by Robyn Fraser
“Partly,” Dean admitted.
“Darn good art, too,” said Eugene.
“It’s for you to keep,” said Dean, hoping the gift might somehow help their case to not stay trapped as pets.
“Why, thank ya!” said Eugene. He turned to Minnie. “We should put it over our bed, cookie crumb, whaddya think?”
Minnie nodded. “It’s worth a place o’ honor, that’s fer sure. We’ll have ta show it ter Betty when they’s back from the disco.”
Another ‘they’, thought Dean. Or maybe it was just troll dialect; they honestly couldn’t be sure.
“You knows, that’s what turned us trolls offa Sactual an’ ‘is cronies,” continued Eugene, returning his gaze to Dean and Rose. “Aside from alls the restrictions on sugar, they didn’ wan’ us dancin’ no more, like Minnie dun told ya’. Says when they invade Magitoria, they’re gonna take us out too, iffin we don’ give in ta their orders ta stop dancin’ and havin’ fun.”
“Says they got things called bombs that’ll blow us all up,” added Minnie, shaking her head with disgust. “Never heard of ‘em. Think they’s bluffin’.”
Rose stopped pecking at her cake. She’d left the icing for last and her beak was now covered in it. “Sorry, but it’s true,” she said. “They really do have things that can blow up the whole desert. This place you have down here, it could collapse into nothing in an instant.”
“But we have a plan,” said Dean quickly. Maybe this could be the way to get out of here. “We’re heading to Magitoria to get information that can help stop Mr. Sactual’s army. It would be great to stay here with you folks, you know, as your pets and all, but we really need to get there as soon as possible. So that we can save you and everyone else.”
Eugene smiled wide, showing all his fangs in their full gory glory. “Why, ain’t that cute. Yous tiny little things thinkin’ you can stop a whole army.” He shook his head. “Yous’ll be safer here with us.”
Well, that didn’t work, thought Dean. Another idea came. It was a stretch, but…
Dean fished through their backpack and found the two remaining mangoes they’d picked from the tree on Insufferable Isle. “These are for you.” They held them out.
Eugene reached over and took them, handing one to Minnie and frowning. “What is they?” he asked.
“They’re called mangoes,” said Dean. “They’re really sweet. Like dessert.”
Minnie raised her eyebrows. “Really? I never heard of these mangoes before,” she said. “How do ya’ll eat them?”
But before Dean could answer, Eugene had put the whole thing in his mouth. “Mmmmm, mmmm, oh there’s a pit in the middle, Minnie. Careful of tha’. But oh my, they’re some good eatin’!”
Minnie popped hers into her mouth and chewed. “Oh dog, this is good, Eugene! This might be the best dessert I had yet. Such a pure taste, like nothin’ I never had before.” She spat the pit into her hand and looked eagerly at Dean, leaning in. “Where’d you git these?” she asked. “I wan’ more.”
Dean thought quickly. “They’re very rare and only grow on islands in the Slightly Silly Sea,” they said.
Minnie frowned. “Dang. We trolls don’ like that salty lake. Keeps aways from it like a rabid god. Bad fer the skin.”
“An we don’ swim, neither,” added Eugene.
“I can get you some,” said Dean. “Lots and lots and lots.” They gestured to Rose. “That is, if you help us get across the desert and past the Riddled Ridge. We have to get to Magitoria first before we can get the mangoes. But I promise I’ll bring you lots and lots as soon as I can.”
Dean crossed their heart for added impact. And, inside their runners, they crossed their toes to protect them from the lie. Not that they were necessarily lying, but the way this trip was going Dean had no idea if they’d ever make it back to Insufferable Isle.
Minnie and Eugene glanced at each other. “I think we gots ta help ‘em,” said Eugene. “They can come back an’ be our pets later.” He glanced at Dean. “Righ’? Yous’ll be our pets later, when you come back with the mangoes?”
Dean and Rose both nodded their heads vigorously. “Oh for sure,” said Dean.
“Certainly. Without a doubt,” added Rose.
“Well, then,” said Minnie, standing up. “Les git goin’ and git you to them mountains. Sooner we gits you there, sooner we gits the mangoes, right?”
