by Gary Lovisi
Back a long time ago.
It was on another planet.
It was another world.
Someone was talking to him so he knew he wasn’t back in solitary confinement.
The voice said, “So what about all the cons in prison who trusted you? You planned an escape, a damn revolution. They all believed in you and you sold them out. Got them all killed.”
“That was my job,” Ryan heard himself reply in the dream, moving his lips silently along with the images going on in his head.
“Some job.”
“Yeah.”
“So how does it feel?” the voice asked Ryan.
“What?”
“To be a Judas Goat. You know you sold a bunch of suckers down the river. To die. They believed in you. At least they trusted you. You were their damned leader! Why, you’re no better than the hated Authority. They also believe loyalty only runs from the bottom to the top. Never from top to bottom. But it should. It damn well should! You sold them out, Ryan. You’re a perfect Judas Goat, you’re a low-life piece of shit, and a double-damned rat without any honor at all.”
“It was my job.”
“Sure.”
“And now what? Are you going to sell out Mars? Sell out your friends? To her? The DOC?”
“No!”
“Yes you are, Ryan. I know you. And you know you!”
Ryan shouted to the ghost in his head, “You’ve done worse, Macky!”
Macky just laughed and walked away.
He was thinking of her again. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t want to, and he knew that he shouldn’t, but he had no choice. There was something within him, something that made him think about her all the time now. He saw her face in his mind’s eye and it made him smile. It made him want her, and it said to him that he needed her. He did not like that. Ryan did not like to need anyone. He knew this could be his ruination.
Or his salvation.
But which one?
Ryan wasn’t scared.
He knew what he had to do.
He had to find out.
* * * *
When he saw her the next day the first thing she did was kiss him and say, “You know, you were right about Green Ice.”
Ryan held her close. He didn’t want to let her go. He knew she was potential dynamite to his plans, poison to him and all his dreams, but he knew he had to take the chance. For himself. For her. For them.
But she was dangerous for him, he understood that too. If anyone could turn him, she could. He knew it. Deep. He’d lie for her, steal for her. He was scared. He might even sell out the revolution to The DOC for her!
Was that why she was here?
But he knew he had to take the chance. A chance for happiness. To do that, he had to find out the truth for himself. That would entail considerable risk. It might endanger Mars, but danger was what Mars was all about. Taking chances. Fighting the odds. Finding things out for yourself. Standing on your own two feet. Going your own way!
He took her around the planet, showing her what sites there were, and some of the mines. They ’coptered out to Olympus Mons up to the very pinnacle over a dozen incredible miles high to a point that was the top of the world. It was breathtaking. Many miles higher than Everest in the Himalayas back on Earth. They drove across endless deserts of red clay, with pock-marked cratered surfaces, deep into the ruts of the old Mars canals. Across the horizon were the twin moons of Deimos and Phobos, chasing each other in a mad rush across the dark starry night sky.
It had been breathtaking. It had been a wonderful day.
That night they traded more paperbacks. They talked books once again, then talked about life. Then about love.
Then they made love.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
PAPERBACKS AND POLITICS
She said to him afterwards, while they were still in bed together, “Politics...?”
“I know,” he said.
“It’s tricky. You have to be careful. Like out here. You would not believe it. When I got here a few days ago some old coot played over the spaceport PA system some damn song....”
Ryan smiled, “Old John McGregor. Did he play the Mars World Anthem?”
Arabella Rashid looked at Ryan carefully, said, “Yes, he did, but....”
“I know....”
She said, “Look, James, Mars does not have any anthem, no World Anthem, or any other kind of anthem.”
“I know,” Ryan laughed lightly. She didn’t like it. He didn’t appear to be taking this serious. He was a serious type guy and this was the most serious thing there was. He only smiled, nodded.
She liked his face when he laughed though. It was so healthy, so hearty. So full of life. It infected her, made her smile too. But she wished he would take these things more seriously. Be more careful.
“It’s subversive,” she told him, serious herself now.
He just smiled again, “I know.”
“You seem to know a lot.”
“I’m Mr. Takes-Care-Of-Odd-Jobs, remember? That takes in a lot of territory.”
“But with politics..?”
“Yes?” he asked.
“It’s tricky,” Arabella Rashid said again.
“I guess it can be.”
She looked at Ryan. “You have to be very careful,” she said, wondering about him, concerned for his safety, all kinds of thoughts entering her mind now.
He didn’t say anything in reply, he didn’t want to confront her.
Finally she shrugged it off. She’d get no straight answer out of him on this topic she realized, just as he’d get no straight answer out of her. Nothing at least, that she didn’t want him to know. It was an impasse. She finally said, “Tell me about Mars....”
“And what else...?”
“Well, about Mars...and paperbacks.”
Ryan smiled, “Why don’t you tell me about what’s going on back on Earth first?”
Arabella Rashid thought that one over for a moment. She couldn’t very well say what was really going on back there, but she did want to talk about some of it with him. She felt she needed to talk about it with Ryan.
