“For this exact reason,” I said, poking at her forehead again. “I refuse to let you get hurt because of me.”
“But I told you, I accept it.”
“Well, I don’t,” I snapped and she scowled.
I could see more of an argument brewing in her eyes and I wasn’t about to let this escalate. We weren’t going to agree. She wasn’t going to convince me. So, I said the one thing I knew would shut her up.
“There’s no point in arguing this until you actually learn what you’re doing. We can’t have a repeat of Mason.”
She stared at me like she’d never seen me before and I considered pulling out my knife and just stabbing myself in the heart here and now.
For a horrific moment, I thought she might cry but instead, she picked up the bedpan from the tray nearby and hurled it at me.
I ducked just in time and it smacked the far wall and fell with a thud.
“What the hell?” I demanded.
“Do not use Mason against me. Ever. Do you understand?” Molten rage emanated from her eyes and I had to adjust myself to hide the fact that I was instantly hard for her. When she looked like that—a fucking angel of death—I just wanted to kiss her until we were both raw from it all.
And I was not stupid enough to think this was the right moment to say that.
“I’m sorry,” I said instead. “I shouldn’t have said that. I just meant—”
“I know what you meant. Trying to push me away so I’d let it go. Get mad and storm out and effectively save you from this conversation.”
I licked my lips. My mouth felt like sandpaper. “Did it work?”
“Not even close.” She smirked. “I’m not giving up on convincing you not to die, Alex Channing. And I will resume throwing things if you argue.”
“No arguing. How about a re-focusing? Something we can both agree on.”
“Which is what again?”
“Figuring out how to help you harness all that light inside you so you don’t hurt anyone including yourself.” It wasn’t my first choice but it was better than the track we were on. And after I was gone, I wouldn’t be able to stop her anyway. All I could do was try to help her control it. Not let it eat at her like it had my mother.
She blew out a heavy breath. “Okay, yeah, we can agree on that,” she said. “But I don’t know what to do. When I concentrate hard enough, I feel it inside me like a second skin or something but I can’t seem to figure out how to make it do what I want.”
“What do you need?” I asked.
“Honestly? Someone who has done this before,” she said. “I asked Kiwi and she didn’t know anyone. Tara mentioned someone to me—”
“Her aunt?” I frowned. “Vera?”
“You knew her?” she asked.
“Not well.” I paced the small room, considering resources. “We could go to Mirabelle again,” I said.
But Sam shook her head. “No point. She’s out of her league here or she would have helped me with it already. We need someone else.”
I stopped pacing as an idea formed but I shook it off almost immediately. Sam looked up sharply, brows knitted. “What?”
“Nothing,” I said.
“You have an idea.”
I sighed. Busted. Except it wasn’t something I wanted to just run toward. Not with Sam beside me. “Maybe. Let me make some calls,” I said.
Sam’s brow arched and she folded her arms. “More secrets?”
I winced at that but didn’t fold. “Don’t ask me not to protect you.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment.
From where I stood, I watched as Sam’s chest rose and fell with heavy—probably angry—breaths. I wondered if she’d hit me if I reached for her so I didn’t move just in case. Finally, she closed the distance and grabbed my hand, tugging me a little roughly toward her body.
I went, more than willing, and found my chest pressed to hers.
She stared up at me, lips parted, hands finding their way to my shoulders and winding around my neck. Her eyes were narrowed and her body stiff.
“What are you doing?” I asked, half-turned on, half-nervous she was going to start throwing things again.
“I haven’t decided yet,” she said.
Her breath and the scent of her body with that damned soap sent me spinning.
“Well, while you figure it out, I’m probably going to kiss you,” I said, brushing her damp hair out of her face and letting my fingers trail down her arm.
She shivered and pressed closer. “Fine but I’m still mad at you.”
I grinned. “Good. I love it when you’re pissed.”
Her eyes widened. “You do? Why?”
“I told you once that you were terrifying. Do you remember that?” I asked. She nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. A mouth I desperately wanted on mine. “I wasn’t lying. In fact, the more I see of your temper, the scarier it gets. You’re magnificent when you’re all lit up. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
She stopped my mouth from silencing hers with a finger over my lips. Her eyes narrowed. “You think I’m sexy when I’m pissed at you?”
As if to prove my point, my cock hardened. I groaned. “Abso-fucking-lutely,” I hissed. “You’re an angel of death when you’re angry and every time I see it, I have to hold myself back from ripping your clothes to the floor and burying myself inside you. Now, stop talking and kiss me already.”
Sam’s indignation died and her hand dropped away along with any resistance. She pushed onto her toes, angling her lips toward mine, and I knew she was done talking.
In an instant, my mouth crashed against hers. No more barriers. I wanted all of them gone. Her clothes, all of our secrets. Death. Nothing and no one could keep me from this girl. Heat wound its way through me, up and out of every pore. My breath was hot on hers. My fingertips burning where they peeled her shirt over her head and coaxed her toward the hospital bed behind us. She moaned and my vision blurred with the same black dots as before. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t care. All I wanted was her. All I needed was this.
