by Unknown
She dragged her eyes away from Daniel as Gabby called out. She wasn’t ready to have that particular conversation. Not yet.
Daniel sighed. Sh ai asighed. e saw it and heard it, but ignored it.
“Coming, honey.”
Penny didn’t look back at him.
This trip home was about her daughter. There was no room for nostalgia, for thinking about what could have been. She was home for Gabby’s birthday, and in less than seven days she’d be getting back on a plane, not coming back until her tour was over for good.
Until then, it was all about Gabby.
No matter how much she ached inside.
Daniel watched Penny move down the hall. He ignored the burning pain in his fingertips as the steaming-hot mug stung his skin. It only made him grip the ceramic handle tighter.
I’m sorry. That’s what he’d wanted to say. I’m so damn sorry and I don’t know how I’ll ever prove it to you.
He’d told her over the phone, but he had wanted to look her in the eye and tell her to her face. Even if it didn’t make a difference, it was something he wanted to say. Needed to say. To convince her that he meant it, that it wasn’t just something he felt he should say.
Instead he watched her walk down the hall toward their daughter’s room. His wife. Powerless to stop her, no matter how much he wanted to beg for her forgiveness.
“Daddy!”
Gabby was hollering down the hall at him now. “Yeah?” he called back. “Come over here!”
Daniel put down the mug after taking a sip and followed in Penny’s footsteps.
They were sitting on the bed when he walked in, Gabby cross-legged with toys around her and Penny perched on the edge, a doll in one hand.
Penny looked up at him, gave him that look again, and he stared straight back at her. Would have done anything to have looked into her eyes all day, whispered to her and promised to do better, convinced her how much he loved her.
But he couldn’t say anything, and he knew she didn’t want to hear it anyway. Not right now.
“You showing Mom your things?”
Gabby nodded, her eyes bright. “She didn’t even know about my new favorite toys.”
Daniel moved slowly across the room and sat on the far edge of the bed. “That’s why you have to tell Mommy about all the things you do when she’s away. Every time she calls you.”
Gabby shook her head. “But she’s home now.” In complete denial.
Daniel cringed. If only she were. Home for good, that was. It didn’t seem to matter how many times he told Gabby, she was holding on to her mother being back forever.
“Remember we talked about this, hon,” he told her. “Mom is only back for a week.”
Gabby looked down, fingering the doll on her lap.
“Do you want to play with me?” she asked, shyly watching her mother.
Daniel turned away as Penny shuffled across the bed on her knees to sit beside their daughter.
“I’d love to.”
He stood up and walked from the room as Penny spoke, not wanting to see the tears in Penny’s eyes as she snuggled up besidack ad up bese Gabby.
Because he would have done anything to snuggle right up beside his two girls.
Instead he was heading back down the hall to confirm his accommodation arrangement for the night. Preparing to be alone, instead of with his family.
Daniel squared his shoulders and went outside, needing the fresh air.
He had been such an idiot. A fool.
If he could turn back time, change the decision he’d made, he would do it in a heartbeat.
But there was no changing the past.
Even if it did seem like a long shot, no matter how strained things might be between them, he still believed.
In the power of love. In the strength of their marriage.
He dug his heel into the top of his other foot. Stomped down hard, trying to fight the hot rush of tears as they pressed down hard, burning at the backs of his eyes.
Daniel wiped hard at his face, knuckles into his eyes.
He wasn’t the kind of guy who cried, couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt the sting of tears pierce his eyeballs.
He only had six and a half days to make Penny fall in love with him again, and he was going to make the most of every single minute.
Because he loved his wife and he wasn’t going to walk away without a fight.
Back in the Soldier’s Arms/Here Comes the Groom
CR!93BHZ3MAHS4NVAVVWQG1QCZMZ0ZB
CHAPTER TWO
PENNY made her way back down the hall. She didn’t know whether to be smiling or frowning. Laughing or crying.
Part of her was so overwhelmingly happy about being home, yet it was heartbreaking at the same time. She’d never resented her four years of service, not when the army had given her so much, but being here with Gabby made her realize how much she was missing out on. How much she just wanted to be a mommy.
She saw Daniel sitting on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table as he watched a game of football, volume down low.
“Hey,” she said, letting him know she was standing behind him.
He flicked the television off and swung his feet down. “Where’s Gabby?”
Penny moved slowly around the edge of the sofa and sat down in the chair opposite. She stifled a laugh. Getting Daniel to turn a game off wasn’t usually so simple as her walking into the room.
“She fell asleep while I was reading a story to her. I hope that’s okay?”
She had no idea if she even napped during the day still or not.
Daniel smiled. “Yeah, that’s fine. She wouldn’t go to bed until late last night because she was so excited about you coming home, and she was up at the crack of dawn this morning.”
“Me, too,” Penny said, yawning. “It’s been a long twenty-four hours.”
Daniel nodded, leaning back, like he was starting to relax.
“I still remember my last trip home. It seemed to take forever, but it’s worth it in the end, right?”
