by Jae Vogel
Basically, I figured it would be the same as leading three dogs on a hunting expedition into the Outer Forests. The dogs hunt the game, and you basically run along to give them the company that they need to feel supported, and encouraged in the right direction. At that point, all you really have to worry about is not pissing off any Wilder Fae.
An imperfect analogy, but sleep will do that do you.
Chapter 7
When I woke up, I was all alone. The lights had been turned out, and I was tangled up beneath the sheets. The lucid dream hadn't been the only one I had the night before, but the other passed through my memory like water through a sieve. I tried to grab at a few of the last remaining images, but they were too slippery to keep a hold of.
I rolled off of my position on the couch, and then did a few stretches to wake up my body. To my pleasure, I still had every bit as much dexterity as I had when first arriving on this side of the portal. Looking down at my clothes, I realized that with a few more nights of wearing these things, or one aggressive burst of athleticism, I would probably be naked.
Time to shed these things and pick up something else.
I made a mental note.
I must have made some noise waking up because both Rosemary and Amethyst came down to greet me. Well, ‘greet’ is a bit of a strong word. Amethyst licked my toes, reminding me that I also needed to pick up some boots. I get the feeling that Rosemary came along just because she was keeping the friendlier dog company.
I gave Rosemary a bit of a glare, and scratched Amethyst between the ears. Rose wasn't putting up with shit though, and simply snorted and turned away from me. Then it was Erol's turn to come down the stairs.
"See, I told you that they'd both come around to you."
"They're good company. How was work last night?"
"Well, I got caught up on some problem. I keep running into the same wall, but it's all right. I've got to take a rest on that for now."
"Oh, really? Mind sharing why?"
"Not that I'd rather be doing something else, but I gotta pay the bills, just like everyone else. My line of work is a bit unusual, which means I have to take on clients when I get them."
"Do tell," I said, stretching my spine upward into the air.
I was probably flashing him both nipples at this point, but I didn't even care. Soon enough this entire relationship would be nothing more than a thing of the past. If he was attracted to me between now and then, that was his problem, not mine. In fact, it would probably only make my job easier.
"So, I guess I can get you some breakfast, and you'll be on your way..."
He popped my ego right out of the sky. I practically sagged to the ground for a moment, and then caught myself.
"You can feed me if you like, but I want to hear about this gig that you got."
He nodded, and I pushed forward through the layers of hesitation and space he was attempting to orchestrate between the two of us. I rolled my eyes, and lead the way upstairs while Erol and the two dogs followed.
Dude doesn't understand what he's up against...
"Kitchen is to the left."
"Got it. What's this job about?"
Turns out the weirdness didn't exactly stop with manic spurts of researching portal technology into the early hours of the morning. In addition to obsessive occult research, Erol was also a paranormal investigator, psychic, and certified exorcist. He shared his brief resume with me, and I practically spit out my orange juice laughing.
"Is something wrong?"
"No," I smiled. "It's just when you go at something, you dive in all the way. I mean you're basically trolling the bottom of the ocean of occultism. No shallow waters with you."
"Well, I don't like to half ass things, and I've found that I've got a natural talent for this sort of thing."
"Can I come?"
"What do you mean come?"
"Come with you. Come to see your client today."
"You don't even know what I'm going to be doing. I could be exorcising a demon from a saw mill for all you know."
My memory actually flashed back to the hell realms for a minute, and I thought about the tentacle creature that had dragged me beneath the surface of the tar sands. Then I thought about the Fae Revolution. The montage of prior experiences passed through my mind in a few moments, which allowed Erol to believe that I actually took him seriously.
"I can handle it," I said, taking another mouthful of cereal to my face, "but we need to stop somewhere first. These fucking clothes aren't going to put a very professional image on for your client."
"Professional?"
"Well, sure. I'm going to help you out."
I laughed. This whole thing was too much fun.
"I like you, Erol," I said, bringing my bowl to my lips and savoring the last sugary mouthful of breakfast. "I'm ready when you are."
Sometimes, you have to be a bit forceful with these types. I knew what I was doing, and the whole goal was to mix flattery and a bombardment of desire to share company with a lonely man. That's what gets them every time. Eventually, you end up getting on their nerves, but by that time, you've usually got them hooked. At least that's been my experience.
I got up and washed my glass and bowl out, indicating that while I was persistent and imposing. At least I wasn't a bad guest. Then, the two of us made our way out the front door.
"So, tell me about this job."
Erol had let me bully him straight into the car, where I promptly began interrogating him about his employment.
"This one is a long time client for me. She's a woman named Rita. Late sixties, and pretty well off. She is forever having problems with her extended family. They are always having minor disputes or needing to call on psychics for help. She used me once about five years ago, and ever since, when she needs someone who knows his way around the occult, she gives me a call."
