by C. M. Boers
“Same here. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
He turned around slowly, it seemed as though he was waiting for me to say something more, but I didn’t. I had nothing more I wanted to say. I wished he wouldn’t bring up the date again until I was ready to talk about it. I wondered if he was still planning on walking me to class. I wasn’t sure that I really wanted him to, but at the same time I didn’t want to be rude or push him away prematurely.
As I suspected, when class was over he walked with me to my next class. I was thankful for his silence during the entire walk. We said goodbye to each other as he turned to leave, and as usual Eli was watching and waiting.
“Well, that looked strained, to say the least.” He was amused.
“Yeah, well I am not ready to make anything easy on him.”
“Good for you,” he encouraged.
All I could do was smile because he was pleased; although I don’t know why it mattered to me if I pleased him.
The next two classes passed quickly. Bailey, Eli and I were having fun together talking whenever we had the chance. The troubles of the weekend were forgotten until the bell rang for lunch. None of us had discussed it, but I was sure that they would rather not sit with Pete.
We were laughing together at one of Eli’s jokes as we strolled up to the cafeteria, and Bailey and Eli were walking hand-in-hand. Just then a somber and remorseful Pete confronted us. I must say he played the part quite well, but I can’t say I believed all of it was real.
“Hi guys, I wanted to apologize for the other night, I am not sure what came over me and I hope that you can forgive me,” Pete absolved.
Eli and Bailey looked at each other, wondering what the other would say. It was Bailey who answered for both of them.
“It’s okay this time, but if it happens again I am not sure that I can look the other way.” She smiled at Pete and then glanced at Eli for his approval.
He nodded and said, “I agree,” giving Pete a stern look. He must have been putting on the act for Bailey. There was no way he would have been so forgiving if it were just he and I. But there was more; there seemed to be something more that passed between them, something unspoken that seemed to scream volumes. But I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Exactly what was Eli up to?
“Agreed,” Pete said, smiling without letting on that he sensed something more. Then he turned to face me. “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?”
“I guess,” I said shrugging.
We walked over to the side and could see Eli and Bailey talking to each other closely. Pete held out his hand with something inside it. I resisted the urge to put my hand out to take what it was he was trying to give me. I stared up at him, trying to gauge what he was trying to do.
“Take it,” Pete said, nudging me along. “I wanted to give you something to show you how sorry I am.”
Hesitantly, I reached my hand out and a small silver bracelet feel into my palm. It was magnificently crafted with one perfect charm, a heart. It was beautiful.
“A bracelet?” Surprise didn’t cover what I felt. It wasn’t something I would have expected as an apology gift, especially since we had only been on one date and I wasn’t exactly sure if I would let it happen again. It was extravagant, and far more than he should have given me.
“Yeah, do you like it?” He sounded hopeful.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Good,” he said, smiling proudly. “I hope that you will forgive me. Even if you choose not to give me a second date, I would still like to be your friend.”
I thought for a second, staring at the sparkling bracelet in my hands. At first no words came to me, but when they finally did I felt I had no other choice. “I have not decided yet whether I will go on another date with you but...” I paused, looked up at him and smiled. “I will be your friend, if nothing else, but only if you promise not to lose your temper like that in front of me again, agreed?”
He laughed, “Agreed.” With that he swept me off my feet and gave me a big hug, swinging me around in a circle.
It wasn’t until that moment I realized just how strong Pete was. He squeezed so tight I couldn’t breathe. The thought scared me.
“Can’t... breathe...” I gasped.
“Oh, sorry.” He carefully dropped me back on the ground.
“I don’t think I can accept this,” I said solemnly as I held the bracelet out to Pete. “It’s too much and not necessary.”
“You have to, I won’t take it back. It’s yours,” he said, turning to walk away.
Ugh! Lost that battle. It was a pretty bracelet, but I couldn’t say for certain how often I’d actually wear it, if ever. That would all depend on how things ended up going with Pete in the long run.
