I shook my head. "That was stupid."
I tried again. "Hey Helen, how's it hanging? You know your cousin Brenda? Yeah, her ghost came to me—with Ma, who's been hanging out with me since she bought the farm—and Brenda says you've got some cash waiting for you, so here's the attorney's number. K-thanks-bye." I stuck my tongue out at my reflection.
"Helen? Dude. It's me, your step kid. I was trippin' on acid this morning, and your cousin Brenda came to me, and said to call this number. Dude. It was awesome."
"Hey Helen. I'm crazy. Lock me up and throw away the key."
I plopped onto the bathroom floor, and lay down on my back. Maybe I could have Josh do it? He and Helen were close. Coming from him might make it sound less crazy, too. I shook my head.
Jake walked in. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. No, not really." I reached out to him. "Help me up?"
He pulled me up, and we walked into the bedroom, and sat on the bed. "Tell me."
I burrowed my head into his chest. "I have a problem."
"You told Mel."
"Actually, I have two problems," I said.
He smirked. "You're welcome for the reminder."
"Thanks."
"So which problem do you want to talk about first?" He asked.
I raised my eyebrows and asked, "Is it selfish of me to say mine?"
"Nope. I think you're allowed."
I filled Jake in on the Brenda and Helen situation, and my fear of how Helen would react.
"Helen's a rational woman. Give her the facts, and ask her to follow up on them. Once she does, she'll believe you."
"That's what Mel said, too, but that's not the only thing I'm worried about."
He pressed his chin into the top of my head. "Then I'm missing something."
"What if she asks about my dad?"
"I'm sure she will."
"But I haven't heard from him."
"So you tell her that. You can't control who comes to you and who doesn't, and Helen will understand that."
"Mel said that too, I can't control who comes and who doesn't."
"We're both right again."
"I don't think my dad is going to come to me ever, Jake."
He sat up a little, and I moved to his side. "You can't be sure."
I nodded. "I can be pretty sure." I told him about Alo.
"Wow. You've just added another layer to the dip, huh?"
"Yup."
"I think Helen will be okay. You'll just have to explain it like the Indian dude did."
"Spirit guide," I said.
"Spirit guide. I wonder if they're all Indians because I'd like my spiritual guide to be Marilyn Monroe if that's at all possible."
"Of course you would, but I think yours is probably Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies."
"You're probably right."
Jake encouraged me to just lay it all out in my conversation with Helen, and then he asked about Mel, so I filled him in.
"She's what?" Jake said when I told him Carrie was pregnant. "Holy shit."
"Yup."
"She's not gonna be able to keep this quiet."
"I don't know. I'm not sure what I'd do if I was her."
"My guess is she's gonna nail Nick's balls to the wall," he said.
"As she should. Your balls would be in serious danger if you did that to me."
"What balls? The day we got married you hung those from your rearview mirror, and I haven't been allowed to touch them since."
"I let you have them back every so often. Like when you ride the Harley."
"A man has to have balls to ride a Harley."
"And a patient, understanding wife."
"And I have both."
"Okay, fine. We'll have sex tonight. Stop being so nice. It's making my stomach hurt."
We both laughed.
"Time to make that call, Ang."
He was right, but I stalled and changed the subject. "I know you talked to Emily already, and I want to know what happened."
"Later. This is more important."
"I knew you'd say that." I asked him to make sure no one interrupted me. He wished me good luck, and closed the bedroom door behind him.
I paced the length of my bedroom so many times I had to check the carpet for wear. I dialed Helen's phone, but clicked end before it rang. "Damn it," I mumbled. "You can do this, Angela. You can." I dialed again, and hung up again, too. My stomach flipped, and my mouth watered. I ran to the bathroom, and made it to the toilet just before I threw up.
I wiped my mouth, and splashed cold water on my face, sipped small handfuls, swished it around in my mouth, and then spit it out. I scrutinized my face in the mirror. "You can do this." I straightened my shoulders. "Yes, you can do this." I nodded at my image, then went and got my phone off the bed, and called my stepmom.
