Kissing me on the cheek, Ryan whispers. "Did you still want to spend the night tonight?"
I nod, blushing. The grin he gives me makes me blush even more. I push him away, laughing. I think he’s left when he hurries back into the room to give me another kiss before leaving.
"That boy is smitten with you."
"You think so?"
"Yes, Grace. I'm certain, and I do believe you feel the same way."
"I do. I feel a bit weird, like it is too soon since I stopped seeing Jon. Did I tell you he texted me that he missed me? How strange is that? As strange as that makes me feel, I can't deny how I feel about Ryan."
"Ryan is wonderful. I can see why you like him."
"But I think I more than like him. What if he doesn’t more than like me?"
"I wouldn’t worry about that, dear. I'm pretty sure he more than likes you."
"I hope you're right."
"You just dropped a stitch, and I know I'm right."
I look down at my knitting. "Will you help me get it back?"
Kate fixes my dropped stitch then pats me on the knee.
"Do you think these are good enough to sell like Jack said?"
"I've seen the stuff they sell in the stores. I know many people prefer handmade. I do. Is this something you would like to do?"
"I don’t know. Maybe."
"I would be sure about it before you do."
"I feel like it would be really cool to be my own boss, not that I don’t like working with Ryan. I do. It's just that now that we're going out on dates—"
"And having sleepovers."
I flush. "And, er, having sleepovers. Will it be weird that he's my boss?"
"I don’t know. I can see if you only knew him that way but you haven’t, and I believe this has been brewing for a while."
"I just keep thinking about it and how cool it would be. I've seen all of these cool things I could try and make. You know, like those scarves that attach at the ends, or maybe hats. Do you think I could make hats?"
"Hats are easy and don’t take very long to make, but won't you be busy spending time with Ryan?"
"I'm sure I will, but maybe I could do this too. I'm getting faster, and I don’t have to look down at my hands as much."
"Well, you seem very comfortable making scarves. Why don’t I teach you how to make a hat when you are done with that one, and what ever happened to the shawl you were working on?"
I set my knitting down and tell Kate I will be right back. Now is the perfect time to give it to her because it’s just the two of us. I hurry to my room to retrieve it. I have it neatly folded and tied with wide white ribbon around it. I hug it to my chest as I walk back onto the lanai.
"Kate?" My voice is shaking.
"Yes, dear?"
"I made this for you. I don’t have much, and you gave me the one thing that I didn’t think I would ever have again: family. I know things were strained with you and my mom. I just wish more than anything that she would have moved past it before, well. It’s just that you have come to mean so much to me, to do so much for me."
Kate reaches out to grab one of my hands. I wipe away a tear with the other.
“I'm happier than I've ever been, and I want you to know it's because of you. I can't imagine what you went through, losing Ronny and then my mom. When you explained that the purpose of the shawl was to give comfort," I struggle to finish. "I just wanted to do something to give you comfort."
"Come here, child." Kate pats the seat next to her, and once I sit, Kate pulls me into a gentle hug. "Grace, when you called me that day and said that you would come and see me, that was the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. You didn’t know me. That day, you gave me a family as well. I would be honored to accept your gift."
I stand only to go grab a box of tissues from the house.
"Aren't we a mess?" Kate laughs, pulling an extra one from the box.
I nod, wiping my eyes.
"Hello." Ryan walks in, then sees us crying. "What’s wrong?"
"Oh, don’t mind us, dear. Grace just gave me a lovely gift so I'm being sentimental."
I stand, and he gives me a hug. "I'm just trying to thank her for taking me in."
He rests his chin on top of my head and holds me tight. "I should probably be thanking her as well, for bringing you to me."
"Don’t you make me cry too, young man. Why don’t you take Grace out for an ice cream?"
He bends his knees, lowering himself to eye level with me. "Sound good?"
I nod, then turn back to Kate. "Can we bring you back some?"
"Twist my arm."
I lean down to kiss her cheek. "Will do."
