by Claire Adams
I just didn't want the mistake to mean that I'd fucked up every last chance that we had together. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I didn't fight for this. It still sucked, though. She was pushing me away, and it felt like shit.
"You good?" Don asked as I started on my third beer.
"Great," I said sarcastically. He said he was going to get us some more shots and stood up, walking to the bar. I looked at my bottle wishing I hadn't driven here. Then I could really get wasted. Maybe even drunk enough to take Don's advice. He came back with a tray of shots and set it on the table. I counted them, then counted again because I was sure I was seeing double. I looked up and saw him herding two girls into our booth. The blonde and Gina from earlier.
He introduced me to the women, to the blonde in particular as she sat next to me. Packed into the booth it wasn't a tight squeeze, but I was immediately uncomfortable with having her there.
What had Don told her? I hoped he hadn't promised her anything. I had enough alcohol in me where I didn't know whether I'd say fuck it and take her home or send her on her way disappointed. He doled the shots out, making a toast. I sucked it down, feeling it burn. Yep, that was it for me, I was cutting myself off.
"So, you play football," the blonde said to me. She was Kayleigh.
"I used to." She told me that she liked that, putting her hand on my thigh. I thanked her and offered to get her a drink. She took that as encouragement, running her hand up my leg, closer and closer to my crotch. I tried to distract her asking about her friend, the third girl who hadn't come over with Don. Apparently, she was married and headed home early. Why was I jealous hearing that?
"Hey, Rome? You good?" Don asked.
"What?" I asked. The hand was gone, but she had moved closer and closer the whole conversation, pressed against me.
"Gina and I are gonna head out. You'll make sure Kayleigh gets home safe. Won't you?" he asked, winking. He was about to score and thought I was, too. That had been his plan from the start bringing the girls over.
"You have nothing to worry about," I said to Gina, not him. The girls said bye and as soon as Roman and Gina were out of sight, Kayleigh’s hand was back on my thigh.
"You wanna get out of here?" she asked. It wasn't fair to compare her to Ron; I was heavily, heavily biased. She was pretty. Her skin was tanned, even though I didn't know how she got that much color this early in the summer. Her eyes were hazel, rimmed with black makeup, and her lips glossy.
"Sorry about it, Kayleigh. Not tonight," I said.
"Why not?" she urged. "Don said you were single."
"I had a good time tonight, but I have to leave. I'll call you a cab," I offered. She pouted a little.
"You sure I can't change your mind?" she asked. I should have been attracted to her. I could appreciate that she looked good and was probably a nice girl,but then the block went up. I wasn't interested in seeing her again, not at my place, not at hers, not ever, really.
"Not tonight," I said apologetically. It wasn't her fault that I didn't want her, it was mine. I had tunnel vision for Veronica and felt bad that Don had led her to believe something more than just a couple drinks would come of this. I stayed with her till she finished her drink and got her a cab ride home before heading home myself.
Chapter Fourteen
Veronica
Fucking statistics. Just when I thought I wouldn't have to do math because I was studying a soft science. I could have waited to take it another semester, but it made sense that I took the class now since classes were so much smaller and help would be easier to find if I needed it. I was sitting at the dining table I had, which doubled as a work space. It was big enough to seat six, but I had gotten it at a flea market for close to nothing. The wood was beat up, but nothing so bad that sanding and staining it didn't fix.
I was perusing my textbooks, getting a start on my reading for class. I had a GPA to maintain. The little extra free time was going to make or break me this semester. It was much easier to maintain than raise a score, so I wasn't interested in failing. I had nothing else planned this Sunday, anyway. It was late afternoon and I was staying in tonight. That was why the sudden knock at the door was so unexpected.
I answered it, my entire body sagging when Sean walked in. How had he gotten to twenty-two years of age without knowing that it was common courtesy to call people before you came to their homes? I stiffened and turned my head slightly when he tried to kiss me. It didn’t stop him.
"I haven't really heard from you this week," he said. I walked back to the table, sitting in front of my books, hoping he got the picture that he was interrupting.
"I asked if I could come over on Friday. You said you were busy." I didn't bother offering him anything, not even a seat. He had a habit of taking things without permission, anyway, but I didn’t want to encourage him.
"You never told me what happened on that date last week," he said.
"Nothing happened," I said shrugging. "We ate dinner, and I left the restaurant alone."
"Do you like him?" he asked.
"I don't ask about the other people you see, Sean."
"Oh...so you fucked him," he said. I looked down at my book, ignoring that. "Does he know you're seeing other guys?"
"Do the girls you date know about me?"
"It's different when it's a girl," he said. "Girls don't mind a guy with experience, but most guys don't want a girl with mileage."
"Mileage?"
"Let's just say, when you're a girl, you can definitely tell if her body count is in the double digits," he said. I frowned, disgusted. Only he could encourage me to see other people, then basically indirectly call me a ho for doing it.
"Look, Sean, I'm busy. What do you want?"
