Home to me.
Hadley
“Are you fucking with me right now, Gerrick?” I splutter in my fratello’s direction. My voice coming across brittle, as I attempt to hold back my tears. I always knew that my asshole of a padre was just as tough on Gerrick as he was on me, but I never expected this.
“Yes, Hadley, now you can understand why I’ve never told you before,” he replies, releasing an exasperated sigh, turning away from me to move toward my office window.
As he pushes the wooden frame outward, the brisk morning breeze filters in, giving this musky room a refreshing makeover. Leaning forward, he settles on the frame, allowing half his body to hang outside.
“Why have you not killed him yet?” I growl, anger now overtaking my tone.
Watching him closely, I stay standing on the other side of the room, near some boxes of paperwork. The fight to keep these tears of mine at bay is consuming me, making me too high strung right now to even attempt to console him. He inhales a deep breath of air and returns inside.
“Because I was too young to take over, and needed time to strategize. It’s taken me a fucking long time to gain any respect amongst the men. I had to prove myself over and over to manipulate them. If there was ever a time to strike, that time is now.”
“And strike we will,” my quivering voice utters in agreeance. “But right now, I need sleep, Gerrick, so meet me back here later, and we will discuss this more.”
Knowing me well, my fratello simply nods, and leaves me to my thoughts. It destroys me inside to turn him away with no words of sympathy, but he wouldn’t have been seeking any either. As he leaves, I can accept that he is right, but my mind is still reeling with everything he has finally confessed. I’m so angry with my padre, my hands clench tightly by my side. The likelihood of me drawing my 9 mm from my drawer and shooting him if he were to walk through that door right now is extremely good. Unfortunately, a bullet to the head is way too fucking nice, especially after what he has done to me and Gerrick over the years.
Gerrick’s admission about what he has been through was honestly one I wasn’t expecting, or even something I would have contemplated. I knew my padre was sadistic, but this goes beyond that, even for him. When he whored me out to cement his hold on a bigger slice of the drug trade here in Brooklyn, he also did the same to Gerrick. Unfortunately for my fratello, he was unaware that he was the meat my padre was throwing to the lions.
“Padre’s been whoring me out for years, Hadley.”
That one sentence, Gerrick’s admission, shocked me, and not just slightly either. It took me at least ten minutes to find my composure and my words to respond. During that time, my fratello took my silence as an invitation to continue. His story, compared to mine, was horrific. Maybe I’m more like my padre after all, as it appears my tastes teeter more on the dark side. For me, I used that moment to my advantage, giving me a better standing in our family hierarchy. Gerrick, on the other hand, simply toed the line. He allowed our padre to continue to use him and his body as payment, in a bid to increase his stake with the Columbians.
The thought of how Gerrick could allow this to happen did cross my mind while he spoke, but it was like he was reading me. He admitted that the first time he fought against it, until they pumped a syringe full of cocaine into his veins. Everything after that was a blur. What he can recall of that night involved three Columbian men, a shitload of cocaine and booze. By the time they had finished with him, he was that fucking high on coke he didn’t know who he was, or what was happening. The damage they inflicted on his poor body that night involved him being hospitalized with severe trauma. He didn’t go into details, but my imagination had enough images running through it that I didn’t need his words.
Thinking back to then, I clearly remember him being in the hospital, but my padre brushed it off as a gang hit and nothing more. If I had realized the severity of his injuries at the time, I would have made those men pay. I would’ve taken great pleasure in torturing them, but my own mind during that time was in a horrifying place, where I thought of myself and no one else.
After that night, Gerrick admits to using the coke they supplied to help him escape while they had their fun. Engaging became easier, and eventually, it wasn’t just the Columbians my padre whored him out to, it was anybody he thought he could manipulate. The regularity is what sickens me the most. The fact that Gerrick now enjoys it only saddens me. Although he declares that he no longer needs the drugs, that he enjoys the company of both male and female partners, he still uses.
My fratello has become a god damned drug addict, and I never noticed.
