by Karen Osman
‘You’ve both done a great job,’ said Claire, feeling, for the first time, Linda needed some reassurance. ‘He’s a lovely little boy. Jamie talks about him all the time.’
‘Thanks – and likewise. It’s not easy is it, this parenting thing.’
‘No, it’s not and the worst thing is nobody warns you!’
‘Well, cheers to us,’ said Linda, raising her coffee cup in a mock toast.
‘Absolutely,’ joined Claire.
*
It was several hours later when Claire left Linda’s. Breakfast had turned into lunch and the two women had chatted pretty much non-stop. Claire usually disliked playdates. Women forced to make conversation when the only thing they had in common was their offspring.
But Linda seemed different. She was proud of her career ambition and yes, Claire could see that her new friend felt guilty occasionally but ultimately, Linda knew that being a working mum was the right decision for her. Unlike Claire, there was no doubt in Linda’s mind and Claire could see it sent a confident message to her son. It still amazed Claire just how much young children picked up in terms of their parents’ feelings. She knew Jamie could sense immediately if she was stressed or feeling impatient. She’d also seen him play up occasionally if he saw her going to work and he knew exactly how to manipulate her. It worked every time.
As she walked home hand in hand with Jamie, Claire vowed to be more confident in her decision to go back to work, both with her children and her family. Chris hadn’t stuck to his promise of trying to be home earlier or helping out a bit more. And while Lucy was there to do it all, she would have preferred if Chris had made more of an effort. It was important for the boys to have their father around more. If anything, he seemed to be working later and travelling even more since she went back to work. Probably because he knew Lucy was there, thought Claire.
As Jamie chatted beside her, she made a mental note to message Linda the details of the next night out she had planned with Julia and her friends, most of whom were from her university days. While many had moved away, there were still a few who lived in and around Manchester. Each month, there were anything between six and ten of them who went out for an evening of drinks in town. Occasionally, if the mood was high, a few of them might go out to a nightclub, but as the years had passed by, they were now more likely to go to a quiet wine bar where they could talk rather than a pub with live music like they used to.
Claire was glad that she’d kept up with them all. It was mainly Julia who had encouraged her to attend regularly, especially when the boys had been very small and all she’d wanted to do was curl up in bed. They were fun nights out and Claire looked forward to them. As Linda was new to the area and they’d got on so well, it felt right to invite her, and she’d even offered for Luke to sleepover and Chris would babysit so that Linda could have a lie-in the next day. Yes, as soon as she got home, she would send Linda a thank you message along with the details of the get-together the following week.
10
‘So, how’s Dad?’ asked Claire, desperate to change the subject. It was Sunday afternoon and Chris had taken the boys out to the park. She was supposed to be doing some work, but the phone had rung.
‘He’s fine, love, you know your father. But I have to say, he’s also very worried about this whole situation, Claire, as am I.’
Claire hoped her sigh wasn’t audible down the phone. They’d been at it for almost twenty minutes now and no amount of reassurance seemed to soothe her mother’s anxiety about her working on a rape case.
‘The fact that Chris told me shows just how worried he is about this, Claire.’
Chris told you?
Claire felt the anger surge through her. ‘We don’t want you to have another turn, that’s all,’ continued her mother.
Claire closed her eyes at her mother’s antiquated language. Another turn? It’s called a nervous breakdown, Mother!
‘I know, I know,’ pacified Claire, ‘but I promise you I’m barely involved in it.’
‘Well, that’s what Chris said,’ acknowledged her mother, ‘but you know he already thinks you’re overdoing it at the office.’
Damn Chris for dragging her mother into this.
‘Why? What else did he say?’ quizzed Claire.
‘Nothing, nothing, love, just that you’d had a few late nights, that’s all.’
‘And what about all his late nights?’ countered Claire, no longer able to restrain herself. She knew she sounded like a petulant child, but she didn’t care. Neither her mother nor Chris had truly supported her going back to her career full-time. Of course, they’d made all the right noises, said all the right things and so on, but deep down she knew what they really thought.
