He nodded, and without another word, I got dressed, locked up, and walked out to my car with Dev following behind me. All thoughts of talking about our future were in the back of my mind. I didn’t want anything to bring me down from the high he’d put me in. All that mattered tonight was losing myself in Dev and our undeniable connection. We could figure out how he was going to fit in Mara’s life and mine in the morning.
Chapter 13
When the sun began to filter through the blinds in my room alerting me of the hour, I groaned. Every muscle in my body ached, including my head. I’d had too much tequila last night, and I’d lost count of how many times Dev and I had had sex. The soreness between my thighs was a constant reminder, throbbing every time I moved. I still wasn’t sure what had come over me, but as I snuggled under the covers of my bed, memories of the shower, couch, and wall infiltrated my hung-over head.
“Don’t do that unless you plan to take care of it,” Dev’s sleepy voice rasped from behind me when I pressed into him.
“No,” I grumbled. “No more. I think you broke me.”
He chuckled as his arms wrapped around my middle and tugged me closer. “You weren’t complaining last night,” he nuzzled my neck and nipped my ear. “In fact,” he paused, “you were begging for more.”
“Minor lapse in judgment,” I muttered as I pressed my hips back.
“Stop!” he hissed as he gripped my hip and held me in place. “I wasn’t kidding.”
“I have to get up,” I sighed. “My mom will be bringing Mara home soon, and I don’t want to still be in bed when that happens.”
“Sam?” he tugged on my shoulder so I’d roll over to face him. “I meant what I said last night. I wanna be part of her life.”
“I know,” I mumbled. “I know you meant it, and I know you want to be a good dad, but…” I looked away.
“But what?” His forehead wrinkled, and I saw slight panic appear in his eyes. “I have a right to see her. You can’t keep me away.”
“It’s gonna take time. She doesn’t know you. She’s only three. It’s gonna be hard for her to understand,” I leaned in and brushed my lips lightly across his. “We’ll get there, but you have to trust me.”
“I do,” he murmured against my mouth.
If I’d been paying attention to my surroundings, I would have heard the door open, but Dev had a bad habit of distracting me. Whenever he was around, it seemed that nothing else registered in my realm. Little things that normally came naturally required work, and thinking became a chore.
“Mommy!” Mara squealed as the door to my bedroom flew open. Dev and I jumped apart like two teenagers caught by their parents. My mother laughed silently from the hallway as she stared at us.
“See you kids later,” she called in an amused voice as she turned and left. She’d bolted so fast you would have thought she’d walked in on us actually doing it.
“Mara, honey, what are you doing?” I stammered as I watched her climb up on the bed. She bounced on her knees a few times, her little arms shrugging. Her eyes darted from me to Dev and back again before she began to crawl toward me.
“Why are you naked, Mommy?” She scrunched her little nose as she moved closer. “Are all your PJs dirty?”
I tugged the sheet up higher and wrapped it as close as I could get it. I was trapped along with Dev, and Mara didn’t seem to want to leave us. Her questions were causing me to turn a bright red, and Dev just laughed silently. His shoulders were shaking harder and harder as he watched me flounder.
“I just woke up, baby. Can you go watch cartoons for a minute so I can get dressed?”
“Why’s your friend here? Did you have a sleepover?” her little finger pointed at Dev, and then me. “You should wear PJs. What happened to your clothes?”
“Mara?” I rubbed her head with one hand as I tightened my grip on the sheet with the other. “You know how, at the old house, you had to knock before you came in my room?”
Her brow furrowed more as she continued to stare at Dev. “Yeah,” she slowly nodded. “Daddy was there.”
“Well, you gotta do that here, too,” I hoped she was catching on, but based on her expression I’d only made it worse.
“But Daddy isn’t here,” she scratched her head, and I felt Dev stiffen beside me.
“Hey Mara,” Dev caught her attention at just the right time. “You wanna go to the zoo today? I’ve got the day off. Maybe your mom and I can take ya.”