Walking together to Ryan's Jeep, I can't help but notice how perfectly my hand fits in his. He walks me to the passenger side door, leaning me against it. Taking his thumbs, he gently wipes the moisture away from below my eyes. I close my eyes and let my hands sit on the waist band of his shorts as he presses soft kisses on my forehead, cheeks, nose, and lastly, lips. I open my eyes before he pulls away and become lost in his gaze. His smile is infectious. As we stand there, inches apart, I feel so exhilarated. Reaching my hands up to his neck, I pull him in for another deeper kiss. His lips, his touch, him. I want to lose myself in all of it.
Breaking our kiss, Ryan looks slightly dazed when he pulls back. "If we don’t stop, I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and take you to my bed."
I hide my face in his shirt. That's exactly what I want to do. But there's Kate. "How about we go get ice cream, and once Kate lies down this afternoon, we do that."
"Really?" He can’t keep the excitement out of his voice.
"Mm hm."
He leans down to kiss me again, pulling me towards him as he backs away from the car and reaches behind me to open my door before taking his lips from mine. I slide into my seat, resting my hands on my knees as he shuts my door. While we drive to the ice cream parlor, I tell Ryan I’m interested in maybe trying to open my own Etsy store. Ryan thinks it’s brilliant and promises to help in any way he can. The ice cream parlor he takes me to has a drive thru. Since we're bringing back ice cream for Kate, we use it. Ryan picks up three hand-packed pints: French Vanilla for Kate, Chocolate Raspberry Truffle for me, and Mint Chocolate Chip for himself.
They give us plastic spoons with our order, and I consider starting mine right away but figure I can wait until we get back to the house. Eating ice cream instead of lunch around the pool is a guilty pleasure we all enjoy indulging in. When Kate goes to lie down, Ryan looks at me mischievously. My stomach flips. Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? I felt so confident earlier out by his car. I can tell he is trying to figure out what I want to do. Why am I even nervous? I want him, and I know he wants me too. I stand and reach out my hand to him.
Ryan pulls me into his lap, his hands molded to my hips, kissing me hungrily as if my lips are the only possible relief for his hunger. I tangle my fingers in his hair, gasping when he lifts me and carries me out the back door and across the yard to his house.
"I…can…walk," I breathe between kisses.
His lips move to my neck as he replies, "Not a chance."
Entering by the side door, he pulls back enough to shout, "Jack!" a couple times, then looking back at my confused look, "Just wanted to make sure he isn’t here."
He nudges the door to his bedroom open with his foot and kicks it closed behind us. Claiming my mouth once more, he eases me onto his bed. I tug at his shirt, and pausing for a beat, he pulls it off. He lies down next to me, pulling me on top of him. Our clothes are shed and heaped on the floor by the bed in moments. I feel timid about my body. It had been so dark on the boat the night before. This feels more intimate, like there is no part of me I can hide. Ryan takes his time exploring my every curve. When I feel like I can't take it any longer, he reaches for a condom.
Locking eyes as he sinks into me, Ryan groans. I giggle at his expression. He playfully nips at my chin before rocking his hips against mine. It's
no laughing matter when he lifts my leg to his shoulder. I twist my hands into the pillows behind me, arching to meet him over and over again. Sitting up, his hands are vices on my hips, setting a pace that ignites something within me. Feeling I'm close, he leans back down to cover me, and I wrap my legs around his waist. Placing one hand on either side of my face, his lips find mine, and I cling to him as I come undone. He collapses on top of me only moments later.
"So beautiful." He dances soft kisses all over my face.
"This doesn’t even seem real."
"Very real." He moves to kissing the tops of my shoulders.
"Like too good to be true."
"Nope. Just the right amount of good and very true."
"You are so silly."
"And you are heavenly."
"How is it possible that you didn’t have a girlfriend when we met?"
He leans back, resting his head on his hand, fingertips of his other hand drawing lazy circles on my thigh. "I've never been much of a going out guy. When I moved here, I was so busy with the business and became such good friends with Kate I just wasn’t in a position to meet many girls."
