by Natalie Ann
Not that she’d be upfront and tell him that because that would be a clingy girlfriend and she vowed never to be that again.
They never went more than two nights without talking on the phone, even if it was only for five minutes. That was something at least.
But now it was Black Friday and they both had the day off with plans to spend some time together. He’d told his mother he was trying to get some Christmas shopping done but wanted to see her too. She supposed she should be flattered she was part of it, or at least that he was willing to fib to his mother in order to get away.
If she was annoyed it was still a secret, she kept it to herself and reminded herself he’d said slow. This was definitely slow.
He knocked on her door a little earlier than she expected. It wasn’t even noon and he’d said closer to one. “Hey. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I was just anxious to get out and see you.”
It was statements like that that eased her annoyance of their situation and reminded her that she needed to chill out and stop being so insecure.
“I’m glad. I’ve been waiting for you too. Did you want to go out and get some lunch, or maybe order in?”
He reached for her quickly, his hands cupping her cheeks, then lowered his mouth to hers. “I’d rather stay in and just spend some time together. Pick a place that delivers and it works for me,” he said.
“How about pizza?” she asked, wondering how she was able to form that thought with his mouth moving all over her neck. She was so weak when she told herself she needed to be strong, but who knew the man had lips on him that turned her legs to Slinkies. “Does that work?”
“You work,” he said, picking her up and starting toward her room. Yep, there were those words again that told her he really did care…in his own way.
“The couch,” she said. “I can’t wait.”
He laughed and moved one foot to her couch. “It’s not that far to your bed, but I can make any piece of furniture work.”
When he went to lay her on the couch, she stood back up and nudged him down. “I’m thinking I’m hungry right now,” she said, her eyes and hands going right to the button and zipper of his jeans. “Are you good with that?”
He nodded his head and if she wasn’t mistaken he might be holding his breath a little. Imagine that. He could probably have any woman he wanted and yet he was spending the little time he had with her. She was going to put all that self-doubt aside and show him that she appreciated what she could get for now.
Her hands made quick work of freeing him, then stroking him, and dipping her head down and tasting. He was all male and so much for her.
He slid down a bit more giving her better access and she took advantage of it, lowering her mouth and going to work. Gliding up and down, licking and sucking, nibbling and making him jerk.
It was a powerful feeling to know she could do this to him. That she could bring him to a point where his legs were shaking like he was standing at the top edge of the Empire State Building looking down with the wind blowing and no harness on.
“Jill,” he said, his voice harsh. “You need to know I’m pretty close.”
“Good to know,” she said. “I’m going to get you even closer then.”
It was sweet he warned her, but she wouldn’t have started this if she didn’t plan on finishing it. Her hands were nice and slick from her mouth and she put them to work just as fast as her lips and her tongue.
In the deep recesses of her mind, she heard his breathing increase, his hand going into her hair and setting a nice pace that she had no problem keeping up with. If he was going to fall off the edge, she was going to be the one to send him on that journey.
He was tensing, he was right there, and she wasn’t about to stop, not until she heard him shout her name out, proving that he really could lose control like she’d been doing all along with him.
When that moment came, when he let himself go, she knew that he understood what she felt when they were together and would know that she was putting him first.
She sat back on her heels and looked at his face. There was a days growth of beard making him almost look rakish. His eyes were shut, his head back and his chest rising and falling.
“You look like you just ran a marathon, which is funny since I did all the work.”
He opened one eye and smiled at her...part tender and part something else she’d never seen before from him. She wanted to ask what he was feeling, what he was thinking, but she knew better than to do that right now.
Sometimes when you asked questions you had to be prepared for answers that you might not want to hear. She put too much of herself out there already, best to let it go.
He reached for her quicker than she thought possible and ended up shrieking when he tossed her on her back on the couch, then was rapidly lowering her jeans and pulling them off.
“Payback time,” he said, smirking at her. Talk about a sexy look. About a promise. About something she was dying to see the end results of.
There was no chance to say anything once he put his mouth to her. He knew what to touch, what to taste, and how to send her so far and so fast over the realm of reality, that all her doubts were lost while he showed her he could make her lose control so much faster.
That he could make her fall off the ledge like him, no harness, no control, no parachute to slow her down. Just him there with her, letting her know she wasn’t alone.
Urge to Just Touch
They were sitting on her couch eating pizza an hour later. “I really had planned on taking you out to lunch today,” he said.
“This works. It’s quiet and we can just sit back and relax, talk a little bit. I’m still stuffed from yesterday anyway, so one slice of pizza cuts back my guilt from the holiday food feast.”
“You said you were starving earlier,” he said, winking at her.
“Not starving. Hungry. If I was starving, we’d still be in the bedroom.”
