I swallowed hard before closing my eyes and blurting out what had been on the tip of my tongue all night, “Why haven’t you tried?”
“You’re better than that,” he shrugged as if this wasn’t one of the most awkward conversations ever. “I want to see where this all goes. I wanna keep hanging out. I wanna keep kissing you,” he smirked “and, if some day it leads to more,” he grinned over at me “then I’m ok with that, too.”
“I don’t know if I am,” I muttered.
“I’ll change your mind,” he tossed his empty to-go box to the side and turned to face me. He reached over where my hand was resting on my lap and grabbed it. “So what do you say? Will you be my girlfriend, Leah Carmichael?”
“Huh?” My head snapped up. “But I thought? You said?”
“I know what I said, but I like you and I don’t want anyone else getting in my way,” he gave me a cocky smile. “So?”
I giggled nervously as I shifted on the tailgate, “Ok.”
“Ok?” he smirked. “Is that a yes?”
“It’s a yes,” I nodded. “Can I finish eating now?”
He chuckled, “Sure. I want you to have lots of energy for later.”
“Later?” I wrinkled my forehead.
“Yeah,” he smirked, “later, when we steam up the windows.”
Crap, I thought. What had I just agreed to? Was I really Nick Sutter’s girlfriend? What did this mean when we went back to school next week? What would my parents think, and more importantly, what was Becca going to do to me now?
Chapter 5
Nick
I didn’t see as much of Leah over Spring Break as I wanted. She was busy training, and the fact that whatever was going on between us was still new; I didn’t push it. I liked her, I mean I really liked her and I wanted this to work. I had enough things in my life that weren’t working. I didn’t need to add this to the list.
UNC had been calling my mom all week, wanting to know if I had an answer for them yet. I wanted to tell them ‘yes’, but now, as I watched the girl that starred in all my fantasies across the parking lot, I wasn’t sure I could go. I wasn’t sure how she really felt and if I was going to stay. I needed to make sure we were on the same page. It was a big move, and probably stupid, too. How many kids give up a full ride for a high school fling that might not even last? I must be crazy to even consider it.
Cam had told me yesterday that Leah had finally gotten over her slump in the 400. The last two seconds that she’d been working on shaving off finally came off yesterday. She now had a time that qualified her for regionals. I was so proud of her, maybe now we could actually celebrate. I’d wanted to take her out again since that first disaster of a date we’d had over Spring Break. I still wasn’t sure why she was so high strung that night. Things had seemed to get better since then, but other than rides home from practice and the occasional study date, we really hadn’t been alone.
Our relationship, if you could call it that, was only three weeks old and the topic of sex hadn’t been brought up since that first date. I haven’t pushed her, and she hasn’t given any indication that she’s worried, but I can’t say that I’m not dying to take things further. I know that actually having it is out of the question right now, but I’d like to get past just kissing.
If you ask anybody in the school about us, they’ll tell you we’re sleeping together. I think the masses think that I would have moved on by now if I wasn’t getting any. I don’t know if Leah’s heard the rumors and chose to ignore them, or if she’s just oblivious. Avery and Cam know the truth. My brother has caught me more than once relieving myself after a night at Leah’s house. He knows how hard it’s been for me. I figured out the other day that’s it’s been six weeks since I’ve had sex. I know that if I really wanted it, there are plenty of girls that would take care of me, but I want Leah and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.
ooooooooo
“So the Golden Girl finally gave it up, huh?” Logan smirked as he nodded his chin in the direction where Leah was standing with Avery.
“I’m warning you, man,” I glared at him. “Don’t talk about her that way.” Logan is my best friend, but I don’t have a problem with decking him. We’ve never fought over a girl, but I am not ok with him talking about Leah that way.
“Holy Shit!” Logan’s head fell back as he hooted at the sky. “I can’t believe it actually happened.”
“What?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You!” He pointed at me and laughed. “Have you listened to yourself lately?”
