It was a strange portrait, she thought. Though the artist had surely captured the couple's beauty with his skilled brush, she wasn't entirely certain he'd meant to capture their cold indifference.
Next to his parent's portrait hung a smaller one of Lord Coldwell. It must have been done recently for he looked to be about her age. His tawny-brown hair seemed to be the perfect mix of both his parent's coloring. He had the same gray eyes as his father, but instead of appearing cold and hard, they appeared jovial and welcoming. Alexandra found herself smiling back at the image as if he were really there. There was a happiness about him, at least in the portrait, that had not been present in his parent's. She concluded that it could not have been done by the same artist.
Alexandra stood there for a long time, staring at the portrait of the man who would someday be her husband. She'd known her entire life that he would be, and though she had nothing against him personally, she found herself suddenly turning angry at the thought.
Lydia had returned from her first season full of excitement. She'd loved everything about it, but most especially the plethora of gentleman that had paid her court. Being a flirt came naturally for Lydia so having her share of gentlemen to toy with was like a dream come true. Alexandra had been quite surprised when Lydia returned to the country without making a match.
When she questioned her friend about it, Lydia had replied gaily, “How can I pick just one?”
That was the first time Alexandra remembered feeling sheer envy. She'd never have the opportunity to flirt with the gentleman of the ton, let alone decide which one she'd like to spend her life with. That was already decided upon for her, and she found herself shifting that very moment from accepting her fate to suddenly loathing it.
Life wasn't fair.
It was a mantra that played itself over and over inside her head.
She wasn't supposed to be an orphan before seventeen. She wasn't supposed to spend her first season in mourning. She wasn't supposed to be betrothed to a man she didn't even know. She wasn't supposed to be sent away from Channing House to live with a stranger while she awaited her fate.
Alexandra's fists clenched unknowingly at her sides as anger began to rage within her. She felt she had no control over the situations of her life and it vexed her to no end. In a fit of childish immaturity, she stuck her tongue out at Lord Coldwell's portrait and hissed, “I may be forced to wed you, but I will never, ever love you,” then she turned on her heal and fled from the gallery.
Hot tears welled up in her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to try and dispel them. She hated that she was reduced to tears so easily since her parent's deaths.
Just one more thing she couldn't control.
Not certain where she was going, she turned left as she exited the gallery and collided forcefully with a hard object then looked up, stunned to see that the object was, in fact, Lord Emberson.
She swallowed painfully past the lump in her throat as his arms came up to steady her.
“Beg pardon, I did not see you coming.”
“It was my fault,” she stammered as she tried to coyly wipe at the tear she felt escaping from her right eye.
“Are you crying? Did I hurt you?”
The concern in his voice made her want to cry even more, but she would rather die of embarrassment than allow that to happen. She cleared her throat several times before managing to squeak, “No.”
“No you are not crying, or no I did not hurt you?”
“Both.”
“That is a relief.” An awkward silence ensued before he continued, “Sorry for my absence at dinner.”
Alexandra was surprised at his apology and remained silent while she waited for an explanation. It soon became apparent that he would offer none, so she asked, “Am I expected to dine alone every night?”
“Do you wish to?”
“No,” she quickly answered, then grudgingly admitted, “I hate being alone.”
“The regret I was feeling at my absence has only intensified by your admission. I will not leave you to dine alone again.”
“Thank you,” she said, offering him a thin smile while realizing he was dressed to go riding. Suddenly her mood lifted. “Are you going riding?”
Lord Emberson looked down at his buff breaches and riding boots and the riding crop he held firmly in his hand and chuckled. “How'd you guess?”
“I do not wish to be overbearing in my boldness, but would you mind terribly if I came along? I find the idea of riding much more appealing than returning to my bedchamber and being alone.”
He was thoughtful for a moment, and she feared he'd say no. Finally, he said with a warning in his voice, “As long as you don't don breeches, I don't see why not.”
Alexandra gifted him with a glorious smile. “Levi did not allow me to pack any breeches.”
“He's a good man.”
“That's debatable,” she mumbled. “I will go change into my riding habit and meet you at the stables in a quarter of an hour.”
“Be quick, for there is only about an hours time left before the sun sets.”
Alexandra nodded then hurried off to her room, excited at the prospect of spending time with the Marquess, er, going riding she quickly corrected.
Aaron was quite surprised when Alexandra showed up on time, wearing a cerulean blue riding habit and a smile that nearly took his breath away. He quickly turned away from the dazzling display and began re-checking his horse's saddle, tightening it once more.
“I can't thank you enough for allowing me to intrude upon your ride. I was getting quite melancholy with only myself for company.”
A small pang of guilt pricked his heart. He should have come to dinner but found her presence unsettled him and thought it best to avoid her. Now, he realized, that would be impossible. The girl was set to reside at Tisdale Manor indefinitely, so he had better get used to her presence.
“You are welcome to frequent the stables anytime you'd like,” he offered generously then added, “dressed as a girl, of course.”
“You aren't ever going to let me live that down, are you?” she asked dryly.
