Warm breaths fan out across my neck. I peek one eye open to see Karmen, sound asleep in the same position she fell asleep in. Underneath her head, my arm is numb. I need to pee, and I’m hot. But none of that matters because I have the most amazing woman cuddled up to me. Like an anchor, she holds me to her with one of her arms wrapped around my waist. And I realize for the first time since my football career ended that I’m finding something else I belong to, I’m finding something else that belongs to me.
With my free hand, I reach up and smooth pieces of loose hair away from her face. Long, dark lashes lie across her high cheekbones. Her lips slightly parted, she makes these cute little snores. It only adds to her appeal and makes her all the more real.
The morning sun blankets her skin in a golden hue. I can’t take my eyes off of her. Slowly her eyes flutter open, and as she blinks up at me I can’t see myself without her. I can envision a man who doesn’t use alcohol to feel numb. I see a man who works hard. I see a man who thrives off love and hope. I see a man who strives to be a better version than the one he is now. It’s at this moment I realize that I will be anything for her, do anything for her, and become a better man for her.
“Morning.”
Her eyes search my face for only a moment before a slow, easy smile lifts her cheeks.
“Mmmhmm…it is.” She snuggles into me, her arm pulling me tighter against her body.
At the crook of my elbow, I bend the arm underneath her head as my other arm comes around her body cocooning her in my embrace. My chin rests atop of her head. The day old stubble sticks to her hair.
“I could get used to this,” I mumble into the silence of the room.
It’s an involuntary thought that escapes. I suck in a quick breath and hold it, hoping she doesn’t pull away from me again. If she does, I have no idea what I’ll do. There’s only so much rejection I can take before I’m forced to take a step back and consider what it is I’m fighting for.
Gently, Karmen pushes at my chest and I’m forced to release my hold on her. Indecision wars behind her brown eyes as I look down at her. Her lips are pressed into a tight line. It’s like a knife to my heart. To see her look at me like that, how could I have been so stupid? The thoughts I had earlier flitter through my brain again. Why would I want to change everything about myself for a woman who obviously doesn’t want me like I want her?
The back of my hand slides against her cheek in a gentle caress. “You don’t have to say anything.” She opens her mouth to rebuke my statement. My finger covers her lips to stop her. If I don’t get what I’m feeling off my chest now, I never will. “There’s chemistry here, Karmen. I want more and as much as I wish I didn’t, I do. But beyond the sparks between us, I really do like you as a person. You’re sweet, kind, forgiving and funny. I like being around you. More importantly, you make me wish for things I shouldn’t want. You make me feel things I never thought I was entitled to feel. You don’t have to answer me right now, but I need to know if this.” My thumb traces her lower lip. “Whatever this is, is one-sided. Because as much as I want to give this a go between us, I can’t sit back and wait forever.”
My eyes search her face. Her eyes widen in shock, but still she says nothing. Not that I expected her to declare her undying love for me, but a little confirmation that I wasn’t in this alone would have been nice. But when minutes pass by and still no words escape past her lips, I have my answer. As much as it pains me to pull my arm from underneath her and get off her bed, I do. With my back to her, I bend down and collect my clothes from the floor.
“I’m going to shower. But I want you to know that I won’t try anymore. I’ll leave you alone. I’d still like to be friends if that’s possible. I’ll uphold my end of our bargain. As soon as I have enough money saved up I’ll move out.”
I don’t let myself look back at her as I walk out of her room. I don’t let myself see the words she’s too afraid to say clearly written across her face. I refuse to let myself be hurt by her. I’ve lived with enough pain to last me a lifetime. The click of the door closing behind me concretes my decision. I’m sick and tired of hurting.
Brayden’s words run rampant through my mind. He wants more. I make him feel things he shouldn’t. Things he doesn't feel he should have, he wants. When the clicking of the door sounded throughout the room, his words seemed so final. As terrified as I am of him hurting me because he’s capable of it, I don’t want to hurt him either. I don’t want to be crippled by fear. I don’t want to let a good man get away because I’m too afraid to take a chance. In the past, fear swallowed me whole. There’s no room in my future for what ifs.
I want to live in the now and let the cards fall where they may. If I get burned, I’ll wear the scars proudly because at least I can say I lived.
Hurriedly, I toss back the covers and scramble out of the bed. I throw my door open and make my way towards the bathroom. Cautiously, I test the doorknob, turning it to see if it’s locked. Elation courses through me when I realize the door’s open. With the knob twisted, I slowly ease the open. Steam mixes with the sounds of running water pitter-pattering against the bathtub fill the bathroom. I step into the enclosed space, quietly shutting the door behind me. I strip off my t-shirt and panties. I pull back the edge of the curtain. My decision standing firm, I step into the shower.
In the shower Brayden stands, one arm braced against the wall, his forehead rests against the firm muscle, his eyes closed. As much as the beauty of his sculpted body strikes me, the look of despair maiming his features breaks my heart. I step up behind him and circle my arms around his waist.
