“Okay.” She still sounds hesitant. “Just be careful and make sure you don’t give him the wrong idea.”
Suddenly I’m afraid she’ll want me to find somewhere else to stay. The thought is overwhelming.
“You’re welcome here Dani, but I found out today that I got the job in Salt Lake City that I’ve been trying for. Tracy and I will be moving as soon as the school year is finished. I wanted you to know as soon as possible so you could make arrangements.”
I’ll have to find somewhere else to live . I knew it would come. Maybe I’ll take the bishop up on his offer. I have nowhere else to go. I want out of Alaska, back to Washington , but that feels impossible. Probably because it is. Now I just want to survive the next few weeks.
~ ~ ~
Friday before Prom, Daniel walks over to my locker. He’s been avoiding me. I hate that my brother, my twin and I, haven’t spoken.
“Mom cleared out your savings account.” He hands me an envelope. “She and D ad have been fighting about you. A lot. She wants you home and…”
“Dad doesn’t,” I finish. At this point, with Michael leaving and Collette moving, begging to go home might be my best shot.
“I charged a small delivery fee.” He grins.
“It’s okay. Thank you. Tell Mom thanks, and that I’m doing better than I thought I’d be doing.”
“So, is it official?” His eyes look wary, not like I’m his sister.
“What?”
“You joined that church?”
“Yep.” I know what he thinks. “The things we’ve been taught about them aren’t right, Daniel.”
“Whatever.” He looks away from me and his jaw tightens. “I hope the money helps.” I don’t have to look at him to know I’ve been cut off again.
“Thanks again.”
He turns and walks away. I wonder if there will be a point when we’re friends again. It sucks that I’m even having this thought.
I open the envelope. The whole two thousand dollars is there. Its money from the Alaska dividends and me working babysitting jobs along with some birthday money. It’s a lot but not a lot. I know how fast it will disappear once I need it.
~ ~ ~
“Dani. You really should come.” Tracy looks at me with the same pleading eyes she’s used since she brought up me going to Prom with her and Michael. They plan on ditching high school Prom for Mormon Prom.
“No, thanks.” I can see how Collette looks at me out of the corner of her eye as Tracy asks. Collette doesn’t want me there. Going to a church function as a knocked up high school student is not high on my list of things I want to do.
“Well, I really want you to change your mind.” She pouts. “But the dance is over before midnight, and we all plan on coming back here so you’re not allowed to go to sleep.”
“Okay.” Something is better than nothing. I’m going to miss my senior prom. Mormon Prom, regular prom. I don’t want to care, but I do care. I also don’t want to go to either one pregnant. That pretty much seals it for me.
Collette sits at the table with a book in hand, but I know she’s been listening.
“What are we talking about in here?” Michael walks in.
“I’m trying to get Dani to come with us to Prom,” Tracy explains.
“Well, yeah. I guess I assumed you’d come with the group of us.” His eyes find mine.
Collette freezes.
“Nope.” I pull my legs onto the couch. “I’ll see you guys at the end of the night.”
“Dani.” He sits down next to me. “You shouldn’t be missing out on this just because…”
“Hey, Michael.” Collette stands. “Could you help me with something?”
“Sure, Mom.” He looks from his mom back to me. He can sense it too I guess.
I want to disappear. My heart feels like darkness creeping in. “Excuse me.” I stand and walk with blurry vision to my room. Collette may be doing a good thing by letting me stay here , but there’s no way to convince me that she wants me here, not anymore. The problem is that I have nowhere else to go.
~ ~ ~
I don’t want to watch Michael and Tracy leave with their group of friends , but it’s rude to hide in my room. Michael in his tux takes my breath away. If I’m not in love with him now, then I’m heading there fast, even though I know I shouldn’t be. Not only will he be gone soon, but I still can’t see me deserving someone like him—someone who works so hard and is always doing the right thing. It’s a lot to live up to. Too much.
There’s no fast way to pass the time when I think about what I’m missing out on tonight. I scroll through the pictures I’ve taken over the past year. They’re definitely getting better.
The group of them walk in the door a little after eleven. I’m in pajamas on the couch. Collette has set out a ton of snacks for everyone. Tracy starts a movie (after groans of protest from John and Calvin). We’re watching Pride and Prejudice. The Kiera Knightly one.
“I need to change.” Michael winks at me as he jogs through the living room. He emerges in about three minutes in pajama pants, and a T-shirt. He sits down next to me on the loveseat.
“Okay, everyone has to be quiet, this is my favorite movie, ever.” Tracy warns each of us as she hits play on the DVD menu.
“Did you have fun?” I whisper to Michael.
“I guess . I don’t know. I wish you would have come.” He smiles at me a little, and I look down, letting him take my hand in his. I want to close my eyes and squeeze his hand and feel nothing but the warmth of him.