‘He’s just worried, that’s all. He didn’t mention any details of the case, just that it might bring back some difficult memories and he wanted me to be aware of it so I could support you if need be.’
More like give me a hard time about it.
‘How thoughtful of him,’ murmured Claire but the sarcasm was lost on her mother.
‘Is it worth arranging another appointment with… you know who?’
Oh for goodness’ sake!
‘You mean my therapist, Mum,’ replied Claire pointedly, willing her to say it.
‘Yes, yes,’ she replied hurriedly. ‘Anyway, will you make an appointment while this case is ongoing? It would put my mind at ease. And your father’s,’ she added after a fraction of a second.
Smart move bringing Dad into it.
‘It really isn’t necessary, Mum, but being as everyone is so concerned about me working on this case, I’ll make an appointment.’
‘Thank you, dear, I’ll sleep better for it.’
Well as long as you’re all right…
*
Claire heard the front door slam. Chris, Jamie and Joshua were back. She’d been seething since she’d got off the phone from her mother and not even her work could distract her.
‘Hi!’ greeted Claire as she watched them troop into the living room. ‘Joshua, can you take Jamie to wash his hands?’
‘Nooooo,’ cried Jamie immediately.
‘Come on, little man, you’re filthy!’ said Joshua. He chased Jamie up the stairs making it into a game.
‘Chris! What the hell have you been saying to my mother!’ hissed Claire once the boys were out of earshot.
‘Nothing!’ he quickly responded. He looked at her, eyes wide, innocent, and for a moment he reminded her of Jamie when he’d snuck a chocolate biscuit.
‘Really? Because she’s been on the phone to me and because of your concern is now wanting me to see Dr Kingston again. So, thanks for that.’
‘She called me to see how Lucy was getting on,’ admitted Chris. ‘I may have mentioned this case you’re working on.’ The fact that he had the decency to look somewhat ashamed mollified Claire’s anger. But then he turned. ‘Can you blame me, though? I can’t believe you’re not taking this seriously, Claire. It’s going to trigger some horrible memories and what happens if you have another breakdown? Then what?’
He was pacing, his agitation visible.
‘Shush! I don’t want the boys to hear!’
‘Why did you take the case on, then?’ His voice was lowered but hardened. ‘Isn’t it enough that we have to deal with you going back to work?’
Finally – we get to the real problem.
‘What do you mean, we have to deal with it,’ retorted Claire. ‘You don’t have to deal with anything! As usual, it’s all me – I’m the one who now works full-time and deals with everything at home!’
‘You’re joking!’ Chris laughed, sarcastically. ‘Lucy does everything!’
‘Who do you think tells Lucy what to do?’ Claire’s voice was escalating now but she didn’t care. She was fed up of being the one to think of everything. To do everything. During the weekends when Lucy was off, who was the one cleaning and washing? She was. Of course, Chris would never think to clean up after himself. Ch
ris was happy for her to go back to work just as long as it fit in with his life. Well, she was tired of fitting in. They stared at each other, both shocked at Claire’s raised voice and for moment, amongst her anger, she felt a pinprick of anxiety. But then she didn’t care any more.
‘Your meal – which I’ve made for you – is in the oven – you can serve yourself and the boys. I’m going for a lie-down.’ She turned on her heels and marched upstairs and only when she was alone in the bedroom with the door firmly closed did she let the tears flow.
*
Claire woke an hour later, disorientated. It was only when she felt Chris’s lips on her forehead that she remembered their argument. In the dim evening light, she saw her husband’s outline. He sat down on the bed and she inched her body back slightly to make room for him.
‘I’m sorry, I’m an idiot,’ he started. ‘I shouldn’t have told your mother. She called me, I was in the middle of something, I wasn’t thinking…’ He trailed off.
Claire pulled herself up. Chris handed her the cup.
‘Here, I made you some tea,’ he said needlessly.
‘Thanks,’ murmured Claire, forcing herself awake.