In that instant, I knew something had changed. Suddenly, I actually wanted to live again. Not just for myself, but for her. For the future I could glimpse when I shut my eyes and held her close. For this moment that, if I let it, if I wanted it badly enough to stick around, could stretch into the next moment and the next.
An image flashed behind my closed lids: Sam and I together on a porch swing. A couple of kids in the yard. The sun setting behind snow-capped mountains in the distance. And I wanted it. God help me, I did. I’d never wanted a picket fence in my life except maybe as a splintered weapon against the next werewolf fight. But when I held her against me like this, I wanted a lot of things I thought I never needed. But mostly, I wanted to live. To rid myself of the poison so I could just be with her. On my terms. On my timeline. Maybe it was a delusion; maybe the fever was back. Or maybe I was actually and truly in love.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sam
RJ smiled as I stepped inside and something in my chest cavity seemed to lighten. Guilt and grief fell away, if only for a moment, replaced by easy friendship. Here, I could be myself. Here, everything wasn’t falling apart. I smiled back and made my way over to where he sat in bed.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he said, smiling way too broadly.
“They told you about Mason?” I guessed.
His smile fell. “How did you know?”
“You’re not that good of an actor,” I said, offering the hint of a smile. I gave him a quick hug, careful to keep away from his bandaged leg. “How are you?” I asked.
“Better,” he said then nodded at the half-eaten tray of food. “Although, I’m getting a little sick of pudding. But all in all, not bad. The infection’s improving and I can put weight on it now.”
He wiggled his toes as if to prove it and I sank into the chair beside his bed. “That’s great. Will you get to go home soon?” I asked.
“
Yeah, but they won’t send me back into the field like this.” His expression clouded. “I’ll probably have to do some office work while I recuperate.”
“What about your assignment? Guarding me?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I can’t go into the field until I’m back to one hundred percent.” He shook his head. “I’m really sorry, Sam.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said. “It’s me who should apologize. I couldn’t do more for your injury and I just…”
When I trailed off, he reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. “You did plenty,” he said. “Do not beat yourself up about that. I know you didn’t want to kill it but you did what you had to. And I’m grateful. How are you doing… with everything?”
“I’m good,” I assured him. “Or… I’m…” My shoulders sagged and I gripped RJ’s hand. Alex and I had spent the last hour rolling around in a borrowed hospital bed and that had been amazing. But beyond that, everything else was pretty bad.
“You can talk to me. What’s going on?” RJ asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing. I don’t want to worry you.”
He groaned. “It’s killing me not being able to get out there and protect you. Talk to me.”
“It’s … Alex. He’s back,” I said haltingly.
“I know,” he admitted. And then his brows knitted and he tilted his head. “Wait, back as in protecting you or back as in you two are finally taking things to the next heat level?” I didn’t answer and RJ laughed. “What am I saying? Those two are one and the same. Okay, hit me. What’s the asshole done now?”
“He’s dying,” I said, exasperated.
“How is that different from before?” he asked.
“Because this time, I’m in love with him,” I admitted.
“Ah. Of course. Well, that does throw a wrench in his plans,” RJ said but there was no surprise in his tone. And why would there be? Of course RJ had known how I felt about Alex. Everyone did—except for Alex.
“Have you told him how you feel?” RJ asked, practically reading my thoughts.
“Of course not. I’m not an idiot.” I sighed.
“And your magic? How’s that going?”
“Not great,” I mumbled and then I told him about the black marks I’d left on Mason. “I wish this stuff came with an instruction manual.”
He leaned back, tucking his arm against the pillow and propping his head against his elbow. “You need someone to talk you through it,” he said. “Someone who knows this kind of magic.”
“Tara mentioned a name to me. Someone called Sushna,” I told him. “Have you heard of her?”
RJ shook his head. “No. Should I have?”
“I guess not. She’s supposedly not much more than a fairy tale. Her magic is old and if she actually exists, she’s not human. But if she’s real, I think she could help.”
“Did you ask Alex about her?”
“No, why—”
“You know he went to a bunch of medicine women and shamans before he came to see Mirabelle, right?”
“I don’t know much of the details,” I admitted.
“I don’t either, but he might have a lead on someone you could reach out to.”
I squeezed RJ’s hand gratefully. “Thank you for listening. And for offering advice,” I said. “I hope you get out of here and back to work soon. It’s not the same without you.”
“Don’t go taking any more vacations until I get back, okay?”
I grinned. “Deal.”
I looked up as the door opened and Alex walked in, looking mouth-watering in his low-slung cargoes and fitted tee. His gaze zeroed in on where RJ’s hand held mine.
“Am I interrupting?” he asked, his words somehow managing to sound both casual and menacing.
“Not at all.” RJ held out his free hand and grinned. “I saved you a hand to hold so you wouldn’t be left out.” Alex glared and RJ chuckled. “I was just discussing some ideas with your girl here,” RJ went on.
Alex came to stand behind me and even without his hands anywhere on my body, I felt him. Every nerve in me was trained on where he stood. I didn’t need to see him to feel the connection. He’d left a mark. Both on my heart and in the delicious ache I still felt between my thighs.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about RJ calling me Alex’s girl. Or the fact that Alex hadn’t responded.
