PART FIVE: LOVE IN FAMILIES
of my life Margaret Drabble, The Millstone (London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1965), p. 102
cannot speak Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, pp. 215–16
baby alive Sue Gerhardt, Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain (East Sussex: Brunner-Routledge, 2004), p. 22
chronic diseases Marla Sokolowski and Thomas Boyce, ‘Why Is Destiny Not in Our Genes?’, Canadian Institute of Advanced Research, available at http://www.cifarnbq.ca/questions/why-is-destiny-not-in-our-genes/
literature Alison Gopnik, The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us about Truth, Love and the Meaning of Life (London: Bodley Head, 2009), p. 15 and passim
Word of God Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, ‘Good Childhood Report: Afterword’, 2 Feb. 2009, available at http://www.arch bishopofcanterbury.org/2159
and eyes Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Émile, available at http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext 04/emile10.txt
frustrations Sigmund Freud, New Introductory Lectures (1933), SE, vol. 22, pp. 122–3
present one Freud, letter to Wilhelm Fliess, 15 Oct. 1897, in The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess: 1887–1904, trans. Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press, 1985), pp. 270–3
cynicism De Beauvoir, Second Sex, p. 528
around them Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex, 2nd edn, 1897 (New York: Barnes & Noble, 2004), p. 506
of the period See, for example, Carol Gilligan, In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1982); and Nel Noddings, Caring: A Feminine Approach to Ethics and Moral Education (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1984), pp. 3–4
systems Simon Baron-Cohen, The Essential Difference: Men, Women and the Extreme Male Brain (London: Allen Lane, 2003), p. 1
children For an exhilarating critique of neuroscientific work on gender, see Cordelia Fine, Delusions of Gender (New York: W.W. Norton, 2010)
four, attests Lucy Cavendish, ‘The War at Home’, Observer magazine, 28 Mar. 2010
to the home Élisabeth Badinter, Le Conflit: La Femme et la Mère (Paris: Flammarion, 2010)
message Ibid., pp. 108–9, for a round-up.
breast-feeding Geoff Der, G. David Batty, Ian J. Deary, ‘Effect of breast-feeding on intelligence in children: prospective study, sibling pairs analysis and meta-analysis’, British Medical Journal 333.7575 (2006), pp. 945–50
teaching it maths Ian McEwan, The Child in Time (London: Jonathan Cape, 1987), pp. 80–1
has life in it Quoted in Madeleine Davis, ‘The Writing of D.W. Winnicott’, International Review of Psychoanalysis 14 (1987), pp. 491–502 (p. 492)
needs of them D.W. Winnicott, The Child, the Family and the Outside World (London: Penguin Books, 1964), pp. 128–9 and passim
for time D.W. Winnicott, ‘Primary Maternal Preoccupation’ (1956), Through Pediatrics to Psychoanalysis (London: Hogarth, 1958), pp. 304–5
extirpated John Locke (1693), Some Thoughts concerning Education, in The Works of John Locke, vol. 8 (London: 1824), paras 35 (and 38 below), p. 28–available on www.gutenberg.org
obsessive love Philippe Ariès, Centuries of Childhood (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1962), p. 397
responsibility See Hugh Cunningham, Children and Childhood in Western Society since 1500 (Harlow: Longman, 2005) and The Invention of Childhood (London: BBC Books, 2006)
even cruelty Ulrich Beck and Elisabeth Beck-Gernsheim, The Normal Chaos of Love, trans. Mark Ritter and Jane Wiebel (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1995), pp. 107–9, 122–3, 137–9 and passim
underpin life See Paul Verhaeghe, New Studies of Old Villains: A Radical Reconsideration of the Oedipus Complex (New York: Other Press, 2009)
emotion Perel, Mating in Captivity, p. 132
this relation Helene Deutsch, The Psychology of Women, vol. 1 (London: Research Books, 1946), p. 196
so horrible Quoted in Franz Kafka, The Sons (New York: Schocken Books, 1989) ‘Introduction’, by Mark Harman
human nature Franz Kafka, ‘Letter to His Father’, in The Sons, ibid., p. 117
this theme Carl Gustav Jung, letter to Sigmund Freud, 19 Jan. 1909, in William McGuire (ed.), The Freud/Jung Letters: The Correspondence between Sigmund Freud and C.G. Jung (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1994), p. 198
no sharing Sigmund Freud, New Introductory Lectures, SE, vol. 22, p. 122
individual Sigmund Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams, SE, vol. 5, pp. 424, 483