“Right,” said Dean.
“Exactly,” said Rose.
“Hop on, then,” said Eugene, holding out his hand.
Barely a minute later, they were on their way.
Chapter Twenty
Where We Ponder What’s Black and White and Read All Over
(It’s this book, silly)
It seemed the troll tunnel system was as extensive as the London Tube. Minnie led the way for what was surely miles and miles and many twists and turns and rights and lefts until, finally, they entered another one of those huge telephone boxes and shot up into the open air.
Dean winced, their eyes not used to the natural light after being underground. The sun was hovering in the east, sending long sand-dune shadows toward their group. It must have been late afternoon.
“Oh,” Dean said, once their eyes had adjusted. Directly in front of them, to the west, was a long ridge of humongous mountains, running as far as the eye could see both south and north. High above, the peaks were snow capped. “They’re bigger than I thought.”
Eugene lowered his hand to the ground and Dean and Rose hopped off. There must have been more magic and imagination in the desert; Rose’s wings were now half-length and half-feathered.
“Thar’s a path that starts righ’ here,” said Minnie, pointing to a rather treacherous-looking rock-strewn area that could almost pass for a foot-wide trail—at least if you squinted enough and turned your head to one side and used a lot of imagination. Luckily, Dean was good at the latter.
“So, here’s the problem,” said Eugene. “The trolls and the sphinx, we gots an agreement. We don’ go inta the mountains, and they don’ come inta the desert.”
“Sorry?” interrupted Dean. “You mean there are sphinx that live in these mountains? Like, the Greek mythology kind?” This place was just getting weirder and weirder.
“Don’ know ‘bout no Grik mythygy,” he replied. “But yeah, there’s lotsa sphinx in there. Tha’s why it’s called Riddled Ridge. Acause you gots ta answer their riddles or they kills ya.”
“Oh, of course,” said Dean, sighing. More death challenges. “Why didn’t I figure that out?”
“So’s anyways,” said Minnie, “we wants ta help ya more, but I’m afraid we’s can’t go no further than this here spot.” She pointed to the imaginary trail. “Yous’ll have ta trek the rest by yerselves. An’ ta be honest, we trolls just ain’ the intellectual types, so we’s never bin much good at the riddles. Tha’s partly why we made the deal wi’ them sphinxes so long ago—we was kept gittin’ killed.”
“Anywho, we still saved ya lots a time,” said Eugene. “Woulda taken little critters like yous two days ter cross the desert.” He pointed south. “And then youse woulda had ter take the main road down by the lake and there’s a bunch a them Corpsers hangin’ out down there at the foot of the mountain. Dozens an’ dozens, in fact.”
“They got lots of big movin’ machine thingies with ‘em, too,” added Minnie. “More’un more keep drivin’ through. Do it in the night, when they knows us trolls are either dancin’ or sleepin’.”
“So the point bein’,” said Eugene, “that I hopes we still qualifies to get the mangoes when you get em.” He glanced at Minnie. “They was darn good, wasn’ they, puddin’ top?”
“They right was, cupcake,” said Minnie.
“Oh, of course we’ll get you the mangoes,” said Dean quickly. While they weren’t at all eager to scale these mountains or meet a sphinx, they wanted to make sure the trolls didn’t change their minds about keeping them and Rose as pets right now. “As soon as possible.”
“Yes,” agreed Rose. “You’ve both been so kind and helpful. We can’t thank you enough.” She bowed her fairly feathered head.
“Ah shucks,” said Minnie. “Weren’t nothin’ really. Yer mighty nice pets ter
have. An we know yous’ll come back to us when youse can.”
“For sure,” said Dean. “We just have to save Magitoria first. Then we’ll come right back.”
“Indeed,” said Rose, nodding her head vigorously. “As soon as we’ve finished what we need to do we’ll get those very sweet, very delicious mangoes for you.”
Both the trolls’ eyes widened with eagerness.
“Well, ya best be off afor it gits too dark,” said Eugene. “The sphinx git hungrier at night and more of ‘em come out. You’d do best ter hole up in a cave or somethin’ ‘till it’s light agin.”
