by J. S. Cooper
“I guess I can ask Jessica.” He made a face. “Okay, you can go now.”
“When am I going to get the rest of the money?” I asked him, pausing before I left the office.
“They’ll pay you at work,” he said with a face and I knew he was telling the truth then because of how upset he looked. I knew he was upset because that meant he wasn’t getting his grubby hands on more of my money.
“So I just show up to the office on Monday and say I’m reporting for work as Scott Taylor’s new assistant?”
“Yup. I’ll email you the address.”
“And he won’t find this suspicious?”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “Oh yeah, wear a sexy suit to work on Monday.”
“What?”
“Remember, your job is to seduce him so he lets you give him the lap dance on Saturday at the party.”
“I don’t really understand how this is going to be funny.” I sighed. I knew that Bob didn’t care what I thought, but I seriously didn’t know what sort of joke this was meant to be. This wasn’t something that I’d done before working for Bob and his Candy Grams business. It seemed to me that Bob was taking on more and more clients that weren’t just simple birthday surprises. I was starting to worry that I was letting Bob lead me down a slippery slope. What was he going to ask me to do next? Slip out of a cake naked and offer me five hundred dollars?
“It’s not our business.” Bob shrugged. “We just take the money.”
“Is that really the way we want to lead our lives?” I asked him softly. “Doing whatever we have to, to make money? Do we want to sell our souls for a few bucks?”
“I don’t know about you,” Bob said as he munched on some more fries, “but I think I’d be happy to get paid to flirt with a hot guy if I was you. You seem like you don’t get much action by yourself.”
“Goodbye, Bob,” I said angrily and turned to leave his office for good before I went off on him, but then turned back to him with an afterthought. “By the way, I want a copy of that contract I just signed.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll email it to you.” Bob rolled his eyes and I left the office wondering what I was getting myself into. I quickly grabbed my phone to call Lacey to help me calm down.
***
“Thank you for calling Wet ‘n’ Wild, where the women are wet and the men are wild,” Lacey answered the phone in a sing-songey voice and I groaned.
“Not now, Lacey.”
“Uh oh, what’s wrong?”
“My boss is a jerk and I think he’s going to try and sell me into prostitution or something.”
“Sell you into prostitution?”
“Or the slave trade or whatever,” I said grumpily. “I think I’m making a mistake.”
“You mean the stripper job?”
“It’s not a stripper job,” I whined. “I’m going to be his assistant for a week, and then I’m going to give him a quick lap dance at an office meeting and then his friends are going to burst in and say ‘surprise’ or something like that.”
“What’s so wrong with that?” Lacey asked innocently. “It’s just a job.”
“I know it’s just a job, but he looks hot and, well, what if something happens?”
“What do you mean?” Lacey said in a light tone. “What could happen?”
“What if he gets hard during the lap dance or something? Or, you know.”
“No, what?” she asked excitedly.
“What if I like it?” I groaned, thinking of the photo. “He did look very attractive.”
“Girl, you sound like a desperado.” Lacey laughed. “Go on a date with one of those guys from online and concentrate on them instead of this guy that you don’t even know.”
“I don’t want to meet any of those guys.” I sighed as I got into my car. “They just don’t seem like my type.”
“You never know until you meet them,” Lacey said matter-of-factly. “And what about that one guy, Mike? He looked like he was a hottie.”
“Yeah, true, he looked hot in his military uniform, though his face was partially hidden.”
“He serves our country, Eliza, he deserves a date with you.”
“I guess.” I laughed. “Anything to thank him for his service.”
“See, if you have a hot soldier boyfriend, you’re not going to care about some guy you’re fake working for.”
“I don’t think Mike is going to become my boyfriend in less than a week,” I said with a sigh, but I was smiling as I drove back home. “You’re a goof.”
“You won’t be saying that if he asks you to marry him this weekend.”
“Lacey, give me a fat chance, I haven’t even met him yet.”