I shrugged and then looked at Leah and Avery talking with my brother. They were laughing and leaning on Avery’s car. My brother had his arms around both of them and their heads were together as if they were sharing a secret.
“You better watch your brother. He’s scamming on your girl,” Logan chuckled.
I could feel my blood boiling as Logan kicked a rock in the parking lot while he stood there watching me. I had a temper and he seemed to enjoy watching me blow. “Trouble, six o’clock,” he muttered as he lifted his backpack higher up on his shoulder.
I ignored him at first, I figured it was one of his one-night stands, but then I saw Leah’s face fall when she looked in my direction. Her eyes connected with mine and what looked like fear filled them.
I wrinkled my forehead just as I felt two arms wrap around me from behind. The body that pressed into mine was not one I wanted, and when I heard the whiny voice that accompanied it, it was even more evident.
“Hey, Nicky,” Becca’s nasally voice pierced the air near my ear as she tightened her grip on me.
I looked up just in time to see Leah’s head slowly shake from side to side. She lifted her hands as her shoulders dropped in defeat. Both Avery and Cam’s heads swung in my direction and, where Leah’s eyes had shown hurt, Cam’s were filled with disappointment. Avery’s were the worst of all. They were filled with disgust and hate. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve the way they looked at me. I hadn’t asked for this, and as the rage built, I swung my arms up in the air to release Becca’s grip.
“Get the hell off me!” I roared as I spun on her.
“Come on, Nick,” she giggled. “Aren’t you done with her, yet? I wanna show you what a real woman can do.”
“She’s my girlfriend, Becca. I don’t want you!” I leaned in as close as I could get as I seethed. “I’m never gonna be done with her!” Whoa, I blinked as soon as the words left my mouth. Did I really just say that? I’m never gonna be done? What the hell is wrong with me? We haven’t even been together for a month yet, and I’m talking forever? I shook my head and lifted it to notice that the parking lot was emptying. The bell had rung and everyone was heading to first period. Great. I was getting ready to head into Physics class with Leah mad at me. I grabbed my backpack out of the back of my truck, and took off in a jog toward the door to the school, leaving Becca standing there. I needed to fix this and I needed to fix it fast. If she felt even one ounce of what I was feeling, she’d forgive me. I mean, I hadn’t even done anything.
ooooooooo
Leah
“I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry,” I kept muttering as I scurried through the halls trying to get to class before he could catch up with me. I don’t know why I was so pissed. I mean, he didn’t do anything. He didn’t ask for it. He didn’t act as if he liked it, and he hasn’t done anything to make me not trust him. He’s been nothing but trustworthy since we defined this relationship. “Get a grip, Leah,” I sighed when Avery and I rounded the corner where our classes were.
“He wants you, ya know,” she paused at the door and faced me.
“I know,” I nodded. “I’m just tired of that bitch hanging on him all the time. I wish he would tell her to go to hell,” I growled.
“He tried,” Nick’s voice sounded from behind me causing me to jump.
I whirled around of him and saw worry along with a silent apology in his eyes. “I
hate her,” I mumbled as I clinched and unclenched my fists beside me. “She’s always around, and I…” I trailed off as I looked away. I was so mad that I couldn’t even think clearly.
“Come with me,” Nick reached for my arm and began pulling me in the direction of the weight room.
“Where are we going? We have class!” I hissed. “Nick, I can’t skip.”
“Missing one class is not going to kill you. You have like a 5.0 GPA, anyway,” he tossed over his shoulder. “I need to talk and you need to listen,” he sighed as he pushed open the boy’s locker room door. He stuck his head in and looked around. “All clear,” he tugged me after him and continued striding with purpose until we reached the football team’s area. “Sit!” he pointed to one of the benches.
I lowered myself onto the hard pine and slowly lifted my eyes to meet his. He was pacing in front of me, and grabbing at his hair.