Minnie nodded. “Yeah, yous fer sure don’ wanna be walkin’ in the dark. In daytime, yous might gits one or two sphinx and their riddles, but at night, there’d be more’n you’d stand a chance at answerin’. You’d be dead afore dawn.”
Minnie lumbered over to the telephone box and opened the door. “Come on, Eugene, let’s let’em git goin. We should git back ter the disco an’ let the others know that them bombs is real.”
Eugene stepped in and Minnie squished in after him. They both waved. “Bye pets. Good luck to yers!”
“Thanks!” called Dean. After what they’d just heard, part of them wanted to grab Rose and run right back into the box with the trolls. But no. Dean had a mission to save the land and they weren’t going to let everyone down. Especially their parents. And they were good at riddles. There was a book of them at home, which they’d read several times. Dean just hoped they were good enough not to die.
“See you soon!” called Rose, waving back.
The door closed and the box disappeared into the sand dune behind it, as though it had never been there.
“Well, that was interesting,” said Rose. “I’ve never met a Tiramisu Troll before. They’re friendlier than I’d thought.” She eyed Dean. “You might want to change back into your other clothes before we move on. We’re officially leaving Concreta in about two steps and no one is going to appreciate you wearing that.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot I had it on,” said Dean.
She pointed to Dean’s face. “And you can take off the facial hair now, too.” She paused and then added, “Only if you want to take it off though. It looks great on you.”
Dean blushed. Then, with as much modesty as they could muster, having nowhere private to go, Dean turned away from Rose and changed back into the jeans and t-shirt they’d kept in their pack. With some regret, they pulled the mustache and goatee from their face and pocketed them. Though Dean would have preferred to keep them on, the glue was kind of irritating their skin.
The duo began the trek along the winding and gradually inclining pseudo-path, the sun lowering and the shadows lengthening much more quickly than Dean would have liked.
“Your feathers and wings are totally grown back, eh?” said Dean about an hour into the latest leg of their journey. They were taking a short break and sitting on a couple of large boulders to rest their legs. They hadn’t talked much; climbing the mountain was a hard slog and was taking all of Dean’s breath. And they had to focus on not slipping or tripping over any of the loose stones and rocks or sliding off the edge of the ever-steepening mountain.
“Yes,” said Rose, flapping her wings in the air, showing off the purple and red feathers. “We’re out of Concreta now and back in the world of magic and imagination. The desert still has some of that left because of the trolls and their unwillingness to conform to Sactual’s restrictions, but even there, much of it is gone.” She paused and sucked in a big breath of mountain air. “It’s good to be out of there. And even better to know that, if we make it through these mountains, we’ll be back home in Magitoria. Are you excited about it, D?”
Dean couldn’t help but notice the ‘if we make it through’ part. “Well, I’m not really excited about meeting a sphinx, that’s for sure. I mean, we might die, Rose. We might never make it to Magitoria.” They gestured around. “Isn’t there a better way we could go?” Now that the sun was almost setting, Dean’s nerves were really getting the best of them. “One that doesn’t involve deadly creatures who’d like nothing more than to riddle us to death?”
Rose shook her head. “Afraid not, D. The Riddled Ridge goes for hundreds of miles to the north. And it goes almost to the Slightly Silly Sea to the south. That would have been the best way to go if it wasn’t for the Concreta army congregating down there like Eugene said. Even sailing probably wouldn’t have worked out; Sactual’s going to have a lot of ships waiting along its northwestern coast. We’d never be able to find someone to take us that way—it would be too risky. And anyway, the trolls have taken us too far north now; it would take over half a day to hike south to the water.” She shook her head. “No, it’s the mountains and the sphinx. But we’re both smart. We can figure out a few riddles. No problem, right?”
“I hope so,” said Dean. “We don’t really have much choice.”
Rose glanced off to the east, where the desert dunes seemed so warm and peaceful. “Well, sun’s almost set. We better find ourselves a small cave to bed down in for the night. We’ll wait ‘til sun’s up to test our riddling skills.” She stood and brushed rock dust off her green butt. Dean stood too and they continued their ascent.
