by Karen Osman
Chris and Claire had hired the best solicitor Claire knew, Gerald Livingstone. Watching Joshua being arrested had been the worst moment of her life. He’d been held in custody and she’d been waiting at the station the whole time, letting Livingstone do his job. Joshua, who had always been her perfect child, her golden boy, was being held in a stark grey room and being interviewed by the police. He had always looked older than he was but his immaturity was present for any fool to see. It was so blatant; Claire couldn’t understand why the police had even bothered to interview him. Anybody could see that he hadn’t raped anyone. He wouldn’t even know how to!
Would he?
The first interview seemed to go on forever, and Claire knew the same questions would be asked over and over again. How did you meet Rose? How did you know Rose? How long had you known her before you agreed to go back to the party with her? How did you get to the party? Did you travel together? What time did you leave the party? Did you take drugs? What drugs? How much did you take?
Claire was taken aback when she found out Joshua had admitted to having taken drugs that night. Chris and Claire had always talked openly about drugs to Joshua – they both knew they were absolutely rife in Manchester and had agreed to get ahead of it rather than pretend they didn’t exist. Joshua had always said he’d had no interest. They knew he drank a little at parties because he told them openly that he did. At that time, Claire remembered feeling proud that they had such an honest and communicative relationship with their son. Joshua had even told them of the night he’d gone too far and was so hungover the next day he vowed never to drink that much again.
So, what the hell had gone wrong that Joshua had gone to a party with a strange girl and taken coke? Joshua was all set to take his A levels and go on to one of the best universities in the country. Why was this happening? It just didn’t make sense. She’d read every parenting book so how had she got it so wrong?
The night Joshua was kept in custody overnight, Claire couldn’t sleep at all, wondering about him in the dank cell. She must have drifted off eventually because when she woke up, it took her a few minutes to realise her new reality: her son was in jail being prosecuted for rape.
They eventually released him on bail. Livingstone communicated everything. He called her or Chris regularly, keeping them updated – witnesses, people at the party, their testimonies. It all started to blur and Claire having previously known the case inside out only seemed to have enough mental energy to focus on her son. But Claire felt reassured by Livingstone – he was calm and capable, exactly what Claire needed. And there were some words of his that she hung on to the most: there was no forensic evidence, it was all circumstantial. But still, Claire knew, whatever the outcome, her son’s life would never be the same again.
45
‘One of the floppy-haired guys was pretty pissed off when he saw Rose dancing with Lee. He started shouting at Rose. The music in the party was loud that I couldn’t really hear what he said. Give Lee credit, he didn’t seem to take it personally and didn’t retaliate. The other guy though was getting pretty heated until his mates pulled him away towards the kitchen. Posh knob.
‘Rose seemed to like the attention though. She carried on dancing with Lee and then another random girl started dancing with Rose and that seemed to be the end of it. I stayed around for another twenty minutes and assumed posh knob and his mates had fucked off back to wherever they came from and decided to go home as well. I told Rose I was leaving and she gave me a hug and carried on dancing.
‘My flat was only a two minute-walk away so I went home and went to bed. But I couldn’t sleep because I was too wired and I felt like I should have made sure Rose got home safely. I knew she was with Lee and that, but still. So, I got up and went back to the party. This was about an hour later, maybe four in the morning.
‘And that’s when I saw him. He was coming down the stairs. I saw his boating shoes first and then I saw him tucking his shirt in as if he’d been for a piss, and laughing with two guys I didn’t recognise. I went up to him and asked him where Rose was. He seemed surprised to see me. He told me Rose had gone home ages ago and I believed him. It’s only when Rose told me what had really happened a few months later…’
June 2018
46
Whether it was because she’d managed to get a few hours’ sleep or because she could no longer tolerate being at home, Claire had got up, got dressed and gone into Manchester one morning in early June. It had been the right thing to do. She lost herself for a few hours in the streets of the city, window-shopping, stopping to look at the street performers, and occasionally people-watching.
She had messaged Julia to let her know she was in town if she wanted to meet for a coffee and surprisingly Julia had messaged back to meet at two o’clock. As soon as Julia saw Claire, Julia wrapped her in her arms as if she was a child. It briefly occurred to her that it should be Chris holding her, but Claire had stood silently, clinging to Julia, surrendering herself to the comfort. It was all Claire had needed to feel that everything would be all right, and she had to hold back the tears.
And she’d felt better then – better than she had in weeks, in fact. Just because Joshua knew the main perpetrator. Just because he’d been caught with a picture of a naked girl on his phone. Just because he knew Rose. None of these things meant he was a rapist and despite all the connections, Claire knew it was all just a misunderstanding. And over cappuccinos and skinny lattes, Julia had smiled and reassured her. It was only towards the end of their conversation when they were both getting ready to leave, that Julia said what she did.
‘You know, Claire,’ she said, picking up her handbag and walking towards the door, ‘with everything that’s going on with your family, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to think about taking a more permanent break from work.’