We made small talk before I dropped the bomb. "So have you heard anything more about your cousin, Brenda?"
"No. I've called her daughter, but she hasn't returned my calls. They weren't particularly close, so I'm not sure she'll have much to say."
I sat on the bed, crossed and uncrossed my legs, then got up and paced again. "I might have some information for you."
"About Brenda?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Uh," I said, but couldn't find the next word anywhere in my head. I drew in a long breath, held it for a second, and then let it out.
"Hello? Angela?" Helen asked.
"I'm here, sorry."
"Oh, I thought maybe something happened to the call."
"Nope, just got distracted for a minute." My nerves were tingling. I rubbed my arms, hoping to make it stop.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, just tired. Hey, do you remember the dream Dad had about his grandfather? The one where he said his grandfather told him he'd be okay?"
"Yes, why?"
"Remember how Dad said he thought it was actually a visit from his grandfather?"
"Yes?"
"Well," I said, and that's when I completely chickened out. "I read an article recently that said there is evidence that kind of thing does happen. It said people who've reported having contact with their loved ones said that when they would go to bed, they'd ask the person they missed to visit them in a dream, and it would happen. I thought maybe you should give it a try with Brenda." I face-palmed myself in the forehead, and did a bad imitation of the chicken dance while I paced.
"I don't think so," she said, laughing. "I don't remember my dreams, but if I did, and that were possible, I'd ask your father and mine to visit before I'd ask Brenda."
I nodded. "Make sense. I always remember my dreams, so I figured I'd give it a try the other night. Told my parents to visit me while I slept, but I dreamed about an Indian." At least I said something truthful.
"Your father remembered his dreams too. He dream I did something mean to him, and he'd wake up mad at me the next day."
I laughed. "Like father, like daughter. I do that to Jake, too. Usually he breaks up with me, and ignores me. Mostly I dream that my teeth have fallen out, and I'm carrying them around in my hands, asking for someone to help me, but no one will."
"It must be genetic," she said. "Your dad dreamed about his teeth falling out, too."
I smiled, feeling a small connection to my dad.
After we hung up, I went back to the mirror, and chastised myself for being a chicken. "Now what are you gonna do?"
I lay on the bed, and examined the piece of paper with the contact information for Brenda's attorney. "Okay, Alo," I said. "If you're my spirit guide like my mother says, here's your chance to guide me. How do I fix this?"
Alo must have been busy tending to his campfire because he didn't respond, so I texted my true sounding board, and asked him to come upstairs.
"For a quickie? Be right there." Jake wrote back.
He wasn't disappointed to find me sitting on the bed, fully clothed. "Okay," he said, closing and locking the door. "Let's get
naked."
"I called Helen."
His expression changed from excited to concerned. "How'd it go?" He sat next to me on the bed.
"It didn't," I said, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I chickened out." I raised my eyes to his. "Bwok. Bwok."
He laughed. "It's okay, just call her tomorrow, and tell her."
I shook my head. "I can't. I made up some stupid story, and I'll look like a bigger idiot if I do that."
"Helen will understand, Ang."
I shook my head. "I can't tell her. I know I told Brenda I would, but I can't. I'm not ready."
He held my head in his hands, and kissed me gently. "It's okay."
I leaned my forehead into his. "No, it's not. What am I gonna do now?"
"We'll think of something," he said.
I fell back onto the bed. "What? Send her an email pretending to be the attorney, and tell her she's got money coming to her from a dead relative? I get those kinds of emails daily, and I'm sure she does, too."
"Maybe you could—"
I sat up, interrupting my husband. "Wait," I said. "I've got it." I grabbed the piece of paper, and showed it to Jake. "The number. I have the number." I waved the paper in the air. "I can call the attorney, and tell them I'm a family member, and say that Brenda told me about the lawsuit, and the loan with Helen. I'll ask them to contact her, but say I don't want to be involved or something, so Helen doesn't find out." I hugged Jake, and gave him a big, sloppy kiss. "You're so awesome, thank you for helping me." I leaned back, grabbed my phone and dialed the attorney's number.