‘Do you forgive me?’ said Chris and for the second time she was reminded of a little boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Sipping her tea, she didn’t reply straight away. She looked at Chris and saw, like always, that he believed he simply had to apologise, and everything would be forgotten. Things would just go back to the way they were. Claire knew that if they were going to work as a family, Chris needed to support her career now as much as she’d supported his.
‘Will you help me a bit more in going back to work?’ she asked now.
‘I do—’
‘Don’t just pay it lip service,’ she interrupted. ‘But really support me – like no more complaining if I’m late. Like working together to look after the boys. You can’t just be a weekend parent any more, Chris.’
‘I know, I know. I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. It’s just taking me a while to get used to it. Lucy’s great and everything but…’
‘But what?’ asked Claire.
‘Well, I like to come home and see you, not Lucy,’ he replied.
Claire felt herself thawing. ‘I know,’ she said, softly. ‘But it won’t be late nights forever – just while I get my feet back under the table, okay?’
‘Okay,’ agreed Chris. ‘But will you please consider dropping this rape case? I’m really worried about it, you know. I just don’t want you to have another breakdown like last time.’
‘I know, and I appreciate that. But I’ve agreed to it now. My involvement is so minimal though, so you really don’t need to worry.’
‘You sure?’
‘I’m sure,’ replied Claire.
Chris nodded and took the cup from her. He put his arms around her and her body responded, relieved that they’d sorted things out. He released her and lay down next to her on the bed, intertwining his fingers in hers.
‘Where are the boys?’ she asked.
‘Downstairs watching TV.’
‘I thought the house seemed quiet. Did you have a nice time?’
‘Yes, we did. We had a right laugh. It’s great to see Joshua back to his normal self again…’
Claire thought back to the period last year, which she now referred to as Joshua’s going off the rails phase.
‘Yeah me too – I wouldn’t want to go through that again,’ said Claire. ‘I’m still trying to keep a close eye on him though, as is Lucy, especially with his A levels coming up.’
‘Yeah, good idea,’ said Chris. ‘I guess it’s going to be quite a stressful year for him.’
‘What time is it? Why don’t we all go to the cinema tonight,’ suggested Claire, ‘instead of our usual film night at home? Next Saturday, remember I’ll be out with the girls so I won’t be able to do join you then. And don’t forget Luke is doing a sleepover that night as well.’
‘Luke?’ asked Chris.
‘Yes, remember? I told you about him. Jamie’s friend at school. His mum is Linda, also a working mum so I asked her to join us for our girls’ night out. Her husband works away a lot so I told her she could drop Luke off at our house and sleep over, so she doesn’t need to get a babysitter and she can have a bit of a lie-in the morning after.’
‘Okay, no problem,’ said Chris. ‘It’ll keep Jamie occupied for a bit anyway.’
‘So, shall I check the film timings for tonight?’ asked Claire getting out of bed.
‘Hey, where are you going?’ replied Chris, reaching for her.
‘I think I’ve spent enough time in bed today!’
‘Never! It’s too late for the cinema now anyway. The boys are already watching a film downstairs, which means…’ said Chris and as he pulled her towards him, Claire sank into his arms, their lips meeting, their argument forgotten.
11
‘Your eleven o’clock is here, Claire,’ announced Elaine down the phone.
Claire checked her watch. Fifteen minutes early.
‘Thanks, Elaine – can you let Greg and Chloe know? And show Rose through to the meeting room at eleven.’
‘Will do.’
Claire had been reading a message from Linda, which she’d sent the day before about their night out the previous Saturday.
Thanks so much for inviting me! It’s great having a social life again &cepha_unknown_entity_wingdings_F04A; It was nice to meet your husband, albeit briefly, and please tell Joshua thank you for babysitting!
Unfortunately, Claire hadn’t enjoyed the night out as much as Linda because at the last minute, Chris had roped Joshua into babysitting for the two boys while Chris went out. Claire had tried to tell herself it wasn’t a big deal and she knew rationally that it wasn’t. It was just the fact that Chris had committed to doing something and then done a U-turn so he could meet his colleague Andy for a drink.