Obviously, it makes me wonder if this would’ve still been the case if he hadn’t been forced into it. It’s no secret that we’ve been surrounded by drugs our whole lives. Maybe he would have, or maybe he would have been strong enough to stay away… like me. It really does make me a mixture of sad and angry when I think about what he has had to endure, regardless of the fact he now welcomes it.
My fratello’s sexuality, well that has never been a concern to me, as long as his practices were safe. It’s been no secret that I’m bi-sexual, in fact, it’s a trait my padre often brags about, but I can’t say I have ever picked up on Gerrick being the same. He has always been a very private person, especially when it came to sex. To be perfectly honest, until moments ago, I just assumed he was still a virgin.
What angers me, the thing that has my blood boiling, is the fucked up situations my padre has exposed him to. We may have been teenagers, the children of a self-proclaimed power player in the Italian mafia, but we were innocent.
The evilness that has always been buried deep inside of me wants to be set free so that I can dissect my padre, piece by piece. I would love to release her and allow her to tie him down, putting my acquired knifing skills to good use. There is also, now, another part of me that just wants to walk away and leave him to Gerrick and escape. The problem is, I just don’t think I could do that, not after everything Gerrick has opened up about and confided.
Grabbing my things, I have to get out of here. Locking the door behind me, my brain is eagerly conspiring, excitedly creating options. I know my padre well enough to know he wouldn’t suspect a thing. I can’t image him ever believing that Gerrick and I would have the courage to harm him or rid of him in the same manner as he did our grandpadre. The only difference will be that we won’t be putting out a contract on him, the pleasure of ending his life will be ours.
He wasn’t wrong when he said we are stronger because of him, but that will ultimately be his downfall.
*****
“Hadley child, wake up dear,” a kind, soothing voice swirls around me like an old comfortable blanket.
Dazed and confused, I wake with a start.
What the….
Where am I…? Oh that’s right, I’m at Milk and Roses, and it’s Mrs. Zegarelli trying to wake me.
“Sorry Mrs. Z, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” I yawn.
Twisting my body around, I straighten my legs to remove the numbness of having them curled under my ass while I slept. I watch as Mrs. Zegarelli picks up the book I was attempting to read off the wooden floor, and places it on the little coffee table in front of me.
Sitting herself in the chair across from me, she frowns. The tired, aged lines across her face are all I notice as she says, “You work too hard for that padre of yours, my darling. You need to rest. A beautiful girl like you should be looking at settling down, marrying a wonderful man who will grace you with darling little children.”
A comment like that I expect from the older Italian women. They are old-fashioned, their lives revolving around their demanding husbands and children. I love the Zegarelli’s, I really do. They have always been here for me, allowing me to lose myself in the simplicity and wonder of their small Italian café. What I’m not, is traditional. I don’t want to marry some aging captain from my padre’s organization, and hang around to cater for his every need. I want more than that l
ife entails, more than Mrs. Zegarelli and my madre will ever experience.
“That’s not for me, Mrs. Z, you know that, but thank you for allowing me to rest. I need to get to work now.”
Rising, she maneuverers her way slowly around the coffee table to pull me into her embrace. Hugging me tightly, she kisses each of my cheeks before releasing me. Mumbling something in her Italian tongue, she heads back to her other customers, leaving me to gather my things. Glancing back, I spend a few moments just watching her, marveling at how she carries herself. I spend a few minutes wondering if there will ever be a day when my life will be as carefree as hers. Shaking my head, I turn and exit, heading back toward my padre’s whore house and my madre.
*****
Saying hello to Maria as I enter, I can’t help but smile at her bubbliness. It doesn’t matter what hour of the day it is, that woman is always cheerful. Walking toward my office, my senses are overcome with an anxious feeling, as though something is terribly wrong. Slowing my steps, I cautiously approach the door, cursing myself for not having any weapons on me. It’s so unlike me not to have something hiding on me, somewhere. My hunting knife ̶ my favorite weapon ̶ is in my backpack in that very fucking room. My head was a mess when I left earlier today, that all normal protocols I follow were forgotten.