‘Permanent break? What do you mean?’ replied Claire walking through the doorway as Julia held it open for her. The café was noisy and Claire wondered if she had misheard.
‘Well, you know,’ said Julia as they started walking together, ‘it’s been a difficult time for you and I suspect it’s only going to get more difficult as the trial starts. Perhaps it’s time to think about selling your share in the firm and taking some proper time off.’
Claire had slowed then and stared at Julia, trying to understand. And then it hit her – of course, Julia’s meeting with the board members. Hadn’t she said something about meeting them? But this?
‘And who would I sell to?’ asked Claire icily as they drew up outside the main entrance of Stephens & Carmichael.
‘Well, I know a number of people who would be interested, and there’s always me.’ Julia smiled as if she was recommending a restaurant and not suggesting that Claire give up the one thing that would keep her from going completely insane.
‘But I built this company,’ protested Claire. ‘I know I took a bit of a break with the kids but—’
‘Of course, I know that,’ placated Julia. ‘That’s why I’m suggesting you let me buy you out – because you would be irreplaceable. Just think about it, okay? Because once the trial starts, well… it’s going to be tough on you, Claire…’
Claire looked up at the offices and tried to gather her thoughts.
‘Listen,’ said Julia. ‘It’s just a suggestion, okay? Just have a think about it.’ Julia leaned in to give Claire a hug. ‘It’s been so nice seeing you – you’re doing so well.’
Claire returned the embrace automatically, and as she watched Julia walk into their building, the only evidence of the conversation was her friend’s perfume lingering in the air. And it was then Claire understood. Julia didn’t want to be associated with the mother of an accused rapist.
*
‘Where are you going?’ Claire asked Chris as she saw him packing. He’d done a long day in the office only arriving home that evening at half past eight. She was looking forward to spending an evening with him and she hoped they could talk. But since everything with Jo
shua, he’d been elusive when he was at home, which was infrequently. He’d said the trip to the US would be the last for a while, yet here he was packing again.
‘Germany – there’s a problem with the developers and I need to get over there to sort it out.’
‘You? Why?’
‘Because otherwise they’re not going to deliver on time and I’ve promised the US they can have it within a month. Now the bloody developer is saying it’s going to take two months.’ He threw his toilet bag into the suitcase and snapped it shut. ‘I need to get over there and find out what the hell they’re doing.’
‘Isn’t there someone else who can go? I mean, someone with more knowledge of the technology?’ It had been the wrong thing to say and she swiftly corrected herself. ‘I mean, your strength is sales…’
‘You don’t get it do you, Claire? If I don’t deliver this product on time, there will be no sale.’
‘Okay,’ replied Claire, slowly. ‘What time is your flight tomorrow?’
‘I’m leaving in the early hours. There’s a six thirty a.m. to Frankfurt.’
‘What?’
‘The sooner I get there, the sooner, I can start work.’
‘But surely there’s a later flight that means you could get a good night’s sleep first,’ protested Claire.
‘I can’t sleep with all this developer crap going around in my head. And being here…’
‘Being here what?’ replied Claire, dangerously.
‘Well, it’s hardly a relaxing environment to come home to is it, with all this stuff with Joshua going on.’
‘All this stuff? Chris – this is your son!’ exclaimed Claire. ‘We need to talk about it – not have you dash off again.’
‘I’m sorry – I can’t deal with this now. I’ve talked to Joshua. He’s knows I’m there for him but now it’s up to the lawyers.’
Claire watched in disbelief as he picked up his suitcase and walked out of the bedroom.
‘Chris!’ she shouted, not caring if she woke Jamie. ‘Where are you going?’
He ignored her and carried on walking onto the landing. He was halfway down the stairs when she felt a murderous rage rise up in her and she ran after him.
‘You can’t just up and leave like this!’ Her face was contorted but her eyes were dry. She was fed up of handling everything by herself and his selfishness scored through her like a deep paper cut.
He looked back at her then, his eyes blazing. ‘Watch me,’ he replied, and he turned away from her and continued down the stairs. He was on the penultimate step when Claire pushed him hard and she watched as he flew forward, headfirst. He’d let go of the holdall to put his hands out to break his fall, the bag coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs with a thud.
He sat up, stunned, his expression of disbelief mirroring hers, and she waited in fear for his reaction. But none came and as he got to his feet, picked up the bag, and left the house without a word, she let out a scream of frustration.
*
She’d called Chris’s mobile phone for most of the night until the early hours when his phone had been switched off and she assumed he was in the air. She’d gone over the scene a thousand times and with every replay, it paused on Chris’s final glance as he left the house. His eyes had told her then, more clearly than words ever could, and she’d felt the disgust and pity radiate from them, piercing their marriage. Eventually, she’d gone to bed, slipping into a troubled sleep.