He rolled his eyes. "That's what I'm here for."
"Don't leave," I said, holding the phone. "I want to know what you said to Emily, especially about her grounding."
I spoke with the attorney's assistant, and gave her the details, and asked her to keep me out of it. "I'd prefer to not be involved with please."
She didn't ask why, just said she'd have the attorney look into it, and if my information was correct, it would be taken care of.
"Great, thank you so much. I appreciate your help." I clicked end, and smiled at my husband. "So," I said, and lay down on top of the bed. "Tell me what happened with Emily, and then let's get naked."
The conversation was short, but the lovemaking was not.
***
The next morning, I got up before sunrise, fed the dog, and sat on the deck with a cup of coffee. I thought about what I'd done, and while I knew it wasn't exactly what Brenda had asked, it was something. My gift wasn't supposed to be about me, and I knew that by connecting me with Brenda, the universe was trying to teach me a lesson. I didn't expect an A for effort for handling the situation the way I did, but I hoped I didn't fail, either. Ma hadn't been around since our disagreement, and I feared my chickening out with Helen had broken my gift all over again.
"Ma, I think I screwed up. I didn't tell Helen, but I called the attorney, and they're gonna call her. I think it's a good compromise at least." I waited for her to say boo, but all I heard was the wind.
"I'm sorry about what I said before. Please, if you're mad at me—okay, but just let me know you're still around."
"Mom? You okay?"
I turned at the sound of Emily's voice, and quickly wiped my eyes with my hand. "Yeah, honey, I'm fine. Why are you up?"
She sat in the chair beside me. "I had to pee, and I heard you out here."
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was being loud."
"You weren't. My window's open."
"Oh, well go back to bed sweetie, it's early."
"I'm just gonna stay up. I have to work in like, two hours anyway." Her face was puffy, and her eyes were red.
"You've been crying again, huh?"
She nodded.
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged.
"After your shower, put some ice in a wash cloth, and hold it on your face. It'll help get rid of the puffiness."
"Do you think Dad's gonna, like, change his mind about Chandler?"
I didn't think he would, but saying that could open the floodgates again, and I didn't want her going to work a bigger emotional wreck than she already was. "I don't know, honey. We'll just have to wait it out, and see."
She handed me her phone. "Here."
I took it, and set it on the metal table. "Why? I said you could have it."
"I texted Chandler."
I raised my eyebrows, but didn't say anything.
"I told him I loved him. I, like, just wanted him to know." She wiped her eyes, and the floodgates opened anyway.
I nodded. I remembered that feeling, that intense need, and how it overwhelmed me, taking over my heart and my head, even though I couldn't quite understand it. "What did he say?"
"Nothing," she said, sobbing. "He never responded."
My heart ached for her. On the one hand, I thought Chandler was a jerk for not responding, but Jake's threat to bury him where no one could find him probably scared him enough to do as he was told. "Wanna know what I think?" I asked.
She sniffled and nodded.
"I think Chandler is a lousy jerk for not responding to you." I handed her back her phone. "I know you really care about this boy, Emily, but one thing is that people are consistent. Do you know what I mean?"
She scrunched her eyebrows and shook her head.
"I mean that you can look at how they've acted in other situations and get an idea about how they're going to react in the future."
She nodded.
"Think about the things he's said and done since you've been together and I suspect you'll find that maybe he doesn't care about you as much as you thought. I know that's hard to hear, but I don't want you sitting hear waiting for him to tell you he loves you when it's a good possibility he won't. Keep yourself busy and you'll begin to feel better, I promise."
She nodded and looked at her phone. "Maybe his phone's dead."
She didn't process a thing I said, but I was a fool to think she would. "Go get showered and take care of your face, okay?"