He couldn't get the image of her wearing breeches out of his head. Ignoring her question and trying valiantly to rid his mind of the image, he turned to her and helped her mount the docile mare he'd picked out for her to ride.
He watched as she wiggled her bottom back and forth in the side saddle as she clasped the reins in her gloved hands. He winced. Why was everything this chit did so enticing? He was already fearing it was a mistake to invite her along but knew it was too late to rescind his invitation. Instead, he hurried and mounted his horse and took off in a gallop, fully expecting her to follow, but almost hoping she wouldn't.
He road past the stables and out into the fields behind Tisdale Manor where rolling hills were abundant. The sun was lowering on the horizon, creating the dusky atmosphere he loved so much. It was his favorite time to go riding.
Every once and awhile, he'd glance behind his shoulder to see if Lady Alexandra was keeping up, and every time he was surprised that she was. She was fetching atop the horse—she rode with perfect posture and ease, and it was apparent to him that she was a very experienced and skilled rider.
He hadn't planned on taking her into the woods that bordered his property, but soon enough found himself heading in that direction. There was a small creek on the edge of the woods, and he sped up as he approached then guided his horse to jump across it. He landed with ease then pulled on the reins to turn and watch if Lady Alexandra would do the same.
He watched in pleasant surprise as she did exactly as he had done, though he was certain she appeared more graceful than he. She pulled to a stop beside him, her cheeks pink from the exertion and smiled.
“You ride beautifully.”
“Thank you.”
He liked the way she accepted his compliment confidently. Whenever he'd complimented his late wife during their marriage, she'd always feigned surprise then proceeded to fish fo
r more. It had grated upon his nerves terribly.
“There's a fence not far from here that you will have to jump, but I ascertain you will have no problem doing so. After that, the forest gets denser so we will slow our pace in order to avoid the low branches.”
Lady Alexandra nodded her head then indicated for him to proceed. He sat a little taller in his saddle, wondering if she were watching his form the way he'd been watching hers. He was suddenly very aware of his every movement, wondering, hoping even, that she was aware of them too.
They both cleared the fence with no problem, then slowed to a trot as they maneuvered their horses through the forest. At one point, there was a low hanging branch that was quite thick. Aaron pulled his horse to a halt and held the branch back so Lady Alexandra could pass without harm. She smiled gratefully at him as she passed, causing his insides to flip. He passed under the branch before letting it fling back with a whack, inwardly berating himself for getting so worked up over a smile.
For a time, they rode in silence, Aaron following her instead of the other way around. She couldn't possibly know where she was going, but she rode on confidently as if she did. He took the time to watch her sway gently in her saddle as she rode along.
Her shoulders were straight, but not stiff. They tapered down into a narrow waist that Aaron was certain he could almost wrap his fingers entirely around. She was poised gracefully in the side saddle, her legs draped down the side of her horse, covered entirely by her voluminous blue skirts.
Staring at her made his mouth go dry, and his palms itch to reach out and touch her. He suddenly realized she was like the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Touching her was strictly prohibited, but that didn't take away the desire. He recalled the Bible story from his youth and suddenly remembered that it was Eve who eventually partook, resulting in consequences that rang out across time.
He would have to resist, be the strong one as Adam had been. However, a wicked voice reasoned inside of him; perhaps he could tempt Lady Alexandra to partake. Aaron shook his head, wondering what had overcome him as he suddenly felt like the snake that had beguiled Eve.
His errant thoughts caused him not to notice that Lady Alexandra had come to a stop and he nearly collided with her. Fortunately, he pulled back on his reigns just in time.
“Did you have a destination in mind, my lord? If not, I suggest we head back before it grows dark.”
“We'll head back soon, but first, I want to show you something.”
Aaron slid from his horse and at once was at her side, helping her dismount. Just like he'd predicted, his hands fit almost perfectly around her waist. She slid from her horse and stumbled into his arms, and it was as if he were Adam in the Garden holding a piece of the forbidden fruit while the serpent whispered, “Just one bite,” in his ear.
Surprising even himself, he reacted like Adam and quickly pushed her away. “I cannot,” he mumbled under his breath.
“What was that?” she asked, leaning in to hear him better.
“Nothing. Come, follow me.”
The two headed further into the forest where the foliage was too dense to take a horse. Aaron was hoping he'd be able to find what he came for and was delighted when the trees thinned out a bit and he found himself in the same clearing he'd been in the night prior.
He stood to the side and gestured with his hand, “Look.”
Alexandra tiptoed from behind him, holding her breath as she could sense the reverence of the moment. There, in the middle of the narrow clearing, were twin fawns who couldn't be more than a couple of days old.
Her eyes settled upon them and at once widened into large saucers. Her hands flew up to her mouth, and she turned to him, “Are they real?”
“Of course they are,” he laughed quietly, so as not to disturb the creatures.
She moved closer as if she wanted to touch them. “They're adorable.”
The fawns held eerily still, watching her with their eyes that seemed too large for their faces.