"You always say that when I come over," he complained.
"Well, you always come over at a bad time. You never call; maybe if you did, we could arrange to meet up when we were both free."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," he said. "That's going to have to change."
"What? You're gonna start calling?"
"There was a reason I was busy Friday. I started dating someone," he announced.
"Okay. What do you want me to do about that?"
"I don't think it's working between us anymore. Being with this new girl... I don't know whether we can keep seeing each other."
"Yeah. I bet it's really hard to not commit," I sniped.
"I actually like you, Veronica, that's why I came here to talk to you. I'm willing to give it one more shot."
"Lucky me," I said sarcastically.
"If you can tell me why we should still date, we can stay together," he said.
"What? Like, give you a reason? If you're asking for that, it looks like you've already made your decision. You're going to see this other girl regardless. Do what you want," I said spitefully.
"What crawled up your ass and died?"
"Us being together has never stopped you before. I don't think anything has stopped you before. It doesn't matter what I feel – it's about you, isn't it? All about you. Just leave. You knew what you wanted before you came here. You're wasting my time and yours."
"You're always like this. What the fuck is your problem?" he demanded.
"Only when you're around Sean. I wouldn't call that a coincidence. I'm gonna tell you one more time – get out."
"Fine. You're always fucking uptight, anyway," he sneered, leaving. I locked the door behind him. This has to be the last time that I do this, I thought. It wasn't like he was being more overbearing than usual, it was just hitting me differently. I had had a lot less patience for him lately. That and a lot more on my mind.
It helped that he seemed to be making distancing myself easier. He had found someone new. In that case, best of luck to them. It should not have taken this long to get to this place. I didn't know whether you could break up with someone who you weren't actually with, but it felt that way. I sat down again, staring down at my textbook. Nope, it wasn't h
appening. Not tonight. I picked my phone up instead.
"Hello?" said Tiffany.
"Guess who just left my place," I said instead of hello.
"Who?"
"Sean."
"The guy you're wasting your good looks and time on?"
"You'll never guess what he came here to do."
"Eat your food? Have sex? Did he lock himself out of his place and knew you'd let him spend the night?"
"No," I said, rolling my eyes, though this was Sean we were talking about and all those were possibilities. "He came in saying he and I needed to talk. He just started dating someone new and told me he came over to give me a chance to defend why he should still see me or it's over."
"That fool walked into your house and gave you an ultimatum?" she asked.
"Can you believe it?"
"No. Just no. You can't anymore. Dump him, please. For me, so I don't have to hear this shit anymore. For yourself, so he isn't making you defend your title as his spare girlfriend."
"I think I'm done," I said, weighing the possibility in my head.
"Really done? Or just done till the next time he calls you?"
"He has a new girlfriend, he shouldn't miss me," I said, shrugging.
"I want to congratulate you for shaking 175 lbs of dead weight, but I'll believe it when I see it."
"Can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Anything. What is it?"
"I need you to tell it to me straight. Don't sugar coat it."
"Of course. What do you need to know?" she asked. I took a deep breath.
"Is Roman seeing anybody?"
"No," she said immediately, almost too fast.
"Tiff, I mean anybody at all, it doesn't have to be a girlfriend. Do you know if he's taking girls home? Dating?"
"No, Vee. He isn't."
"Are you sure?"
"I know he's been seeing his friend Donovan again and they go out to bars, but he isn't seeing anybody, not even casually."
"Great," I sighed.
"Why? I thought... I thought you were done with him."
"He left me this box at my door earlier this week. It had a note in it. He wants to meet up and talk. He basically said where to meet him and that he'd be waiting there every day at the same time till I showed up."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No. It's going to take more than just a letter to see him again."
"I can tell you for a fact that he isn't playing you," she told me. "If he wants to talk, maybe you should hear him out if nothing else. Then you can hear it from the horse's mouth."
"I'll think about it," I said.
"Guess that's all I can ask you to do," she conceded. I thanked her for telling me and hung up.
The boxes had started showing up on Tuesday; it was Sunday now, almost a week. How long would it be before he gave up and stopped going? Had he been going at all? Was I too late? If I was then it was my fault for thinking the offer didn't have an expiry on it.
But if Tiffany's facts were straight and he wasn't seeing anyone, that meant that he was serious about... About what? Something. Us getting back together? All he had said in the notes was he wanted to talk but, it made sense that maybe that was what he wanted. The only way to know for sure was to go talk to him.
Talk. Just talk. If he really wasn't seeing anyone else, that meant he was at least serious. A talk, I could give him that much.
Chapter Fifteen
Roman
She's not coming, I thought for the millionth time. Again. She's not fucking coming. I had been checking the clock since it had hit one. It was almost two now. If she was showing up, she should have by now. There was late and there was this. This was a blow off.