“I like you, Leah. I don’t know how to make that any clearer. I don’t want anyone else. Not Becca, not anyone else, only you.”
“But why?” I interrupted him. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to waste his time on me when he could have any girl in the school. “I can’t give you what you want.”
“What are you talking about?” he scowled.
“You know what I mean,” I mumbled.
“Sex? Are we back that?” He sighed as he looked up at the ceiling and let his head fall back.
“I told you…” I tried to answer, but he cut me off.
“I’m not asking for sex. I haven’t brought it up once,” he was mad. I’d made him mad at me. “Have you felt pressured?”
“No,” I murmured “but...”
“But what?” he lifted his arms to the side. “I thought we were doing good. I thought this was going somewhere. I thought that we had agreed that we’d cross that bridge later.”
“We did, but…” I tried again.
“But what?” He turned around and dropped to sit beside me. “I don’t know what else to do to prove to you that I’m not in this for sex. It’s been almost a month, Leah. I haven’t pushed you once. I don’t plan to,” his voice lowered to where I could barely hear it. “I’ve got some big decisions to make in the next couple of weeks and…” he sighed.
“And what?” I whispered.
“I just… never mind,” he shook his head.
“Is this about leaving?” I could feel the tears coming, but I refused to cry.
“How did you know about that?” His head snapped up as his face wrinkled in confusion.
“Cam told me,” I shrugged. “I’ve known for a long time.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” he muttered.
“No, don’t. He told me back before anything happened with us. He was trying to protect me,” I looked away. “He didn’t want me to fall for somebody that was gonna leave town. I get it though; you’ve got to do this for your family.” I nodded as I felt a single tear run down my cheek. “I’m sorry I’ve put you through all this,” I sniffed.
“What are you talking about?” Nick reached up and grabbed my shoulders.
“UNC,” I lifted a shoulder. “You should go.”
“Do you want me to go?” His face got deadly serious.
“Huh?” I wiped at my eyes.
“Do you want to be with me?” He said the words slower and refused to break eye contact with me.
“Of course I do, but…” I paused and tried to look away.
He grabbed my chin and directed me to look at him once again, “Then ask me to stay.”
“I can’t do that,” I murmured. “I could never do that.”
“Why? Don’t you want this,” he leaned in closer and brushed his lips over mine. “Can’t you feel it?” He did it again and before I could answer, he pressed his lips to mine a third time. This wasn’t like the soft sweet kisses we’d been sharing after school the last few weeks. These were laced with need, begging me to tell him what he wanted to hear. I didn’t know at the time, but Nick needed to me to voice what he’d decided long ago. He wanted to me to put into words what his heart was screaming.
My heart sped up as he slanted his head and deepened the kiss. The hand gripping my chin slowly slid around to cup the back of my head, as his other arm snaked around my waist. I sighed and inched closer. We’d been like this before, but something was different this time. It was as if the walls between us were finally coming down, and the trust I’d been trying so hard to grasp onto was finally within reach.
“Every time I’m around you, the rest of world melts away,” he panted as he moved from my mouth to my neck. “I couldn’t leave you behind even if I tried. Tell me to stay. Tell me you want to see this grow. Tell me,” he begged.
“I…” I tried to put what I was feeling into words, but I couldn’t. He had my head spinning, and all I could think was what if it was me? Could I make the same declaration? Would I give up the future that I was striving so hard for, for him? Could I? Should he?
“Ask me to stay,” he whispered as his lips moved closer to my ear. I shivered and I heard him growl right before he lifted me onto his lap. “You make me feel things I haven’t felt before. It drives me crazy to be near you, but I can’t stay away. I don’t want to,” he gasped, pressing his mouth to mine. By this point, we were a frenzied mess of hands and lips. Nick had kept his hands in the safe zone, but the longer we stayed this way, the more my need to be pushed past my comfort zone seemed to grow.