“Don't move any closer, they're getting nervous.”
Alexandra paused but continued to stare at them. “How'd you know they were here?”
“I came across them last night.”
“Do you always walk through the forest when you ride?” she asked curiously.
He paused, debating whether he should confide in her or not. Finally, he decided he had nothing to lose. “Only when I have something important to think about. I find my mind seems clearest when in the woods, surrounded by silence.”
“I abhor silence,” she confessed almost sadly.
Her comment caught him off guard. “Why is that?”
She quickly broke eye contact, returning her gaze to the two fawn who were still staring at her. He waited patiently for her to decide if she would confide in him or not. He desperately hoped she would, but began to think she would not as several long drawn out minutes passed in silence.
He was about to suggest they be on their way when she began speaking. “I suppose you and I are opposite in that regard. You like the silence so you can think, while that is precisely why I hate it.”
Aaron was surprised at how honored he was by her confession. He took a step closer to her. “You do not like thinking?”
She scoffed, startling the fawns. “I do not have pudding for brains, if that's what you mean. What I meant is that I don't like thinking about important things.”
“Because it hurts?” he ventured a guess.
“Because there's nothing I can do about them. I hate situations where I have no control, which unfortunately for me, seems to be most of the things in my life.”
“Like your marriage to my son.”
“That is one of them,” she admitted without hesitation.
“What else?” he prompted, eager to hear more.
She shrugged her shoulders, trying to appear nonchalant, but he could see past it. “My parent's death, the chance that I'll never get to experience a London season.”
“That isn't true. You will get to experience them every year once Samuel takes his seat in the House of Lords.”
Alexandra rolled her eyes. “That isn't what I meant. I want to experience one before I wed, to see how it feels to be flirted with, to dance at balls, to be courted. Lydia told me she was certain I'd be a diamond of the first water.”
“You would be,” he interjected without hesitation, then added reasonably, “But what good would that do you? The London season is a marriage mart. The dancing and the flirting is all for one purpose—to make a match. Your match has already been decided upon so those things would be pointless.”
Her face turned into a scowl, and he worried that he'd upset her. “This is precisely why I do not like thinking about such things. I can't change anything, so it's all pointless.”
“Perhaps you're right.” Then, distracted by the appearance of another creature, he quickly changed the subject, “It would appear their mother has returned.”
The golden deer walked gracefully into the clearing and went straight to her babies. Alexandra took a hurried step back. “Will she harm us?”
“No, but I think that's our cue to leave nonetheless. Come, it's growing dark.”
In a matter of minutes, they were both back in their saddles and heading towards Tisdale Manor. Aaron noticed a perceptible change in her posture on the ride home. No longer did she sit erect, but there was a slight slouch to her posture now, as if their conversation had dejected her. For some reason seeing her unhappy made him feel like the worst sort of cad, though he wasn't certain why it should affect him at all. Her happiness was not his own. Or was it?
True to his word, Lord Emberson did not let Alexandra dine alone. For the past sennight, they'd routinely broke their fast together in the morning as well as partook of luncheon and dinner together. Alexandra soon discovered that he was a man of order, particular about how his place was set for his meals. Every time he would come to the table for a meal, he'd check the setting to ensure it was laid out
just right, with an extra napkin in case he might be in need of one.
Finding this particular quirk amusing, she had taken it upon herself to goad him a bit. Each night, she'd come down to dinner early, ensuring she was the first one in the dining room so she could place his fork on the wrong side of his plate, or stuff the miniature crystal salt shaker into her pocket so he'd be left with only his pepper.
She found it mildly amusing that when he noticed these small changes, his brows would furrow and his lips purse tightly together as if he were debating making a scene over the small incidents. She found it equally amusing that he never once berated the servants for the error, instead choosing, so far, to ignore it.
Tonight when she arrived, she gently picked up the silverware laying atop his linen napkins and stuffed both of them into her skirt pocket before setting the silverware on the bare plate. Just as she was about to sit down, a servant appeared and pulled her chair out for her. She hoped he wouldn't notice the missing napkins and replace them before Lord Emberson appeared.
Fortunately, the Marquess appeared at just that moment, causing Alexandra to exhale in relief. She picked up her own napkin, made a show of unfolding it, then placed it in her lap. Lord Emberson greeted her then went to sit in the chair directly opposite her.
He was in the middle of folding himself into the chair when he noticed the missing napkins. He paused and addressed the servant, “Something is missing.”
The young man looked across at the table setting and realized the error at once. His face turned red as he mumbled, “Beg pardon, my lord, I swear I laid the napkins out. Please accept my apologies while I go fetch some more at once.” The boy then scurried from the room.
Lord Emberson sat down, drumming his fingers against the table as he waited for the footman to return and hand him two napkins.
“Thank you, Geoffrey,” he said, quickly placing one in his lap while moving the spare to the side of his place setting in case he needed it later.
White soup was served, and they both began eating. After a few bites, Lord Emberson set down his spoon and said, “I received some missives today.”
The Marquess's Maddening Dilemma Page 3