"Do you like me just because I'm around?" I say it jokingly but am insecure in his feelings for me.
"The very first moment I saw you, Grace, in the airport, I thought who is this blue eyed, blonde goddess, and what must I do to make her mine? I was very bothered when I learned you had a fella, but you were so amazing I figured you could not be single."
"Hush."
"Do you miss him?"
I pull Ryan to me. "I miss what we had, but that was long gone before I met you."
"I'm very happy you feel that way," he says before covering my mouth with his.
Epilogue
It's been seven months since our date on the boat. I've stopped applying to other places, content to work with Ryan. My ease in the office takes a lot of pressure off and lets him concentrate leading tours and managing the equipment. He talked me into moving in with him full time months ago. We still have dinner almost every night at Kate's. She's been teaching me how to knit different things. Figuring out how to use circular needles was not fun.
I now know how to make hats, infinity scarves, leg warmers, and fingerless gloves. The idea of an Etsy store ignited something in me the moment Jack suggested it. I spend my free time researching other stores to get an idea of what's successful and what isn’t, I’m not very tech savvy, but Jennifer loves that kind of stuff, and during down time at work, explains different websites and how they can work together to save me time. One example is creating a Facebook entity page and linking it to a Twitter page. Whatever is posted on the Facebook page can automatically post to Twitter. One post, two websites.
Jennifer is also helping me design a theme to use for my Etsy page. It isn’t live yet, but I've created an account. It took me some time to decide what to name my store. I finally decided on Cuyahoga Knits as a way to include my parents in my present. The idea came to me one day while Ryan and I were driving into work. He had the radio on an 80s station and an REM song I'd never heard came on. I couldn't believe what I was hearing: a song about the Cuyahoga. I turned up the volume, listening to the lyrics. I grew up in Cleveland, so I knew Cuyahoga was an Indian term for crooked, a perfect description of the many bends of the river.
The song spoke of preserving what we have before it's too late. It felt symbolic of the relationship I'd built with Kate. I've learned so much about her, my mother, and myself in coming down here. I’m still learning so many things every day. There was a point during the creation of the Etsy store account that made me reflective. Just after hitting the submit button an additional warning came up. Are you sure?
Am I sure? I wondered to myself. So many things have changed in my life: the visit, then the move, Kate, Ryan, and learning to knit. Am I sure about any of it? No more hesitation, I'm sure, no matter what happens.
I smile and look at Ryan sleeping next to me.
"Honey, wake up," I nudge his shoulder.
He mumbles something and crawls onto me, nibbling my neck.
Oh, that feels good. "But our flight."
His hips press against mine, and I'm gone. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips down to mine. It's a good thing I set our alarm thirty minutes early. After Ryan has thoroughly ravished me, I convince him to take a shower while I double-check my bags for the hundredth time. He calls from the bathroom once he's out of the shower. I pause in the doorway to admire him. He's shaving. I don’t mind him scruffy, but he wants to look nice today. He catches my eye in the mirror and winks.
I hurry into the shower, patting him on the rear as I pass. Once I'm ready, I help Ryan and Jennifer load our bags into her car. Her only request for taking us to and picking us up from the airport is to be allowed to boss Darrell around while we're gone. Ryan agreed since she'll do it whether he tells her she can or not.
My stomach is a bundle of nerves on the way to the airport. Ryan's a pro, getting our bags checked and us through security. We eat breakfast at the gate and are in the first group to board.
Once we're seated, Ryan looks at me. "Are you alright?"
I turn to face Ryan and nod. I'm nervous. Not only are we on our way to meet his family, but the only other time I've flown anywhere was to Tampa. For this trip, we have two layovers, one in Dallas and the second in Sydney, before ending up in Christchurch. We're going to be in the air for over twenty-two hours from Dallas to Sydney. That alone is overwhelming. Getting my passport was an ordeal but now that we're seated, I'm trying to relax.