Water pours down our bodies. My cool skin meets his heated flesh, and I press my cheek flush against his back. His muscles tense beneath from the unexpected touch. I should feel nervous, but I don’t. Some form of trepidation should take root in my gut, but it doesn’t. Oddly enough, I feel at peace with my decision. He doesn’t say anything, and I know I’m the reason for his apprehension. I need to fix this, and as much as I barricade my true self and my feelings behind walls of stone, I need to be honest with him and myself.
“You caught me off guard with your confession.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“I know.” I nod against his back as I suck in a deep breath and make a confession of my own. “When I left for college, I never expected to see you again. You were unexpected, Brayden. I didn’t expect to meet the man who stands here now with me. As much as I told myself not to trust you, I found myself doing it anyway. Then against my will, you invaded every crevice of my heart that I keep hidden away under lock and key. I tried, really hard to not let you in and how you make me feel affect me.” I chuckle, and I can feel some of the tension leave his body. “But it was useless. You waltzed into my life all arrogant and cocky, but you’re also unbelievably sweet and funny. How I feel about you, I don’t want to. But I do anyway. This isn’t one-sided. I feel it. And if you’re still willing, I’d like to give this a chance too.”
Brayden turns around in my grip, and with one hand he cups my face and the other comes to rest on my lower back. “I’m going to screw up.”
I smile up at him. “Of course you will. You’re a man. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
His eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles through a laugh. “Smartass.”
I shrug with indifference. “I’ve learned from the best.”
“Yes, you have.” His words are a husky whisper that sets my body ablaze.
His eyes flicker from my eyes to my mouth in silent permission. In reassurance, I give him a little nod because God I need this, I need him. My mind completely shuts down as his lips land on mine in a slow tender caress. The tip of his tongue sweeps out, teasing the crease of my lips. I don’t hesitate to let him in. The warmth of his tongue slides against mine. This kiss isn’t like the first we shared. It’s so much better. It’s a whisper of promises and vows. It’s amorous and all consuming. It’s an aphrodisiac of the best kind.
Brayden�
�s lips leave mine only to travel down and along my jaw, down the slope of my neck, and across my collarbone only to work their way back up the same path they just took. He pulls me tighter against his body. My mind registers the hardness of his length trapped between our bodies. As his hands take their time exploring my curves he stays away from the areas I want him, need him the most. He skims his fingertips down my arms, down my ribs along the width of my stomach, up and down my back, and along the globes of my ass.
It’s torture in the best way.
My chest heaves with labored breaths as I do the same to him, my eyes memorizing every glorious inch of this man. I coast my fingers along the soaked skin of his arms, across his chest, down and across the indentation of muscles that makes his stomach, eventually finding the V I’ve fantasised about touching. He sucks in a sharp breath as my hand wraps around his girth. The smooth skin of his well-endowed shaft grows larger as I slide my hand up, my thumb sweeping across the slightly red bulbous tip. Before I know what’s happening, I’m spun around, my back pressed against the shower wall. Brayden links my arms around his neck as he lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist.
I look up at him, my lips slightly parted as I stare into an endless abyss of green irises. He rests his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses touching. His other arm comes to rest on the shower wall next to the side of my face. With one small thrust forward, the tip of Brayden’s cock slips between my folds, and it feels amazing as it brushes over my clit. My fingers slide up the back of his neck and into his hair as he continues his ministrations, slowly building me to the release I’ve been craving since that first kiss.
“I need you. I need you so bad,” I breathe out breathlessly against his mouth.
His tongue sneaks out and glides across his bottom lip just before he bites down on it and nods. Pulling back, not enough to break our connection, he aligns himself with my opening. Gently, he pushes the tip in before he pulls back only to push in a little further. Every muscle in his body is rigid as he takes his time, teasing me with promises of what’s to come.
“Fuck, Karmen, I’ve wanted you for so long. Too long,” he growls against my lips.
I suck his top lip into my mouth and the move has him shoving forward with no remorse. I gasp in surprise, not by the move. but by the way he pulls back and does it again and again, slow and restrained yet hard at the same time. And I have never felt fuller. I clutch strands of his hair in my grasp as my lips seek his out. Our bodies move to a tempo that is slow then fast, hard then gentle. It feels like we’ve been doing this together for years, yet we haven’t. I break free from his lips, my head falling back against the tiled wall. My breaths come fast and quick as he manipulates my body with his mouth, tongue, and thrusts. Desire, need, and passion swirl around us and mix with the steam of the shower.
“Brayden I’m going to…” I groan as white, hot heat spreads throughout my body, suffocating every other sensation as I finally explode into a million tiny shards. And it’s the best explosion I’ve ever felt.