He didn’t bother to address that statement knowing that he might be a dead man if he ever saw her at her starving point.
After they’d made use of her couch, she had jumped up, grabbed his hand and led him to her room, all but diving on the bed waiting for him to follow.
He was getting to the point he’d follow her into a submarine that was low on oxygen for a ten-hour dive and not worry if it was the last trip he’d ever take.
“How was your holiday?” he asked instead. Way too scary to be thinking of losing himself right now.
“It was good. I know Thanksgiving is hit or miss for people. Either you love turkey and stuffing yourself until you burst or you barely touch the food around you.”
“I’m guessing you love it.”
“I did until the end,” she said.
“Because you overate?” he asked, reaching forward and tugging on her hair. When was the last time he had the urge to just touch someone so much before? Or so playfully.
“Among other things.”
It was the way she said it that had him asking, “Meaning? Family overload?”
“It was just my parents and brother with his family.” She paused like she was debating on saying something, then finally said, “Darren showed up after dinner and stayed for dessert.”
He stopped chewing. She’d said everything was just dandy between her and her ex, but he still wasn’t believing it. It wasn’t just that he found the whole thing strange, but now her tone of voice said maybe they weren’t as kosher as she wanted everyone to believe.
“Why did he come over?”
“He’s spent the last few holidays with our family. Or at least a part of it.”
“What about his own family?”
“It’s just his mother and she had to work. She works at a residential facility for people with special needs. She always works the holidays to get the extra pay.”
There were so many things he wanted to ask but knew it wasn’t his business. He didn’t want to come off as jealous like she’d accus
ed him of before, but damn it all, he didn’t like the fact that she was dating him and spending time with her ex too.
At least she wasn’t hiding that fact, not that it was any better in his mind.
“So you didn’t want him there?” he asked. “I thought he was seeing someone anyway.”
“He is. He talked about her, but she flew to Virginia to be with her grandparents for the holiday and didn’t invite him. It’s early still for that, or so he said. He didn’t want to be alone.”
“But it’s okay for you to be uncomfortable that he was at your parents’?”
“I didn’t say I was uncomfortable,” she argued.
“That’s not the impression I just got.”
She took another bite of her pizza. “It’s just hard to see everyone with their families and know I don’t have that anymore. That everything I thought I’d have, I don’t, when everyone else got what they wanted.”
He reached his hand forward and laid it on hers. “What was it that you wanted that you don’t have?”
“That’s a long conversation for another time.”
“There is no better time. I’ve got a few more hours. I’d like to at least run to a store and get a few toys so I didn’t completely lie about shopping today,” he said, smiling. She didn’t smile back and he figured that might be part of what was going on in her mind. “Did you tell Darren you were seeing someone too?”
“No,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because you don’t want anyone to know. It’s a small area. If I tell anyone I’m dating someone, they’d want to know who. It’d get around fast enough and get to someone at work, I’m sure.”
“I want to tell you it’s fine, but right now, I just think it’s best to not say much.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t think you do,” he said.
He couldn’t even tell her about the promotion that would be going through in another week. He was asked to keep quiet about it and he was, which also meant he didn’t want to make it known he was in a relationship with an employee. One that he would be overseeing at some point.
He wasn’t sure if it’d go over too well, or maybe it’d be fine. Either way, he wasn’t risking it for her or him. One more week wouldn’t matter anyway.
It’s not like there was a no dating policy at work, and he wasn’t her boss right now, but they did work together. If anyone knew he was dating Jill, he might lose this opportunity. Dr. Bronson might think it could get awkward if things didn’t work out with him and Jill, but for the moment he wasn’t thinking of anything other than that she made him feel good about himself.
“I get it. Your job is more important than mine. You don’t need to be looked at as someone that sleeps around, and honestly, I don’t want to be looked at like that either.”
“I’m not sure you would be looked at like that considering you’ve said you haven’t dated in a long time.”
“That’s true,” she said.
She was still too quiet for him. “What else is going on? There has to be more that happened yesterday that you aren’t saying.”
***
Owen was too perceptive and she was wishing she didn’t agree to order lunch in.
That she didn’t start this conversation when she had no intention of letting him know how her holiday went.
That it was an endless cycle of hurt and feelings of frustration and failure when she thought she was over it. The holidays, any holiday, were her thing. She loved celebrating and thinking of all the traditions she’d want with a family someday.
Just because she didn’t have that family right now didn’t mean she couldn’t still enjoy celebrating. But Darren had to go and ruin it again for her this year and she did what she always did and sucked it up with a smile on her face.
“It’s just seeing Darren as successful as he is in his life. It’s like a slap in my face.”
