“Um, just water.” The phone rang and then went to Dustin’s voicemail.
“You sure I can’t get you something stronger?” The man asked me as he wiped his hands on a white towel.
“No, this is good.” I took a tentative sip and held the glass in my hand. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Dustin is, would you?”
“You mean Demon?”
“Um, no, I mean Dustin.”
“It’s Demon now, babe. Last I saw he was headed to his room. Down the hall, to the left and he’s the third door.”
I set my glass down on the bar and wiped my hands down my pants. “Um, thanks,” I mumbled.
Three men bellied up to the bar next to me and started haggling the guy behind the bar. “Yo, King. You gonna pour some fucking drinks tonight or just pick up chicks all night?”
I backed away from the bar, hitching my purse over my shoulder and waved to King who winked at me. These guys maybe a bit rough around the edges but they seemed to be nice, at least King was.
I headed down the hallway, passing couples making out in the hallway and open doorways that were crowded with people who were watching what I could only imagine was going on in the rooms. I turned the corner, and the noise from the party quieted, and there were fewer people.
I made it to the third door that was partially closed, and I could hear AC/DC pouring from a radio inside. After looking up and down the hall and gathering my courage, I knocked on the door.
“Doors fucking open!” That sounded like Dustin, but he sounded different.
I cautiously pushed the door open, and the strong smell of weed hit me, but I was completely unprepared for the sight that met my eyes.
Dustin was sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard with his pants unzipped. His hand was stroking his cock while his eyes watched every move two naked women were making while they made out with each other at the end of the bed. I stopped, my breath caught in my throat and I didn’t know what to do.
My boyfriend, the man who I was going to have a baby with not even three weeks ago, was watching two women make out while he jacked off to it. My heart felt like it was repeatedly being stabbed over and over as I stood there watching.
My whole body went numb and my phone that I was holding slipped through my fingertips and crashed onto the floor. Dustin’s eyes finally fell on me, and he just stared at me. His hand in mid stroke on his dick and a shocked expression on his face.
I couldn’t rip my eyes off of Dustin. Even though every part of me screamed to get the hell out of there, I couldn’t. I needed to see this, I needed to remember that this was what Dustin was doing when I felt like I was dying inside.
“Paige.”
I shook my head violently, knowing whatever he had to say wasn’t going to make this better. Nothing could make this better. “No, please don’t.” I held my hand up as Dustin scrambled to get up from the bed. I couldn’t do this. I had seen enough. “Please don’t.” I didn’t know what I was pleading for him not to do, but that was all that would come out of my mouth.
I backed up, bumping into the frame of the door and whacked my head against the wood. “Paige, just stop.” Dustin struggled to zip up his pants, and I darted out the door before I had to watch anymore.
Tears clouded my eyes as I blindly ran down the hallway, pushing past people. The crowd in the main room and by the bar seemed to have doubled, and it took everything I had to push my way through the massive crush of bodies.
I stumbled out the door, the brisk night air hitting me. I heard Dustin call my name before the door slammed shut and I knew I needed to get to my car. The parking lot was pitch black with more groups of people scattered all over as I dodge them all, running towards my car.
“Paige, fucking stop!” I glanced over my shoulder as Dustin gained on me and everyone turned to watch whatever the hell was going on.
I was mere feet away from my car when Dustin grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Don’t touch me!” I shrieked as I struggled to pull out of his grasp.
“Just fucking stop for a Goddamn minute,” he bellowed. He tightened his grip on my arms and pushed me against my car.
“Take your hands off of me,” I whispered. I didn’t know what had happened before I walked into that room and just the thought of Dustin’s hands on me made me want to shower for days. I used to love whenever he touched me, be it a brush of his fingertips or wrapping me up into a big hug, I had loved it. Now, it felt like a stranger was touching me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He demanded like I was the one doing something wrong. What a fucking joke.
“I was trying to find you.”
“You should have fucking called me.”
“Why so you could have put your dick back in your pants before I came over, or so you could have finished quicker?” I sneered.
“Knock it the fuck off, Paige.”
I reared back, not believing that he was trying to tell me to calm down. “Knock it off? I just saw my fucking boyfriend jacking off to two women making out! How in the hell am I supposed to calm down?! You were cheating on me!”
“I wasn’t fucking cheating on you!”
“What? You weren’t cheating on me? Have you lost your mind, Dustin?” A crowd was slowly gathering around us, everyone interested in what we were yelling about.
“I wasn’t going to touch them,” he gritted out through clenched teeth.
“So that makes is better?” I leaned into him, pushing him back. “Let. Me. Go. I don’t want to even think about you right now!”
“So it won’t be any different from the past two weeks then.”
“What? What the hell is that supposed to me?”
“It means, Paige, that ever since you got out of the damn hospital, you haven’t said ten words to me. We were supposed to go out that night and instead you go to the fucking library.”
“I told you I forgot, and you haven’t talked to me! You act like you are the only one this affected.”
“That’s because you act like nothing happened and you can go back to your normally scheduled life now!”