His speed picks up as he clasps onto my thigh with a bruising grip. With every thrust he grinds against me, the pressure hitting my clit just right. Brayden’s lips land on the column of my neck. “I’m never going to come back from this, and I won’t let you either.” His words come out as a guttural groan and I love it. “I’m there, babe… tell me.”
I nod, my eyes rolling in the back of my head as I breathe out, “I’m covered.”
“Thank God,” he groans. “Because I’m about to claim you in a way no other man ever will.”
Brayden’s head dips further down, his lips find my nipple and he sucks it into his mouth. Hard.
I’m falling over a rocky cliff, spiraling down, drowning in a sea of intoxicating pleasures I’ve never known. I succumb to the depths, completely oblivious of the dangers ahead, and Brayden’s growls out his own release. He was right, I’ve never felt more claimed in my life.
And he can claim me over and over again.
“What kind of flowers do you like?”
Karmen laughs. “That’s random. Why?”
I shrug. “I’ve never bought flowers for a woman before, but I’d like to buy you some, and I really don’t want to screw it up.”
I look down at her and see that she’s biting her lip. She leans up for a second and kisses the area of skin over my heart. “That’s very sweet of you. My favorites are white roses.”
“Really?”
“Mmmhmm…” she nods. “They mean re-birth, purity—new beginnings. Every day that we’re granted to live is a new beginning. I know it’s corny but…”
I cup her face in my palm, making her look up at me and swipe my thumb across her cheekbone. “No, it’s not. I like new beginnings, too.”
After a second, I have to ask because I need to know. “Can I ask you something else?”
“Go for it.”
I take a deep breath in before asking, “I don’t mean to intrude, but what did you mean in the shower when you said you were ‘covered’?”
Karmen lays her head back on my chest. Her fingers draw imaginary shapes on my stomach. Neither of us dressed after we finished our shower. And this is where we wound up, naked, in her bed, the blankets pulled up to our waists. My fingers sweep through her hair, combing out the damp strands.
“I’m on the shot, Depo, and I’m clean, promise.” I breathe a sigh of relief at her confession. Being a father isn’t something that’s ever crossed my mind. And right now, where I’m at in my life, adding ‘dad’ to my resume is the last thing I need.
“Me too. I mean I’m clean, too so you have nothing to worry about.”
“And you’re not intruding. When it involves what we’re doing beneath the sheets we both have a right to know if something could affect us,” she replies.
I’m glad that we can be open about our sexualities, but now I want to know her. I want to know what she’s been up to since we graduated from high school.
“Will you tell me about college? I feel like there’s so much we don’t know about each other.”
“Because there is,” she giggles. “I went to the University of Tennessee. It was the best experience of my life,” she says, and I can hear the wistfulness in her voice.
“What made you choose Tennessee? Why not Georgia?”
I can feel her gradually stiffen beneath me, and immediately I know it was a stupid question to ask.
“I couldn’t wait to get away from here.”
“You didn’t want to be closer to your parents?”
I can feel the rise and fall of her shoulders as she shrugs. “There wasn’t much to stay for. My mom was messed up, and well, you already know that my dad was a drunk.”
My God, not only did she have a hard life at home, but then she had to come to school and deal with the hell that Drew and I added to make matters worse.
“I wish I would have—“
“…known. Nobody did except for Tammy. And even then I made her swear not to tell anyone. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway.”
“Yes, it would have. If the right people would have known you could have gone into foster care.”
She scoffs as if what I’ve said is preposterous. “Yeah I could have, and I might have ended up in an even worse situation. I’ll admit I didn’t have the best of home life, but my parents never laid a hand on me. I wasn’t sexually abused. In my mind, being ignored is a lot better than some of the other alternatives.”
The muscles in my body go rigid at her words. Sexually abused, I was not, but I had a lot more than hands laid on me. When one of her fingers skims across one of my scars, I know what she’s going to ask before she even asks it.
“What happened here?” Her voice is soothing, coaxing as she asks the question. My response is to shrug. I sit up and lean back against the headboard. Karmen grabs a pillow, placing it beside my thigh, she props it beneath her head and looks up at me.
She lifts herself up on her elbows. She reaches
up, cups my face and with her thumb, she smoothes it back and forth along my cheekbone. Her eyes stare into mine and I know she’s trying to see me. The real me.
“I will never push you to tell me something you’re not comfortable with, but you can’t shut me out either. You can trust me.”
My eyes search her face for long seconds. Trust? It’s a foreign word to me. She knows. I know she does. She saw the bruise on my face left behind from my father and deep down in my gut, I know she knows a lot more than she’s letting on. Hell, my scars are on display as we speak. What she doesn’t realize is that she knows more than anyone else ever has. More than Drew even, and if he did know more, he never mentioned it.
“What do you think?” I ask gently.
“I think a lot more than fists were used.”
I clasp her hand in mine, interlocking our fingers. “Then you know more than anyone else ever has,” I say my voice thick with emotion.
Salvage Page 17