“Maybe we can sleep in here,” said Dean ten minutes later, just as the last remnants of the sun’s rays were disappearing below the sandy earth. To the left of the trail was a crevice in the rock, maybe eight feet wide and six high. The walls slanted inward, forming a triangle-like space. It was too shadowed to see just how far back it went, but it was more than enough room for the two of them.
“Perfect,” said Rose. “I’m beat.”
With feet and wings, they brushed pebbles away from what was to be their sleeping area, then sat down on the hard ground. It wasn’t going to be a comfortable sleep, but Dean was exhausted. And, thankfully, still fairly full from the huge slice of cake they’d eaten earlier.
It was cooler up here; Dean put their hoodie on, then shared the last few sips of water from the juice bottle. The pack containing the purchased bread and water had been lost in the Corps/Troll incident.
“We’ve got a long day of climbing ahead of us tomorrow,” said Rose as she lay down.
“Unless we get stopped by a sphinx first and can’t figure out the answer to its riddle,” replied Dean. They rummaged through their backpack for sketchbook and pencil. “I mean, I do know a lot of riddles—I have a book of them at home—but, like, we could die if we don’t get the answer right.” Dean thought Rose wasn’t taking that part seriously enough.
“Well, I know a lot of riddles myself,” replied Rose. “We’ll go over them tomorrow while we’re walking.” She turned and patted her friend on the arm. “It’ll be fine. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be in Magitoria. You going to sleep now?”
Dean turned on their flashlight. “Not quite yet. I need to draw something first. It helps me relax. I’ll be quiet though.”
“Okay,” said Rose. “But just make sure you get some sleep. We need to be alert for tomorrow.”
“Good night, Rose.” Dean turned away from their friend, so that they were facing the entrance to the cave. Then they turned on the flashlight and held it in their mouth so that their hands would be free to hold the sketchbook and pencil.
Dean began to draw, and since their mind was filled with sphinx, the sketch soon took on the shape of a lion-like creature with the face of a woman and huge wings on either side. It had bloodstained fangs and claws, and a serpent’s head completed the tail, staring out from the page as though about to strike the viewer. Even though it was their own work, Dean shuddered when they stopped a half-hour later to take in the almost completed piece. It was creepy.
“That’s quite good,” said a voice from jus
t behind them.
Dean froze. It wasn’t Rose.
There was a soft padding of footsteps. They stopped, and bristly fur ran across Dean’s cheek, a rancid smell accosting their nostrils.
“But you forgot one thing.”
Dean turned their head ever so slowly. The butt of the flashlight in their mouth was the only thing that kept them from screaming. A foot away was the head of a woman, fangs hanging down from her mouth, a mane of tawny hair around her head. Dean couldn’t see the rest of her body in the dark, but knew it would be that of a lion’s. They were face-to-face with a sphinx.
Dean’s heart was beating for escape, but there was nowhere that it, or they, could go. As slowly as possible, Dean raised their hand and removed the flashlight from their mouth. “Wha…what did I forget?” they asked, not knowing what else to do or say.
The sphinx smiled. Her teeth were covered in thick red liquid. “Why, you forgot to draw yourself dead beneath my feet,” she replied, ever so smoothly. “That would be a more accurate depiction now, wouldn’t it?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Where Dean Draws On Their Imagination
A deadly sphinx was standing a foot away from Dean, threatening to kill them. It was enough to make even the greatest of heroes faint or attempt to flee. So what did our hero do and say?
“You know, your breath is really, really, awful,” said Dean, covering their nose and mouth with one hand. As scared as they most certainly were, and as much as saying this surely wouldn’t help them to live, the words slipped past Dean’s lips rather like a fart that you didn’t even realize was waiting to escape until it was too late.
The sphinx frowned. “I brushed just this morning,” she said, stepping back and turning her head away. “Though I did just have a snack.” She glanced sideways at Dean and spoke through her lion’s paw. “You know, yours isn’t exactly minty fresh either. When’s the last time you brushed?”