only her ghost Thomas Babington Macaulay, letter to Margaret Macaulay, 23 Dec. 1833, in Thomas Piney (ed.), The Letters of Thomas Babington Macaulay, vol. 2 (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1974)
must be together Virginia Woolf, ‘Dorothy Wordsworth’, in The Second Common Reader (London: Hogarth Press, 1986), p. 169
was felt Frances Wilson, The Ballad of Dorothy Wordsworth: A Life (London: Faber & Faber, 2008), p. 147 and passim
war and exile Nell Dunn, Grandmothers Talking to Nell Dunn (London: Chatto & Windus, 1991), pp. 1–4 and passim
before my nose Ibid., p. 21
did not stop Virginia Woolf, ‘A Sketch of the Past’, in Moments of Being, ed. Jeanne Schulkind (London: Hogarth Press, 1986), p. 69
in their lives Anstey Spraggan, ‘How to Survive a Stepfamily’, Guardian, 22 May 2010
leave them Adam Phillips, On Balance, p. 29
PART SIX: LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP
hoard them Emily Dickinson, letter to Samuel Bowles, Aug. 1858(?) in Emily Dickinson, Emily Dickinson: Selected Letters, ed. Thomas H. Johnson (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press, 1986), p. 144
individual Robert E. Lane, The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2001)
your family Matt Lauer, ‘Friends creators share show’s beginnings’. The sentence quoted is from the original pitch for a series to be called ‘Insomnia Café’, which when made was eventually named Friends, Dec. 1993. See http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4899445/
same to us D.W. Winnicott, Home Is Where We Start From: Essays by a Psychoanalyst, ed. Claire Winnicott, Ray Shepherd, Madeleine Davis (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1986), p. 117
Emerson Frank Waldo Emerson, Essays and Lectures (New York: Library of America, 1983), p. 350
characters Quoted in John P. Kaminski, Citizen Jefferson: The Wit and Wisdom of an American Sage (Madison: Madison House, 1994), p. 40
things about Roberts, W. Rhys (trans.), Rhetorica: The Works of Aristotle, vol. 11 (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924), p. 54
formations Stanley Cavell, Cities of Words: Pedagogical Lectures on a Register of the Moral Life (Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press, 2004), pp. 352–72 and passim
from life Cicero, Laelius de Amicitia (New York: Loeb Classical Library, 1923), sections 20, 27
continue after him Francis Bacon, ‘Of Friendship’, in The Essays of Francis Bacon, http://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-1.html
and world See Tom MacFaul, Male Friendship in Shakespeare and His Contemporaries (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2007)
he gives Alexander Pope, Essay on Man, Epistle 3, pp. 311–12 http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2428/2428-h/2428-h.htm
appearances David Hume, A Treatise of Human Nature, ed. L.A. Selby-Bigge (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1978), pp. 604–5
Byron’s ‘sickly’ Janet Todd, Sensibility (London: Methuen, 1986), p. 7
books and ideas Judith N. Shklar, Redeeming American Political Thought, ed. Stanley Hoffmann (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1998), pp. 22–3
a betrayal Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach, Between Women: Facing Up to Feelings of Love, Envy and Competition in Women’s Friendships (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1989), p. 19
full term Helene Deutsch, Confrontations with Myself (New York: Norton, 1973) and The Psychology of Women, vol. 2 (London: Research Books, 1947), pp. 146–9; see also Lisa Appignanesi and John Forrester, F
reud’s Women (London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson/Orion, Phoenix pbk, 2005), pp. 315–17
abilities Barbara M. Newman and Philip R. Newman, Development through Life: A Psychosocial Approach (Belmont: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2009), p. 2006
helped them Marjorie Taylor, Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999), p. 68 and passim
disappears Renata Salecl, Choice (London: Profile Books, 2010), pp. 69–72
existing others For an interesting discussion of this dynamic, though pre-dating the invention of the virtual, see Michael Balint, ‘On Love and Hate’, International Journal of Psychoanalysis 33 (1952), pp. 355–62
moment in time D.W. Winnicott, ‘Adolescence: Struggling through the Doldrums’, in The Family and Individual Development (London: Routledge, 1989), p. 81 and passim
afraid of them Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye (London: Virago, 1990), p. 379 and passim
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All About Love: Anatomy of an Unruly Emotion Page 45