Reaching my office, the door is slightly ajar, making my stomach flutter nervously. Gently pushing it open, I step through the threshold waiting for the ambush. What I encounter is not a welcoming sight, and confirmation that Gerrick and I need to act quickly as my time is nearly up.
“Beautiful Girl, I’ve been waiting for you,” a strident, unpleasant tone greets me. I should’ve known my padre would send Luca to speak to me.
“What is it you want, Luca, and why are you sitting at my desk,” I grunt in return.
“Hadley, my darling, isn’t it obvious? I’m here for you,” he draws out, emphasing the I’m here for you, whilst leaning forward to leecherously gaze over my body. Every god damned time we are in the same room, his vision is firmly fixed on my tits. I can’t recall an occasion when his eyes weren’t undressing me. It never mattered who was in the room, his eyes are never level with my own, and today is no exception.
“How many times must I tell you, Luca, if you want to talk to me, you need to look me in the eye. My tits aren’t going to give you the time of day,” my frustrated voice retaliates.
In my padre’s organization, men like Luca are a dime a dozen. All of them sleazy, egotistical bastards who believe women are only good for one thing – an outlet for their frustration. After the Columbians, I never allowed anyone to touch this body of mine – unless I’ve wanted it, and Luca will never get his loathsome hands on me – ever.
“Ah Hadley, would you really begrudge this old man the act of gazing on such beauty?” Resting against the back of the chair he is seated in, he gestures toward himself, lowering his voice to a deep growl as he continues. “When will you give yourself to me, and really experience the pleasure I can gift to you through pain?”
Ugh, just the thought of that makes me shudder. His lust filled eyes darken, as his heavy gaze narrows in on me. I would rather die than let that shrivelled up cock of his anywhere near me.
“Gazing on my beauty, and eye fucking my tits are two entirely different things,” I chastise, placing my hands on the table.
Leaning forward, I thrust my chest toward Luca deliberately. I know I’m playing with fire, but acts like this are expected of me.
“Now, once again, before my patience wears thin, what – do – you – want?”
Grinning, he rises slowly from the chair, placing his large hands near my own on the desk. There are tattoos across his knuckles that I have never noticed before, sangue, and family, (blood and family) that distract me for a second, giving Luca the opening he needs to strike. Before I’m fully aware of what’s happening, both of my hands are gripped in his, forcefully yanking me down, splaying me across my desk. My head crashes down on top of the wood, hitting the edge, rendering me defenseless.
Dizziness quickly takes over, consuming my head and making it difficult to guage the situation I’m in. Sharp pain floods my chest like a hot iron, piercing my skin from when he slammed me down onto the hard surface. There’s tightness suffocating my chest, and pressure from something, or someone, holdng my body still. Panic engulfs me as I struggle against whatever is restraining me, but my attempts of breaking loose are futile. More pain shoots through my head as I’m struck with something hard. Circles of darkness swirl around, pulling at me from every direction. They are dragging me under, and swallowing me completely, forcing my already heavy eyelids to close.
*****
Why is it so god damned cold in here?
Shivering because of the sheer coldness of the room, my head feels groggy as I awaken. There is searing pain convulsing through my head, and I remembe... Fuck.
It’s all coming back to me. Luca hitting me with something, and knocking me out. No wonder my brain is so scrambled. Attempting to move, I realize I’m bound, each of my limbs secured with thick rope. I’m guessing the rope is twisted around the legs of my desk, because when I try to pull on it, I can’t. He has my arms and legs tightly restrained. There’s no movement at all.
Motherfucker
Lifting my head as high as I can, I force it from side to side looking for my captor, and then it dawns on me... I’m cold because I’m fucking naked. Luca has me stripped bare - spread eagle, and restrained, across my own desk, and there’s not a damned thing I can do to free myself.
