by Sophie Stern
“If you feel cold, or you wake up alone in the dark sometime, it could trigger those memories,” Sarah says gently. “It’s not uncommon for bad memories to creep up on you when you least expect it.”
I feel comfortable with Sarah. Maybe it’s because she’s a woman, or perhaps it’s because she treated me when I was at my worst, but she makes me feel at home.
“I’m nervous about it,” I admit.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I nod, and she smiles.
“Stay right here while I get us some cocoa, okay? My mom always told me that cocoa makes everything better.”
She vanishes into the next room, and for just a minute, I am alone. I’m not scared, but I have a second to think, and I spend it looking around her office. It’s homey, and comfortable, and I wonder how long Sarah has been on this ship.
Mostly, I wonder if this is a life I would enjoy.
Would I like being in a place like this?
Would I like being with Max?
Something tells me that I would.
Something tells me I would love being here, would love being with him. The question, really, becomes whether I should do the “right” thing and give myself time to heal and recover from the ordeal or if I should be brave, and bold, and risk everything to be with the guy who has been so kind to me. Should I take a chance on Max?
“All ready,” Sarah comes back into the room with two tall, thin glasses. She hands me one, and the scent of chocolate fills my nostrils. “To us,” she says with a smile.
“To us,” I take my cocoa and sip it. It’s incredible. “Where did you learn how to make this?” I ask. “It’s amazing.”
“It’s a Mirroean recipe, actually,” she smiles. “One of the crew members owed me a favor, and she taught me how to make her father’s cocoa. Pretty good, right?”
“It’s incredible.”
We sip our cocoa for a few minutes, and then I decide it’s now or never. Waiting isn’t going to make talking about this any easier, and since Sarah is my doctor, she already knows what I’ve been through. She’s seen the marks on my body. She’s helped me heal. Nothing I say is going to shock or surprise her.
There’s not going to be a moment where I make her gasp or it seems impossible to believe what I’m saying.
“I was scared of sex,” I tell her. “And of men. Those men hurt me, but they aren’t all guys, you know?”
“I know.”
“Before I was taken, I used to love sex. I used to love my body. I used to love the way I felt when I was naked with someone. Whether we were in love or just having fun, I loved that feeling of intimacy. I loved that connection. I felt like such a goddess, and it was incredible.”
“It sounds incredible,” Sarah agrees quietly.
“But that was taken from me,” I tell her. “I was raped, and hurt, and I spent so much time in my cell wondering what I would do if I ever escaped.”
“You tried to kill yourself,” she says gently. “Is that how you wanted to escape?”
I look at the scars on my wrist, and I shake my head.
“For awhile,” I admit. “But then I kind of gave up on that idea. My captors made it impossible, first of all, but I also realized that if I kept hanging on, I’d either die eventually or I’d be freed. Why speed things up?”
It sounds strange, stupid, and naïve when I say this out loud, but Sarah doesn’t look upset or surprised. She just listens, and I’m grateful for her.
I’m lucky to have someone like her to talk with.
“I didn’t want them to steal my happiness more than they already had.”
“So you and Max?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Me and Max.”
How can I put this into words?
What happened between me and Max felt like so much more than sex, so much more than words can accurately describe. What happened between us was incredible, and powerful, and special.
“How did that go?” Sarah asks softly. “Any flashbacks?”
“No,” I shake my head. “It was better than expected. It was like jumping into a swimming hole on a hot summer day.”
“Refreshing?”
“Yeah. I don’t have the idea that I’m somehow dirty or tainted because of what happened to me, but I feel very…”
“You have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Sarah says. “I imagine you probably feel very tired.”
“That’s a good way of describing it. Tired. I’m worn out, and I didn’t want this thing that was such a big part of my life before the kidnapping to become some obstacle to overcome, you know?”
“You thought that if you could have sex right away, with someone safe and kind, that it wouldn’t be a big deal, and that it would help you to move forward,” Sarah nods. “It makes sense.”
“It helps that Max is really hot.”
She smiles.
“And really kind.”
She nods.
“And I really, really like him.”
“If it makes a difference, I think he feels the same way,” she says gently. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and he was in here every day checking on you.”
“You don’t think I’m rushing into this?”
“Of course you are, but that’s the thing about life, Diana. You can’t sit around waiting for something to happen to you. Sometimes you have to go after the things you want. This idea of a perfect moment or a perfect time for something to happen is a total sham. If you wait for the perfect moment to get with a guy, you’ll never get with him.”
“It feels different with Max somehow.” I’ve been with plenty of guys before, but I never felt like this with them. I never felt this connection, this draw. I never felt like I had been missing part of myself before I found them.
“He’s your mate,” she says with a shrug.
“My what?”
Sarah raises an eyebrow. “Your mate.”
“Um, what the hell is that? Like a Prince Charming sort of deal?”
“You don’t know about alien mates? I thought you’d been around the universe, darling.” Her eyes twinkle, and I know she’s messing with me.