We’re facing one another on the small couch, and I rest my head against the back, trying to relax with having him so close.
“Dani, I want to talk to you about an idea I have.”
I let my eyes find his again.
“With Mom moving, my dad offered for me to spend the summer working at his real estate offices in Seattle.”
“Wow.” It feels grown up and impressive.
“You know, I’d get a chance to see my dad, which doesn’t happen often, and make some money to help on my mission.”
“That’s great, Michael.” I can’t concentrate on much other than my hand in his. Why do I have to feel this way about something that’s so completely impossible?
“So, a while ago, close to ten years now, my dad remarried.” He stops and looks at the other people in the room with us. Despite the earlier protests, they’re focused on the movie. “His wife has a lot of money. Her ex-husband has even more. They had two kids together; Bridger who’s always off on some sort of extreme adventure and Jackie who lives in a small houseboat on Lake Union.”
“Wow.” We haven’t talked about his family much. It all sounds very…impressive.
“Jackie has a room that she’d love for you to take.”
My mouth opens to say something, but I have no words.
Michael keeps talking. “I’ve talked to my dad, my step-mom, and then to Jackie. Jackie’s thrilled with the idea. She’s spoiled and a lot smarter than she lets on. She has more energy than three people and comes off a little…irreverent? I think that’s the word. But she’s really cool. She’s been a fun big sister.” He looks hopeful. Or is that just me?
A million thoughts rush through my head so fast that I can’t process any of them. “I don’t even know what to say. I don’t think I can afford…”
“Oh.” He holds his hand up to stop me. “Jackie’s allowance is larger than most double income families. She’s excited about the adventure of living with the pregnant girl. You may not want to deal with that.” He’s trying to warn me.
“I don’t understand why they would want to do this for someone they don’t know.” I find myself once again confused and overwhelmed at the generosity of people I’ve never met.
“I know you. They’re good people. You need support, Dani. I know it’s probably going to take you a while to get used to the Washington part of my family, but they’re really excited to meet you. And maybe less judgmental than the one here.”
His jaw tenses a bit, and I realize that he and his mom have probably talked about me once or twice.
I’m trying to gather my thoughts to make some sort of coherent response or decision with no luck.
“I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this or anything.” He watches me, waiting for me to say something. His shoulders slump down. “I’m sorry, you’re probably happier up here.”
“No, no. I’m just a little overwhelmed you know? I just…”
“It feels good to help people Dani. Give them the chance.” He chuckles. “You might not be thanking me a year from now when Jackie’s shopping and attempts at ditziness are driving you crazy.”
He stops again, and we just stare at one another for a moment.
“Do you want to do this at all? Or should I just tell them thanks, but no thanks?”
“I would love to do this.” He could have no idea how much I want to do this. “I just, I’m overwhelmed. I mean, I know I already said that…”
He breaks out in a huge smile and he lets go of my hand to grab me in a hug. “Good. I’m so glad. I was worried I was going to have to say goodbye to you in a couple of weeks.”
I squeeze my eyes, and know I shouldn’t love him holding me like this as much as I do. I know I’ll follow him even if it doesn’t feel right. It does feel good though. It feels like the right thing. I’m so glad, because so far, doing the right thing has brought me a lot of tears.
Tracy glances behind her and Michael lets go of me, pulling away a little. I’m suddenly self-conscious again. I scoot to my side of the loveseat and pull my knees up. It’s getting hard to sit like this. My belly’s in the way. I give up and shift my legs to the side. Michael reaches over with his large hands and takes my small foot. He carefully rubs the inside of my foot and I close my eyes. It feels divine. I look over at him a few times, but he’s watching the movie. I try to do the same.
Despite having no excitement whatsoever to see this, I’m completely taken in. I’m wiping tears when Mr. Darcy looks down at Elizabeth and says, “I never wish to be parted from you from this day forward.” Michael’s watching me, but I stay focused on the screen. It’s too much. Too much to recover from—him touching me, inviting me to stay with more of his family, our earlier hug and now the way he’s looking at me.
I watch Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy kiss in the candlelight. “My Pearl.” I muse when the movie finishes. “What a lovely thing to be thought of.” It comes out just above a whisper.
“I told you the movie was good.” Tracy looks back at me and Michael.
“You did.” Michael stands up and stretches.
I watch him more closely than I have the right to. His build is strong, athletic. His body is accentuated as his arms stretch above his head, pulling up his T-shirt to expose a sliver of stomach. Wow. My stupid pregnant girl hormones are taking over. This is ridiculous.
“Night.” I stand up and walk out of the room without giving anyone a second glance. Maybe I’m hiding again , but it feels like my safest option right now.
13
I know my parents will be here tonight. Graduation. I haven’t seen them since I left. When I finally spot Daniel, I quickly leave my group for him.