They stared at one another, so much unsaid. So much to say.
But right now it was easier to skirt around certain conversations.
“Do you miss it?”
She’d been wondering for so long.
“Yeah,” he said, and she could see the honesty shining through his eyes. “Yeah, I miss it, but I think being home’s worth the sacrifice.”
She bet it was. If she’d had the choice, she’d be home, too. Had thought she would have been.
“I love what I do, Daniel, but this whole stop-loss thing seems so unfair.” Penny rubbed at her temple, tired from thinking about the whole thing. “I’ll never forget that the army paid for my last three years of college, but I’ve done my time.”
“I know.”
She sighed and tried to relax. There was no point going over and over it again. They were entitled to extend her enlistment contract to retain her, end of story. Once this tour was over, she’d be home free, so she had to tough it out.
“Let’s forget my problem,” she said, pleased to change the topic. “How’s your job going?”
Daniel shrugged. “It’s fine, but it’s not the same.”
Penny leaned forward slightly, waiting to hear, wanting to hear what he had to say. Because even though their marriage was in tatters, and being near him, touching him, hurt, she still cared.
“I’m doing contract work for the navy still, and it cuts me up sometimes to see the boys going off for work. Seeing them all together, doing their thing, watching the other naval aviators heading out is tough.”
“While you’re stuck on the ground working on the choppers,” she finished for him.
“Yeah,” he said. “While I’m tinkering with them to get them running properly, and they’re out in the Seahawks.”
She didn’t miss the almost bitter edge to his voice.
They sat in silence, not looking at one another, yet not ready to stop talking either. To get up a
nd walk away.
“Not that I’m complaining,” he quickly corrected himself. “It’s just, I don’t know, different.”
“It’s what we always planned, though, right?” she asked, knowing they were both thinking it.
Him in the navy serving out his eight-year term, her finishing her degree through the army scholarship program then serving for four years. Only she’d never expected to be deployed overseas, let alone retained beyond her specified term.
“Me as a helicopter mechanic and you as a physio with your own practice. The house with the big backyard, maybe even another little one on the way.”
His words seeped through her body. It was the picture-perfect description she’d always imagined. What they’d always talkeing qways tald about.
Penny looked down, couldn’t meet his gaze any longer. Up until a couple of months ago, she’d thought that was still what would be happening. Even if it was going to be a year or so later than they’d expected.
“Penny …”
She held up her hand, strength back, rippling in waves through her body. “Don’t, Daniel. Please, just don’t.” Penny knew what he was going to say. What he was going to bring up.
“I owe it to you, Penny,” he said, voice low now. Like he was in pain. “Please.”
“You owed it to me to be faithful.” She hurled the words at him, her calmness replaced by hurt. Unable to hold it in check. Thinking of what he’d done to her and wishing upon wishing that it hadn’t happened. That everything was back to normal again. But it wasn’t. “And I do not want to be having this conversation right now.”
He shut his eyes. She watched him do it, wanted to do the same, but was holding so tightly on to her strength that she didn’t dare let herself.
When he opened them again and looked at her, she saw a sadness, a deepness there that she’d never seen before on his face. A hurt that she felt mirrored in her own steely gaze.
“Penny, I love you so much,” he said, leaning forward, hands on his knees. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m so sorry for what I did. If there was anything I could do to make it up to you, any way to prove to you that it meant nothing to me, that it was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life, I’d do it.”
Penny stood then, moved past him. Brushed fiercely past his outstretched hand, not wanting to touch him. Not having the strength to be so close to him.
Because goddamn it, it hurt.
“Trust was all we had, Daniel, and you broke that.”
She couldn’t face him because tears were streaming down her cheeks, leaving wet, slippery marks across her skin. As they curled toward her mouth she let her tongue flick out to catch the salty wetness of them.
Had serving her country, being away for so long, caused her marriage to fail? Was it her fault? Did she have to shoulder some of the blame?
“It wasn’t all we had, Penny,” he said softly.
Anger built within her, compelled her tears to stop. “It was everything, Daniel. Because without it, we have nothing.”
He stood then, reached for her wrist. She yanked it back, not letting his skin connect with hers.
“We have Gabby.”
She nodded. “She will always be the most important person in my life, Daniel. And I know you’re a great dad. Nothing changes that.”
He stared at her. Waiting for the but.
Penny kept it inside her mouth, though, not letting the words spill.
But you ‘re a crappy husband, she wanted to say. And you’ve hurt me more than I ever thought was possible. No matter how hard this was for him, no matter what he’d been through, he was here and she was going back to no-man’s-land.
“I’m sorry, Penny. I don’t know how else to say it to you, or what I can do. But I’m sorry and I love you.”
She swallowed, shaking her head to stop the words from settling in her mind.
“I’m sorry, too, Daniel,” she replied, squaring her shoulders and looking him straight in the eye. Penny took a deep, shaky breath. “And for the record, it’s not because I’m incapable of forgiving, it’s because I can’t forget, Daniel. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget what you did.”