That first day, I understood. After a couple after that, I could still see why she wouldn't show. It was almost a week now, though, and I was getting tired of sitting out on this blanket waiting for someone who wasn't even thinking about showing up. When did it cross the line to just pathetic, waiting for her like this? I wondered. It was one thing if I knew I could count on seeing her, but that hope was dying a little every day.
Did I have to go to her place to talk to her? No. I knew Ron. She wouldn't like feeling like I was backing her into a corner, making her talk to me when she didn't want to or when she was still mad and needed time to cool off. That was why I had given her the option to come to me when she was ready. Question was when the hell would that be? Maybe she wasn't trying to get ready. Maybe talking wasn't even something she was thinking about doing in the first place, so there was nothing she had to get ready for.
I wasn't buying all this food to eat myself, but it was looking like that was what I would be doing again tonight. I sighed, putting all the food back into the basket. Would I be back tomorrow? That was the thing, I could say that I wouldn’t be, but I would. It was getting harder every day and maybe I just wasn't taking a hint, but I would.
A flash of white through the trees caught my eye. I looked, making out a person coming towards me. Nobody had ever come through the trees to the clearing when I had been here. I doubted how many people actually knew about it. I held my breath recognizing the figure coming through the trees. Her dress was white and her hair was down, loose and a little messy around her shoulders. It was her. She came. She hadn't blown me off.
Something told me that I should be standing when she came up to me, so I did. The past year had been good to her. Maybe the image I had had of her in my mind just hadn't been close enough to the real thing, that was why I couldn't look away from her. She looked angelic when she wore white. I was so glad that I had gotten back just in time for sundress season.
"Hi," she said softly, coming up to me. I restrained myself from touching her; she probably wouldn't want me to.
"Hey."
"Can I sit?" she asked.
"Please," I said. She sunk down to her knees, sitting on her legs. Her dress rode up so I could see part of her thighs. The movement distracted me a little. It wasn't like I hadn't seen it before, it had just been so long since we had both been here, since that day we had ditched class the week before finals.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, sitting facing her. She said that she was. I pulled the spread out of the basket. Mini quiches I had bought from a bakery and some brownies. She ignored the quiche, going straight for the dessert.
"I didn't think you were coming," I said.
"I didn't either. Sorry for making you wait."
"I'm just glad you showed."
Silence. I wasn't used to this, being awkward around Ron. We had never had that problem, not even when we had just started out dating.
"I haven't been here since..." She stopped herself. I remembered the last time we were together here. Thinking about what we did was probably going to just scare her away. We had to work back up to that.
"Were you busy today?" I asked. She broke a piece off her brownie and ate it.
"I was actually at school," she said.
"Yeah? Why?"
"Library. I took some courses for the summer session."
"That's great."
"Is it? I think it is, but some people think I should be backpacking around Europe, not sitting in class."
"If it's what you want, it's great that you're doing it," I said, shrugging. "Besides, not a lot of people make school their first priority, even when it should be."
"It'll pay off in the end, that's what I keep telling myself," she said, with a small smile. "What about you?"
"What? Class?"
"You always had classes during summer training," she said. I liked that she remembered that. I liked that familiarity we had with each other. We had been a couple, but all that time we spent together, all that time talking, had made us friends, too. It was the kind of friendship I didn't get from Don or anyone else. We were close physically and emotionally – it was everything together.
"Stuff's a little weird right now," I said.
"How so?"
"I would have to reenroll if I wanted
to play for the school again, but since I took time off, I don't know whether it would be worth trying to get drafted this year. Football was always what I wanted to do. I feel like I'd rather concentrate on that than split my time with academics."
"That sounds risky," she said.
"It is. Any professional sports career is risky. Barely any of the people in college for football actually end up in the league."
"Only the best?"
"Yeah, and the ones lucky enough not to get injured.”
"I hope you get in. I know how much being making it into the pros meant to you." She broke her brownie in two, eating another piece.
"Thanks. I hope so, too."
"Looks like we're both where we want to be," she said with a small smile. If she meant here with her eating brownies, then yeah, I agreed.
"In some ways," I said. I thought I saw her blush.
I asked her what courses she had picked up for summer session. I liked to think I had at least a slight working knowledge of psychology from talking to her about her school stuff. She avoided talking about my deployment when I'd mention it, but loosened up. The sun moved and we moved the blanket with it. The timid way she started lingered, but it wasn't unbearable. Two hours later, she had to head home.
"I had a good time," she said. She helped me fold the blanket back up.
"Thanks for coming. I want to see you again, Ron." Uncertainty crossed her face and she bit her lower lip a little.
"I don't know," she said.
"Anything. I'll take anything, Ron. I'll walk you to class in the morning if you'll let me. I just want to see you again." She paused. What was she about to say? I wasn't too good to beg her for this.
"Are you free Friday night?" she asked. I had to wait a couple beats to stop myself from cheering.
"I will be," I said. "Dinner?"
"As friends," she said firmly. I bit my tongue. Don't argue with her, she already said yes. Don't make her change her mind.
