by Lily Morton
I become aware that she’s been talking and has now stopped, waiting for an answer. This time I don’t make an excuse for my inattentiveness and interestingly she doesn’t become angry like she used to. I’d swear she’s also sitting a bit closer.
I want to smile because the old adage of ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ clearly runs true with Bella. She wanted nothing to do with me when I was bending over backwards to please her and slaving to make her happy, but as soon as I became cold she heated up.
This is all part of my plan to get her back but for the first time the thought occurs to me that maybe relationships shouldn’t be such hard work. My thoughts shift to the men from the band. They are in relationships but they bear no resemblance to the ones in my life. Theirs are warm and brimming with humour and love and care. I dismiss the thought because that’s their world and not the world that I was born into. I just want my old life back.
I’d been flabbergasted when Bella asked for a divorce. I knew that our relationship was cool but it had always been like that and it mirrored the marriages of our friends and families. What surprised me most was the feeling of failure that had fallen on me. I have never failed at anything in my life, and that it happened in my marriage in the full view of everyone was humiliating. I’d fought against it trying everything to persuade her to change her mind, but her smugness and resolution had increased exponentially with my pleas so instead I’d backed away and now I’m trying another way. I will get her.
“You are distracted darling,” Bella coos and I look up at her.
“I’m sorry Bella that was rude of me. What did you want from me?”
She sits forward, deliberately letting me look down her top. Hmm and I never even had to open my wallet I think cynically and then jerk. These rogue thoughts are coming thick and fast lately. I must be overdue for a holiday.
I focus on her again as she speaks. “I wanted to know whether you fancy taking me over to France to daddy’s house for a few weeks in the summer?”
House. It’s a fucking estate I think but smile. “Darling you are aware that we’re divorced aren’t you? I don’t think going away together is something that most divorced couples do.”
She runs her fingernails down my arm. “Sweetheart I think there’s a few things that we’ve done that aren’t part of the divorce process.”
I think back to that weekend that we’d spent fucking. The memory should fill me with heat and it did before, but for some reason now it just makes me feel weary. She’s good in bed but it’s never felt totally real to me, more like an act that she puts on. But then who am I to judge? Sex with her was always lacking for me. Maybe it’s me. Sex has never been something to seize me, but rather just an itch that needs to be scratched. I’m sure that some people feel it deeply, but not me. I don’t think that I feel anything deeply.
I mentally slap myself. I’m in the middle of the longest play that I’ve ever made. I want her back. I’m not used to failure and to fail at my marriage is embarrassing and humiliating. None of my family have ever divorced my father told me when I gave him the news. I don’t wonder that he’s bitter. If I’d been stuck with my mother all these years with no chance of parole I’d have been miserable too.
However, he had a point so a few months ago I set out to win her back using studied coldness and being seen around town with a friend of hers to whet her appetite, and here she is a sleek blonde shark nibbling at my bait. I want to fist pump.
“Bella you know that I’m at the villa,” I murmur. “And after the summer I’m lecturing for a few months.”
She makes a moue of displeasure and then smiles invitingly at me. “Maybe I can visit you there then if you’re not going to put out now sweetie.”
“Maybe,” I murmur and then stand. “I’m so sorry Bella but my next appointment will be here any second and I’ve got to get things ready.”
She rises gracefully and then comes towards me gifting me with a cool kiss on the cheek. “Good to see you John,” she says gracefully, and I nod as I see her out of the door.
Once she’s gone I throw myself into my chair and do a quick fist pump which attracts a disapproving huff from Carol as she puts some paperwork on my desk.
“What’s that look for?” I ask idly as I grab my pen and start checking the deeds.
“I’m not sure that you know what you’re doing,” she sniffs.
“Carol sometimes I marvel at how the rest of the staff are so wary around me, but you however treat me as though you used to change my nappies.”
She sniffs haughtily. “I might not have changed your nappies Mr Harrington, but I’ve certainly cleaned up some shit for you over the years.”