“Really?” she bounced on her knees squashing all thoughts of Andy.
“Go watch some cartoons so we can get ready,” he pointed to the bedroom door as Mara leaped from the bed and scurried out, slamming the door behind her.
As soon as the door closed, Dev threw back the sheet and swung his legs over the side of the bed. I sat there stunned by the whole turn in events, and just watched him. I was waiting for the anger and betrayal that I knew he was feeling to be unleashed, but it never came.
His bare back faced me as he tugged on his boxers and jeans. The strong dominating man that I’d spent the night with was gone, and as his shoulders dropped in defeat, I saw what my deception was truly doing to him.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “She doesn’t know.”
“You have to tell her,” he begged as he stood to face me. “I can’t keep ignoring the fact that she’s mine and she calls him Dad”.
“I will. I promise,” I wiped at my eyes as I felt them tear up. “Thank you,” I glanced down at my lap, “for today. She loves the zoo.”
“It’s nothing. I loved it, too.” He grabbed his T-shirt, slipped it on, and walked over to the bedroom door. “I’m gonna go home and get cleaned up. I’ll be back in an hour, and we’ll go, ok?”
“Sure,” I murmured as I looked away. Watching him like this was killing me. Dev was going to be a great father.
“See ya later,” he nodded before disappearing out into the living room.
I heard muffled voices coming through the door, but I couldn’t understand what was being said. I figured he was giving Mara the same speech he’d given me. I’m sure she wondered why he was leaving, and when he’d come back. I only hoped that when I told her about him, he’d be around more.
ooooooooo
After buckling Mara into her car seat, Dev slipped into the driver’s seat. He knew the roads better than I did, and my brain was too busy thinking about how to tell my daughter the man with us today was her father. Different scenarios had been running through my head all morning. Would she hate me when she knew the truth? I thought about the anger I’d felt for my father every time we’d moved when I was a child. I didn’t realize then that it was for my safety and that he loved me more than anything in the world. That understanding didn’t come into play until I became a parent myself. I wished my dad was here so I could tell him that I loved him and understood why he did what he did.
“What are you thinking about?” Dev glanced at me as he reached over and squeezed my knee.
“My parents, Mara, you…” I whispered. “How I’m gonna tell her.”
He slowly nodded as he squeezed once again, “I’ll help you; you know that, right? We can tell her together.”
“Ok,” I murmured as I turned my head to gaze out the window.
“Are we there yet?” Mara called from the backseat.
“Yep,” Dev grinned as he turned into the parking lot.
In the distance, you could see two large stone elephants rearing up on their hind legs creating an arch. A giant sign with red lettering connected their trunks identifying the entrance to the zoo.
“Ooooh!” Mara gasped in wonder. We’d been to the zoo in Vegas, but never here. My mom had promised a trip a while back, but was never able to follow through. “It’s so cool,” she smiled as she started fidgeting in her car seat. “Let me out!”
“Hang on,” I laughed as I watched her. I silently wished that there were still things in this world that amazed me the way they did her.
After parking nea
r the entrance, Dev opened Mara’s door and helped her out while I went around the front. We’d packed a lunch, but left it in the trunk while we explored. Dev had mentioned going back to the park later to eat. Mara had enjoyed it there, and he’d hoped that we could talk. I’d blanched at the idea, but it had gone unnoticed by my spunky daughter.
“Hurry up!” Mara reached for Dev’s hand and tugged him after her as she began to skip toward the ticket booth.
“Three please,” Dev removed his wallet from his back pocket and shoved a fifty toward the guy working the booth.
“You don’t have to pay for us,” I stumbled over my words as I began digging through my purse. “I can get ours.”
Dev turned and his soft expression morphed into a stern one, “I take care of what’s mine, Samantha.”
My eyes widened as Mara giggled beside him, “Nobody calls Mommy that, except Grandma.”
“Oh really?” An amused Dev chuckled as he led Mara to the entrance.
“Yeah. When Grandma’s mad at her, she calls her that. Are you mad at her?” Mara peered up at him waiting for an answer.