‘He’s going through a rough time, Claire, and I said I’d meet up with him for swift pint,’ Chris had explained. ‘Joshua will keep an eye over everything for a few hours, won’t you, mate?’
Claire had then had to tell Linda about the change in plan, that it would be Joshua not Chris looking after the boys. Linda had been fine with it but still. She’d had to let it pass, but later that evening as she’d stood in the wine bar with Linda and Julia and the rest of her friends, she’d felt irritated.
Turning her attention back to her upcoming meeting, Claire picked up the Rose Aiker file. She’d reread it earlier that morning when she’d come into the office. Chris, true to his word, had agreed to drop Jamie off at school three mornings a week, which meant she could get into the office earlier on those days. Despite not being a morning person, she liked to get a head start on the day. Waking up was tough, but once she was out of bed and in the shower, it was all downhill from there.
There was something so secretly satisfying about being the only one in the office. The quiet – if you took a moment to appreciate it – was bliss and she liked to pick up a coffee from the local deli downstairs on her way up. Yes, she could make one in the office, but she liked a little reward for getting in so early. Take-away coffee in hand, she’d finished reading the updated Aiker file at her desk first thing and somehow the professional environment of her office had helped Claire focus on the job at hand rather than her memories.
Besides, it was years ago and Paul is long gone.
She felt confident and in control. At such moments, Claire could believe that her past hadn’t actually happened, that it had affected someone else or it was a story she’d read in the newspaper. In fact, months could go by and she wouldn’t even think about him. But occasionally something would remind her – usually something small, like seeing a group of high-school boys walking home or something on TV – and she’d be back there, in that musty drama room, him on top of her. As she pulled the file towards her ready to go to the meeting room, a page fell out and she picked it up. She glanced over it again, like a child
picking a scab.
Section 5, transcript 2 of case file TD / 08 / 67 / 3876
‘Can you tell me what the other man did, Rose?’
‘I’m not sure…’
‘I know it must be difficult. But anything you can share now can help us find these men and stop them doing it to anyone else. Can you help us, Rose?’
‘Okay, I’ll try.’
‘Well done, Rose, you’re doing really well. Take a deep breath first…’
[Muffled crying]
‘It was still darkish although I remember there was a torch – I think it was a torch from a phone and it was shining on me.’
‘On you?’
‘Yes, on my face. And after… after the man… then on my body.’
‘What happened after the first man, Rose? Can you tell me?’
‘His mate came and lay on top of me then. He was heavier than the first one and he’d removed his cap.’
‘Did you manage to see his face? Do you think you could identify him?’
‘Yes.’
‘Did he rape you, Rose?’
‘Yes.’ [Victim is crying.]
‘What happened after that?’
‘Then I heard…’ [Victim is still crying.]
‘It’s okay, Rose, take your time, you’re doing really well.’
‘I heard one of them say, “How much time do we have? We should go.” And then someone else replied, “Don’t be stupid, we just got here.” I think one of them lit a cigarette then – I could smell smoke. I was still lying on the floor and I tried to sit up but one of them told me not to move. I felt sick and dizzy, so I lay back down. I don’t know how long I lay there, maybe half an hour. During that time, they didn’t talk very much, just sort of stood around. Maybe one of them went out for a bit. I heard the door open and close. But then one of them said, “Right, I’m going again.”’
‘And what did you do?’
‘I prayed.’
*
Rose Aiker was standing at the window, stock still, looking at the view when Claire saw her through the glass door of the meeting room. Manchester was not at its best. The late October sky threatened rain and the grimy buildings of the city were a dirty red against the grey clouds. Before pushing the door open, Claire took a moment to scrutinise Rose’s profile. It had been almost a month since Claire had met her for the first time and again Claire was struck by the nineteen-year-old beauty. Long almost-black hair hung around her shoulders, but it was her face that enticed a second look with beautiful blue eyes, high cheekbones, and a generous mouth. Curvaceous and dark, she was pretty. Very pretty.