It was a terrible breach of security, a breach of the highest order. It went directly against her own guiding philosophy and rules, but then again, they were her rules. She had made them. She could break them. Anyway, she was way out here on Mars, in secret identity, so what did it matter? What did anything matter? Earth was so far away now. And when she thought about it, Arabella Rashid kind of liked it that way.
She looked over at Ryan, watching him watching her.
What a strange, fearless, contrary, exciting, intelligent and damn exasperating man. She’d never known one like him before and she realized now that while she’d known many men in many ways, she really had never known a real man before. Certainly no one like Ryan. All the others may have been fine, some were fun, they were all certainly male, but Ryan was a man. He brought out the woman in her and she loved the feeling. The awakening of it all.
He was quiet, waiting for her.
Arabella said, “There’s not much to tell.”
Ryan laughed deeply. Almost mocking her. She was almost sure of it and it surprised her. But she deserved it. It was like he knew something about her, for sure. Not her secret identity—but her secret inner self. For her to get angry and sensitive about it would end up telling him more about her than she should give up. At least at this time.
“You’re so damn sure of yourself, Ryan!”
Ryan shook his head, “No I’m not. I take chances, you know how that is? It can be dangerous. It can even be fatal these days.”
Arabella Rashid, sobered, nodded. She knew he was right. She wondered, did he suspect who she really was? The enemy. His worst enemy imaginable come to his happy, free world, now right here with him in bed! Arabella Rashid and the DOC!
“So?”
She nodded, “There’s some news that’s kept strictly under wraps, a war brewing on Earth. A cyborg replicant by the n
ame of Moses Sage has united all the Underground peoples and forced an alliance with renegade warriors from the top world Authority....”
“The nanotech super warriors? I’d heard of them. I thought they were just rumors,” Ryan said softly.
Arabella hesitated, nodded, said nothing more.
“I thought the rumors of their existence...I mean, I’d heard stories, but.... So they are real? There really are these super warriors?”
“Too real,” Arabella said. “A group of them in one of the Security Districts that make up one of the LastCen nations—something once called the United States of America—well, they have joined Moses Sage. Now his Underworld people are at war against the Authority....”
Arabella Rashid stopped, she’d said more than enough. More than anyone had a right to know.
“The Authority,” Ryan mused, “run everything on the Earth. All the former nation-states, all the biz-conglomerates, the media and world net is under their control. But who controls them? We both know it’s the Department of Control that....”
Arabella Rashid leapt at Ryan, covered his mouth with her hand. She held him down firmly, whispered, “Be quiet! Are you crazy! Don’t ever mention that name! We are not to know of such things. We are not to talk of them. They can....”
Ryan threw her off him.
She was astonished. She had tried to save him, “The walls have ears....”
Ryan said, “This is Mars! Not Earth! The walls do not have ears here. We still have privacy here. Now I have to leave....”
She said, “Ryan? James? What did I do?”
He got up to go.
She watched him get dressed.
He was leaving her? Just like that!
Her stomach fell to her knees.
She grew angry and silent and cold.
She began to think of revenge and spite.
She said, “Where are you going?”
He said, “I have to leave.”
* * * *
He thought about the paperbacks again. Only the paperbacks are true, real, always there for you waiting to be picked up, waiting to be read. So many authors speaking their truth directly to you. Personal. To you only. Like you are someone special. Like the author really cared about letting you know his own special truth, the real inside dope within him or her. It’s the true story, and it was good. So fine. Not like some people that live and cheat and play their dirty little games.
Paperbacks have always been, they always will be. So he hoped.
Ryan thought about that one special book, from some memory chip lost back in his mind, something called, Mars Needs Books. He knew what Mars really needed was women. More women like her. He knew who ‘her’ was now. Arabella Rashid. There could be no doubt. He was also in love with her. He also knew she loved him. Though she probably would never admit it. He was also sure she was hell-bent on the death and destruction of all his plans and dreams. Not to mention his life. She was probably working on it all right now. Planning it all very precisely.
He knew only too well what she’d do if she had her way here on Mars.
She’d make Mars scream!
Everyone would be rounded up, tortured, brain-wiped. That would not be the worst of it.
Ryan shook his head. He tried not to think of her but he couldn’t get her out of his mind. He finally decided. He had to do something about her. He had to take a chance on her.
He took out the box. It was his box of insurance. It had been hidden so many years ago, when he’d first come out to Mars. The box with all the dust on it.
The box with the gun inside.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I DON’T NEED NO DOC
It was a day later.
On Mars, a day late and a dollar short was a way of life. It was part of the hard-boiled attitude that spoke so truthfully to the tough miners and construction workers who had built this world and struggled on a day-to-day basis to make it work. They worked and lived under the worse conditions imaginable. They thrived without any help from Earth.