I wrenched my arms out of his grasp and pushed against his chest. “You think this didn’t bother me? You think you are the only one that who is upset? I cry myself to sleep every fucking night, Dustin! All I want is to have my baby back, but I know that won’t happen. But you know what I want more than anything? I want you! I wanted you so bad, and you weren’t there,” I gasped as my sobs took over my body. “I just needed you to be there and tell me that we were going to be OK, and you weren’t. All I’ve felt from you is blame and fucking hate! The one person who should be there for me isn’t!”
“I didn’t know what to fucking do!” He bellowed at me.
“So this,” I swung out my arm, motioning around. “This was the best thing you could think of to do? Leave me and find two sluts to occupy your time? That was going to make everything better? I fucking loved you with everything I had, Dustin. I wanted that baby more than I wanted to breath. But since you didn’t see me physically grieving, you thought I was some heartless bitch who didn’t want my baby. Is that what you thought of me?”
“That’s not what I thought,” he growled.
“Then tell me what you thought, Dustin.”
His eyes bore into me, but he didn’t say a word.
Here we both stood, both hurting in the same way, but we didn’t know what to do with it. We didn’t know how to make it better. “I’m leaving, Dustin. I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. I’m hurt enough. I can’t stand by and watch you mess around on me.”
“That wasn’t what I was doing.”
I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I wanted my baby, Paige.”
I laughed. I fucking laughed. “And I didn’t?”
“You didn’t…”
“I didn’t what, Dustin? What didn’t I do? Say it, say what you have been dying to say.” I looked around, a crowd circled arou
nd us. “I killed your baby, right, Dustin? That is what you’ve wanted to say, right? I killed your baby, it was all my fault. Deny it, tell me to my face that you don’t think that.”
Dustin growled low, but he again didn’t say anything.
I hung my head and knew this was it. His silence told me everything I needed to know. “I loved you with everything I had, Dustin, and I wanted that baby so much. But you’ll never see that. All you’ll see when you look at me is someone who killed your baby, and I can’t live with that.” I pulled my keys out of my pocket, turned my back to Dustin, and blindly stabbed my key into the lock realizing not only had I lost my baby, now I was losing the one man I would only love.
I waited a second, hoping and praying that Dustin would stop me, wrap me in his arms and finally tell me that everything would be OK, but he didn’t. I felt my heart break in that moment and knew that I would never love another man again. I opened the door and slid into the seat. I numbly put the key in the ignition, trying hard not to look at Dustin and shifted the car into drive. The crowd that had surrounded my car parted letting me slowly pull out of my parking spot.
I couldn’t help but look back one last time at Dustin, a little spark of hope that he would do something to keep me from leaving but he didn’t. He was still standing where I had left him, his back to me and I did the only thing I could do.
I left and felt my heart shatter.
I hadn’t thought about that night in years. Every time I used to think about it, my heart would break again. Demon and I both loved each other, but we somehow couldn’t get past our grief to be together.
I closed my eyes, my head resting on my pillow and tried to listen to the sounds of my apartment, wondering if Demon had left. His footsteps sounded on the wood floor of the kitchen, and I could only assume he was putting away the rest of groceries and then I heard the front door close.
I waited fifteen minutes, wondering if he would come back, but he didn’t.
He was gone again, and it felt like my heart had been shattered all over again. He still had the power to hurt me and that made me hate him even more because I realized something I had denied for so long.
I still loved him.
__________
Chapter 8
Demon
It had been a week since I had seen Paige, and I was climbing the walls like a caged animal wanting to go to her. After I had crawled back home to the clubhouse during the snowstorm, all I could think about was Paige and how I needed to find a way to make things up to her. I needed a woman’s perspective on things because I had no idea where to start with Paige. I knew saying I’m sorry wasn’t going to be enough.
I was standing in front of King’s bedroom door at the clubhouse, trying to talk myself into knocking on the door. I knew I couldn’t ask Gwen for help because she would probably castrate me if she knew that I had hurt Paige, although I thought I might run into that problem with any of the girls I decided to tell.
I raised my hand to knock, but the door opened before I made contact with the door and instead almost knocked on King’s head. “Jesus Christ,” I mumbled, dropping my arm.
“What the hell?” King asked.
“I was just about to knock, brother. I was hoping I could talk to Meg for a second.
“And I was just about to head to the shop, but I think I can delay those plans until you’re done talking with my woman.” King stepped back, opening the door wide and motioned for me to come in.
I couldn’t really blame King for not wanting to leave me alone with Meg. Not that I would try anything with her, it was just the principal of it.
“Babe, Demon wants to talk to you,” King called as he shut the door and leaned against it. “Sit down. She was just finishing up when I told her I was leaving.”
I glanced around the room seeing my only options of sitting were on their bed or in a ratty old recliner that was in the corner. “If she’s busy, I can always come back another time.” King shook his head and motioned for me to sit down.
“Hey, I was just headed over to Cyn’s house.” Meg walked out of the bathroom and flopped down on the bed. “What are you still doing here, handsome?” Meg asked King, surprised to see him.