Couldn’t forget that he’d been with another woman. That his hands had touched another’s skin, his mouth had traced another’s lips.
It made her skin crawl.
This time it was him who was swallowing, who was shaking his head sadly.
“I don’t know what else I can say to prove to you how important you are to me. How much I love you.”
She shook her head. “Can we drop it, Daniel, please? I just want us to play happy families for Gabby’s birthday, remain civil and be the parents I know we both want to be.”
“Daddy?”
Gabby’s little voice rang out down the hall, still croaky with sleep.
Daniel went to move, but Penny stepped in front of him.
“Let me.”
He didn’t resist.
“I don’t want to have this conversation while Gabby’s around. I’m only here for the week, and there’s no point in upsetting her.”
Daniel stood, arms hanging loosely by his side, posture alert, tall, not yet defeated. So unlike the strong man she was used to, the one who would never back down.
Like he had so much left to say, like he wanted to fight for what he wanted, but was unsure how the hell to do it.
“It’s your call, Penny.”
She turned her back on him and went to her daughter.
Tears still threatened, but she shrugged them away. After what she’d survived in the army, what she’d seen and experienced, she should have been able to cope with this. But nothing she’d seen serving overseas could compare.
Her heart was breaking, slowly, over and over, and there was nothing she could do about it.
No way to help it heal before it shattered all over again. Like a record stuck on repeat.
To a very bad song.
“I—want—Daddy!”
Daniel entered the room to see Penny’s face crumpled. She composed herself within a half second, but he didn’t miss it. And he didn’t want to cut her out, either. “Honey, why don’t you let Mommy help you?”
She shook her head, determination clear on her face. Burning in her eyes.
“No! I—want—you!” She punched out each word.
Geez. The last thing they needed right now, with everything this tense, was Gabby having a tantrum. She’d been so good lately, had hardly planted her bottom lip down in anger and refused to do what he asked for months.
Until now.
Her timing was impeccable.
“I’ll go and get dinner started.” The sadness in Penny’s voice made him look up.
He shook his head, resisting the urge to glare at Gabby. “No, stay,” he asked.
Penny looked up at him, hope shining in her eyes. “Can Mommy help us?”
Gabby caught her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing on it softly. She nodded, eyes flickering between them. “Okay, then,” he said.
Penny shot him a grateful look. He fought to break his gaze, to pull his eyes from hers. After so many years of being so close, of knowing what the other was thinking before they said something; of touching each other, brushing against one another without even thinking about it.
And now the distance was painful.
Daniel walked over to the closet and looked through Gabby’s clothes. “Pink T-shirt?”
He looked back over his shoulder as Gabby sat on the bed, still pouting. “The sparkly one.”
Daniel laughed, catching Penny’s raised eyebrow as he did so.
“Come over here,” he said to her, beckoning with one finger. Penny pushed off from the doorjamb where she’d been leaning. She looked unsure, but she did it anyway.
“Check out the sparkly T-shirts and tops,” he said, voice low, although he knew Gabby could hear him. “And she orders me to get the sparkly one like I’d know which one she means.”
Penny lau
ghed, but she reached for a soft, pink tee with a dog on the front. He watched as she fingered it, pleased that the air between them had relaxed, if only temporarily.
“I remember buying this,” Penny said, lifting the top and pressing it to her face. Inhaling the scent. “We saw it after lunch, on our way back, before I shipped out. It was too big for her then.”
Penny was right. It was the day before he’d waved her goodbye. The day before he’d effectively become a solo dad. Been left alone.
He pushed the thoughts away. She was here now and that’s what mattered.
“Is this the one?” Penny asked, voice filled with hope as she held it out.
Gabby nodded.
Daniel doubted it was the one she’d originally had in mind, but he was grateful she’d agreed. For Penny’s sake.
“Pants?” he called over his shoulder.
“Skirt!” she responded.
He glanced at Penny as she chuckled.
“Is she always like this?” she whispered.
Daniel moved his head slowly from side to side, pleased to have an excuse to bend closer to her. To reduce the physical void between them.
“When you left, I used to joke with my Mom that she was a mini-tyrant. At least once a week. But she hasn’t been like this in ages.”
Penny looked sad. “Has my coming home upset her? Should I have just stayed away until I could come back for good?”
Daniel couldn’t resist touching her then, had to connect with her.
Because she was wrong.
“Penny, you coming home is the best thing that’s happened to us. Don’t go beating yourself up over one temper tantrum thrown by an overtired child.”
She gave him a weak smile.
“But she only seems to want you. It’s like I’ve been made redundant.”
He closed his hand around her shoulder, keeping his touch light when what he really wanted to do was draw her against him and hold her close. To comfort her.
“I’m what she’s been used to this past year,” he said, looking into her eyes. “Once you’re home for good she’ll probably forget all about me within a week.”
“I doubt it,” Penny said.
But the flicker in her eyes told him that she hoped it was at least partly true. She angled her body slightly, as if asking him to remove his hand, but not wanting to shrug it away.