She’d woken the next morning, dragging herself out of bed, grateful for the arrival of a new day. Yes, things had got out of control, but they couldn’t let things get so bad between them, especially now, when they needed to present a united front for the sake of their son. Claire thought of Joshua. For the most part, he seemed to be doing okay and Claire was in two minds whether that was a good thing or not. On the one hand, it indicated that he was innocent and felt he had nothing to hide. On the other, it might mean that he simply didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation.
The trial would start next month and Claire felt a quiver of fear run through her. Frankfurt was one hour ahead; she would keep trying Chris until he answered. He had to pick up at some point; last night he’d been angry and rightly so. Today, they would both be calmer and she would apologise and they would sort this out.
*
Claire had tried to keep busy, but she was struggling to concentrate. She called Chris’s mobile every hour, on the hour, but it had simply rung out. Clearly, he still wasn’t ready to talk. She willed herself to be patient. Eventually, she’d sent him a message telling him how sorry she was and to call her when he felt ready. She was satisfied that she’d done everything she could, but by lunchtime, she knew she needed to get out of the house.
She drove into Manchester, parked the car and wandered the city centre before stopping to get a coffee. As she waited for her order, she rubbed her eyes distractedly, the tiredness threatening to swallow her whole. When she opened them again, she was surprised to see Linda walking into the cafe. She hadn’t seen Linda since their night out; in fact Claire hadn’t been out at all since then, although she knew that Lucy and Luke’s nanny often arranged playdates, so the boys could get together. Linda stood in the queue for a few minutes before she noticed Claire and waved.
‘Hi! What a coincidence! I was just thinking about you!’ greeted Linda.
‘Hi, how are you? You look fantastic!’ Claire took in her slim figure and tailored suit. It fit perfectly, accentuating her slim waist and long legs.
‘Thanks! Yes, I’ve been running a few times a week and it’s been great! How’s everything with you?’
Claire tried not to notice that Linda didn’t return the compliment. She didn’t blame her. She wondered if Linda would ask why she was in jeans and a T-shirt on a weekday.
‘I’m good. You know, busy…’ Claire trailed off and Linda threw her a look of sympathy.
‘Full on with the boys and work?’ guessed Linda.
If only you knew. ‘Yep – it never stops!’ lied Claire.
‘Time for a chat?’ asked Linda, indicating a free table.
‘Why not?’ agreed Claire.
‘Great – give me a minute – I’ll just get my coffee and join you.’
As Claire walked to the table, she saw Linda take out her phone and type a message before ordering. Claire sank down into the chair and closed her eyes, grateful for a minute to breathe. She opened them as soon as she heard the chair opposite her move and smiled at Linda as she sat down.
‘So, how are things?’ asked Linda, removing the lid from her coffee. As the two of them chatted, Claire felt herself slip into the role of the woman Linda knew before: a working mum whose only challenges ranged from getting home on time to what to put into a lunch box. Nowhere in the conversation did she mention her argument with Chris or the worry about her son being named as part of an investigation. And by the end of the twenty minutes, Claire almost believed it herself, but then Linda brought up Chris.
Linda had been talking about bumping into him outside his office. It wasn’t a huge surprise, Chris worked in the Trident Square building, which was round the corner from Linda’s office, a fact Linda had shared when she’d first gone round to her house for breakfast. It was one of those coincidences that pleased both women, keen to have something in common. As Linda talked, Claire assumed Linda was referring to bumping into him a few weeks ago. It was only when she discovered that it had been that morning that Claire queried her.
‘This morning? You sure?’ asked Claire.
‘Yes, just as I was walking into the office. I waved but I don’t think he saw me to be honest. He seemed busy on his phone.’ Linda shrugged, the matter clearly of little interest to her.
‘You must have been mistaken, Chris is in Germany – he flew last night.’
‘Oh probably,’ replied Linda a little too quickly. ‘I was rushing – just like I usually am!’ But her laughter was forced and after Linda had made her excuses to get back to the off
ice and Claire had said her goodbyes, Claire continued to sit in the coffee shop watching Linda’s retreating back until it could no longer be seen.
*
Claire didn’t know how she’d made it through the rest of the afternoon. She’d eventually received a message from Chris saying he’d landed safely, and he’d been busy with work and they’d talk when he got back. Ordinarily she would have been relieved but now she didn’t know what to think. Had it been a mistake on Linda’s part? Claire tried to reassure herself that it was – there were thousands of people in central Manchester. So why then, did she feel so uneasy?
With extreme effort, she’d managed to lose herself in the city for another hour and it was almost five when Claire decided to simply give up and go home. She knew she needed to sleep because her eyes were starting to blur on the drive home. She would try Chris again tonight.
July 2018
47
Claire looked at the man she had known for over twenty years. The mere sight of him caused a reaction in her so physical she had to swallow down the bile. He’d eventually confessed to what she’d suspected for a while – he was having an affair. The trial had started a couple of days before and it was the evening before Joshua’s appearance in court and although she didn’t know it at the time, she would look back on this night as an omen. She was never meant to find out that night – Chris was going to tell her about it after the trial was over and everything with Joshua was sorted.