Lunch was quieter than usual, at least between Bailey, Eli, Pete and I. Everyone else couldn’t seem to run out of conversation, but I didn’t offer any tidbits to start any discussions. My eyes never left my lunch. I tried to make it seem as though I was thoroughly interested in the food on my plate as I pushed it around in various directions between bites. Eventually the awkwardness was bound to go away, wasn’t it?
My prediction that the awkwardness must cease at some point proved to be right. The very next week everything seemed to be back to normal between all of us. It had been quite an intense week trying to get through lunches, but in the end enduring it seemed to have paid off. The horrendous date seemed to be forgotten by all but me and of course Eli, though he didn’t show it.
I was still undecided about what I should do. I was physically attracted to Pete, and his outgoing personality was something that really drew me towards him. But when I thought about his temper after the accident, it immediately turned my thoughts around. I was teetering on the edge of danger and safety, and I had to make up my mind quickly. The Homecoming dance was this weekend and he’d already asked me.
I made plans to go dress shopping at the mall with Bailey, who was going to the dance with Eli. Fortunately for them, they were still dating. My suggestion had panned out to be better than I expected; they had gone on a date together the prior weekend, and Bailey was beaming when she came to class on Monday. Although Bailey was very interested in Eli, it seemed as though he was just dating her because she was there. To me it didn’t seem like he truly cared for her as more than a friend like she did for him, but I knew he didn’t want to hurt her either. Maybe he thought that with time and getting to know her those feelings would grow, as they typically do. I felt like there was someone else he was more interested in, I just couldn’t figure out who it was.
CHAPTER Six
Eli continued his role as my ‘body guard’ from Pete, and our friendship continued to flourish. For some reason, he still didn’t feel comfortable discussing his love life, so to speak, even though I felt more than comfortable discussing mine with him. Guys were always different than girls about opening up with their feelings and emotions. Why was that? It was a lot more interesting to have a deep conversation with a guy who was completely open. It fascinated me to see their inner workings.
I sat in my bedroom working on my homework. It was only Monday night, but I already had three assignments: math, science and history. We were having our first quiz on the first two chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird. I had chosen to read it over again, and after I read assigned chapters, it was well after 11 p.m. I went straight to bed, but tossed and turned despite being exhausted from homework and reading. Reading was one of my favorite things to do before bed. It made my eyes sleepy and usually made it easier to sleep. Apparently, tonight was not one of those nights.
Once I was able to fall asleep, it didn’t last long; I woke up screaming in fear from my dream. It was still dark out, so I knew Mom was still home and probably in bed. I hoped that I didn’t wake her up, but my hopes were dashed moments later when my door slowly opened. Mom peeked her head around the door and peered at me through her sleepy eyes.
“Is everything okay, honey?” she asked in a groggy voice.
It was the first time since my recurring nightmare started that mom knew about even one of them. I would have liked to keep her in the dark about them forever. I figured they were something that would eventually go away on their own—or at least I hoped they would.
“Do you want some warm milk?” she asked.
“No that’s okay, Mom. I’m fine, really, I am. Go back to bed.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I reassured.
“Okay, but let me know if you need anything.”
She left quietly, and I hoped that she wasn’t worried about me. I slowly fell back asleep, but at least I slept peacefully until my alarm went off. I grudgingly got out of bed, thankful for the last bit of sleep I was able to get after my nightmare. I wasn’t sure what kind of confrontation would come about from mom about my dream, and knowing she was downstairs made me get ready much more slowly. I could hear her shuffling around. When I finally got downstairs, I was relieved when she wasn’t at all concerned about it.
“Good morning,” she said happily.
“Morning,” I replied.
To my astonishment, mom never even mentioned the mishap from the night before. I was so relieved I wouldn’t have to lie to her. I knew one of her questions would have been if it was the first time, but I guessed she assumed that was the case since the problem had never happened before.