I roar with laughter and pretend to swat her backside. “Never leave me Carol,” I say smiling winsomely, and she smiles that wide maternal smile that had made me hire her over the hundreds of other more nubile applicants.
“One day I will,” she says solemnly and I frown. “And then what will I leave you with? Madame that’s just gone? I might just as well stick you in a deep freeze and leave you to it.” She looks at me searchingly. “I’d like to see you happy before I retire John.”
“I am happy,” I protest and she smiles sadly.
“Sweetie you wouldn’t know happiness if it came up and bit you on the arse.”
I smirk. “I would if it came in the form of a size eight blonde.”
She sniffs and leaves the room but after she’s gone I let the pen fall to the desk. I am happy I tell myself. My plan is coming together and I’d be prepared to bet good money that Bella will be back in my home and by my side by the end of the summer, and then my life will go on as before with no disappointed or pitying looks.
The thought occurs to me as to whether I actually want my life back the way it was, but then I huff and pick up my pen again, determinedly drawing the paperwork back to me. I just need the villa I tell myself. I need my holiday to get my mind back on track.
Matt
I sigh heavily into the phone. “Just sort it out Ed. You made this mess. Apologise to the customer and make it right.”
He gives a petulant snort. “Matt if you met them you’d understand how I feel.”
“I have met them Ed,” I retort sharply. “I met them when they signed the contract for a new discreet PA and I recommended you. I really got to know them when they deposited an exorbitant amount of money into my company’s bank account.” I pause and my voice hardens. “That’s really all I care to get to know about them Ed. I’ve informed Mrs Armitage that the matter will be sorted and that your offensive online rant about them will be taken down from Facebook immediately.” He says nothing and my voice goes sharp. “Immediately Ed. I mean it.”
“Matt,” he says apologetically and I instantly interrupt.
“I don’t want to hear it. I think that I’m an approachable man and I do understand that clients can be difficult, but we’re professionals and this sort of behaviour reflects badly not just on you but on me as well. I’ve worked too fucking hard to make the business a success for you to fuck it all up in a petulant temper tantrum. Now take the fucking message down and that’s an end to it.”
Silence falls. “An end to what?” he finally asks in a sharp voice and I pause for a second wondering whether I’m really doing this, but then I think of how very fucking high maintenance he is and how many of these conversations I’ve had lately, and my resolve firms. “Everything Ed,” I say firmly. “We’re done and you’re done.”
“For fuck’s sake Matt,” he shouts. “You don’t mean that.”
I sigh. “I really do Ed. Look this hasn’t been working for a while you know that, and this is the final straw.”
“Matt it’s just business.”
“No it’s my business and I expect to be able to trust the person that I’m with, with something that means a lot to me. When you posted that message you weren’t just saying fuck you to Mr and Mrs Armitage, you were saying it to me.” My voice goes harsh and I wince slightly
but it doesn’t stop my next words. “Ed I may be laid back but I’m not a twat so don’t treat me like one.”
The phone goes dead and I swear under my breath and then take out my keys and let myself into Bram’s flat. “Honey I’m home,” I call out sarcastically. “And I bring a shit ton of paperwork and your dry cleaning.”
Bram’s Irish voice calls from the lounge. “In here my dearest darling.”
I snort and unload the junk onto the side table in the foyer and then cavalierly throw his dry cleaning onto a chair. The fucker can put that away himself. Taking off my jacket I rub the back of my neck which feels strung tight with tense muscles.
“Tell me something stupid that you’ve done to cheer me up,” I call out and then come to a stop when I see both Bram and Charlie sitting on the sofa, beers in hand and wearing identical Cheshire Cat grins. “Oh shit,” I mutter. “What have you two done and is there time to call your impossibly bossy lawyer before the police arrive?”
Bram snorts and Charlie stretches and gives me a very knowing grin. “You’re looking very spiffy sweetness.”