“Oh good, you’re awake Hadley...finally,” a deep, throaty voice drawls from somewhere behind me. The lust in his tone is evident, it wouldn’t surprise me if the sleazy fucker is sitting back, enjoying the sight of me tied down. I know Luca well enough to believe he is probably fisting his pathetic excuse for a cock, while he sits drooling over my naked lily.
“I’m sorry for the crude manner in which I have restrained you,” he speaks once more. “but I came here to take what is mine, and show you who is in charge.”
Once again... Fuck.
Struggling more, I continue to pull at my restraints in a desperate attempt to get away from Luca, and the fucked up spectacle he has made me the star of. I don’t like it, but he has me at a disadvantage, and I need to rein in the panic that is slowly swirling in the pit of my stomach. It’s rising, seeping through every vein in my body at an alarming rate, and I hate it. Hate how this scenerio is hauntingly similiar to the one my padre subjected me to all those years ago.
‘I’m here if you need me, Hadley” a soft voice echoes throughout my body.
“Don’t fight it, angelo, I’m going to fuck your gorgeous cunt, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”
God, I wish I wasn’t tied down. Unfortunately, Luca knows how dangerous I can be, and he won’t want me getting hold of a weapon to hurt him.
“I know what you are thinking,” he voices, coming around the desk, into my vision. “because I know you Hadley, I know what is going through that pretty little head of yours.”
“You know nothing about me, Luca, and once I get free, I – will – kill - you,” I snarl.
His eyes widen, and the stunned look on his face causes me to smirk. My emphasized words have hit their mark. Lifting my head as high as it will go, I glare at the vile creature now sitting in front of me.
I wonder if he is game enough to come any closer.
Grinning, my evilness rises and I’m imagining riping his balls from his body, using only my teeth. I’d be like a dog with a new chew toy, spitting them out when I lost interest in the old rubbery leather.
‘Let me do it,” that voice pleads.
“That’s where you are wrong, my dear. I know you better than anyone, and I know exactly what you are capable of.”
Replacing my grin with a scowl, I glare at him. Standing, he takes slow steps, brushing his rough fingers over my skin.
“I have plans for this body of yours. Your soft
skin is making my cock hard,” Luca breathes, his fingers digging deeper as he continues. “I’ve wanted to fuck you for too long, but that all ends tonight.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck... there’s no escaping the inevitable. Luca is going to rape me. The bile in my stomach is rising, I can feel it. Fear raises it’s ugly head, moving out of the shadows of my mind, laughing at me for thinking I could ever be free of it. His fingers drag along my side, digging into my skin, making me cringe, as he progresses further down my body. His touch is making me physically sick, my whole body shuddering in disgust. When his hand finally leaves my skin, I have an overwhelming urge to vomit.
Luca’s sharp intake of breath gives him away, he’s reached his destination. Breathlessly, his words come out strained as he whispers loudly, “See, you like my touch. Why do you fight against me so much, Hadley? If only you would give in to this feeling, give yourself to me willingly.”
Ugh, no way that’s happening. He’s fucking delusional if he thinks I actually enjoyed him touching me.
“I’ll have you screaming my name by the time I have finished with you,” his lips touch my thigh, breathing his words across my skin, reverberating them throughout my body.
His actions surprise me, and my body jolts forward until I’m pulling against the rope tied around my ankles. Every muscle, whether used, or not, is burning, the result of being restrained for so long. Pain viciously slices through me every time I try to move.
Tensing up at his touch, my attempts to rein in my emotions aren’t working at all as I try and regain what little control I can.
“I will feel no enjoyment, Luca, make no mistake about that. Every reaction you draw from me will be forced, my body will have no other choice but to betray me.”
Paying no attention to my words, lust fuels Luca’s movements, his palms grip the backs of my thighs as he drags his chair closer. The screeching sound of the metal legs scraping across the wooden floor boards echoes painfully in my ears. Anxiousness continues to swirl, slivering its way up, and around my body in its pursuit to strangle my internal organs. The sense of suffocation grips my throat, making it harder to breathe, threatening to engulf me.
After the Dust Settles (California Dreaming Book 3) Page 8