“Meet him this weekend—that way when you start your job on Monday, you’ll have someone to daydream and think about and won’t get caught up in your fake boss.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” I nodded. “Okay, I’ll message him back tonight and see if he wants to meet up Friday night or something.”
“Good idea and before you know it, you’ll have a proper acting job and can tell Bob and his sleazy ways to kiss off.”
“I can’t wait for that day,” I said wistfully as I thought about the job I’d just accepted. I knew it wasn’t exactly a night-worker job, but I still didn’t feel very good about the fact that I’d taken a job where I knew I had to give the guy a lap dance. I didn’t even care that he looked like he was going to be hot. Well, not completely.
Chapter Two
"Wear the lace panties and don't forget to shave." Lacey giggled into the phone.
"Lace panties?" I said. "Don't you mean a silk thong?" I questioned her and then spoke again before she could answer. "And just in case you got the wrong impression, I'm not wearing a silk thong either. They are so uncomfortable and I don't even know this guy, Lacey. This is our first date. He's not even going to have the opportunity to see my panties, silk or otherwise."
"Stop being a grandma." Lacey didn't sound impressed. "You need to get laid."
"Not by some guy I've never met before. He could be a serial killer or a rapist. Online dating isn't so safe anymore, Lacey."
"Was it ever safe, Eliza?" Lacey questioned me and I ignored her.
"And I'm not shaving, either," I said indignantly, though technically that was a lie because I’d already shaved.
"Well, make sure you get a wax, at least," Lacey said. "And go full-Brazilian,please, no landing strip—you're not in the jungle and you don't want a hippie."
"You're talking about my vagina?" My jaw dropped. "I thought you were talking about my legs. Are you out of your bloody mind, Lacey? I'm not shaving off all my pubes for some guy off OkCupid that may or may not look like his profile."
"Okay, Tarzan's wife, let him explore in the jungle and get lost. Maybe his snake will find your lost gorilla?"
"You're disgusting, Lacey." I laughed. "Mike is not getting into my pants."
"Be prepared for every possibility, Eliza, you know what your mom always says."
"I am a lady," I said indignantly, in a cockney English accent, trying very much to sound like my idol, Audrey Hepburn, in My Fair Lady.
"I know, I know, you're a good girl." Lacey laughed. "You're not a freak like me."
"A freak?" I groaned and giggled at the same time. "Have you been listening to Ludacris?"
"Don't try to change the subject, Elizabeth. You need to just let loose and have some fun."
"I will when you come and visit or, better yet, when you move here."
"You just want me to go crazy so you can go crazy, too.”
“Well, it’s always easier with a wing woman.”
“I know,” Lacey said and she paused. “I do want to move closer—you know that, right?” She sighed. “I just don’t want to come until I can carry my own weight and pay my own bills. I don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of you.”
“I know,” I said softly and sat down on my couch as I spoke into the phone. “You know that I don’t have much so y
ou wouldn’t be taking advantage. I just want you here. It’s hard not having my best friend here to tell me when I’m being an idiot, and helping me choose what outfits to wear on my nonexistent dates.”
“You have a date tonight, so not nonexistent,” Leah said, her voice wistful. “Unlike me, I never have a date.”
“Well, come here and we can go on dates together. We can even go speed dating.”
“Speed dating?” Lacey said and I could almost picture the surprised look on her face. “You would go speed dating with me?”
“Yeah, if you moved here.”
“I’m going to hold you to that, even if everything goes well with Mike.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.” I sighed as I pulled out my makeup bag. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen with Mike. I just have a feeling that something is a little off.”
“Don’t be a pessimist,” Lacey said, her voice bossy. “You’re going to have fun tonight. You’re going to have the time of your life on a hot date and you’re going to have all the guys wishing they were Mike.”
“Yeah, we’ll see.” I groaned. “Okay, I’ll call you on the way there. I have to finish getting ready.”