I look down at the navy suit trousers and white shirt that I’m wearing and then throw the jacket onto another sofa, closely followed by my body. Lounging back on the supple leather I remove the red tie that appears to be trying to strangle me and kick off my shoes.
“Comfortable enough?” Bram smirks and I smile at the best friend that I have in the world. I’ve known the members of the band since childhood, but since the first minute that Bram and I met we just clicked and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
On the surface I operate as Bram’s assistant mainly because every other person male and female that I sent for the job fell in love with him. The women he shagged, the men he befriended. Therefore to stop him operating some version of a medieval court in his flat I volunteered myself as the one person that is immune to his charms.
The arrangement works because I really am immune as he’s a brother to me, and also because he’s one of the most laid back people that I’ve ever met. He tolerates me spending two days a week in the office and then running my business from my phone, because when we’re together it’s just like we’re back in school messing about and piss taking.
I realise that I’ve tuned out and focus back on them. “Why the fuck are you grinning like some nutter?” I ask Charlie and the lead singer laughs and then bends forward looking at me winsomely. “Oh fuck right off,” I say, alarmed and sitting up straight. “Don’t look at me like that Charlie. Last time you did that we nearly got arrested in Germany.”
“That was a total misunderstanding,” Charlie protests and then smiles again. “I just wanted to ask you a teeny favour that’s all Matty.”
“Oh please don’t call me Matty when you’re smiling like that,” I say faintly and Bram bursts out laughing. I steel myself. “Okay ask me.”
“Don’t look like that,” he says indignantly. “It’s a good favour honestly mate.”
I stare at him. “Charlie I have had a shit day so far. I was called into work to sort out an extremely irate customer, which led to me kissing ass for hours and not in a pleasurable way. As a direct result of this I was forced to sack Ed, not just from his position in the company but also as my boyfriend. Now, I’m faced with the two of you sitting there looking like Statler and Waldorf. Spit it out.”
“Not something that you normally say Matt. You normally go for the swallowers,” Bram says comfortably and I glare at him. He smiles lopsidedly. “I can tell that you’re not happy today babe, but can I just say that I’m fucking ecstatic. I fucking hated Ed. He was such a whining motherfucker all the time and seriously money grabbing.” He puts his hand to his chest in a horrible facsimile of a pouting debutante. “Oh Matt please buy me that. Oh Matty my childhood was so appallingly bad that we could never afford Louis Vuitton.”
“Oh shut up,” I say but a grin is playing around my lips, and Charlie laughs out loud and then stops.
“Actually Matty that makes what I’m going to ask you so much easier.” He pauses. “In fact so much easier that I could actually make out that I’m doing you a favour.” I stare at him and he slumps. “Okay I won’t bother with that.” He straightens. “Okay I’m just going to ask you outright. How do you fancy a three month paid vacation in the South of France at not one, but two luxurious villas?” Bram snorts disgustingly and Charlie slumps slightly. “Okay one luxurious villa and one broken down money pit.”
“You’re not making any sense,” I say calmly, pulling my legs up and settling comfortably into Bram’s sofa. I think that I might sleep here tonight rather than go home and confront an hysterical Ed.
“Well you remember how much Mabe loved the South of France?” I nod. “And how I will do anything to make my wife happy?” I nod again. He might be overdoing it slightly with the dramatics but Charlie adores his wife. “Well I’ve bought a villa.”
I look up. “Well that’s good, right babe? She’ll probably be cross with you for spending money but who can resist a luxurious villa?”
Bram laughs and Charlie shifts uncomfortably. “Well the one that I’ve bought isn’t exactly the luxurious villa. Mine is more the run down money pit.”
I smirk. “Okay that sounds like you but why are you telling me this?”
“Well I’m having it done up money no object, but I’m on a time limit of three months and I need someone to oversee everything.”
I sit up. “You’re not suggesting what I think you are, are you?”
He nods emphatically. “You’re perfect Matty. You deal with people so well. You’re calm and organised. You speak French and you spent that year working on that building estate so you’ve got loads of building knowledge.”
