“Bonus million for finding Atari’s E.T.!” Lion shouted.
I tried to disappear among the Sefs. I needed to avoid running into Gravity until I was certain she wouldn’t see me with anyone in my guild. That was the plan. That was, until I saw Scarecrow heading toward the stage. I froze in the doorway as he slouched up to Gravity and offered his hand.
“Scarecrow,” he said. “You should come with the Cheefs. You don’t want to hang out with most of these fags, anyway.”
Gravity gave a little smile, and I booked it straight back to the stage, stained white pants and all.
“Um, whoa,” I said, staring at her, wide-eyed.
Gravity’s eyes grew wide. “Whoa. You’re the kid from the car wash!”
“Jaxon,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “Jaxon.”
I’d forgotten how big her lips were.
“You know each other?” Scarecrow asked, incredulous.
I would have thought he was a dick, but he was right. There was no good reason I should know a girl this pretty.
Gravity bit her lip and bashfully turned the toe of her laceless shoe on the floor. “He sprayed me with water.”
“Heh.” I shrugged. “She, um, kept clawing at the furniture.”
Gravity laughed. Scarecrow left. It was one of the greatest moments in my life.
Gravity leapt up and slapped my arm. “I thought I stood you up tonight!”
“You did,” I said. “But I decided to get back at you by standing you up at the exact same time.”
She laughed again. I’d almost forgotten how easy things were with her. I got that lovely unwinding feeling I had thought was gone forever.
Gravity covered her face with her hands and then parted them, cradling her cheeks. “This is so embarrassing.”
“Um,” I said, “you do realize I’m here too, right?”
She dropped her hands, disgusted. “You mean a video game nerd asked me out?”
We both smiled.
“I’d ask what you’re in for,” she said, “but I already know. Spraying innocent girls at the car wash. They do know that’s not a video game, right?”
Something clicked. My Super Mario Bros. shirt hadn’t been a deterrent. It had been an attractor.
“I thought you were a Luddite,” I said. “No car. No phone. Why are you here?”
“Yeah, about that no phone thing . . .”
“You gonna introduce me to your friend?” a voice said behind me.
I turned around and found Meeki with the sweetest smile on her face.
Shit.
“Is this the Gravity?” Meeki asked with a fake-shocked expression. “The one you were supposed to go on a date with tonight?”
“Gravity?” Gravity asked.
“Oh, I, uh, didn’t want to tell them your real name,” I said.
“Aww,” she said, nudging my chin. “You talked about me?”
“Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling myself blush. I wanted to say something funny, fast. “My name is Miles here, by the way. Miles Prower. Get it? Miles per hour?”
“Clever,” Gravity said. She didn’t so much as crack a smile.
We had another awkward pause, like the one we’d had at the car wash. Only this time, Meeki was standing there, grinning through every painful second.
“Welcome to V-hab, I guess,” I said to Gravity.
I couldn’t be cute and clever right then. I was terrified Meeki was going to ask how Gravity and I had met, and then I’d have to explain that it wasn’t some dickhead who’d sprayed her at the car wash. It had been me.
“Yo, Toffi.” Scarecrow stuck his head back into the Hub. “You coming?”
“You should come with us,” Meeki said, as sweet as ever. “I can tell you aaaaaaaall about this place.”
I couldn’t drag my finger across my throat at Meeki without Gravity seeing. So I just stood there. Like an idiot.
Gravity gave me a devastating smirk, then gave the same devastating smirk to Scarecrow, as if she was asking which one of us wanted her along more.
Did I let Meeki reveal every terrible thing about me, or did I send Gravity off with the Master Cheefs, only to be swallowed up into Scarecrow’s harem?
“Come with us,” I said.
“All right,” she said, shrugging.
“Great!” Meeki said.
“Great,” I said.
I was going to throw up.
G-man stuck his head back into the Hub. “Players! Let’s head out! Now!”
Meeki, Gravity, and I walked to the Nest.
“This is exciting!” Gravity said. “What if the missing kid’s dead?”