“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s an alien mate?”
“Remember the idea back on Earth about finding your one true love?”
“I remember.”
“Well, aliens have that, too. It’s called a mate, and it’s this incredible bond. Oh, not everyone believes in the mating bond, but it’s something you can’t deny.” She looks a little sad when she says this, and I want to ask her what’s wrong.
Has Sarah found her mate?
Does he not believe in mates?
“Hey,” I reach for her hand and hold it. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she nods. She looks a little embarrassed. “It’s just some personal stuff I’m going through right now. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so weird about it.”
“It’s fine. If you want to talk, I’m here.”
“It’s okay, but thank you. I really do appreciate that.” She swallows hard, shakes her head, and seems to compose herself. “So the thing about mates is that when you find the one you’re supposed to be with, something just clicks. It’s like you’ve known them your entire life. It’s like they’re your very best friend in the whole universe, and you were destined to be together.”
“I like it,” I say slowly. “It sounds magical.” And I like the idea that no matter what I’ve gone through, no matter what I’m going to go through, that there’s something out there who cares and loves me and who wants to be with me.
I like the idea that I don’t have to face the darkness alone.
There’s no doubt in my mind that there will be darkness for me to face. I’m not through the woods just yet. There will be days when it’s a struggle to get out of bed, days when I don’t want to face the world, but something tells me I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.
Something tells me everything is going to be just fine.
Cha
pter 11
Max
The week passes quickly in a blur of meetings, lovemaking, and eating. Diana seems constantly hungry, and I’m more than happy to oblige by making her cakes, cookies, roasts, and stews. It’s been a long time since I cooked, but I love being able to pamper her in this way.
There’s been no talk of us being true mates, but I feel it in my bones. Every day, I become more and more certain that Diana and I are destined to be together. She’s an incredible woman: strong, smart, sassy. She tells me stories of her treasure hunts and tells me all of the fun things she and her father discovered together.
The thing I find most interesting is that they never kept the treasure for themselves. Oh, they kept enough to live off of, but most of what they found, they donated to museums and schools throughout the universe.
She’s fantastic, and I want to spend all of my time with her, but all good things must come to an end. I’m assigned a mission, and I have to go. I have to leave her, and I really, really don’t want to.
We’re sitting side-by-side on the sofa, curled up together, when I tell her.
“I have to go away for a few days.” Her body tenses, and I wonder what she’s thinking. Diana hasn’t been alone since she was rescued. Is she wondering how she’s going to handle solitude now? Is she wondering if she’ll feel isolated? “It’s only for a few days. Unfortunately, it’s a mission that has to happen now.”
“You tried to reschedule?”
“I tried,” I sigh. “There’s a guy on Dreagle, and he’s been doing some bad stuff. We have to go try to get him.”
“Say no more,” she smiles. “Go save the day, Max.”
She looks at me like I’m the brave one, like I’m the strong one. She looks at me like I’m the hero she’s been waiting for, but that’s not true at all. Diana is the one who saved me.
Before I met her, I was floating through space, but I wasn’t really living. I wasn’t laughing. I wasn’t having fun. Before her, my entire life consisted of the job, but now?
Now I think there’s room for more in my life than just work.
I kiss her softly.
“You can stay with Sarah if you want to,” I tell her. “I’ve already cleared it with her.”
“Blake’s going with you, I take it,” she smiles.
“He is.”
“So Sarah might be a little lonely.”
“Sarah and Blake? They aren’t a thing.” I still don’t understand why. They’re obviously perfect for each other, but neither one of them seems to realize this.
Diana just shrugs, but then she snuggles closer to me.
“Do you want to go stay with her?” I ask again quietly. I don’t want to push her, but I do want to make sure she doesn’t have to be alone while I’m gone. If she has a nightmare, or she starts to feel scared, I want her to know she has someone.
“I’ll be okay,” Diana says. “But thank you. It means a lot to me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she says, and then she kisses me. “But you need to let me send you off properly.”
“And how are you going to do that, darling?”
She chuckles, and slides off the sofa to her knees. She looks up at me with a big smile and says, “Take off your pants.”
Who can argue with that?
My pants are discarded and quickly forgotten, and then she starts to touch me. She runs her hands up and down my thighs and kisses my legs, slowly moving up, slowly heading toward my center.
I close my eyes and just allow myself to feel.
This is incredible.
She is incredible.
“Diana,” I whisper, and I run my hands through her hair. She whispers something I can’t quite hear, and then begins to lick my center. I lean back and groan, losing all train of thought.
She’s perfect.
And I’m going to miss her.
It’s strange that just over a week ago, I didn’t know she existed. I didn’t know she was so incredible. I didn’t know she was going to need me just as much as I need her. I didn’t know we’d fit together so perfectly.
She slides my length into her mouth.
“Fuck, baby,” I moan. “Your mouth feels so damn good.”