“…and I agree with Sam about looking for someone who can help her with the magic, but we don’t keep a database anymore,” RJ was saying and I forced myself to pay attention. “Sam mentioned someone named Sushna but who knows if she—”
“No.”
Alex’s swift and sharp refusal startled me and I jumped. “You don’t even know what I’m asking,” I said, too confused to be angry at his sudden display.
“Wait.” RJ shook his head and then his expression cleared. “Do you mean The Witherer? That Sushna?”
“It’s not an option and we’re not going to discuss it,” Alex said.
“Dude,” RJ said. “Calm down. I was just—”
“It’s not up for discussion,” Alex snapped. “Just leave it alone.”
“Well, I think she has a right to know,” RJ grumbled.
Both of them glared at each other. I looked back and forth between them, wrenching free from RJ’s hand and standing to include both of them in my scowl. “Will someone explain to me what the hell you’re talking about?” I demanded.
Neither one answered.
“Fine. I’ll go call Tara and ask her.”
I didn’t get two steps before Alex’s hand shot out and he grabbed my wrist. I glared up at him in silent challenge. Alex’s expression remained unwavering and he said, “This is not up to Tara. She doesn’t know what she’s suggesting. Neither does RJ. Neither do you.”
“Know what?” I asked.
Behind me, RJ was silent.
“She is dangerous,” he said and I could see it in the way he barely met my gaze. He was hiding something.
“More secrets,” I said, shaking my head. I wrenched my wrist free. “More things you don’t want to tell me. And why would you? You’ve already made it clear you’d rather die than be healed. Now, you’d rather I hurt people than learn how to use my magic?”
“That’s not—You don’t understand,” he said.
“Then help me understand. Because from where I stand, it feels like you’re just blowing smoke. When you tell me we’re in this together and that you came back to protect me, what it means is that you’re going to do everything you can to keep from me understanding and using my magic.”
“Your magic is dangerous,” he said and I blinked, shocked he’d so readily admitted I was right.
“My magic is going to help a lot of people.”
“It’s going to end up hurting you. And finding the witch you’re asking about will only make it worse, trust me,” he said and it was that last part that made me back away, shaking my head.
“I care about you, Alex. A lot.” I hated how choked up I sounded but it took everything not to cry. And not to admit that I loved-slash-hated him right now. “But I am done trusting you. This is bull shit. You’re not saving me, you’re protecting your own secrets. You’re a coward.”
I moved faster than he did, stalking toward the door. I wrenched it open, not sure where I was headed. Anywhere that wasn’t this room.
“Just let her go,” I heard RJ mutter behind me.
Alex didn’t answer but he didn’t stop me either even though I knew full well he could if he’d tried. He was bigger than me. Stronger. More knowledgeable about magic. But he wasn’t going to win when it came to stubborn will.
In that, Alex had finally met his match.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Alex
RJ grilled me for an hour on security measures being taken for Sam. I almost told him to fuck off after that shit he’d just pulled, siding with Sam about a subject way out of his league, but in the end, I could see his concern for her—and his fru
stration at being sidelined. I knew how that felt firsthand. So I told him everything I could.
“What’s the word on a safe house?” he asked when I’d caught him up on last night—not including the fact that Sam and I had slept under the stars, skin to skin. That he didn’t need to know.
“Waiting to hear. Sam’s apartment and our place are both too risky,” I said. “We’ll come up with some else.”
“Mirabelle’s?” he asked.
I shook my head. “We can’t put any more civilians in danger, man. You know that’s against protocol.”
“Mirabelle is a lot of things. Civilian is not one of them,” RJ said. “Besides, have you seen her house?”
“Yes,” I said and shuddered.
RJ laughed. “Clearly you have.”
We shared a smile and I shoved my hands into my pockets as we both fell silent. I turned to stare out the window at the tree line that bordered the property.
“She’s probably calmed down by now,” RJ said finally. I swiveled and caught him watching me with a half-smile.
“Is that why you were grilling me? To give her a chance to chill out somewhere?” I asked.
“Maybe. Also, I just really wanted to make sure I could trust you to hand over the reins of my old job.” I spun, glaring at him and he grinned, knowing he’d hit a nerve.
“I will protect her better than—”
“Whoa, there, killer,” he said, holding up a hand. “Before you say something too macho and insulting for me to ignore, let me remind you I kept her safe for over a month while you were off pouting somewhere.”
“I don’t pout,” I said through closed teeth. “And you are on seriously thin ice, man.”
RJ’s smirk widened. “What are you going to do? Put me in the hospital?”
I growled and he shook his head. “Man, you need to chill the hell out. What happened to not letting the job get personal?”
I didn’t answer. We both knew there was no point in even attempting to argue that one.
“Right, well, anyway, keep your head clear, all right? Sam’s my friend now. If you hurt her again, I’ll have to hurt you.”
Inheritance: (A New Adult Paranormal Romance) (Heart Lines Series Book 2) Page 16