“Then Miles will have a lot of explaining to do,” Meeki said.
Gravity laughed. I did not.
We climbed the stairs to the Nest, where Aurora did her best to avoid all three of us.
“Gather around, everyone,” Fezzik said. His face was flushed, and he had a very sober look. “It’s my fault Soup’s missing. I was distracted and only thinking about myself.”
“What a dick,” Meeki whispered just to me.
“Shut up,” I said, quietly between my teeth.
“Soup is our little caretaker,” Fezzik said. “The Nest wouldn’t be the same without him. The pillows wouldn’t be as fluffed and the cross-stitch wouldn’t be as neat.”
Meeki nudged me and whispered, “Hey, you should show Gravity some of your cross-stitch!”
“What cross-stitch?” Gravity said.
“Oh, it’s a, uh, joke,” I said.
“Or what about that watercolor?” Meeki said.
“What watercolor?” Gravity said.
“She’s joking.”
“Guys?” Fezzik said, and we all shut up. “Let’s get out there and find him. He can’t have made it far on those little legs of his, but I still think we should hustle.”
Fezzik handed out jackets and then shook the lump in the bunks. “Zxzord, up.”
Zxzord didn’t budge.
“NOW!” Fezzik bellowed.
Zxzord shot up straight. The undead risen. Fezzik really was a healer.
I needed a hell of a lot more than that to get me out of this situation.
• • •
The desert was purple with dusk as Fezzik led us across the dunes, away from Video Horizons. He didn’t make any jokes about our party of adventurers heading off into the wilderness—the healer giant, the electric warlock, the Asian warrior, the Elvin oracle, the beautiful time warper . . . and the dude who’d lost our guild’s pet.
Sand sucked our shoes; the wind stung our faces. Aurora and Meeki kept their distance, like two satellites. Gravity fell behind and admired Zxzord’s tattoos. The sight made me extremely uncomfortable, so I focused on the search.
Soup would be fine. We’d find him. He’d say something annoying like, Didja miss me? and jiggle my belly in a way that would let me go right back to hating him.
Why did the stupid kid run away anyway? It wasn’t like what I had said was that bad.
And why the hell was Gravity touching Zxzord’s arm?
The wind raised the sand, blurring the horizon, making it difficult to make out definite shapes. My mind kept tricking me with little ghost flashes of a Soupy silhouette scrambling up the side of a dune. I’d blink, and he’d be nothing more than sand swirling in the night wind.
Something light and dry brushed my cheek. I whirled, expecting to find Soup. It was Aurora, offering me a dead leaf.
“What is this?” I asked, taking it.
She shrugged and walked away.
We came to a large dune and trekked to the top, huffing and searching in silence. I started to get just a tiny bit worried. How were we supposed to find a little Soup sprite in all that sand? A dune hovel? A tuneless whistle in the distance? Big fat tear drops in the sand? Up to this point, I’d never had to look for the kid. He had always found me. I kept expecting to have him latch on to my leg so I could drag him back to Video Horizons.
“What
’s that?” Gravity asked, flicking the leaf between my fingers.
Thank God she’d left Zxzord behind.
“Oh, um . . .” I looked at the leaf. I had no idea what it was supposed to mean. Rather than explain the weird magicky girl whom I’d tried to kiss just an hour before, I tossed the leaf aside. “It’s nothing.”
“Hey, Miles!” Meeki yelled. “What if you screamed out an apology? Maybe that would bring him back?”
“What’s she talking about?” Gravity said.
“I . . .” I shrugged.
We reached the top of the dune. There was nothing but sand and stars in every direction. Smaller dunes swelled at the bottom of the slope before us, any one of which could have hidden Soup.
“Hmm,” Fezzik said. He sized up our guild more than he ever had before the tournaments. “Okay, Burds, it looks like we need to split up. I trust you. I don’t think you’re going to try to ditch the party. And if you do, you’ll probably get hit with an Ice 3 spell and freeze to death.”