I watched Dev stare at her like he’d didn’t understand her question. He looked back where I was following him, and I smirked. I knew he didn’t know how to respond to her question, and I wanted to watch him flounder for a bit. It served him right trying to put me in my place like that.
“Yeah, Dev,” I grinned as I sidled up beside him, “am I in trouble?”
His nostrils flared and his voice lowered to a deep rasp. “Don’t test me,” he warned. “Just because she’s here doesn’t mean you’re safe.”
I shivered and tugged my coat tighter around my body. I didn’t want to be effected by him, but I was. I don’t know why. I had my daughter with me. I was supposed to be a mom today, not some schoolgirl out with her crush. I needed to get a grip on myself before things got out of hand.
“I’ll take care of that later,” he leaned in and pecked my cheek.
“Ewww, gross!” Mara made a gagging sound from beside us causing Dev to chuckle.
“She doesn’t miss anything, does she?” he leaned in next to me.
“Nope,” I giggled as I leaned into his side.
Today was going to be fun. I’d dreamed of days like this for so long. I’d had them with Andy, and thought they were magical, but nothing compares to having the one you always pictured actually be there. Andy had filled the role that was always supposed to be Dev’s. Being here like this had finally lifted the fog that had settled. Dev brought clarity, happiness, and most of all, love. I only hoped that Mara would fall for him as quickly as I had.
Chapter 14
We spent most of the afternoon walking around the outdoor exhibits, but as the air cooled and brought gray clouds with it, we moved indoors. The zoo was open year round, and because of the lovely winters that Chicago had, there were quite a few buildings with indoor exhibits. The monkeys were Mara’s favorite, and Dev and I couldn’t stop laughing as we watched her stand at the glass and mock them. She’d giggle whenever one would get close.
When we’d had our fill, Dev suggested we eat the dinner that we’d packed. It was getting late, and Mara had begun to get cranky. I knew the signs all too well. She was tired, and hungry, and probably should have had a nap.
When we stepped outside, a completely unexpected sight met us. The gray clouds that had been blowing in during the afternoon had opened up, and small snowflakes were falling. It wasn’t uncommon to get snow this early in the year, but we had been totally unprepared.
“So much for our picnic,” I mused as I stared up at Dev.
“Well¸ I kinda thought we might have to move it indoors. We can take it back to your place if you want,” I smiled as Mara giggled.
“Yeah!” she clapped her hands from where she was perched on Dev’s shoulders.
“We can talk,” Dev murmured as he began leading us toward the car.
I nodded silently and followed him. The snow wasn’t sticking. In fact, they were tiny little flakes, just barely visible. I knew that if the temperature kept dropping though it would stick around. Forget wishing for a white Christmas, we were going to get a white Thanksgiving.
“Mommy?” Mara yawned as Dev lifted her off his shoulders and set her in her seat. “Can we play in it?”
“I think that you might be too tired for that tonight. Maybe tomorrow?” I turned to face her from where I was sitting in the front.
“But…” she yawned again and Dev chuckled.
“She’s stubborn like someone else I know,” he mused.
I glared at him before turning back to her, “We’ll have plenty of times to play in the snow. It’ll be around a lot this winter.”
“But, Mommmmy,” Mara whined.
“Let’s see if you can stay awake for the ride home, how’s that?” I sighed as Dev cranked the car.
Our drive home was more eventful than we could have ever thought possible. Halfway there, we witnessed an accident. Someone was driving too fast, and when they went to brake, they slid through the intersection. Dev, being the cop that he is, pulled over to check on the drivers. Emergency workers hadn’t appeared on the scene yet, so he waited by the accident.
By this time, the snow was falling heavier, and visibility sucked. We were still a good twenty-minute drive away from home, and Mara was barely awake.