I continued to cheer up, and when Eli got there to pick me up, I could tell he was in a high spirits as well. I went through the first half of the day blissfully happy, and by lunchtime I decided to throw caution to the wind and take Pete up on his offer to take me to the dance that Saturday. I suddenly couldn’t wait to tell him, and I knew that Eli wouldn’t disagree on doubling with us because he was already going with Bailey.
As soon as I saw Pete standing by the cafeteria waiting for us, I ran up ahead and pulled him aside. I couldn’t help but blurt out the good news.
“So... I’ve decided I will go with you to the dance on Saturday, if you still want me to,” I said in such a rush it almost sounded like one long word.
He stared at me in amazement. If I didn’t know any better it looked as if he had to clamp his mouth shut so not let it flop open.
“What? Really? What made you change your mind?” he asked in bewilderment.
“I don’t know,” I laughed.
“Well I’m glad you did,” he said, putting his arm around me as we walked into the cafeteria to join Eli and Bailey. Eli caught sight of his arm around me and his eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t say a thing.
Throughout lunch our good spirits persisted and the rest of the day went on without a hitch. I couldn’t see how the day could get any better until I got into P.E. and was proved wrong. The teacher announced that we would be finished with swimming that Friday, and moving onto volleyball the following week. Although I wasn’t very good, I loved volleyball. I was smiling as I walked up to Eli at our usual meeting place.
“So you’re going to the Homecoming dance with Pete, huh?” he asked in a sarcastically annoyed tone.
“Yep,” I said with a guilty smirk on my face.
“When did you plan on telling me?” he asked.
“Right now?” I questioned.
He chuckled. “Oh! Well, okay then.”
We walked slowly to his car as we discussed the dance, figuring out how we were going to work around me going with Pete. We decided that it would be a good idea for me to just meet Pete at the dance. Pete and I weren’t planning to go to dinner beforehand, so that would make things easy. Eli was going to drive me, but we weren’t going to tell Pete, and Bailey was going to catch a ride with another friend.
Now more than ever was I looking forward to going dress shopping with Bailey the next day. Bailey’s dad was going to pick us up from school to drop us off at the mall, and then my mom was going to pick us up on her way home from work. Bailey was going to have dinner with us and then we would take her home.
Everything was so much more complicated when you didn’t have a driver’s license. I was seriously considering applying for a job so I could get a car soon. I mentioned it to Eli and found out he was planning on looking for a job too. Neither of us knew what kind of a job we wanted, but we both agreed that it would not be a fast food restaurant. I liked the idea of working with clothing and Eli liked the idea of working as a cashier. Most of it depended on what we found close by, and who would offer to hire employees with no prior experience.
Mom got home early. She was making dinner when I arrived and I went straight to my room after letting her know I was there. I was hard at work on my homework when my mom came in with the cordless phone in hand. It was my dad. I had been so busy with everything else that it had been almost a week since I spoke to him. I instantly felt guilty for not thinking to call him sooner.
“Hey honey,” he said cheerfully. “How’s it going?”
“Hey dad, it’s going well. I’m just working on some homework right now. How are you doing?”
“I'm good, but I’ve been missing you. It feels like it’s been months since I have seen you,” he said sadly.
“It almost has been,” I responded. “I’ve missed you too. I can’t wait till you come and visit me. I want you to meet my friends too.”
He was coming in two weeks, and I couldn’t wait. To my delight, he and my mom talked it over and he was going to stay in the guest room. I was shocked to find out that it had been my mom’s idea to have him stay with us. She had been so specific about getting a fresh start somewhere new that I would never have guessed she would be so open to having him invade our new space. Then again, they had been married for more than 17 years, and that had to mean something to both of them. Of course, they had me to think about too. My mom knew how much it meant to me to see my dad and to him as well, so she wanted to make it as easy as possible—and for that I was grateful. If my dad had to pay for a hotel every time he came out, it would surely limit the amount of times he would be able to visit. He planned to leave early in the morning before the sun rose to drive down to Arizona. It was a seven-hour drive and he didn’t want to get in very late.