He was a good driver, even though he tended toward being a bit scatterbrained. Each time the car approached a stop sign; he would meticulously slow to a stop, and then remain immobile for exactly three seconds. Following the pause, he would check all of his mirrors, look both ways, and then move forward through the intersection. In spite of his attention to detail, he didn't seem to have any trouble continuing to keep track of his own thoughts.
I was impressed.
"Anyways, the whole reason she gave me a call today is because her daughter lost an engagement ring, and she wants me to give her a hand in finding the damn thing."
"You find lost objects?"
"If I was high, I might be able to pull something like that off, but I can't just enter the astral realm and walk around at will. Besides that, I don't have enough time to deal with a full on trip today. No, in these sorts of situations, it is better to use my intuition and problem solving skills. Rita already trusts me, so she's more likely to share information than a new and more skeptical client."
"So you're basically a con artist."
The car came to an abrupt stop.
"What the fuck?"
"Stay here a minute."
"What did you just call me?"
"It's cool, just stay here a minute. Rita doesn't want to see my tits pop out of my shirt."
I left him fuming in the car for a couple of minutes.
He ended up stopping right in front of a laundromat, and I knew that this would be the easiest opportunity for me to change clothes. With a strut in my walk, I moved confidently into the building, and walked straight for the dryers. There was only one person in the building at the time, an older man about the fifty-five years of age. I smiled at him, and then opened up a drier that appeared to have women's clothes, and not too much time left on the timer.
The first try didn't produce what I was looking for, but by the third load I looked through I found a great dress that was just my size.
"Excuse me ma'am..."
I also found a leather jacket. No boots though.
"Ma'am..."
I let out a deep breath and did what
was asked of me in the moment. Dropping my pants to the floor first, and then pulling off my shirt, I turned around and addressed the man.
"Can I help you?"
Mind you, I didn't stop changing into the dress and jacket, but that only took a few moments, during which time the man turned obvious shades of red, and diverted his gaze to the side. I threw my clothes in the dryer and shut all three doors one after the other.
"Thanks!"
Erol was there waiting with an exasperated and skeptical look on his face. I opened the car door and then sat down once more.
"Drive."
"Did you just steal those clothes?"
"I traded them, now get a move on it."
The man from the laundromat had regained his composure and was now outside of the building trying to flag us down. Erol quickly realized that the man was waving his arms in our direction, and on impulse accelerated the car back into traffic.
"Christ, you called me a con artist and then you immediately go out and steal a whole wardrobe from some stranger at a laundromat."
"Traded, I told you. Besides, don't you think this jacket looks good on me?"
I swear I could see him start to grow more irritated by the moment. I was having a good time, but I didn't need to deal with getting him too upset. I decided it was time to lay off for a while.
"Also, don't worry about the problem with your client Rita, I'll help you out."
"Help?"
His tone was highly skeptical. In one word he made it very clear exactly how little he thought of me in that moment. I didn't mind personally.
You only really care about what other people think about you if you don't understand what you're capable of doing. If he didn't think I was capable, that was his problem. I knew how to take care of myself, and my silence communicated that clearly enough for my tastes.
"Look, when we get there, just stay in the car. All right, I'm starting to think that bringing you along was a total mistake. I'd drop you off somewhere now, but I'm almost late, and Rita tends to appreciate it when I'm on time."
"Wouldn't want to upset Rita..."
He laughed.
"You've never met her, she can be a very trying lady if she wants to be. I find it best to maintain a professional image in front of my clients. Goes a long way to insuring repeated business. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a Government Spy."
The line was delivered in a deadpan tone. I stared straight at him, begging him to make eye contact with me long enough to see that I was telling the truth. He blew me off, but in that half a second's hesitation, he also blew a stop sign, which I found hilarious.
"Ha! Damn. I thought you were serious for a moment. You have a really solid delivery."
"Thanks."
I rolled my eyes, and put my bare feet up on the dash. My dress rode up around my crotch and I stared out the window, not really giving a shit for the moment. My apathy lasted the rest of the drive. I was feeling moody. No way around it. I was tired of being incognito, and getting treated like shit by these humans. I took a sharp inhale, and then resolved to step up my game. I needed to come clean with Erol if I wanted him to help me out, but I needed to do it at the right moment. I had a feeling that this client of his was going to provide that opportunity.
That and I needed some more boots.
Chapter 8
"I'll be back in about an hour. If you're gone when I come back, it was nice to meet you. If you're still around, I'll drop you off wherever you need to go. Sound good?"
I didn't bother responding. I just got out of the car, and started walking up the long entryway to Rita's Mansion. Erol cursed behind me, and I let the soles of my feet get massaged by the cobblestone walkways. My posture was high, and I probably looked every part the gypsy mystic in my new outfit.
"Relax, Erol. Let's see what this lady has to say. I'll stay quiet while you figure things out, and if I can do anything to help, I'll pitch in."
"I'm just not sure if it's professional to bring another person to a house call..."
He was lying. I could tell, though I wasn't sure exactly why.