There. She said it and the ceiling didn’t come crumbling down on her, nor did she burn up from the embarrassment that she still had issues over her divorce.
“Because you had your life all planned out and it didn’t turn out the way you wanted?” he asked. “Trust me, you aren’t alone there.”
She snorted. “You don’t understand. You’re doing what you wanted to do. You’re not at the place you thought you’d be in your career, but you still have time to get there because you’ve got the career you wanted.”
“You didn’t want to be a tech? What did you want to do?” he asked.
She had to answer him since she brought it up. He would probably think she was nuts or too stupid to do his job, but she didn’t care.
“The plan was for me to finish college after Darren started working.”
“What did you want to do?” he asked again.
“I wanted to do what you do. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a Radiologist. I was torn between wanting to work in treatments for a cancer center or reading films and making diagnoses. I figured there was time yet for that, but I needed to get through school first.”
“So let me get this straight,” he said. “Your dreams and goals got halted for Darren even though you’re intelligent and driven enough to do it. Why?”
She was going to address the fact he thought she could do it when Darren didn’t but decided not to. “Because we figured it was faster for him to get his law degree and get a job, than it would be for me. I was still young, so waiting to finish my bachelor’s a few extra years and then moving on to med school was fine with me.”
“You were married for two more years after Darren started working, why didn’t you go back to school right away?”
“Because we had a lot of debt and it was best for me to keep working. I started taking classes at night, just a few a semester, but it’d take forever that way. I wanted to go back full time. He got to, why couldn’t I?”
Damn it, she felt her eyes fill with tears. This was not the way she wanted today to go. Nor did she want to say no one really believed in her. It was shocking that Owen thought she could do it when he hadn’t even known her that long.
“What a selfish ass. I hope to hell he doesn’t show his face around me.”
“What?” she asked, stunned. “Why?”
“He sounds like a total prick and you should be happy he isn’t in your life more than he is. You should stop putting on such a good face and tell him that he made his choice and that it’s best if he goes and lives the life he wanted so badly that he put it before yours.”
The tears were rolling down her face. “I can’t say that. I’m just not that type of a person. That would make me selfish. We’ve known each other our whole lives. He was so smart and got scholarships; it was best the way we did it.”
He took her by the shoulders. “Jill. First off, you’re smart and you know it and if anyone tells you otherwise, then tell them to go take a flying leap. Secondly, there are times in our life when we need to be selfish. Ashley wasn’t for me. She wanted something and I didn’t. Marrying her because she wanted something that I didn’t feel for her wouldn’t have made either of our lives good. I stood my ground and took my lumps when people voiced their opinion on our situation. I’ve got a thick skin and I’m glad I did what I did.”
“I don’t have as thick a skin as you. Why were you glad?” she asked, sniffling. She really wanted to turn this conversation around right now. She’d put more of herself out there than she’d planned.
“Any person who purposely traps someone for their own personal gain doesn’t need to be in my life. Ashley’s parents warned me from time to time about her selfish ways, but when push came to shove they still sided with their daughter. She made my life hell, but I never told anyone about it. That would give her the power.”
“What did she do?”
“I told you some of it in regards to using Luke to get back with me. But it was more than that. Every time I started to date someone and she got wind of it, she’d make trouble. She’d show up in places wh
ere I was, she’d cause a scene. She’d either play the jilted girlfriend or she’d say what a horrible father I was and did a woman really want to be with someone like that.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” She never expected someone as successful as him to be caught in a situation like that.
“There’s nothing to say. My point is, you need to look at your life and decide what is best for you. Then you need to realize that even if it’s best for you, not everyone is going to agree. You’re the one that has to live with your decisions. If you ask me, the one you made to keep things peaceful with your ex isn’t working out for you.”
“No, it’s not.”
The thing is, she also had to decide if she wanted to keep her relationship with Owen the same way too. If she was supposed to do what worked for her—what made her happy—then keeping Owen’s relationship quiet wasn’t making her feel all that great either.
“What are you thinking right now?” he asked. “That I overstepped myself?”
“No. That things are always more complicated than they appear.”
Even Worse
Later that night, Owen realized that he was going to have to make a decision soon. After hearing about her relationship with her ex from the past, and now the present, he realized that his and Jill’s relationship wasn’t all that healthy either.
He was putting his own career first, similar to what Darren did. The only difference was, he hadn’t made a promise to her. He hadn’t made her put her life on hold and told her it wouldn’t work when it was her time.
She wasn’t his wife, just his girlfriend. One that wasn’t publicly acknowledged.
And when he thought of it that way, it was even worse.
All he was trying to do was get through the next week. Then the next few months while his position was filled and he was officially in the new one.
But could he make her wait that long before they told people about their relationship? Did he even want to?