Even with all of my insulation, I was starting to shiver. I couldn’t imagine what Soup’s little body was going through.
“I’m calling the peak of this dune the save point,” Fezzik said. “If I call, I need you all to return here immediately. Deal?”
“Deal,” we all said.
“Not you, Zxzord,” Fezzik said. “You come with me.”
“No one ever trusts the druggie,” Zxzord said.
Gravity giggled.
The guild fanned out as we trekked down the dune, our feet making big impacts in the sand. Gravity stayed with me.
“Funny that we both got committed here,” I said.
“Sure is.”
“It’s almost like the universe—”
“I don’t believe in the universe,” she said.
“Oh. Ha. Neither do I, actually.”
We trod through the sand in silence for a few steps.
“Miles sucks!” Meeki called across the dune.
“Miles doesn’t suck!” I shouted back.
Soup wasn’t there to defend me. What else could I do?
“Not the charmer with everyone, huh?” Gravity asked.
Oh God. Here it was. How many people had I pissed off in the past week alone? Aurora, Meeki, Soup, G-man, Scarecrow, Dryad, Casey, my dad . . .
“Far from it.”
“You sweet on that weird chick with the white hair?” Gravity asked.
“What makes you say that?”
She shrugged. “She gave you a leaf.”
In the distance Aurora’s hair glowed in the moonlight. “I haven’t sprayed her with a hose, if that’s what you mean.”
Gravity laughed, and I instantly felt a little better. God, I had shot myself in the foot. I’d treated everyone in V-hab like crap, and now it was going to bite me in the ass. She’d see what they saw—a pudgy, desperate gamer who actually had no idea how to interact with humans and was too terrified to admit it.
“I hate to break it to ya,” Gravity said, nodding toward Aurora. “I think that chick has a screw loose.”
I laughed. “You noticed?”
“Totally. And that Asian chick seems like a total dick. Plus her boobs are weird.”
“Ha-ha. Are they?” I said.
“Totally.”
I hoped Gravity didn’t think my boobs were weird.
This was amazing. Gravity saw exactly what I’d recognized when I’d first gotten there. The Fury Burds sucked. And I was a good guy who was pretty funny every once in a while.
We descended in silence. The back of Gravity’s hand brushed the back of mine once or twice. Maybe this would turn out perfectly after all. Gravity and I were locked away together in the middle of the desert, no hope for escape. I might even start point dodging like Soup just to stick around a little longer. Then she and I could be annoyed by him together . . . once we found him, of course.
Before we reached the bottom of the dune, Gravity hooked my arm and whispered, “Wait.”
We sat in the soft sand and stayed low as the Burds disappeared behind the smaller dunes. The occasional “Soo-oup” floated in on the wind.
Oh my God. Was Gravity going to kiss me? Her face was so close. I was ready.
“I’ve got a crazy idea,” she whispered.
“What?” I said.
“You know how that giant said no escaping?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Well, what if we did?”
I could barely make out her expression in the starlight. I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” She looked toward the road. “They like to make us believe we’re in the middle of nowhere, but we could easily walk back to the highway and hitchhike out of here. Whaddayathink?”
My stomach flipped while my heart swelled.
The good thing about video games with multiple endings is that you can always save in the last hour and go back to replay it differently, to see how things turn out when you make different choices. Not so with real life.
Should I stick with the guild or make a romantic midnight escape?
Gravity was beautiful and laughed at my jokes and played video games and actually wanted to go on a date with me.
Then there was my guild: Meeki, who tore me to shreds. Aurora, who had rejected me. Fezzik, who wouldn’t defend me when I really needed him. Soup, whom I had made run away . . . but only because he’d been acting like a little shit. Zxzord, that asshole, who had told Meeki I’d kissed Aurora and who had flirted with Gravity.
“Yeah, let’s get the fuck out of here,” I said.
“Yesssssssssssss!” Gravity said, shaking my arm.
Once we were gone, I’d never have to deal with the Fury Burds again. And they’d never have to deal with me.