The only thing the settlers and pioneers on Mars received from Earth were problems: excess regulations, stupid rules, unjust laws, spies, bureaucrats, terrorists, subversives, mind-control mechanisms of every type, all to keep them slaves of Earth. All to increase the control of The DOC.
It always came back to The DOC, Ryan thought. To The DOC and Arabella Rashid.
He decided he’d have to kill her.
But he couldn’t do that.
So he decided he’d have to tell her.
Eventually.
The secret war on Earth was real, she’d let on to him about it. She’d told him about it, even mentioned Moses Sage, finally brought his name out in the open.
It was valuable information. Now he owed her.
He knew what he had to do for the first time now.
Something he did not want to do.
He had to trust her.
There was something he wanted to show her.
He knew he’d have to show her the secret place and hope that she would understand.
Then maybe she’d listen to him and their personal war could end before any fatalities.
Otherwise, they’d all be doomed.
Then all of them would be very dead, very soon.
So he was okay with it all now.
He was sane. He knew it. Better.
He was sure of it.
But this was all just so damn crazy.
He knew they didn’t have no doctor for what was bothering him.
But to show Arabella Rashid their most secret place was infinitely dangerous. The kind of thing he’d need a shrink for. Or a firing squad. But not the shrinks they have today, like the ones down on Earth. Not those political shrinks. They were evil. They were all collaborators with The DOC. There used to be honest head doctors in the old days. Even if not perfect, at least they really did try to help their patients. Sometimes their advice even worked. Not likely today.
He didn’t need no doctor. He needed some guts. He needed some serious guts because if he showed Arabella Rashid the secret library of Mars and he got the wrong response from her—if it appeared she would use the information to move against Mars, against the Republic and the Resistance—then love her or not, he’d have to take care of it.
He just hoped he had the guts to do what needed to be done.
He knew that he didn’t, but it was his job.
“I am ‘Mr. Takes-Care-Of-Odd-Jobs’. That’s what I told her. That’s what she called me. And it’s true. I know it and she knows it. And ‘odd-jobs’ takes in a lot of ground. Too damn much ground sometimes.”
Ryan looked at the weapon in his hand. He had not made use of it since before he’d come to Mars. Now he might have to use it one last time.
On the woman he loved.
Ryan was the ‘odd-jobs’ man. The revolutionary. The killer. The traitor to the cons long ago, the fink according to Macky, the liar, the rat—the warrior against Earth freedom. He was also the keeper of the Secret Place, but he knew the less said about that now, the better.
Some spoke of making him king.
But he knew what he really was cut out for.
Ryan.
James Ryan.
Fool.
And.
Knave.
Ashamed of himself.
Some called him a man of honor.
He knew better.
There is no true honor....
...that is not born of dishonor.
He had been there....
...and back again.
He put the gun away.
He hoped he would not have to use it.
He prayed he would not have to use it.
He could always strangle her, or blunt force trauma would work in a pinch.
It made him sick to even think about it.
He imagined the cold steel pressed against the soft flesh of the temple of Arabella Rashid’s head. He could see himself pressing that trigger. If he had to. He could see
her dying in his arms. If she had to. And with her, all his hopes and dreams dying too.
Or would she get the drop on him? He was weak. Perhaps she would trick him? It had happened before. He knew all about such treachery. From both ends, from both sides in the struggle.
If she won—if The DOC won—then that would be it for him and Mars and everyone on the planet. DOC would investigate, she’d see to that. The DOC was nothing if not thorough. They’d find the truth soon enough. What they would discover is that the entire planet, and everyone on it, was a dangerous nest of revolutionaries that needed to be neutralized immediately. Serious hard case Authority problems. They’d have no choice according to their own twisted version of truth and correctness. They would eliminate the infestation and that meant killing all human life on Mars.
A secret order would go out on a planetary scale.
KTA!
Kill Them All!
Ryan figured Arabella Rashid might start with him. Or maybe, if her DOC training got the better of her, she’d save him for last. A special case. Watch him. Gauge his reactions. Try to turn him. Scare him. Make him beg. Cry. Cause him to die inside little by little as his friends all around him, and his world, were slowly destroyed before his eyes.
Such was The DOC way.
They so enjoyed their work.
He gave her a call and told her,” There’s a place I’d like to show you.”
“I’ve seen all the local tourist traps, Ryan. There’s not all that much to see here on Mars, that I haven’t already seen,” she said a bit stiffly, still bristling from the other day no doubt, but trying not to show it.
“This is different,” he told her.
“How is it different, Ryan?”
He said, “It’s cool, kinda revolutionary, if you know what I mean.”
She perked up. “What is it?”
“It’s one of the best spots on Mars. You have to see it to believe it. There’s nothing like it on Earth at all. Not anymore,” he told her proudly.
“Not another tourist trap?” she said. She couldn’t resist busting his chops one last time for the way he’d left her yesterday. She still felt the hurt, was actually surprised by it, but not really angry.
“This isn’t anything any tourists will ever see. Not now. This is something special and I want to share it with you, show it to you.”
