Beth pretended to be shocked when she found out, but I knew she was just putting on a front. She’d known, just as Leslie had known, and Leslie didn’t seem the least bit sad when I put in my notice.
Drew had left earlier in the day to have dinner with a client and he told me he’d meet me at home. It was still hard to think of his apartment as mine. I was still adamant about finding my own place once I could afford it, but every time I’d bring it up, Drew would try and change the subject. I knew he didn’t want me to leave and if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t really want to move out either. Still, I didn’t want Drew or his family thinking I was using him. I felt a need to prove myself to them and to him because no matter what happened with us, I wanted it known I loved Drew for who he was, not for what he could give me.
“It’s not gonna be the same without you here, Natalie,” Court whined and I could tell he was going to miss me. I’d miss him too
. I didn’t have many people I could call a friend in New York, but he was one of them and I’d miss seeing him every day.
“It’s not like you won’t see me anymore. I’m sleeping with your boss, remember?” I said with a playful wink and he burst out laughing.
“My how the big city has changed you my little Iowa corn stalk.”
It was my turn to laugh this time and then he stood up and walked over to my desk.
“I’m gonna miss you too, Court.”
I felt myself getting teary eyed and he smacked me playfully on the shoulder.
“Don’t start crying, bitch, because then I will.”
He hugged me a second later and I hugged him back.
“I think I’m all set to go,” I said, glancing down at the box.
“Do you have everything?”
“I think so. If you come across anything I forgot, just give it to Drew.”
“Will do,” he said, picking up the box. “Let me walk you out.”
I agreed, knowing leaving would be easier with my friend by my side.
We made our way out of the office and after handing in my badge to Christa for the last time, Court and I made our way to the elevator, stepping inside once the doors opened. We were silent on the way down and as we neared the ground floor, I could feel the sadness building. Even though I was starting a new chapter in my life, I was closing one too…one that brought me to where I was now and I was going to miss working with Court and Anna Beth everyday and seeing Drew in his element, doing what he loved and being a part of it. It was for the best though and the only way we could truly be together. I’d find something else I enjoyed just as much and it’d be even sweeter because I would go home to Drew each night and nothing could be better than that.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped out into the busy lobby. Court handed the box back to me and then smiled.
“Maybe you can score me an invite up to Drew’s place now so I can finally see it for myself,” he smirked and I just laughed.
“Of course,” I told him as he leaned in for another hug.
“Be happy, Natalie,” he said sincerely and without any hint of comedy, which was so unlike him.
“I will be,” I told him and then he smiled again and hopped back on the next elevator, leaving me alone in the lobby.
I just stood there for a minute, looking around, taking it all in. Everything was exactly the same as the first time I walked in, nervous and scared and so innocent. Even the same grumpy security guard was manning the desk and I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of meeting him that first day, before I knew how much my life was about to change the moment I laid eyes on Andrew Saben.
I took a deep breath, preparing myself to fully embrace this new life of mine, this life I had chosen, this life that left me full of anticipation and hope, this life with Drew and I headed towards the doors.
Stepping out into the cold December evening, I was grateful for the simple white coat, full of memories, that was still keeping me warm. The sun was nearly set and as I looked up towards the sky, the towering buildings overhead, I saw it had started to snow. A quiet, gentle snow, the kind that makes the whole world peaceful, and I smiled as I put my foot into the light covering that had already started to stick to the sidewalk and headed towards the subway.
“Hey!” a deep voice I’d know anywhere called out and I turned around to see him standing there, looking even more beautiful than the first moment I laid eyes on him. His strong, tall frame, covered in his black trench coat, was leaning against the side of the building and small white flakes of snow peppered his black hair. He was smiling at me, one side of his mouth raised just a little higher than the other as his green eyes locked on mine. “Didn’t anyone ever warn you about taking the subway?”
“Yeah, but you see, I just quit thisjob with this real jerk of a boss who barely paid me enough to keep food on the table, so I couldn’t possibly afford cab fare.”
“Good thing I’m here then,” he said, pushing himself off the building and walking towards me, my heart beating faster the closer he got and a moment later he was standing in front of me. I could see his breath when it hit the cold air and he leaned in suddenly, kissing me, deep and long and hard and I knew with that kiss he was truly in this all the way. We were in this together.
He pulled away slowly, resting his warm palm on my cheek as he looked into my eyes, smiling that same smile I’d fallen in love with the moment we met.
“I love you, Drew,” I said softly and I saw him pull back a little. It was the first time I’d said it out loud to him. He’d said it to me, but I hadn’t said it in return, but the way it sounded coming off my lips felt right.
“I love you too, Natalie.” He smiled at me sweetly, gently brushing his lips against mine before meeting my eyes again. “Ready to go home?” he asked and I nodded, smiling at this man I was growing to love more every day.
He took the box from my hands, tucking it under one arm while holding my hand with the other and together, we made our way home. Somehow everything I’d done in my life had led me here to him and to this moment and I could only imagine what tomorrow would bring.
A Note from the Author
Thank you for reading My Tomorrow. If hope you enjoyed it and I would be very grateful if you would take the time to write a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Reviews entice readers to take a chance on a new author or book, so the more positive reviews, the better.
This story has been a work in progress since the beginning of 2011 and I am glad it finally came together after many many plot and ending changes. A sequel is in the works, so be on the lookout for the next chapter with Natalie and Drew.
This book was inspired by the song For the First Time by The Script and as with all my books, music played a huge role in the writing of My Tomorrow. I’ve included a list of songs that influenced the book in case you want to check it out.
Please consider reading my other books:
After the Sky Fell Down
Here With Me
The Home Series:
Last Train Home (Book One)
Far From Home (Book Two)
Carry Me Home (Book Three)
The Long Road Home (Book Four)
Finding Home (Book Five)
I also love hearing from readers and I can be reached at [email protected]. You can keep up with updates on my writing by following my Facebook page (Megan Nugen Isbell –Author), joining my Facebook group (Fans of Megan Nugen Isbell-Author) and following my blog: megannugenisbell.blogspot.com.
Thank you again so much for taking the time to read My Tomorrow. I truly appreciate your support. Happy reading!
Best regards,
Megan
My Tomorrow Playlist
For the First Time-The Script
Stay-Hurts
Love Me Like You Do-Ellie Goulding
Guilt-Hurts
Somebody to Die For-Hurts
Unspoken-Hurts
One Life-Boyce Avenue
Every Breath-Boyce Avenue
I Had to Try-Boyce Avenue
Ghost-Ella Henderson
Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
Long Shot-Kelly Clarkson
Science & Faith-The Script
Steady-for King & Country
Say Something-A Great Big World
Just Another Girl-The Killers
My Life With You-Ryan Star
Right In Front of You-Celine Dion
Catch My Breath-Kelly Clarkson
Burning Bridges-One Republic
Stay Awhile-Ryan Star
Sweet and Low-Augustana
Steal Your Heart-Augustana
Redemption-The Strange Familiar
Echoes-The Strange Familiar
These Times-Safety Suit
Love Somebody-Maroon 5
g books on Archive.
My Tomorrow Page 27