We crept back up the dune. Once we reached the top, Gravity stopped us again.
“Wait,” she said. “I just got a better idea.”
Falling Through the World
We snuck away under sparkling twilight and ran down the dune back to Video Horizons. We crept past Command, who was pacing the building’s perimeter, slipped through the open door, and tiptoed down the dark, green corridor.
I followed Gravity to G-man’s office. She opened the desk drawer and rustled through it. “Sweeeeeet.” She jangled a set of keys.
“Wait,” I said. “Are we—”
“Stealing a car? Yep!”
“O”—I swallowed my terror—“kay!”
She sifted through another drawer. “Aha!” She held up a twenty and then ran down the staircase.
I waited for my heart to catch up. “Cool,” I said. “Awesome. This is awesome.” I took a deep breath, and then followed. Gravity didn’t so much as flinch at Conquer’s squeaking shoes echoing down the hallway, as if we couldn’t possibly be caught. She made me feel kinda invincible.
We passed the Hub.
We passed the Feed.
We passed the grate where Soup and I had discovered the side quest.
We stepped out into the parking lot with the Oldsmobile that had brought me and Zxzord four days earlier. Beside it was a brown Acura.
“Get in!” Gravity said, unlocking the door and hopping into the driver’s seat.
I climbed into the passenger seat and pinched my hands between my knees to keep them from trembling. The stale coffee smell didn’t help my anxiety.
“This is so exciting,” Gravity said, sliding the keys into the ignition.
“Yes,” I said, trying to feel as electric as she was. “It is.”
“Ugh, cheapo is almost out of gas,” she said, reading the meter.
“Well, he probably didn’t know we were gonna steal it,” I said.
Gravity gave me a cold look, and I tried to pretend like it had been a joke.
“Ha-ha,” I said.
“Oop!” Gravity ducked, and pulled me down by my sleeve just as I caught a glimpse of Command stepping into the light of the parking lot. His shadow pass
ed across the speckled dust of the windshield. The parking brake jabbed into my ribs. I’m cool, I thought. I’m cool. I am a . . . cool guy who does cool things like steal cars.
Gravity peeked over the steering wheel. “Clear!”
She sat up and turned the ignition, and I tried not to panic as the engine struggled to life.
It finally turned over, and something awoke in me.
Adventure . . .
Maybe.
She put the car into gear and lightly accelerated out of the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” I asked, checking the side mirror for any sign of Command.
“We can crash at my aunt’s,” Gravity said, eyes on the road. “She’s the best. She’ll let us stay in her guest room for a while.”
Guest room. Singular. The thought calmed my anxiety.
Once we got onto the open road, Gravity stepped on the gas, rocketing us through the night, and sang in a spot-on Amy Winehouse impression. “They tried to make us go to V-hab, but we said, NO, NO, NO.”
“Ha-ha,” I said.
She swiveled the steering wheel, and we wiggled all over the road. I tried to rub the feeling back into my legs as I glanced out the back window, fully expecting to see swirling red-and-blue lights.
Gravity honked the horn, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“Maybe we shouldn’t do that,” I said. “Ha-ha.”
“Do you think this is the car that hit G-man?” she asked.
“What?” I said.
“You don’t know?” she said, wide-eyed. “G-man’s the dad who got run over by his son after he took his copy of Halo away. That’s why he started a facility for e-tards.”
Headlines flashed through my head. Moments of G-man adjusting his hip or discouraging violence in our activities or getting teary-eyed when talking about trying to improve the lives of players . . .
The images vanished as two cars came down the opposite side of the road. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I knew it. They were cop cars. I almost had a heart attack as they passed us.
“Calm down, dude,” Gravity said, noticing my tension. “They’re going to look for that missing kid.” She swiveled the steering wheel some more. “Do you think this is the car, though? Oh my God, that would be hilarious.”
“Ha-ha. Would it?”
She clicked buttons on her door, and both of our windows rolled down. Wind whipped my hair.
Cure for the Common Universe Page 20