"Do you have a thing for this lady? A bit of a ‘special touch’ for the job?" I laughed to myself, imagining how lucky an older woman would be to have Erol as her ‘private psychic’, as long as she didn't have to deal with the guy 24/7.
He let out a sharp sigh, and tried to regain his composure.
I rang the doorbell, and then stood there like a boss.
"Don't worry about it, hun, everything's going to be fine. I don't care what you've got going on with Rita. None of my business."
"Great. Thanks."
We stood there together, awkwardly for a couple of minutes until a middle-aged woman answered the door. She was thin, and wore so much make up that her lipstick actually clung together in a visible paste at the corners of her mouth. Her outfit was saucy for an older woman, and my suspicious were immediately confirmed.
"Erol! So good to see you. I see you've brought a guest..."
"Rita, I'd like you to mee--"
"Aria. Hedge Witch and Cunning Linguist at your service." I immediately reached out to shake Rita's thinly gloved hand.
Erol cleared his throat and interrupted our introduction.
"Aria is here to observe today, Rita. Do you mind?"
"Charmed.. of course, I'm sure. You are here to learn a thing or to from Sir Erol?"
I grinned.
"Oh, I've learned a lot already."
"Well keep an eye out sister. He's sharp as a fox, if you know what I mean..."
She raised her eyebrows lewdly, and then proceeded to give Erol a gratuitous, full body hug.
Poor woman, I thought. She probably doesn't get much attention from anyone else. This is likely a surrogate relationship for her.
The humility in my own thought processes shocked me out of my arrogant rampage. I bowed slightly for ‘Sir Erol’, and let him lead the way inside of the house. The Good Lady Rita spent no time assailing Erol's ears with the latest drama from her family, up to and including some juicy details about her daughter's most recent affair, and the dreams she has been having about her pastor, not all of which have been exactly orthodox.
Erol listened as dutifully as any therapist.
I watched as he gave Rita his entire attention, waiting patiently for her to drop subtle hints about the true reason she had decided to call him today. The arrangement between the two was incredible to watch, really. She was using him as a container for every piece of psychic content that she was able to dish out over the course of the first forty minutes we were in the house. She literally did not stop talking once, and Erol was right there with her in attention the entire time.
When the crucial moment came, my attention snapped back into focus.
"So, what do you think?"
"Well, it seems to me like the real question here is not about where the engagement ring is located, but whether or not your daughter is satisfied in her love life."
"My dear... you do know how to cut to the heart of the matter..."
"Why don't you lay down for a while and I'll do a reading. We'll see what we can't find out?"
I smiled.
The man was a professional, you had to hand it to him.
* * *
I held my breath while watching how routine all of this was for the woman. Quite literally, the two of them were falling into what appeared to be just shy of a well rehearsed sexual routine.
First, Rita led him to the a long, luxurious , leather sofa. Then she lay down in front of him and held her hands out to either side. Knowing exactly what was expected of him, Erol moved along the side, and began a thorough massage of Rita's body.
The entire situation would have been funny, except for how serious everything was.
Erol paid absolute attention to the slightest knots and points of tension in Rita's body. During the entire experience, Rita let out low purring noises, while Erol would occasionally mutter something like, "Ah�
�" or, "Yep. Right there ... You feel that?"
Of course she would immediately reply with another encouraging groan, at which point they would start all over. This whole experience went on for literally an hour. I stuck around for most of the first part of the experience, but moved on to explore the house during the remainder of the massage.
Erol was doing his work, and he was right the first time, there was nothing for me to do insofar as help was concerned, at least not with this part of the experience.
"If he wants to play masseuse to that cougar I don't need to have anything to do with it."
The incredible thing about the whole massage session is that while Rita was down for the count, nobody else was home in the entire place.
If I had been a thief, I could have ransacked the place while Rita was purring downstairs in the lounge. The whole experience reminded me of the old plays that came into vogue ever since the new government had been instated back at the Capitol.
All of these plays featured charlatan mystics and cunning thieves who overthrew cruel dictators, usually by means of some apparatus of wit and good fortune.
Nothing was said in the plays about sacrifice and expertise; those did not sell tickets in quite the same numbers as the idea that the fates themselves had designated a moral victory over Xan.
I shook my head and caught myself.
Keep present, I reminded myself.
Too much of that line of thinking and I might work myself up into an anxiety attack. Price was too high.
I didn't see any particular need to inform anyone about my departure, so I chose to walk as carefully as possible up the long carpeted flight of stairs.
The second floor was composed of a series of libraries, and bedrooms. I could hear the sounds of the massage from downstairs continue, and I decided to take some initiative on behalf of Erol, and find that ring that the lady was so concerned about losing.
If I was a young sexy woman with a fair amount of money, I'm not sure that a ring would be on my highest list of priorities. Particularly if there was some amount of unwanted emotional attachment that came along with it.