I was sitting in his lap, straddling him, with my arms wrapped around his neck. My fingers were buried in his hair, and he was gripping my hips so tight I was sure I was gonna have bruises. I pinched my eyes shut as I released my grip on his hair and let my hands trail down his back. The muscles bunched and twitched as he released a shuddering breath. “We need to get out of here,” he gulped. “I’m not sure how much longer I can take this.”
His warning was clear and I was ashamed to admit that I was fighting the same feelings. I could feel him under me. I knew the restraint he was exhibiting. “Nick?” I whispered as I buried my face in his neck.
“What, baby?” his voice quivered.
Without speaking or looking at him, I reached for his hand. He gave it willingly. I could tell he didn’t understand what I was getting ready to do. “It’s ok,” I murmured as I lifted his hand and placed it on my breast. We both shivered at the contact, and as he gently squeezed, I crashed my mouth back onto his and moaned. I’d only let one other guy touch me like that and it had felt nothing like this. Nick’s touch was electrifying and caused every bone in my body to zing with awareness. We were headed in a direction that I had never been, and as much as I wanted the feelings that were running through me to continue, I knew I needed to stop this. We weren’t ready. Well, Nick probably was, but I knew I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be, but I knew today marked the day that things changed for us.
We were different whether we wanted to admit it or not. Nick had used that moment to make a life altering decision. I didn’t know how life altering it had really been then, but it changed the course of his future. Years down the road, he’d look back. He’d look back and blame me. He wasn’t going to go to UNC. He wasn’t going to be a football star. He was going to be a townie. He wasn’t going to get out of Pittsford for a very long time and it was going to be all my fault.
Chapter 6
Nick
The next several weeks seemed to go by in a blur. Graduation was looming and Leah was spending more and more time at the track. She’d placed 2nd at the regional level and the state finals were in a few days. She’d told me last weekend when we were hanging out at her house that she needed to concentrate on running. She had that torn look on her face and I could tell that she was afraid I was going to be upset. I understood, sort of. She wanted to be the best; the only way that was going to happen was if she trained.
I, on the other hand, had given up the one chance I had to get out of this town, but I had a good reason. Leah was slowly becoming my world. Other than my mo
m and brother, Leah was the most important person in my life. She made me feel things that I’d never felt before. When she graduated, I was silently hoping things would escalate between us. I wasn’t sure what I really wanted, but I knew I wanted more. I’m not talking marriage or anything, but I did want some sort of promise. A promise that we’d get there sooner rather than later.
My mom was angry with me for turning UNC down. I’d been lectured, more than I’d like to think about, by my coach and friends. I think they were more hurt than anything else. They wanted the story. They wanted to tell everyone they knew me. They knew the boy that grew up on the wrong side of town who went on to become a football star. That wasn’t the worst though. Seeing my mother fall to pieces and hear her cry at night was the worst. She’d told me that she wanted me to be happy, to have more than she did, to make something out of my life. What she didn’t understand was that I wanted to make a life with Leah. I wanted her there in the future and I think I was slightly afraid that if I left for four years, she might not be there when I came back. No one seemed to understand the bond that I’d formed with the Golden Girl of Pittsford. They saw it as puppy love, a high school crush that would fade with time, leaving me alone and regretting the day I’d given up my future. I knew that wouldn’t happen though. Leah and I were now tighter than ever, and even though I was getting ready to go out into the world, I knew my future was with her. It was in the way she looked at me, the way she laughed when we were together, the look of determination to be the best that skated across her features whenever she won a race. Leah was becoming the center of my universe and I only hoped that I was hers.
ooooooooo
“You look tired.” I smiled over at her as she climbed into my truck. It was the end of practice and she looked as if she’d just climbed out of the shower. She was dripping with sweat and her hair was plastered to her face.
“I am tired.” She sighed as she closed her eyes and let her head fall back on the seat. “I’ve been busting my butt for days. I’m finally there,” she rolled her head to the side. “I’m finally where I need to be and it feels nice.”
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