Besides worrying about the flight, I'm stressing about meeting Ryan's family. I want them to like me. Ryan thinks I'm silly to even worry, but I can't help it. Kate is my entire family, and she had already adored him before we even met. I lift the window shade and look out. Since our journey will be so long, Ryan had sprung for first class seats. I think the expense is too much, but he wants us (me) to be comfortable. He hopes we can sleep most of the way to Australia. Ryan reaches over to take my hand in his and kisses it. I can't help but smile at him. He's so excited about taking me to his home.
Kate has a theory he's going to propose on the trip. If he does, I know I'll say yes. I just can't imagine my life without him. Once we're back from New Zealand, I plan on inviting Nikita down for a visit to see my new home.
For me, waking up in Ryan's arms everyday has been a dream. We still have dinner most nights with Kate since neither of us is much of a cook. Samuel, a widower from her church, has been joining us recently. Kate won't admit it, but I think she really likes him. I can't wait to hear how their dinners go while Ryan and I are away.
I reach into my carryon to pull out my latest project. Ryan didn't believe me when I told him you can carry on knitting needles. I checked online to be sure and packed wooden needles just in case.
He leans over to kiss my cheek. I pause to look at him, my Ryan. My life is so different now. My path to where I am today was not easy, but sitting here, next to the man I love, the man who has become my partner and who challenges me to go after what I want in life, I know I’m where I'm supposed be.
“Is this real?” I tease.
He leans down, kisses my forehead, and says, “Yes Grace, very real.”
The End
Summary
Stages of Grace
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance...
When facing death, a mourning period is to be expected. But what if it's not a person but a relationship that dies? Grace and her boyfriend Jon have been together for three years. They live together and have shared many beautiful memories. Those memories are what keeps Grace from admitting Jon has changed and is no longer the man she fell in love with.
Afraid of being alone and holding on to something that no longer exists, Grace is a shadow of her former self. Her daily objective is to hide her pain from the world. Then, an unexpected letter sets off a whirlwind of potential life changes. In life, sometimes the hardest thing to do
is let go.
Acknowledgments
I want to thank everyone who helped and encouraged me along this journey. To my first readers, Judy Greco, Kate Dixon (ahem, also, inspiration of the Segway fall!), Amy Surrey, Angelique Miller (your pictures of Cleveland made my month!), Kristy Jamieson (extra thank you, count a million and one!), Sarah Stevenson, Elly Ruzgal, Stephanie Crews, Lisa VanArsdale, your feedback was amazing. Thank you so much!
Sarah Hansen, you make beautiful covers. Thank you for your vision and expertise.
Gareth Young, I don't know where to start. You are one of the most giving people I have ever met. Thank you so much for your time and devotion to contractions.
Vanessa Brown, you are not only Physic but Psychic too. Thank you!
Jennifer Short Benson, your super power should be encouraging authors to their full potential. Thank you for seeing something in me and always willing to happy cry with me.
Helen Boswell, you are amazeballs Thank you so much for always being there for me.
Kristina Radi, my Etsy guru. You are an incredibly talented knitter, and a beautiful person. Thank you for letting me pick your brain on so many times. Your feedback was invaluable. Find her site at http://www.etsy.com/shop/AutumnAndAmber?ref=shop_sugg
Yesenia Vargas, I trust you with my words. You are not only my editor but my friend.
Heather Robbins at SupaGurl. Thanks to you and all of the blogs that signed up for the Stages of Grace blog tour.
To Melodie Ramone, Nikki Mahood, Karen Bynum, Rachel Walter, Emma Hart, and Ross McCoubrey, your friendship and support mean so much to me. To all of the book blogs/Facebook pages that have given me so much love; Kathy with Romantic Reading escapes, Jeannette and Kris with I Heart Books, Kendall with Book Crazy, Trev with First Class Books, and Jen with Three Chicks and Their Books. Lastly, to Seth, Zach, Aydan and Emma for being okay with cereal for dinner every sometimes, and dealing with my crazy full time.
Stages of Grace Page 19