“Where are Mom and Dad?” I ask as I grab his arm.
“I don’t know Dani, but don’t go running after them, it’ll cause a scene.” His eyes look briefly down to mine before he walks away. Daniel’s rejection almost hurts worse than theirs. I knew how they’d feel. Daniel’s reaction still feels unexpected.
The ceremony is a blur. I stand and walk and sit like I’m supposed to. When it’s my turn to cross the stage I hope my robe covers my belly more than I feel like it does. I stand with my new group of friends and nod slightly when they pat my back in congratulations. It’s another moment I should be in the middle of, but I’m hovering around the edges, on the fringe, hoping to see family.
Finally I spot my parents walking with my four younger siblings. I pull away from my group and shove my way through the crowd, trying to keep a glimpse.
“Mom! Dad!” I call as I push through the doors to outside.
“Dani!” Hannah yells. She breaks free and runs toward me, throwing her arms around my waist.
“Hannah.” I miss her more than I thought possible. It feels so good to have her ten-year old arms around me again.
Mom stops and looks back at me. Dad whispers something in her ear, which makes her turn from me, taking the twins with her toward the car. They both look over their shoulders as Mom leads them away. I swallow as Dad walks toward me. I’m shaking, his face is contorted into the same mask of anger he had the night he told me to leave his house.
His voice is harsh. “Hannah. Follow your mother to the car.”
She understands his tone at once, lets go of me, and chases after Mom.
“Dad, I…” I start to say.
“I know you joined their church. I don’t want to—”
“What about forgiveness, Dad?” I plead. I’d take almost anything over this second rejection. Anything.
“Don’t you dare lecture me!” Everything about him is hard, his voice, his face, his stance. “Let’s try for honor thy father and mother, then we’ll talk forgiveness.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, turns and walks away.
It’s worse being rejected the second time, and I didn’t think that was possible. I’m weak. His initial anger was understandable. They’d been surprised, and I’d kept it from them for a long time. This anger runs deeper. Will I ever be part of my family again? And now I’m standing out here, alone, aside from the baby that will be mine for another four months. Then it’ll go away too. What will that feel like?
Dad climbing into his car is the final blow. The last bits of hope for reconciliation leaves as he pulls out. There are a million reasons I don’t want to cry right now, but none of them matter as the first sob hits me, and tears start to run down my face. Parents and students begin to leave the building heading for their cars and parties. I feel arms around me from the side. I lean my head toward the warmth and Michael pulls me into him.
“I’m so sorry,” he says.
“I’m okay.” The words come out but just barely. I’m completely and totally not okay.
“Nobody would be okay.”
I turn my body toward him and put my arms around him. It feels so good to be held like this. Moving will be necessary at some point, but I’m not looking forward to it. It’s like I have this safe place in his arms. Nothing can touch me here, and even if it could, it wouldn’t matter.
Collette puts her arm around my shoulder. “Come on, let’s head home.”
I don’t want to let go of Michael, to not have his arms around me, but then I understand. I’m holding on to her son. Not as much my friend, as her son. I’m suddenly self-conscious about everything. My belly against Michael, the personal moment he’d rescued me from, even the fact that I’m living at their house. I let Colette lead me away.
“Mom?” Michael walks up next to us. “I got it. You can drive.” He hands her the keys.
She slides her arms off my shoulders as Michael’s arm returns. I don’t want to know what her face looks like right now. She’s not happy, but I can’t bring myself to care.
Michael scoots over to sit in the middle seat in the back, even though there’s no room for his legs there. “Come here.” He opens his arms up, and I let myself be taken in by him again. No matter how temporary it might be—there’s no better place.
~ ~ ~
“Okay.” Collette puts her hands on her hips as she stares down at me, Michael, Tracy, April and John. “I have an excellent radar for inappropriate behavior. That, and since I sleep in the loft, I can hear everything.” She points to each one of us.
“Understood, Sister Mason.” John gives her a salute.
She gives us all one more warning look before walking up the stairs to her room. We sprawl out all over the whole living room—blankets, pillows and cushions everywhere. I stare at the
TV screen , but it’s late and I’m tired. I lie down, pull up my blankets, and try to go to sleep. It doesn’t take long.
I wake up stiff and uncomfortable. The light from the DVD player is the only thing allowing me to see. When I roll over, my growing tummy bumps Michael in the back. He turns toward me and our eyes catch. I can’t breathe.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
He doesn’t say anything. We’re still staring at one another. He leans forward just slightly until our fore heads are almost touching. His eyes close. My heart beats fast and hard. Our faces move slightly closer together again, and I’m just waiting to feel his lips on mine. I close my eyes in anticipation. The relief knowing I’m not the only one feeling this way is immense.
My Forever (The Next Door Boys) Page 10