Emily hugged me, "Thanks, Mom," she said, and walked back inside.
I didn't know if she took what I said to mean she could continue to text Chandler or not. Truth be told, I didn't know if I meant that, either, but I really hoped she didn't.
I stayed on the deck to finish my coffee, and talk to my mother. "Ma? You here? Hello?"
I felt a light tap on my shoulder, and sat up straight. "Ma?"
Two more light taps brushed my shoulder. Tap. Tap.
I relaxed. "Nice try, but I'm not fallin' for it."
Tap. Tap.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and focused my senses on the air around me. It didn't feel like Ma was there. I couldn't explain it, but it was different. I thought about how it felt when Bill made his appearance, and like then, I didn't feel threatened, so I relaxed.
"I don't know who you are," I said, "but in case you haven't heard, I'm having some communication issues, so I'm not sure I can help you."
I felt another tap on my shoulder, and laughed. "I don't know Morse Code, sorry." I felt two more taps, and had an epiphany of sorts. "Let's play a game. I'll ask you questions, and you tap once for yes, and twice for no, okay?
Tap.
I squealed. "All righty then. This is gonna be interesting. How about we start with the basics? We can totally do this."
Tap.
I rubbed my hands together, invigorated. "Are you female?"
Tap. Tap.
"Okay, you're a guy. Good to know. How old are you?"
Nothing.
"Oh, crap. Sorry. Yes or no questions only. Okay, when you died, were you over fifty?"
Tap. Tap.
I fist pumped the air. "Look at us, communicating without words. Is this awesome, or what?"
Tap.
I smirked. "Between twenty-five and fifty??"
Tap. Tap.
Oh boy. He was young. "Between fifteen and twenty-five?" I asked, my voice less excited.
Tap. Tap.
I sunk a little in my seat. The younger ones were always hard. "Oh, okay. Between five and fifteen?"
Tap.
I sighed. I wished we could just speak. I hated having to make this poor child struggle through my limited connection abilities. "I'm sorry we can't just communicate like normal. Were you younger than ten?"
Tap.
I was glad the universe hadn't taken back what little part of my gift I had left, but I was frustrated I couldn't make things easy for the boy. "Were you younger than five?"
Tap. Tap.
I leaned my head back in the chair. "So you were between five and ten. Okay." I didn't know anyone who'd lost a young child. "Do I know you?"
Tap. Tap.
I wasn't sure what to ask next. Thinking up yes or no answer questions wasn't easy. "I wish I could figure out how to communicate with you. I don't know what to ask or how to help you." I pressed on my right temple with the palm of my hand. "Give me a minute. We'll get this, okay?"
Tap.
I rubbed my neck. "Ma, I know you're mad at me right now, but can you put that aside for now? This little boy here needs our help."
Silence.
"Hello?"
Tap.
The right side of my mouth rose. "I know you're still there, buddy. That was for my mother. You don't happen to see anyone else around here, do you?"
Tap. Tap.
"That's what I figured." I ran my hand through my hair. I wasn't sure what to do. There were countless questions I could ask this spirit, but it would take hours. "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm trying, but I'm not sure this is going to work. I don't even know where to begin to help you."
From out of nowhere, a rock dropped, and hit me on the leg. I bent down, and picked it up. I rolled it between my hands. "A rock?"
Tap.
"A rock!" I said. "Of course! A rock! It was you, wasn't it? You're the one who hit me with the rocks."
Tap.
My heart beat faster. "Well, I'll be damned. And I blamed my mother." I felt a little bad for that.
Tap.
I bit my lower lip. "Let me think about this. What would rocks have to do with a boy your age? Aside from the fact that boys played with rocks, that is."
Tap.
"I didn't ask a question."
Another rock appeared on the deck railing. I picked it up. "Okay. Two rocks. What's that mean?"
Tap.
"Yes? Two rocks means yes?"
Unbreakable Bonds (An Angela Panther Mystery Book 2) Page 20