“Just interested in what Demon has to say is all.” King crossed his arms over his chest and stared me down.
“So, what’s crackin’?” Meg crossed her legs underneath her Indian style and propped her head on her hand.
Fuck. Where the hell to start? No one had a clue that there was history between Paige and I. “Uh, I was wondering if you might help me out with a problem.”
“Sure, although I’m curious as to what problem you could have that you would need my help with.”
“It's more that I need some advice. It's about a chick.”
Meg rubbed her hands together and a smile spread across her lips. “It's about time Demon. I've been waiting for this. Who is it?”
“Well, it's someone you know.”
“I fucking knew it. It's fucking Paige, isn't it?” Lo crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at me like he had just cracked the Da Vinci code.
“What?” Meg screeched, outraged. “How in the hell did you know that and I didn't? You're supposed to tell me everything!”
“Just a hunch I had, babe. I knew when he said you knew her that it was Paige. I saw them together at the wedding.”
“You were with her at the wedding?” Meg eyed me up and crossed her arms over her chest. “Why didn't I know any of this?”
“I only talked to her for a minute. We were both shocked as hell to see each other.”
“Babe, you were three sheets to the wind by ten o’clock. You wouldn't have noticed a pink elephant walk through the room.”
Meg grabbed a pillow from off the bed and launched it at King. “Pretty sure you weren't too upset by my drunkenness when we made it back to our room.”
King shrugged his shoulders and tucked the pillow under his arm. “You'll pay for that later.”
Meg rolled her eyes and turned back to me. “I'll probably like it,” she smirked.
King chuckled under his breath. “We’ll discuss that later,” he mumbled to Meg.
King and Meg both stared at me, and I figured it was my turn to talk. “Uh, well, it is Paige. We knew each other a few years back.”
“How long are we talking here?” Meg asked.
“7 years. Give or take a couple of months.”
“And how exactly did you two know each other? Like friends or friends?” Meg wiggled her eyebrows, and a sly smile spread across her lips.
“We dated. Well, more than dated, but we broke up.”
“Who broke up with who?”
I ran my hands through my hair and shrugged my shoulders. It felt like I was in front of a firing squad. “It was mutual, I guess.”
Meg rolled her eyes and looked at King. “He broke up with her, or he did something stupid that made her break up with him.” She turned back to me and crossed her arms over her chest. “What did you do?”
Shit. Did I really have to tell her what I did? I was a fucking idiot back then. Just thinking about Paige walking in on me and those two chicks made me cringe. I didn’t want to say it out loud. “You really think you need to know what happened to help me apologize to her?”
“Hmm, I want to know, but I’m sure I don’t need all of the dirty details. How about we rate it and then I’ll try to help. Or, if it’s bad enough, I might go help Paige.”
Definitely did not want to tell Meg what happened. There would be no way in hell that she would help me then. “I’m good with rating it.”
“Ok, on a scale of eating the last of the ice cream or running over her dog, where are you?”
Well, watching two girls make out while I beat it probably wasn’t like eating the last of the ice cream. “Closer to the dead dog.”
“You didn’t kill her dog, did you?” Meg asked, shocked. She looked over the edge of the bed at Blue and then looked up at me, suddenly afr
aid I was going to hurt her dog.
“I didn’t kill anyone or anything. Jesus Christ” This conversation was going sideways fast. “I cheated on her but not really. I didn’t touch, OK?” That’s all she was going to get from me.
“You’re an ass!” Meg shouted as she threw a pillow at me.
“Babe,” King laughed. “You’re supposed to be helping him, not calling him names and throwing pillows at him.”
“But he cheated on Paige!”
“Babe, he cheated on Paige, not you. Bring it down a notch.”
Meg glared at King but didn’t say any more.
“I made a mistake, and I don’t know how to fucking fix it. I should have fixed it back then, but I was fucking stupid and blamed her for everything that happened.”
“You cheated! How the hell did you blame her for that?”
It was like I was talking to Paige right now. “I meant, I stupidly blamed her for something and cheated on her because well, I was stupid.”
“Stupid isn’t the right word,” Meg growled.
“You think you can calm your wife down before she tries to scratch my eyes out?” I asked King.
“You think you could manage to keep it in your pants while you’re trying to get Paige back?” Meg snapped.
“This is fucking pointless. I could have this same conversation with Paige over and over. I’m trying to avoid that.” I stood up, nodded to King and headed out of the room. I knew I had fucked up, but I was trying to fix it now.
“Wait,” Meg called. “I’ll help you, but only on one condition.”
“Oh, this ought to be good,” King chuckled.
“I’ll do whatever you want me to do as long as I get Paige back.”
“Now that’s the kind of attitude I like to hear.” Meg clasped her hands together and gave an evil chuckle. “I won’t make you pay up until you and Paige are back together. I’m trying to be fair. After all, when you think about it, getting Paige back with you will be way easier then what I’m going to have you do.”
“You just made a deal with the devil, brother. I would not want to be you right now,” King smirked.
Fighting Demon: Devil's Knights Series Page 4