“I can’t wait either. I already started tying up loose ends here at the store for when I leave. The store has been really busy, and I probably will be even busier as hunting season gets closer.”
“I know what you mean. I remember how crazy it gets,” I said.
We talked for a while longer, mostly about his visit. I told him I wanted to take him to the pizza place that Pete had taken me, but I left out the fact that it had been a date. I told him I was going to the Homecoming dance that weekend and was going with a friend, but only as friends. I didn’t feel that it was the right time to tell him or my Mom about my feelings for Pete. I wasn’t sure our relationship was ever going to go anywhere. We finally got off the phone and I was able to finish my homework just in time to eat dinner.
Mom and I discussed dad’s upcoming visit. She admitted that she was nervous about him staying with us, which I’d guessed anyway. It was inevitable. I mean, they had been married for a long time and it ended badly, but there had to be some feelings still left in there too. You don’t just stop caring about someone just because you get divorced.
While I was cleaning the kitchen I thought of Pete. I wondered if by the time my dad came to visit, I would want him to meet Pete. I was getting ahead of myself, but it was nice to dream. That was something I didn’t do often enough. I’d love to go back to the normal nerve-wracking days of “this is my boyfriend” introductions. It always seemed so daunting, thinking maybe my dad wouldn’t like whom I brought home. Now it was way worse, and it didn’t help that I wasn’t completely sure about how I felt about him. Sure he was slick as butter when you talked to him, but then again that was how con men were too, right?
The nightmares seemed to have become a consistent unwelcome habit, because that night I had yet another one. I constantly wondered if I woul
d ever get to the end instead of continually waking without answers or relief, always ending just before what I am running from is revealed. Each time I came to know the desert around me better and better, memorizing new details: the clearing, the dust billowing up from my footsteps, the cactus that seemed to be only inches from me. I was becoming angrier every time I had the dream. It was one thing to have a nightmare; it was another to have the same nightmare haunting me. Each and every time, it started my day with a foul mood.
That day went by slowly and I figured it was because I was deeply anticipating my dress-shopping trip that afternoon. It couldn’t come soon enough, but my mood hadn’t lifted much from that morning. I hoped that once it came time I would forget my troubles and enjoy my time shopping.
My mom gave me $60 to spend, but I never dreamt my dress would cost that much. Bailey told me at lunch that her dad was going to give her the same amount, so we both had more than enough to find beautiful dresses and maybe shoes to match.
Bailey’s dad picked us up right on time, and Bailey was the spitting image of her dad (in girl form, of course) right down to the personality. I could tell that Bailey and her dad had a very close relationship. She said that there was very little she didn’t disclose to her dad, but she did admit that she didn’t tell him about Pete’s outburst after the accident for fear of him not allowing her to hang around him again. I didn’t blame her; I’m sure my parents would feel the same.
I briefly wondered what it would be like only having a dad. I couldn’t imagine having to have ‘the talk’ with my dad. I don’t think I could have stomached it. I’m not sure my dad would have made it through the conversation either. There were some things that were just easier to discuss with a mom, but Bailey seemed to be doing just fine.
Bailey found her dress first—a gorgeous, short, pink strapless dress with rhinestones. The bottom was hemmed diagonally from one side to the other, and it hugged all of her curves in just the right ways. Eli was going to love it. To top it off, it was only $40. Bailey was ecstatic, as was I when I found mine a half an hour later. My dress was tight-fitting as well, though it was slightly longer than Bailey’s. It reminded me of the perfect little black dress, and it was still in my price range at $50. We decided to diddle-daddle around the mall for a little while after finding our dresses, and when 5 p.m. came, we called my mom to come get us. Ten minutes later we were climbing into my mom’s car. It was like she stood by the phone with keys in hand waiting for my call, though I knew that wasn’t the case.