“I’m hungry, Mommy,” she mumbled as she fidgeted in her seat. I felt bad for her, but I really didn’t know what to do. We were still waiting on Dev. He’d been directing traffic around the accident and was now helping the paramedics. I’d never seen him in action before except when he’d helped me. This was the dominating side of him. I knew it came from somewhere, but other than when he’d been bossing me around, I’d never seen it. The authority he possessed when he ordered onlookers to help, or move was nothing short of amazing. He wasn’t prepared for the situation at all. No uniform, walkie-talkie, or badge. No blanket for the victim, or flares for the road. It was like everything he’d needed he didn’t have. We’d taken my car that day, and I know that if we’d taken his, we’d have what he needed.
I watched as he shielded the snow from his eyes and came running to where we were waiting for him. He leaned in the door and huffed as he tried to catch his breath. “I can’t leave yet,” he sighed. “I have to fill out a report since I was first on the scene. I don’t know how long that will take,” his chin dropped before he glanced back at a now sleeping Mara. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you take her home? I’ll catch a ride with one of the other officers here and meet you at your place later.”
“Ok,” I murmured as I opened my door and moved around to the driver’s side.
“I’m really sorry,” he stood as I shivered in the cold. “I’ll be as quick as I can. Be careful. It’s really starting to get slick out here. I guess that polar vortex they were warning us about finally decided to show up.”
“We can talk tomorrow,” I mumbled as I looked away from him. The daylight was completely gone at this point, and only the street lamps and headlights illuminated the area. Flashers from two patrol cars blinked in the distance, and a fire truck had just pulled away.
“Sam,” he tipped my chin up so he could see my eyes. “I meant what I said. I’ll come by tonight.”
“I know you did, but…” I looked away. “Mara’s asleep, I’m hungry, and I know you’re busy. We can talk in the morning, over breakfast maybe?”
“Ok,” he relented. “I’ll see you in the morning. Remember,” he tipped his chin and kissed the tip of my nose, “be careful.”
“I will,” I rolled my eyes at him as I yanked open the driver’s door and climbed in. I shivered as I adjusted the seat and mirrors so I could see. I checked on Mara one last time before shifting the car into drive and pulling out onto the street once again. I glanced in my rear view mirror to see Dev waving, as he got smaller and smaller. Soon he disappeared completely, and I was left in total darkness as I turned on the highway to head home.
The farther I drove, the worse the roads seemed to get. It wasn’t that the snow was really deep or anything. In fact, that probably would have been better. An icy sheen coated the pavement and made you feel like you were driving on glass. I’d had a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel for the last three miles and was silently cursing myself for not insisting that Dev drive us home. I had very little experience with this kind of weather and driving in it. I’d always walked or taken a cab. Now, if Chicago was going to be my permanent home, I guess I needed to change that.
“Mommy?” Mara’s sleepy voice sounded from the backseat. “Are we there yet?”
“Almost, baby,” I glanced back at her before turning back to the road. “Just a little farther.”
We’d reached the outskirts of downtown at this point and as I began to get closer to downtown, I noticed that a few stoplights seemed to be out. “Great,” I groaned under my breath. Could this day get any worse? If I’d known the answer to that question, I’d probably have never asked it.
Just as the light in front of me turned red, I began pumping my brakes. The car, however, wasn’t stopping. Panic began to set in as we slid into the middle of the intersection. My rear end began to fish tail, and just as I’d righted myself, I looked up to see headlights shining brightly in my driver’s side window. Before I could do anything, I heard it. Metal scraping, glass shattering, and a blood curdling scream. I wasn’t sure if it was coming from me or my baby in the backseat. Time stopped as my brain fought to comprehend what had just happened.
“Miss?” I felt someone shaking my shoulder. “Miss? Oh god! There’s a kid in the car,” the voice was muffled and was getting quieter by the second. “Call 911,” another voice called from somewhere in the distance.
“Dev?” my voice strained as I tried to open my eyes. “Help us,” fell from my lips just as the darkness swallowed me up.
ooooooooo
Devlin
“What the fuck is taking so long,” I grumbled as I turned to my partner who was now on the scene. “I need to get out of here.”
Becoming Somebody Page 10