“Charlie I was brick carrying because I had no money. I wasn’t designing and building the fucking Sistine Chapel.”
He shakes his head merrily, ignoring me. “You’re perfect Matt. You’re the only one that I can trust. Anyone else and I might worry that they’d shaft me and do a shitty job.”
I turn my head and look at Bram and he shrugs. “Might be good fun babe.” Only Bram would describe a building site as fun. He carries on. “I mean you’ve just broken up with Ed. The South of France for three months sounds fantastic. You’ve been moaning for a while about being tied to your desk so much. This would be outside and involving people which is really your strong point. Work’s fine and Lana is doing great as your office manager isn’t she?”
I nod because Lana is fantastic - organised, clever and switched on. She could definitely carry the business if I was away. She’s done it before when I’ve joined the lads on tour.
Realising that I’ve fallen into a trap somewhere I sigh wearily and look at both their matching bright smiles. “Okay in theory I could go. Sell me on it some more Charlie because if the villa’s such a fucking wreck I’m not feeling the idea of sleeping in a sleeping bag with no electricity or water. It’s like a particularly bad camping trip that Bram and I went on once when we were seventeen.”
Bram sighs looking nostalgic. “Ah, happy days.”
I shake my head and Charlie leans forward nearly falling off the sofa in excitement. “But that’s where the other luxurious villa comes in. It’s a fucking beautiful place Matt, high in the hills above Cannes. It’s huge, got an amazing pool and you could drive to my place in five minutes. I loved it the week that Mabe and I spent there.”
I stare at him, my mind working furiously. “Hang on, the only villa that you two have stayed in belongs to -” I pause and they nod together looking like complete idiots. “Not John’s place?” I say in a disgusted voice.
Charlie nods. “Bingo. He says that you can stay there and he’s going to be around to offer advice if you want it on building regs and shit. I’ve got an expensive French lawyer but John’s better.”
“No Charlie,” I groan. “Not him. Tell me that he isn’t staying there too? You know I can’t fucking stay there if he’s there.”
“Well it is h
is house,” Charlie says primly. “It’d be a bit awkward to ask him to move out just so that you can move in. Have some heart Matty. Dumping and sacking your boyfriend in five minutes has made you into a really hard bastard.”
He looks at Bram who instantly holds his hands to his heart. “I remember Charlie when Matt was such a sweet giving person. Money has made him into a completely different person.” His voice goes quavery. “I miss the real him soooo much!”
I lob a cushion at him. “Shut up you fucking twat. Now be quiet and let me think.”
I stand up and wander over to the windows looking out over the River Thames. I stare at the slow moving river thinking hard.
Three months away does sound good and the idea of getting my hands dirty also appeals. I’ve been stuck in my office for months now and it doesn’t suit me as I’m active and sporty by nature. I know that Lana could cope, and I’m only on the end of a phone and Skype if anyone needs me.
The only fly in the ointment is John. I think back to that night when Charlie and Mabe had imploded, helped along by Charlie mistakenly thinking that John was involved with her. We’d spent the night at Charlie’s house stopping him from charging round to where Mabe was staying, and John had arrived that night to try and clear up things.
I’d taken one look at him and embarrassingly gone hard straight away. He’s utterly gorgeous with dark hair, piercing blue eyes, a sharp nose and a hard, long body that screams plenty of time spent exercising. He looks like a very hot David Gandy, if he could possibly be any hotter. However, the mistaken belief that he’d fucked up my friend’s relationship, followed by five minutes in his abrasive, bossy company listening to his public school voice, and I’d taken a complete instant dislike to him.
I see him a lot now because he’s become very close friends to the lads and has been accepted into our inner circle which doesn’t happen to a lot of people. However, every time that I’m around him and no matter how much I resolve to try and get to know him, I’ve found myself jittery and antagonistic which is so unlike me it’s a joke. He gets under my skin in some way that no one ever has before, but to really ladle on the irony he’s straight so I can’t even fuck this feeling away.