“Okay, I’ll be waiting,” Lacey said and I hung up on her and looked at myself in the mirror and then sighed as I walked to my closet. I was going to dress sexy, even though I didn’t really want to. However, Lacey was right, I needed to get out of my own skin. I needed to have a real relationship. And if Mike was as down to earth as he seemed in his profile, then maybe he could be the one. Anything was better than me showing up to my new gig on Monday, lusting over a guy I’d only seen in a photo.
***
"Why do I listen to you?" I moaned into the phone as I walked towards the bar/restaurant in my short black skirt.
"Because if he's hot, you'll be thankful that you're looking sexy."
"There's a fine line between sexy and a skank," I huffed as I stopped outside the bar. "Okay, I have to go now," I said as I looked at my watch. "He should be waiting for me inside."
"Call me as soon as the date is done and don't do anything I wouldn't do," Lacey said excitedly. "Oh and try and text me a photo of him as well. I want to see if he looks as good in person as he does online."
"I'm not taking a photo of some guy I'm meeting for the first time from online. Are you crazy?"
"Do it casually," Lacey said impatiently. "You don't have to make it obvious."
"Yeah, ‘cause there are a million reasons why my camera would be in front of his face at a bar," I said. "Anyways, I have to go. I'll call you afterwards."
“Did you forward me the contract you said you signed?” Lacey asked quickly and I stopped outside the main door.
“Yes, I did. It’ll be in your email. I’ll call you later, okay?” I hung up before she could answer and took a deep breath. I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to say when I met Mike. We'd only exchanged two messages before he'd asked to meet and I'd let Lacey talk me into accepting. It wasn't like I had much else going on in my life right now. I felt like a tramp as I walked into the bar with my short black skirt, black heels and white halter top that accentuated my boobs, without completely exposing them. I walked towards the bar and ignored the looks from a group of middle-aged bikers that were staring at my legs. I was grateful for the looks of appreciation, but slightly disappointed as well. I was disappointed because there was a cute, from the back, looking man sitting at the bar and he hadn't even glanced in my direction. I held in an exasperated sigh and looked around for my date, Mike. My heart immediately sank as I saw a balding man in a big leather jacket grinning at me with a glass of something in his hands. Oh, God, please don't let that be Mike, I thought to myself as I stifled a groan. I wasn't Miss America but this man looked twenty years older than his photos and he looked like a redneck and not the cute NASCAR, ‘I'm a cowboy’ kind either. This was no Jimmie Johnson. This was definitely Bubba and my heart sank as he walked towards me.
"Why, is that you, Elizabeth?" My heart dropped at his words and the large gap at the front of his mouth.
"Howdy," I said and groaned under my breath. I had no idea why I was talking country.
"Why, aren't you a large spray of sunshine on a sunny day," he said as he reached over to give me a hug. Spray of sunshine? I thought to myself. What in hell was he talking about?
"Uh, thanks," I said as I gave him a quick hug. I watched his eyes dropping to my chest before he whistled.
"Thank you, God, you've gone and blessed me today," he said as he licked his lips loudly. "Girl, you're fine," he said and I was almost positive I could see saliva on his lips. Gross.
"Mike?" I said weakly. Please, God, if you love me, let this be a mistake.
"Yes, suree, that is me." He grinned and rubbed his hands together. "I didn't know nothing ‘bout this online dating thing, but I'm God-dang sure I won the lottery."
"Oh, ha-ha." I attempted a laugh as my heart sank. "Where are you from?"
"Originally from N’awlins, by way of Alabama," he said and I had no idea what that meant.
"Oh, okay, are you new to town?" I asked, wondering how long I'd have to stay on this date. I was even more annoyed that I'd used my home waxing kit down under, now. I was starting to feel an itch and I knew I couldn't scratch it. I was sure going to kill Lacey.
"Came up here for my ex wife." He nodded. "I'm a country boy, if you didn't know, but I came for love and didn't leave."
"Your profile says you were never married," I said accusingly, finally able to comment on something other than his looks. I wanted to call him out on his lies, but I didn't want to be rude.
"Oh, we wasn't married in a church." He took a sip of his drink. "We just says we were married for tax purposes."