“I just want you to be thinking of me while you’re gone,” she whispers, and keeps sucking me.
“I’ll be missing you every minute I’m away,” I tell her.
“Then you’d better hurry back,” Diana looks up at me and smiles, and then she takes me in her mouth once more.
This time, she doesn’t pull back.
This time, she keeps sucking harder and harder and harder.
This time, she licks my body until I’m coming apart.
I come undone.
I come for her.
She swallows, and the whole world seems to stop as I look at her on her knees. Diana smiles up at me, and I can’t wait another minute to tell her.
“I love you,” I say.
Her eyes get even bigger, if that’s possible.
“Diana,” I repeat. “I love you.”
She doesn’t say anything, but she smiles and reaches for me. I pull her up into my lap, and I just hold her.
“I feel the exact same way,” she whispers. “But I thought it was too soon. Is this crazy, Max? Is it crazy to feel this way about each other?”
“It’s not crazy,” I assure her. “Have you heard of true mates?”
“Yeah, Sarah filled me in,” she says.
Leave it to good ol’ Sarah. That doctor is one incredible woman, and she doesn’t even know how fantastic she is. I wonder if Diana is right and there really is something between her and Blake. I hope for Sarah’s sake that there is. They’re both such good people, and they really do deserve to find their happy ending.
“You’re my mate, Diana. I didn’t want to admit it right away, not even to myself, but there’s no other explanation. Fate brought us together. This was meant to be.”
“Destiny,” she says, and she smiles.
I don’t want to leave her, not even for a few days, but I know that with her hope and her love to guide me, I’m going to be just fine.
Chapter 12
Diana
I wake up in a cold sweat.
I was dreaming again.
This time, the cage was different, but the bad guys were the same. Boss Man was there, and he was hurting me. Boss Man was punishing me for something I didn’t even know I’d done wrong. I’m well aware of the fact that it was a dream, but even now that I’m awake, I feel scared.
“Deep breaths,” I say to myself. “Deep breaths. In and out.”
Max and Blake have been gone for two days, which really isn’t so long. They’re going to be back soon. Just one more day, and I’ll be able to wrap my arms around Max. One more day, and we’ll be together.
I know I won’t be able to fall back to sleep, so I take a shower and head over to the medical unit. I’m not using my cane anymore, which is a relief. My pain is almost completely gone, and my bruises have healed.
Sarah is already awake and working on paperwork when I come in.
“Hey,” she turns to me. She’s obviously surprised to see me. “Everything okay?”
“Another nightmare,” I say. “I couldn’t fall back to sleep.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I shrug. “I knew I would have them, especially with Max gone. I’m okay now that I’m awake. It’s just that they always seem so realistic.”
“Of course they do,” she says. “That’s why they’re called nightmares.”
“I miss him,” I tell her.
“Because he comforts you? You’re always welcome to stay here. I mean, I can’t comfort you in the same way Max can,” Sarah winks. “But I can provide a hug when you need one.”
“That’s not why I miss him,” I say. “I mean, I love having him comfort me, of course, but it’s more than that. It’s just that I feel like part of me is missing when he’s aw
ay.”
“That’s the whole ‘mates’ thing in action.”
“We talked about it,” I tell her.
“Being mates?”
“Yeah. He told me he loved me, Sarah, and the crazy thing is that I love him, too. I shouldn’t, but I do, and it’s incredible. Fantastic. I feel like I could fly.”
“That’s what it’s supposed to feel like. Love is supposed to be so incredible that you can’t imagine a time when you weren’t with the person. I’m happy you’ve found that.”
“I am, too.”
We spend another half hour together talking, and then I head back to the living unit I share with Max. I make the bed and tidy up, and then I start baking. My mother and I used to bake together when I was very small. She died when I was just a kid, but we had so many lovely times together.
Now when I bake, I think of her, and I think of my father, and I think of the life that I had.
There’s still a part of me that mourns my former life. I was so innocent, so naïve, so full of hope. I was so determined to make a difference in the world, so certain I could have fun and be brave and impact the people around me.
Now things are darker, harder, but they aren’t impossible.
I think if Max hadn’t found me, I wouldn’t have this much hope.
I bake for the rest of the day, and when I fall asleep that night, it’s with the knowledge that Max is going to come back to me soon.
He’ll always come back to me.
***
“Princess,” he whispers, and my eyes open immediately.
“Max? You’re back!” I wrap my arms around him, happier than I should be to see him again. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too,” he says, and he climbs under the blankets with me. He’s a little wet, and I can see that he showered before he woke me up.
“How did the mission go?”
“We got the bad guy,” he says with a smile, and he kisses me over and over again. “I missed you so much, Diana.”
“It felt like forever.”
“I know,” he says. “And I’ve realized something, sweetheart.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my mate, Diana. I know that. You know that. You are my stars and my moon. You are the sun in my sky. You are everything to me.”