"Uh okay." I looked away from him and I could see that the man at the end of the bar was now staring at us in interest. I looked away from him quickly, even though he looked slightly familiar. I didn't know why, though. I didn't know any hunky dark-haired guys that looked like him.
"But that's over now. Tammy's gone to ‘sippi with George, a guy I used to work with."
"Sippi?" I asked him, confused, not sure if I was being punked.
"Mississippi," he said and grinned. "Guess, you're a natural blonde after-all." And then because he was gross, he looked down to the front of my skirt. I was about to tell him where to get off when I felt someone behind us.
"You okay, miss?" The voice was deep and husky and I instantly knew it was the man that had been sitting at the end of the bar.
"She's fine." Mike sounded annoyed and possessive and I took a step away from him.
"Ooof," said the man behind me as I bumped into him. His arms instinctively went around my waist as I stumbled back against his hard warm chest.
"Sorry," I said and looked back to see his face properly. His azure blue eyes stared into mine as he looked at me with an amused expression. My heart jumped as I realized that I was standing in front of Scott Taylor. Only I couldn't tell him that I knew his name. If I did, he'd want to know why and I wasn't allowed to tell him about the prank that his friends were about to pull on him.
"No worries," he said, his hands sliding off my waist slowly. "You okay?"
"I'm fine." I nodded and then we both looked back at Mike, who looked anything, but fine.
"Looky here, boy, can’t you see I'm on a date?" he said and it was then I realized he was chewing tobacco. That was why I’d seen the saliva on his lips earlier, not because he was drooling because I was so hot.
"You okay?" Scott Taylor ignored Mike and addressed me again. I shook my head slightly, not wanting to say anything out loud for fear of Mike doing something stupid.
"She's fine." Mike took a step forward. "Get away from my lady."
"I'm not your lady," I said finally and looked at him in disgust. "We barely messaged twice online and you were lying!" My voice rose. "You don't look thirty and you don't look like your photos."
"My photos say they were of me when I wa
s in the marines." He shrugged. "That weren't no lie."
"But it also wasn't yesterday, was it, sir?" Scott spoke up and stepped in front of me. "How's about you leave the young lady alone. You're obviously not what she was expecting."
"Hmmphm, damn Yankees," Mike said under his breath and looked back at me. "You sure you don't wanna learn how a cowboy moves his hips tonight?" He licked his lips again. "I might be older, but I make up for it with my tongue."
"What?" My jaw dropped as I stared at him.
"I can't last all night in the sack unless I take my Viagra, but my tongue can go for hours." He flicked his tongue around. "If you know what I mean."
I turned away from him then, shuddering in disgust. Lacey was going to be in fits of laughter when I told her about my night. Only I was going to kill her before that. Never again was I going to take her dating advice.
"Come, let me get you a drink," Scott said and he guided me to his seat. I could feel Mike’s eyes on my back, but I didn't care. I was sure that anyone else watching us was wondering what was going on, but it was none if their business.
"Before I buy you a drink, I must ask you a question," Scott said with a small smile. I wanted to pinch myself. Was I really here with the man I was hired to prank the next week? Was fate playing a dreadful joke on me?
"What's that?" I asked him as I sat down, wishing I could check a mirror to make sure my makeup still looked good. My heart thudded as I stared at him. He was even better-looking in person than he'd been in the photo.
"You weren't on sugardaddies.com or anything like that right?" he asked me with a cheeky grin.
"No," I said with a laugh and shook my head.
"Or getanoldmannow.com."
"Haha, no."
"Good." He smiled and held out his hand. "Then let me introduce myself properly. My name is Scott."
"Elizabeth," I said with a smile. "Though my best friend calls me Eliza, like Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady."
"Because you're a good girl?" he asked with a wink and I flushed as he laughed. "You didn't think a man like me would know the movie, did you?"
"No, yes, no." I laughed. "But no I didn't think most people would really know that line where she says she's a good girl. It's so obscure and forgettable."
